


At Infinity's End

by Until_Tomorrow



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bravely Default Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mildly Dubious Consent, Misunderstandings, Obsession, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Pining, Possessive Behavior, Reader has a palace, Shadow!Reader, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2020-02-28 12:35:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 90,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18756553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Until_Tomorrow/pseuds/Until_Tomorrow
Summary: When you went to sleep, you hoped for a better future.  With all the work you put into saving a world only to lose your dearest friend, you had no reason to stay.  Your plan was to escape and exist in a world where people's distorted desires were given physical form.  Not to become entangled in yet another game with the fate of humanity hanging in the balance.





	1. Game Start

Your eyes open slowly, eyes adjusting quickly to the dim light. Your joints are stiff and aching in places, so it’s rather difficult to move at first. Slowly though, you manage to get some circulation in them. It’s not the first time you’ve woken up, but this is the first time you’ve managed to stay awake for more than a minute, so you decide to actually try getting up.

 

You raise your hands on front of you and encounter a glass wall, which immediately opens with a hiss as you push it up. You sit up, lost in memories. They are slow to return, but you’re glad that you still haven’t forgotten.

 

Are your friends safe after what happened to them? Were they happy, in the end…? You glance down at your bare chest, relieved to see that you still have your necklace. It’s a simple thing, with an amber-like gem with a star inside it, but it is what granted you your power before. It still pulses with energy, making you smile slightly.

 

Your smile fades, however, as you remember what led you to this point. All that work, the struggle in those final moments… All of you gave up so much of yourselves, but it didn’t matter in the end. Seeing your friend fall into an unnatural sleep, never to wake up again had been too much for you. So you fled, hiding yourself far, far away.

 

Looking around, you don’t recognize the room you’re in. It’s not the same one you hid yourself in, but the containment pod you slept in is no different. It’s not large, but the room pulses with a strange blue light, and you can see shelves full of equipment on the far side. You get up, and carefully lift yourself over the edge of the pod and take a few tentative steps onto the cold stone floor. Your legs seem to be working fine; the containment pod seems to have done its job well. You stretch, raising your arms above your head and slowly walk over to the shelf full of various boxes.

 

Inside, you find your signature cream-colored coat, but the rest of the clothes you find are unfamiliar. They’re unlike anything you’ve ever worn before, but you’re not picky. It takes a little time to figure out how everything goes, but you’re a little discomfited at how these new clothes cling to your body. The boots you find are also similar, with the tops reaching just above your knees. Inside the other boxes, you find various other things, such as strange slips of paper and coins, which you assume to be money. There’s a satchel full of medicine and ointments, so you take that as well. It always helps to be prepared.

 

Satisfied, you exit the room and into a long, dimly-lit corridor. There’s a closed door at the end of it, so you make your way toward it, your boots making soft clicking noises against the floor. As your open the door, you find yourself on a platform, which pulses with a soft blue color once you stand on it. There’s a whirring noise, and you begin to rise up, up, up, until you reach another door way. This doorway actually leads outside, and you’re buffeted by the first breath of fresh air since...well, you don’t even know how long.

 

From your vantage point, it appears you’ve emerged from a small opening in the ground. All around you are hills dotted with living residences, making for a peaceful-looking countryside. In the distance, however, is a massive collection of extremely tall buildings in what you can only call a city. It’s far too big to be a town, and you immediately feel drawn to it.

 

Judging from the position of the sun in the sky, it appears to be around midday, so you decide to get moving.

 

* * *

 

 

Visiting the nearest town was quite the experience, seeing as how everyone around you spoke in a language you didn’t understand in the slightest. It sounds beautiful to your ears, and you make a mental note to learn the language as soon as possible. You don’t appreciate the stares or whispers that follow you, but you’re only passing through. It’s not like you’re ever going to see any of these people again.

 

You touch the stone on your necklace and it shimmers faintly. It’s not ideal, and the effects will most likely wear off after a time, but for now, it will have to do. You can communicate with people in your own language now, but to them, it will sound like you are speaking theirs. It is only temporary, so you make a note to find a teacher as soon as possible.

 

You’re a little overwhelmed by the sheer amount of options, so you politely ask a kindly old man for help. He assists you in purchasing a ticket to what he calls Tokyo, which you gather that it’s the big city you pointed out to him. Once he directs you to the right area, you thank him profusely for his help.

 

You learn soon after that what you boarded is called a train, and you’re not sure you like it much. It’s less smooth than air travel, and since you can’t see where you’re going, you end up getting motion sickness. It’s not the most ideal way to start your journey, but you’ve dealt with worse conditions before.

 

After some time, you learn that the train has multiple stops where some people leave or board it, which is somewhat unusual to you, but you decide that this is how travel works in this place. As it gets closer to the city, however, the train becomes uncomfortably packed, causing you to be practically sandwiched between a wall and a frizzy-haired young man wearing glasses. The air becomes almost stifling with the body heat of so many people, and your motion sickness is making things worse. By the time you’re almost to the station, you can barely stand from how nauseated you are, so you take to leaning on Mr. Glasses for support. He tenses up slightly when you do, but otherwise doesn’t react.

 

Another stop later, and you decide you’ve had enough. As soon as the doors open, you make a beeline for it and practically hurl yourself through. You meld yourself to the wall and sag against it, feeling slightly better at having your feet on solid ground again. You decide you hate trains.

 

A pair of shoes stop in front of you and you slowly look up to find Mr. Glasses standing somewhat awkwardly in front of you.

 

“Are you all right?” he says, and wow, his voice is lower than you expected. You straighten up with some effort and meet his gaze.

 

“Never better,” you mutter, immediately regretting your word choice when he gives you a disbelieving look.

 

“You look like you’re about to pass out. Not used to riding trains?” He fiddles with a strand of hair on his head, which you find oddly endearing.

 

“Not particularly, no.” You take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m actually not sure where I am. Nor do I have a place to stay.”

 

He frowns, the concern in his eyes intensifying. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there any way I can help?”

 

Sensing an opportunity, you nod. “If you could show me to the nearest residential district, that would be nice, thank you.” You blink, and smile slightly ruefully. “Ah...I’m sorry for being so rude, using you as a crutch on the train, and not even introducing myself. I am (Name) (Last Name).”

 

He nods. “Kurusu Akira.”

 

There’s something about that name that stirs something within you, but you’re not sure what it is. Either way, there’s something very special about this young man. “Kurusu...I see. It’s very nice to meet you.”

 

* * *

 

You end up staying with a healer who calls herself Takemi, though she insists that you call her a doctor. She’s nice, in a very rough and indirect way, though she threatens to kick you out if you cause her any trouble. She doesn’t live at the clinic, but in a small living space a few blocks away. She says that you are responsible for your own expenses, but you have no curfew and are free to do whatever you want with your time. Within reason, of course. She hands you what she calls a magazine and tells you to find yourself a job if you weren’t going to help out in her practice. There’s an opening to a beef bowl place that seems promising, so you decide to head there after resting a bit.

 

Navigating around Tokyo is a nightmare and you find yourself lost multiple times looking for a Shibuya Central Station. At some point, you find yourself in a district where there’s nobody around except men in suits. The air feels almost stifling here and it’s particularly noticeable near a distinctive-looking building that you hear people refer to as the “Diet Building.” Strange name for a building. You wonder what its purpose is.

 

Luckily for you, a young man with shaggy brown hair points you in the right direction, though you can’t help but feel like you’re being watched long after you’ve left him behind. After locating the beef bowl shop, you’re a little taken aback to learn that they want you to start right away. It’s not difficult, seeing as everything is clearly labeled, but the amount of work you do is a bit overwhelming. After several hours, your boss deems you satisfactory, and tells you that you’ve been hired for the job. It’s a little strange being told that you’re free to come in whenever you like, but you don’t question it.

 

Your pay is more of those strange slips of paper, to which you can now confirm that it is indeed this world’s currency. Thanking the man for employing you, you take your leave and make your way back to Takemi’s residence.

 

As it turns out, Kurusu lives above a cafe called Leblanc, which serves a kind of drink called coffee that you’re not terribly fond of, but you don’t dare say anything in front of the owner. You’re getting a little better at counting money, but Kurusu is kind enough to help you out anyway, especially after you hear the owner mutter something about foreigners.

 

You’re curious about the device Kurusu constantly fiddles with, so when you ask him about it, his response is a blatant stare.

 

“...It’s a phone.”

 

You tilt your head slightly. “A phone? What is its purpose?”

 

“Uh...” Kurusu seems to be at a loss. “You...don’t know what a phone is?” When you shake your head, he blinks several times before slowly taking a seat across from you. “Where are you from?”

 

You hesitate. You’re not sure if you can tell him of your origins. Your friends accepted you and all your eccentricities, but they actually had a reason to trust you. Kurusu definitely has not reached that point. In fact, you barely even know each other.

 

You lower your eyes to the bitter drink in front of you, your thoughts far away from here. Revealing your true nature is dangerous, and you only told your friends about it because the circumstances had been dire.  Now, however, there’s no one you can turn to. Your friends are long gone, but you’re still here. You fled like a coward, all because you couldn’t handle seeing your dearest friend collapse in front of his brother’s grave. It killed something inside you, knowing that he did everything he could to keep the world going, only to lose at the end anyway.

 

You’re not even truly human. You may look human, and play at being one, but there are distinct differences between you and humanity. For one thing, you’re an immortal being with the ability to travel across different worlds and timelines within those worlds. You can be killed, of course, but you will always revive some time later, usually in a different timeline. You don’t need to eat or sleep, but you can if you want to. You avoid sleep whenever you can, however, as it tends to give you nightmares about all your past lives. In the previous world, you finally met people who could understand, _really_ understand what you were going through. You planned to stay there, intending to watch over them for the rest of their days.

 

But of course, it didn’t quite work out that way.

 

“Is something wrong?”

 

You look up to find Kurusu staring at you with a worried frown on his face. You shake your head. “No. I was just reminiscing. I’m sorry I can’t exactly tell you where I’m from. It would be...dangerous.”

 

For some reason, this seems to amuse him. “Dangerous, huh? I kinda like the idea of a little danger.” You never noticed before, but Kurusu has a rather intense stare from behind those glasses of his.

 

You fiddle with the rim of your cup. “It really is for the best that you don’t know. Just yesterday, I didn’t even know this place existed. I have so much to learn. The culture, proper etiquette, current events. What I really need is a teacher to help me learn these things.”

 

You see something dance behind Kurusu’s eyes, but it’s gone before you can properly decipher it. “I’d be happy to help.”

 

You perk up, clapping your hands together in excitement. “You will? Thank you very much, Kurusu. I won’t disappoint you.”

 

_I am **thou** , thou art I…_

_Thou hast acquired a **new** vow._

 

_It shall **become** the wings of rebellion_

_that **breaketh** thy chains of captivity_

 

_With the **birth** of the Aeon Persona,_

_I have obtained the winds of blessing that_

_shall lead to freedom and new **power**..._


	2. Just Like That, I Can Never Prove That You Existed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you realize you care a lot more than you'd like to admit.

It’s several days into your new living situation before you find Takemi waiting for you at home. She has her arms crossed, eyes narrowed in such a piercing stare that you almost recoil a little.

 

“We need to talk” is all she says before she leads you inside, locking the door behind her. You cross the threshold of the residence with some trepidation, but you’re careful not to let it show on your face. You want to wait for her to break the silence, but you are a guest in her home.

 

“Is there something wrong?” you say carefully.

 

Her expression tightens and you’re afraid you’ve said the wrong thing. “Look, I know you’re old enough to take care of yourself, but I’ve been keeping an eye on you. In the entire time you’ve been here, I haven’t seen you eat even once. Care to explain?”

 

You haven’t been sleeping either, but she probably wouldn’t like that if she knew. Your old friends certainly didn’t, and it took you the better part of a year to convince them that you really didn’t require any sort of sustenance whatsoever.

 

So you do what you’ve always done. You lie. “I, um...don’t know how to cook. I’m used to traveling, so I’ve never had the opportunity to learn.”

 

“And your parents?”

 

You lower your gaze. “I...never knew them. I was abandoned as a baby.” It’s almost eerie how natural lying comes to you. You tell it so many times that you can almost start to believe it.

 

The truth of the matter is, one day you didn’t exist, and then you did. Instead of learning through a parent, you learned by watching humanity. Your plan was never to interact with them. Until a higher being decided that the worlds were his playthings and forced your hand. You wonder if that was the reason for your creation. But now you are here, with a suspicious doctor who’s looking like she wants nothing more than to throw you out into the streets.

 

Takemi sighs and rubs a finger against her temple. “I took you in against my better judgment, but I really want to know if someone is looking for you. If not your parents, then perhaps a guardian?”

 

You shake your head. “No. There is no one looking for me.” That part isn’t a lie, at least.

 

She raises an eyebrow. “...How old are you?”

 

If there’s one thing you’ve learned, it’s that people find it difficult to predict your age. A trait you are more than happy to encourage, as you find it amusing to watch humans squirm in discomfort. Takemi doesn’t seem the type to take teasing well, so you decide to give her an age you’ve heard most people agree on.

 

“Twenty years old.”

 

Takemi hums in acknowledgment. “So you’re of age...I see.” She maintains a respectable distance, to which you’re grateful for. “From what my guinea pig told me, you also have no idea how you ended up in Japan.”

 

It takes you a moment to realize that the “guinea pig” she’s referring to is Kurusu. An odd nickname, to be sure, but you’re not going to ask.

 

“That’s right.”

 

She sighs and leans against the door. “Look, you need proper identification to live in this country. I may do some things that are a bit under the table, but I won’t house someone who could potentially get me arrested. I have a few contacts who could set you up, no questions asked. All you need to do is go to Shibuya tomorrow and find a shop called Untouchable on Central Street. Talk to the man behind the counter and tell him Takemi sent you. He can be pretty rude, but he’ll help you.”

 

“I understand.”

 

“Good. Now let me make you something to eat. I don’t want anything like this to happen again.”

 

* * *

 

 

Iwai is a little intimidating when you meet him, and the questions he asks are nothing short of intrusive, but Takemi said he would help, so you answer him to the best of your ability. Something in his expression changes when you mention that you were abandoned as a baby, and he speaks to you in a noticeably softer tone after that. After an hour or so, he tells you to give him a few days while he gets the paperwork together and that one of his contacts would deliver it to Takemi.

 

You thank him profusely before leaving the shop. Once outside, you inwardly frown at the clouds overhead and you wonder if it will rain. As you begin to make your way back to the station, a droplet of water hits your cheek and you sigh softly through your nose. You take shelter under an awning and watch people hurry by to the station. You would run yourself, but you’re not really in the mood for exercise.

 

You wonder how much money you need to purchase a phone. Maybe Kurusu can teach you how to use it?

 

The last thought brings you up short. A teacher. You still need to learn the language. The spell you cast on yourself only lasts so long, and there is only a limited number of times you can refresh it. Surely the language can’t be that difficult… But asking someone to teach you while you still have the spell active will only rouse suspicion. You’d have to ask someone you haven’t interacted with before.

 

The rain eases up slightly, so you make your way to a bookstore. Apparently, Shibuya attracts a lot of tourists because you’re not the only foreigner in here. You find a few helpful guides to learning the language, which you now know is called Japanese in your native tongue. The books are fairly cheap, so you decide to purchase them, only to find that the rain outside has become a torrential downpour.

 

Whoever said that you make your own luck has obviously never met you because you never had any. By the time you make it back to the awning, your coat is drenched and you wish you were anywhere but here. At least your books didn’t get wet.

 

The rain thankfully clears up after an hour, so you step out from under the awning and make your way back to Central Station.

 

You don’t notice a pair of eyes following your every movement.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s a few days later and you find yourself at the cafe once again. The coffee smell here is pleasant, but you wish it tasted as good as it smelled. A notebook lies forgotten on the counter in front of you. You thought it would be a good idea to takes notes that you could peruse at your leisure at a later point in time, but Kurusu has an annoying habit of trying to read what you’ve written.

 

“Phantom Thieves…?”

 

“That’s right. They steal the hearts of people who are corrupted and impose their wills over the weak,” Kurusu explains.

 

You raise an eyebrow. “Stealing hearts, eh? That’s not the strangest thing I’ve ever heard, but it’s pretty close. How do they do it? Is it a form of coercion, or…?” You pause. “Hey, wait. Is this even part of the lesson?”

 

Kurusu leans forward against the counter and grins. The apron he’s wearing suits him, you think. “Well, you did ask to be taught about current events, right?”

 

“Er...yes. I did say say that, didn’t I? So these Phantom Thieves...they’re vigilantes?” A barely touched cup of coffee sits in front of you, and you wonder why the humans of this world feel the need to drink something so horribly bitter. At least the owner isn’t here this time.

 

The dying afternoon light gives the cafe a warm, cozy feel, and you almost find yourself getting sleepy. You wonder if your friends would have liked it here. Probably. The atmosphere is so serene. You just wish it served better drinks.

 

“Of a sort,” Kurusu replies, his voice even. “They send their targets calling cards before they actually steal their hearts.”

 

You perk up slightly, now interested. “Calling cards? What a stylish and elegant method! It reminds me of the stories my friends used to read to me. Oh, they would have loved to hear their stories come to life...”

 

“Why don’t you invite them here? I’m sure Boss would appreciate the business.”

 

You don’t know what kind of face you’re making, but it can’t be good because Kurusu quickly backpedals. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to offend.”

 

You shake your head. “It’s all right. You didn’t know.” An awkward silence follows and you absently take a sip of your coffee, becoming fast friends with instant regret as soon as the bitter taste hits your tongue. “Oh gods, that’s vile.”

 

Kurusu snorts. “Hey, I’m still learning, all right? You’re hurting my feelings.”

 

“I apologize. But to be fair, I hate it even more when Boss is the one making it. So, by comparison, yours automatically wins by default.”

 

“Thanks, I guess?”

 

A lengthy silence follows, but it doesn’t feel as tense as before. You stretch, raising your arms above your head. As you lower them, you notice a black cat taking a nap by the window. “Oh, that’s a cute cat. Is it a boy or a girl?”

 

“Not a cat,” says a boyish voice that is definitely not Kurusu.

 

You almost freeze in place but thankfully, Kurusu doesn’t seem to notice.

 

Right. So this universe has talking cats. Good to know. You stand and slowly walk over to the cat that is definitely not sleeping anymore. Its eyes are the most vivid blue. You can’t stop looking at them.

 

“I take it you like cats?” Kurusu says from somewhere behind you.

 

You nod, holding out a finger for the cat to sniff. It doesn’t seem to like this as it recoils from your attempts to be friendly.

 

“Whoa, hey! Watch where you’re touch--” Its eyes finally lock onto your own and it freezes. “W-Wow...pretty lady… Almost as pretty as Lady Ann.”

 

You have no idea who this Lady Ann is but you don’t really care. This cat definitely talked. You saw its mouth moving. “Chatty little fellow, aren’t you? What’s your name?”

 

“His name is Morgana,” Kurusu says from behind you. His voice is much closer now, but you don’t turn around, too busy petting the now purring cat.

 

“I see. That’s a lovely name. Are you the one taking care of him?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

By the time the sun is almost completely gone, you bid Kurusu farewell with a promise to meet up again in a few days. He teases you about simply getting yourself a phone so he could annoy you with messages at three in the morning.

 

You don’t tell him that you don’t ever need to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

When the sun rises the following day, there’s a hazy quality to the air that immediately sets you on edge. It’s thick with tension, like the silence that predates danger.

 

Something…

 

Is wrong…

 

There’s a flash of white light, and somehow…

 

You know…

 

Kurusu is dead.

 

* * *

 

 

You can’t do this.

 

Not again.

 

But…

 

Maybe…

 

It will be different this time.

 

* * *

 

 

With your pendant clutched in your trembling fist, you whisper.

 

“ _Game Reset.”_

 

 

 


	3. It Might Be That Instead of Finding Answers, I Just Wanted To Go On a Journey With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which your spell wears off sooner than you expected, and you're left to flounder helplessly in a park.

“ _Are you awake?”_

 

“ _Yes. Somebody has to keep watch, you know.”_

 

“ _Are you gonna be okay?”_

 

“ _Don’t worry about me. I’ll wake you at first light. Go back to sleep.”_

 

“ _Well...if you’re sure...”_

 

_There’s the sound of shuffling, and his breathing eventually settles into a slow, even rhythm. Your three other comrades sleep on, blissfully unaware of the dangerous beast hidden underneath a pretty facade._

 

_You wonder why you keep doing this. It’s a game that seemingly has no end in sight. Orchestrated by a power hungry god with nothing better to do with his time. Why do you willingly do this to yourself? You’re getting pretty sick of dying all the time._

 

_You glance at your sleeping friend who’s so close to you that you’re almost touching and remember why. Everything you do, you do for_ him. _For them. You’ll act until time erases you from history—until the last few rays of the sun blink out from existence in the furthest reaches of the universe._

 

_You wonder if it will all be worth it in the end._

 

* * *

 

 

Awareness comes to you slowly. You sit up, feeling sick to your stomach. You’re not in the same pod you were in before, but in Takemi’s apartment. You have a new starting point, it seems.

 

The sun shines cheerfully through a gap in the curtains and you want to howl in frustration. Outwardly, your face betrays nothing of your inner turmoil.

 

What sort of game is this? A game where you lose almost as soon as you start? You didn’t even get to establish your opponent.

 

But…

 

You do know a key player. Kurusu, the first person you made a connection with in the first round. So if he dies, you automatically lose the game. It’s a harsh rule, but it’s something you’ve dealt with before. Back then, you had to keep four people alive in order to win. Well...you didn’t really win that game, did you? You forfeited, and in doing so, lost your chance to ever return to the only people you called friends.

 

Was it worth it? Was it really worth it?

 

You search inside yourself for the answer, and you don’t like what you find.

 

Takemi’s apartment is quiet, so there’s no chance she’s still here. Probably at the clinic by now. You wonder if your identification papers carried over to this round. It would save you a few days, at least.

 

Sighing, you get up from the bed and cross over to the dresser, where you find the books you purchased in Shibuya. That in itself gives you heart. If you’re going to be in this for the long haul, you’ll at least be able to slowly build up your inventory again.

 

Grabbing your satchel from a hook on the door, you head out to Cafe Leblanc.

 

* * *

 

 

Much to your disappointment, Kurusu isn’t there. Instead, the surly owner greets you as you step over the doorway. There’s no light of recognition in his eyes, which is a little disheartening. It looks like you and Kurusu never met on the train. You wonder if it would be all right to wait here until Kurusu arrives for his shift, but the owner appears to be in a bad mood. He still manages to be polite, but you only suspect it’s because you’ve never seen him be rude to any of his female customers.

 

You look at the menu and blink when some of the characters written on it begin to jumble together into something you can’t understand. This is bad. Your spell is already starting to wear off.

 

You order a dish called curry to cover up your rising panic. When the owner turns away from you to prepare it, you discreetly tap your pendant twice to refresh the spell. It pulses faintly, flickers for a moment, and then its light completely goes out.

 

You stare at it, utterly dumbfounded. Oh, you’re in trouble. How are you going to introduce yourself to Kurusu now? He won’t be able to understand a damned thing you say, and you’re sorely tempted to hurl your pendant into the sun.

 

You must have been staring at your pendant longer than you realize because Boss sets down a plate of what you presume to be curry in front of you. It smells absolutely divine, but you don’t really feel like eating it. He says something to you, but you don’t understand him anymore. You give a hum of acknowledgment and hope it’s enough.

 

Luckily for you, it seems to be because Boss soon retreats behind the counter again and goes back to wiping a glass.

 

You feel like throwing up, but you eat as much of the curry as you can. You only end up eating half of it before you leave some money on the counter and practically hurl yourself back out the door.

 

* * *

 

 

You find yourself in a lovely park, but you can’t appreciate the scenery in your current mental state. You’re too busy pacing back and forth, trying to figure out your next course of action. At least there are barely any people around.

 

You’re so lost in thought that you don’t notice the person approaching you. A hand lands lightly on your shoulder and you recoil so violently that you nearly trip over your own legs. Another hand settles on your other shoulder in an attempt to steady you as you lock eyes with a shaggy-haired young man. He looks vaguely familiar.

 

He’s saying something now, but you’re dismayed to find that you don’t understand a word he says. When all you do is stare at him blankly, he repeats himself, but you back away, unable to look at him anymore.

 

“I’m sorry,” you say quietly. “I don’t speak your language.”

 

You give a short, awkward bow before turning away. You haven’t gone more than a few steps when his voice rings out from behind you.

 

“Please, wait! I should be the one to apologize. I shouldn’t have startled you like that.”

 

You freeze, feeling like a small explosion just took place in the pit of your stomach. You don’t know if it’s joy or relief, so you settle on both. You turn around slowly, hoping you didn’t mishear him or anything.

 

“You...you can understand me?” When he nods, your face breaks out into the first genuine smile since you first started this damned game. “Oh, thank gods! I’ve been having the worst luck today, and—“ you cut yourself off and clear your throat in an effort to compose yourself. It only sort of works because you’re just so relieved that you can actually _talk_ to someone without spells or illusions. “Oh, um...I’m (First Name) (Last Name).”

 

He gives you a short bow in greeting, a small smile on his face. “Akechi Goro. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

 

You nod approvingly. “You’ve got manners. Other people could learn a thing or two from you.” As he tucks a lock of hair behind his ear, you notice there’s a certain intensity in his eyes that doesn’t really fit the situation. How peculiar.

 

“In any case, I really shouldn’t have grabbed you like that. It was rude of me. It was just that...you looked like someone I knew.”

 

You raise an eyebrow. “It’s not likely we’ve met. I haven’t been in Tokyo for very long, you see.” You take a seat on a low fence nearby and let out a heavy sigh. “It’s been...hard. I can’t ask anyone for directions, or even order food from a restaurant. I’ve tried learning on my own, but it’s been slow-going.” You lean back slightly and close your eyes, feeling the soft breeze caress your face. “You’re the first breath of fresh air since I got here. I can’t understate how much of a relief it is to finally meet someone I can talk to.”

 

When you open your eyes again, Akechi’s gaze is even more intense than ever. You don’t know why, but something about it makes the hairs on the back of your neck rise. You’ve been on the receiving end of something like this before, when—

 

No. Do _not_ think about that. Akechi is not… He wouldn’t do that. He’s just a stranger.

 

“Are you all right? You don’t look so good.”

 

Damn. You thought you’d been getting better at hiding your feelings. You give him a small smile to reassure him. “I’m fine. Really, you’ve been a great help. I can’t thank you enough.”

 

Akechi doesn’t look convinced, but he doesn’t pry. “You said you were trying to learn Japanese? I can help you with that, if you don’t mind.”

 

It’s too perfect. All that time panicking and fate decides to hand you a teacher on a silver platter. You’d be stupid not to accept.

 

“You’ll help me? Oh, thank you! Thank you so much! Really, I don’t know how I can repay you...”

 

“Maybe you can give me your contact information?”

 

And just like that, your previous excitement vanishes.

 

“...Oh. I, erm...don’t have a phone.” At Akechi’s surprised look, you hastily add, “I’ll buy one soon, don’t worry! I’m just a little behind the times, is all.” You pause. “Oh, but how will I contact you in the meantime…?”

 

“How about we meet up here next week? Same time work for you?”

 

You nod. “That’s perfect, actually.” You stand up, smoothing out your coat. “I’ll see you then, I suppose?”

 

He gives a short bow in response. “Until next week, then.”

 

_I am **thou** , thou art I…_

_Thou hast acquired a **new** vow._

 

_It shall **become** the wings of rebellion_

_that **breaketh** thy chains of captivity_

 

_With the **birth** of the Judgement Persona,_

_I have obtained the winds of blessing that_

_shall lead to freedom and new **power**..._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!


	4. You Are a Memory That Continues to Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you find that there's more to this universe than you initially thought.

Days pass. Weeks pass. But you don’t meet Kurusu.

 

At this point, you’re not even sure you want to, not with your rudimentary grasp of the Japanese language. Thankfully, Akechi is a wonderful teacher, helping you grasp the basics of grammar, gently correcting your mistakes, and sometimes outright laughing when you unintentionally say something in a way that can be misconstrued as something else.

 

It’s very slow-going, but not having to sleep gives you a ridiculous advantage. You pore over books Akechi recommended you buy to supplement your studies, and after two months of saving, Akechi goes with you to an electronics store to help you buy a new phone. It’s the same model as his, albeit a different color, and you get a little too fascinated by the touchscreen, much to Akechi’s amusement. Takemi is willing to pay for the service, which you didn’t know about, but you thank her regardless.

 

At the moment, your phone only has two contacts on it, but you don’t mind. You spend an entire week fiddling around with your phone, and you’re delighted when you discover the camera feature. Your phone soon becomes filled with photos of interesting places, but you find yourself reluctant to take a photo of Akechi or Takemi. You’d rather not get too attached to people again. You know better now.

 

The more you see Akechi, however, the more you begin to feel a certain disquiet. From a distance, he seems like a normal human, maybe even pleasant, but prolonged contact is like a slow boil. That fake niceness oozes a rankness you’ve had too much experience with, but you need him. Still, you can’t shake the feeling that tells you to run as far away from him as possible. That sensation of danger feels so familiar to you that it’s almost nauseating, but you’re careful about hiding your true feelings in front of him.

 

But why…?

 

Why do you sense danger? He’s just a human.

 

...Right?

 

You feel proud of yourself when you go back to Leblanc and order yourself a plate of curry without help. It’s not perfect, and your pronunciation could use some work, but you manage. Truthfully, you aren’t expecting Kurusu to show up after not seeing him for months, so it’s a shock when you see him walk through the front door out of the corner of your eye.

 

You have no idea how he died the first time, but it doesn’t matter now. He’s alive. That’s enough for you.

 

You feel a presence next to you and you tense. You’re not ready to talk to him yet. And more importantly, does he _remember_? You slowly look up and see him staring at you with the same intensity you saw in Akechi’s the first time you met him.

 

“Y...Yes?” At the sound of your voice, you see _something_ dance behind Kurusu’s eyes, and when he opens his mouth to say something, the cafe owner speaks up in a sharp tone. It’s too fast for your basic grasp of the language, but it makes Kurusu give his head a little shake and continue on his way.

 

You slump in your seat, suddenly feeling exhausted. You quietly finish eating your curry and leave without saying another word.

 

* * *

 

 

“Tell me about yourself.”

 

You pause from your writing and give Akechi a confused look. “Uh, what? Sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

 

He leans forward on his elbows and rests his chin on top of his intertwined fingers. You don’t tell him that it makes him look distinctly predatory. “We’ve known each other for several months, and I find it appalling that I barely know anything about you. I know your name, the fact that you’re hopeless when it comes to modern technology, and you’re obviously not from Japan. So, why don’t you tell me a few things about you?”

 

You slowly set your pencil down. “...This isn’t part of the lesson.”

 

A flash of disappointment crosses Akechi’s face. “Well, I just thought...since we’re acquaintances...”

 

You feel a faint tinge of pity for him. In all your months of knowing him, you’d never, not once, ever seen him with other friends. He’s always alone every time you happen to see him in the city. He’s done more for you than anyone other than maybe Takemi and it would be in poor form to repay his kindness with nothing.

 

“It’s fine. What do you want to know?”

 

His face lights up in a way that reminds you of a puppy being rewarded for good behavior. “Well, for starters, I want to know where you came from.”

 

You sigh softly through your nose. “I can’t tell you that. It’s dangerous.”

 

“Dangerous? How can it be dangerous?”

 

“It just is. Ask me something else.” Your tone comes across a little sharper than you intend and Akechi raises his hands in a placating manner.

 

“All right, all right. I apologize. I didn’t intend to make you angry.”

 

You shake your head and give him a small smile to reassure him. “I’m not angry. I promise to tell you one day. Just...not today.”

 

Akechi seems mollified by this. “Well, in that case, I look forward to it.” He looks pensive for a moment, and you know he’s gotten lost in thought again. It’s a habit of his that you’ve noticed early on in your interactions with him.

 

“Where are your parents? Surely they’d object to their daughter living all alone in Tokyo.”

 

“I’m of age.” You say simply. The sounds of the diner do little to soothe your unease, but your expression remains passive and unchanging.

 

Akechi looks surprised at this. “Oh, really? I thought you might have been closer to my age, at least.” He leans forward slightly. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

 

You lower your gaze and idly move your unfinished food on your plate. “I don’t know who my parents are. That’s it, really.”

 

“You’re...awfully calm about this...” When you look up, you find Akechi staring at you with something akin to wonder on his face, as if he’d never seen someone like you before.

 

“I am calm about most things,” you say evenly.

 

“Still, you...” Akechi seems to be at a loss for words, opening his mouth before closing it several times. “Aren’t you angry at them? For abandoning you like that?”

 

This is the most genuine reaction you’ve seen from him by far, so you figure you could give him an equally genuine answer. “I don’t know. I probably should be. Anyone else would.”

 

“So why aren’t you?”

 

You shrug. “Because if there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s that you should never hand your self worth to another person. It makes you accept things you never should.” You look away, missing the complicated expression that crosses Akechi’s face.

 

A prolonged silence follows, broken only by a familiar sound. You blink and turn to see Akechi intently studying his phone.

 

“Did you just...take a photo of me?” you ask incredulously.

 

Akechi smiles. “I needed something for your contact photo, that’s all.”

 

You shake your head and decide to let it go. It’s not like it’ll carry over if you reset the world again, anyway. You pray you don’t have to do it this time.

 

"We've been in here for a long time.  Shall we get going?" Akechi says.

 

You nod.  You don't think you can concentrate anymore, anyway.  Packing up your things back into your satchel, you rise from your seat and follow Akechi out the door.

 

* * *

 

Several days later, Takemi asks you to run an errand for her. She seems agitated for some reason, but you don’t ask. You suspect it’s more because she’s tired of seeing you in her apartment all the time, and she wants you to get some exercise. You don’t really mind.

 

Your errand takes you somewhere past Shibuya Central Street, and you’re starting to think you’ve gotten lost again when you suddenly feel light-headed. You stop walking and close your eyes, taking a few deep breaths. It doesn’t help. Instead, the pressure intensifies so much that you actually groan and clutch your head while staggering forward a few steps.

 

Your hand immediately goes to your pendant, and the pressure lessens. When you open your eyes again, however, all you see is gold. Gold as far as the eye can see.

 

You’ve never seen anything like this in your life. It’s so extravagant that it’s gaudy and distasteful. But now you don’t recognize the place you’re in. It doesn’t look like anywhere near the place you were standing only minutes before. Keeping a lid on your growing panic, you decide to ask someone for directions.

 

Unfortunately for you, the person you decide to ask transforms into a monster and the next thing you know, you’re running for your life from a strange winged creature that very much wants you dead. You manage to lose it by turning a corner and hiding behind a painting.

 

The entire place seems like it’s on high alert and you want to scream with frustration. What kind of monstrosity is this? Why are you here? All you wanted to do was to run an errand and get right back to studying as soon as you got back to the apartment.

 

You cautiously peek around the corner of the painting you’re hiding behind and carefully weigh your options. You could find a way out, but you have no idea how you got in here in the first place.

 

Still…

 

You have to wonder. Because honestly, you do have the ability to defend yourself if need be. You didn’t help save the world in another universe for nothing. You just don’t know if your magic even works here.

 

Your hands itch for a staff.

 

You have to at least try. Sidling out from behind the painting, you cautiously tail one of those strange not-humans and raise your arm skyward, palm up.

 

“ _Aeroga.”_

 

A wild flurry of wind shoots the creature into the air, shredding it to dust inside a sizable tornado. It doesn’t even get a chance to make a sound.

 

Finally! Something was going right for once. Grinning broadly, you quickly traverse the halls of the building, finding the abundance of gold incredibly tacky. It’s only until you arrive at a room with a giant golden sculpture that you run into trouble.

 

A human with glowing yellow eyes blocks your way forward, but again, you can’t follow much of what he’s saying. You grasp the fact that he is definitely not friendly as several more monsters surround you and begin to advance on you. The first blow from behind catches you off guard, but you manage to keep your footing.

 

Gritting your teeth, you guard against the vicious barrage of blows from all sides, knowing you only have to hold out for a little bit before you can retaliate. It honestly doesn’t hurt as much as you expected, which is good because you now know that these enemies aren’t as powerful as the monsters you used to face on a daily basis. Still, you had four others to run offense in that other universe, and you were almost always the backup of the group, focusing more on healing and support rather than brute force.

 

Your pendant pulses with energy as you raise both your arms and feel yourself rise a few inches off the ground.

 

“ _Stillness!”_

 

A wave of energy rushes out of your body, engulfing everything in range and you grin in triumph before casting another Aeroga on yourself to lift yourself high above your enemies. You land several feet away from them, and while some of them manage to catch up to you and land a few blows on you, they don’t hurt at all, so you keep running and soon leave them far behind.

 

You manage to make it outside the building, which looks even worse from the front. The unsettling presence in your head is much less pronounced here, and you slump against a parked vehicle, completely out of breath. Granted, you didn’t take too much damage, all things considered, but your wounds still sting a fair amount.

 

“ _Curaga.”_ A soft glow envelops your body as your minor wounds vanish completely. You probably didn’t need to use such a high level healing spell, but you weren’t sure how potent your magic would be in this universe. Now you know that it’s still just as powerful as you remember.

 

You see something shimmering close by, sort of like the rippling surface of a body of water, and you can just make out what looks to be the same street you were on before you ended up here. Somehow, you know it’s the way out, and you step through it and find yourself back in the real world. Giving the run down shack a wide berth, you continue on your way.

 

You never notice the pair of reddish-brown eyes watching your every move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I'll give you two guesses as to which universe the Reader is originally from.


	5. You Know, It's Frustrating, It's Futile, But I Desire So Much to Be Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which your careless actions become the catalyst to a deal being made.

“ _It’s been six months. Can you believe it?”_

 

“ _I don’t know...maybe…?”_

 

“ _What’s wrong? You’ve been out of sorts for the past week. Do you need another tonic?”_

 

_The young man beside you shakes his head. “No. I don’t think it’s that. I just...felt like visiting him today.”_

 

_Your expression softens as you place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “It never gets any easier, does it? Knowing you’ll never see him again?”_

 

_He nods, his expression somber. “Sometimes, I have to wonder. Do I have the right to grieve, after all you’ve suffered? I mean, you had to watch us die over and over again for so long. I feel like this is nothing compared to what you’ve been through.”_

 

“ _Don’t fall into that trap, my friend. Your grief is real and valid. Let no one tell you otherwise.”_

 

_A prolonged silence follows in which you lay a wreath of flowers upon the gravestone before you. “It is a wretched thing for him to have died so young. Heavens knows I tried to save him. But not once did I ever find a world where both of you survived the initial catastrophe. I don’t know what I could have done. But I had to make a choice. I could only save one of you. You know who I chose in the end.” Your companion doesn’t respond and you turn to him, eyebrows furrowed in guilt. “Do you ever resent it? Me choosing you over him?”_

 

_He doesn’t answer for a while, and you look away, feeling a terrible squirming sensation in your gut._

 

“ _No. I hate that he had to die the way he did. I always ask myself if I could have done things differently, if I could have held onto him a little longer. But I don’t resent you for doing what you had to do. Death is just another part of life.” He turns to you and gives you a sad smile, one you return reluctantly. “I’m really glad to have met you, and I’m grateful you’ve been by my side this whole time. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”_

 

_Your smile becomes slightly strained. “Are you sure you’re all right?”_

 

_He turns away, and you’re alarmed to see his shoulders trembling. “I’m sorry… I just get so sentimental sometimes that I...” You see him take a shuddering breath before letting it out slowly. “Please forgive me, but...every journey has an end. And...it’s time for me to return what was borrowed...”_

 

_You’re not prepared to see your best friend collapse right in front of you, nor are you prepared to see a flicker of light leave his body. Even as you catch him before he hits the ground, you know you’ve lost him._

 

_He doesn’t respond despite your terrified pleas for him to wake up._

 

* * *

 

 

You’re careful to avoid the residential area past Shibuya Street after the incident, but lately it seems that you have a constant feeling of being watched. The feeling doesn’t ever really go away, so you chalk it up to a product of being in that strange world.

 

Akechi messages you a few times over the next few days, letting you know that he’ll be busy for a while and won’t be able to see you to continue your lessons. It’s a shame, but you tell him that it’s fine. He’s allowed to have a life of his own, no big deal. So you practice on your own, studying the various written characters that make up the Japanese language. Hiragana and katakana are easy enough to memorize, but the kanji is another story.

 

It’s not until you come across the kanji for wind that you start to wonder. If your magic works in that other world, does it work in this one?

 

You glance around the apartment and frown. Perhaps it’s not the best idea to cast an Aeroga spell in this confined space. You might make questionable decisions at times, but you’re not stupid. You won’t destroy your own home.

 

Setting down your studying materials, you leave the apartment, making sure to lock the door behind you.

 

* * *

 

 

The feeling of being watched only seems to intensify after you arrive in Inokashira Park, but there doesn’t seem to be anyone around during this time of night. The area you’ve chosen is fairly secluded, and while you’re confident that you’re alone, you still can’t shake the ever persistent feeling of someone watching you from the shadows.

 

You step into a small clearing overlooking the pond and take a deep breath and raise your arm skyward, palm up. What you wouldn’t give to have your staff with you right now.

 

“ _Aeroga!”_

 

You’re lifted into the air, a flurry of leaves and small twigs swirling around you and you can’t help but grin broadly. After several seconds,you land lightly on your feet as the wind dies down, though several leaves land in your hair and you have to shake them off.

 

“(Last Name)?”

 

It takes every ounce of your willpower to make it seem like you didn’t just freeze in place. On the inside, however, your heart is hammering in your chest, but you keep your expression even. You turn around and face Akechi, who’s staring at you with wide eyes, his face as pale as a sheet.

 

“W-What was...what did you just…?”

 

Well, this explains a lot, if Akechi’s reaction is anything to go by. Humans tend to react badly to things they don’t understand, so while pretending to act dumb won’t work with someone like Akechi, you’re not going to make this easy for him.

 

“You’re out awfully late,” you say, completely ignoring the way Akechi tries to school his face into something resembling normalcy.

 

“That is _not_ the point here! What _was_ that?”

 

You shrug. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Go home, Akechi. Sleep deprivation is hazardous to your health. Or did you not learn that in school?”

 

“Don’t lie to me, (Last Name). I know what I saw.” Akechi’s voice takes on a dangerous quality that makes the hairs on the back of your neck rise up, but you’re not afraid. Most definitely not.

 

“All right. Let’s say for a moment that it’s exactly as you saw. Who on earth is going to believe you?” It’s definitely a gamble, but you’re curious to see his reaction.

 

Akechi is no open book, but for a moment, his face experiences a series of minute changes before settling into something distinctly unpleasant. “If that’s the way you want to go about it, fine. Two can play at that game.” He opens his briefcase and withdraws a folder. “I looked you up, you know. I have reason to believe your identification papers are fake. Your place of birth is listed as Newport, Wales, but I know for a fact that it’s false because there’s no record of you ever living there. There are also numerous other discrepancies, including how you applied for citizenship here.”

 

He has you there. You cross your arms, taking a few steps backwards to lean against a tree and let your gaze drift skyward. “Congratulations. You’ve figured it out. Are you going to report me to the police, then?”

 

“I am the police. I can arrest you right now.”

 

You slant your eyes his way, and while you can’t really see him that well in the dark, you do notice he tenses up significantly. “There’s something you’re not telling me. You want something from me. So what is it?”

 

When Akechi speaks, his voice is firm. “I want you to be honest with me from now on. No more lies, no more deflecting. So tell me, (Last Name), who are you, really?”

 

“...So it’s blackmail, is it?” you say quietly. “I tell you who I really am or I go to prison? How generous of you. All right, fine. I’ll answer five questions. No more.”

 

“You’re not in a good position to make demands here,” Akechi says, with such a smug look on his face that you want nothing more than to reach over and tear it off.

 

“You seem to be under the impression that I’ll...what’s the phrase? Come quietly? Because I have no intention of doing so if you follow through with your threat to arrest me.” You sigh through your nose and uncross your arms. “If I were in your shoes, I’d take the deal.”

 

“And if I don’t?”

 

You shrug. “Then I guess I’ll have to say goodbye to you here because you won’t see me ever again. I could break out of prison, but I’d have to hurt innocent bystanders, and I’d rather not do that.”

 

Akechi’s face twists into a pained look as he hastily holds up his free hand in a placating gesture. “Please, (Last Name)… Let’s not fight. I just...I don’t want you to lie to me anymore. How about this, instead? You tell me something about you, and I’ll tell you something about myself in return. Does that sound like a better deal?”

 

It certainly beats having to reset the world because of a stupid mistake, at least. “...I suppose. Ask away, then. Though I’m still holding you to only five questions.”

 

“...Fine. What kind of Persona allows you to cast skills outside the Metaverse?”

 

“I...what?” Now you’re really confused. Persona? Metaverse?

 

“Feigning ignorance won’t help you. Tell me how you did that.”

 

“I...I don’t even understand what you just said. What the devil is a Persona? And what’s a Metaverse?”

 

Akechi visibly forces himself to calm down. “I’m asking the questions here. While I’m not surprised I’m not the only Persona user out there, I am surprised that you can do that outside someone’s Palace or Mementos.”

 

You watch him for a moment, but he doesn’t appear to be lying to you. He also doesn’t take issue with the fact that he saw you casting magic, so perhaps it isn’t as dead as you thought. “Akechi...I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know anything about a Metaverse, or even what a Persona is.” You take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It comes from me, or more specifically, this.” You flick your pendant with your index finger and Akechi’s eyes are immediately drawn to it. “Where I come from, asterisks like these grant vocations, or jobs, to the wearer. This one in particular is the Spiritmaster asterisk.”

 

“So where do you really come from?”

 

You pause. “And if everything I tell you is a pack of lies?”

 

“I have a knack for being able to decipher between lies and truth. I warn you, I am not easily fooled.”

 

But he’s still human. “All right, then. It’s a place of light and shadow called Luxendarc.”

 

Akechi sighs. “No such place exists, (Last Name).”

 

For some reason, hearing it being said out loud hurts you more than you expect. Of course it doesn’t exist in this universe. You knew what you were getting into when you forfeited the game but it doesn’t make the pain any less real. You lower your gaze to the floor and sigh heavily. “I know. But I still miss it sometimes.” There isn’t a moment where you don’t regret leaving everything and everyone behind. You wish you had the strength to face a world without your friend by your side.

 

Akechi gets that faraway look in his eyes where you know he’s lost in his thoughts again. “How intriguing…” His eyes focus on you again. “You also told me that you never knew your parents, but I’m not sure you were being honest with me at the time. Because in your identification papers, your parents are listed as still living abroad. While there are records of a marriage certificate, there is nothing to suggest they ever had a daughter.”

 

You shrug. “You got me. My...mother was never in the picture.”

 

“And your father?”

 

Your eyes harden. “Dead. And good riddance.” That monster was _never_ a guiding figure in your life. Callous and self-centered, Ouroboros viewed his allies and servants as nothing more than cattle. You don’t think he was the one who created you, but you know he was the reason you came into existence.

 

Akechi straightens, though it seems redundant given his already perfect posture. “What an interesting response. You seem to harbor an intense hatred for him.”

 

“I think hate is too light a word,” you say through gritted teeth. Just thinking about him made you angry. “I went through hell because of that monster. And between you and me, killing him was just about the most cathartic moment of my life.”

 

“You...killed him?” Akechi’s eyes are wide and his voice is barely above a whisper.

 

You nod. “I couldn’t do it without help. He was...incredibly powerful and it took me so long to even beat him at his own game. But I was the one who dealt the finishing blow.”

 

Akechi is silent for so long that you think you’ve lost him. You open your mouth to say something but he beats you to it. “It appears we’re more alike than I originally thought. I confess, I admit that I felt a sort of...connection to you when we first met.”

 

You tilt your head a little to one side. “What do you mean?”

 

Akechi swallows and though his face tries to remain neutral, you see the way his hands clench into fists at his side. “My mother was in a relationship with a low-life of a man. She was discarded when he found out she was pregnant, and that despair would lead to her death.”

 

You cross your arms and place a finger against your chin. “If you believe us to be alike, then is your father still out there?” When he nods, you let out a thoughtful hum. “If he’s as vile as you say, then he needs to be taken out. A man like that isn’t worthy of living.”

 

“You say it so casually… Have you killed before, then? Other than your father, I mean.”

 

“Yes. More often then I’d like to admit. But it was either them or me. Not everyone I killed deserved it, but it’s hard to hold back when you’re fighting for your life.” You straighten from your spot against the tree and turn away. “That’s five. You told me a little about yourself, so our deal has been fulfilled. I’ll see you around, provided you don’t send the authorities after me.”

 

You haven’t gone more than a few steps before Akechi’s voice rings out from behind you.

 

“Wait, please! I want to make another deal with you.”

 

You stop walking, but you don’t turn around. You have an idea of what he wants. “...I’m listening.”

 

“I’d like to ask for your help. My father is a corrupt man who surrounds himself with powerful allies. It won’t be easy to get to him, but it might be easier if I had an ally by my side.”

 

You face him again, a little surprised when you find him a lot closer than you thought. “You want me to help you kill him? While I may have ended many lives before, my talents lie in healing and support. Are you sure this is what you want?”

 

He nods, eyes resolute. “Yes. Do we have a deal?” He stretches out a hand.

 

A decision is made as you grasp his hand in yours, and you know you’ve been set on a predetermined path. Where it may lead is still unknown to you, but you intend to follow it through to the end, where ever it may be.

 

“It’s a deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akechi totally wasn't semi-stalking the Reader, of course not.


	6. Each and Every Person Is Ghostly Pale Beneath Their Masks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you take out your first target with a distinct lack of grace.

A few days after you agree to being Akechi’s partner, he calls you to meet up in Shibuya Central, where he then takes you to an unfamiliar residential area. You arrive at an unassuming, yet obviously well-maintained building, not unlike the one you currently live in. You assume this must be where he lives.

 

Your assumption proves to be correct as Akechi pulls out a set of keys after you ascend a flight of stairs to unlock the fourth door in a long hallway. As you cross the threshold, you can’t help but feel distinctly awkward. You’ve never been comfortable being in someone’s home. You’re too nervous to even sit on the couch.

 

“Do you want anything to drink? Tea? Coffee?” Akechi says while moving to what you presume is a kitchen.

 

You make a slight face at the mention of coffee, which he notices with a laugh. “Not a fan of coffee, I take it?” He gestures to the couch behind you. “Please, have a seat. There’s no need to be shy.”

 

You sit down and find yourself curiously looking around his apartment. Compared to yours, his is decidedly more lived in, though it tells you nothing of Akechi’s character. You wonder if you can decorate your apartment with something to occupy your time with. Plants, maybe?

 

After several minutes, Akechi sets down a cup of tea on the low table in front of you. You mutter a quiet thank you and decide to let it sit for a few minutes as it cools down. You find yourself thinking hard if you made the right choice or not. More importantly, you wonder how Kurusu is doing. The only thing you know at this point is that he’s still alive. But for how much longer?

 

“You look worried.” Akechi sits down next to you, but thankfully maintains a respectful distance. “Are you having second thoughts?”

 

You shake your head. “No. I was just thinking about something unrelated.”

 

“Do you mind sharing?”

 

You glance at him and sigh softly through your nose. “I think...we should focus on your objective first. I want to learn about what you told me the other day.”

 

The Metaverse, Akechi explains, is a world where distorted desires are given physical form, and Palaces are often ruled by a Shadow of the real person, often whom are particularly corrupt individuals. Most of your targets, however, can be found in Mementos, or the public’s Palace.

 

“So...let me see if I understand this correctly. These...Palaces are based on one’s cognition? And you need a phone app to access them?”

 

“That’s right. The Metaverse Navigator needs the name of the person, the location, and the form the distortion takes. For Mementos, all you need is the key word ‘Mementos.’”

 

You frown, thinking hard. “What do these Palaces look like?”

 

“They can take many forms. Depending on the Palace ruler, they can look like a ship, a bank, a museum, that sort of thing.”

 

As you’re bringing the cup of tea to your lips, you pause. “A...museum?”

 

“That’s right.” Akechi’s eyes are sharp, as if he’s waiting for something. “Have you ever encountered anything like that before?”

 

You nod solemnly. “Some time ago, I found myself in a strange place. I wouldn’t have known it was a museum if I hadn’t seen all those paintings and sculptures inside it. I was attacked by these monsters, but I did manage to escape using my magic.” You sigh heavily. “I thought I was going to die in there.”

 

Akechi leans forward onto his elbows. “How did you manage to figure out the keywords if you didn’t even know what a Palace was until I told you?”

 

You take a sip of your tea while thinking about how to formulate a response. The tea is soothing, and infinitely better-tasting than coffee. “I don’t know how I got in. I just started feeling lightheaded, and then...I was inside a museum.”

 

“May I take a look at your phone?”

 

You hand it to him, unsure of what he wants. “Um...okay. What are you looking for?”

 

“The Metaverse Navigator. You don’t have it on here, which leads me to believe you weren’t lying when you told me you didn’t know what a Persona is.” Akechi hands your phone back to you and you place it back into your coat pocket. “You’re very lucky you weren’t killed in that Palace. The Metaverse is especially dangerous to non-Persona users.”

 

You lean back against the couch, completely missing the way Akechi’s eyes follow your every movement. “As long as I have my magic, I’ll be okay. Actually...” you sit up again and place a finger against your chin. “I don’t even know if my magic works on you.”

 

“Um, I believe it would be prudent to test it,” Akechi says with a slightly nervous laugh.

 

“Not a problem,” you say, smiling slightly. “I won’t hurt you that badly. Just a small cut. Or would you rather I give you a bruise?”

 

“No, thank you,” Akechi says, a shade too quick and you have to hold in a laugh.

 

“Fair enough,” you reply. “Give me your hand.”

 

He does so reluctantly and you remove his glove, noticing the way his exposed skin erupts in goosebumps the second your hand makes contact with his own. You don’t point it out and instead focus on applying a tiny fraction of your wind magic into your index finger. You feel the telltale hum of energy pulse through you and with a sharp horizontal slice, you make a small incision with your free hand.

 

To his credit, Akechi doesn’t flinch in the slightest as a drop of blood drips down his now injured hand. You let it go and instead place a hand on his wrist.

 

“ _Cure.”_

 

The wound closes up immediately and while there’s nothing to be done about the blood except to wipe it off, you can’t help but feel relieved. “Well, that answers that.”

 

“I am curious about that necklace of yours. You called it an asterisk. It lets you do magic?” When you nod, he hums thoughtfully. “Would it achieve the same effect if I wore it myself?”

 

“Probably.” At his surprised look, you laugh. “Oh come now, don’t look so shocked. Magic isn’t something only a chosen few are born with. If you have even the slightest magical talent, it can be learned. It was quite common where I come from. However...” you frown. “I’ve noticed magic appears to be a lost art in this world. I’d be very surprised if you can do magic outside this...Metaverse.”

 

It isn’t until you notice Akechi’s wide eyes do you realize what you let slip. “Oh, for the love of… that did _not_ just come out of my mouth. I say the stupidest things sometimes. Think nothing of it.” No such luck.

 

“I suspected something was different about you when I couldn’t find a single real record of you. You _are_ from a different world, aren’t you?” he breathes. He takes your silence as confirmation, and his gaze seems to be burning as if with some strange fever, and you have to look away.

 

“Does it really matter?” you say quietly. “I’m only here to help you with your mission. After that, I...” your voice trails off.

 

Now that you think about it, what _will_ you do once you win this game? This world is interesting, so maybe you could travel? Or maybe learn as many languages as you can? Perhaps you’d take up raising plants as a hobby. The possibilities are endless.

 

Or maybe…

 

Just maybe…

 

You could return to your own world and make things right. You left without knowing for sure if everything was going to be all right. What if you abandoned your friends to some other god who saw them as mere playthings?

 

Your thoughts are taking a dark turn so you down half your cup of tea to distract yourself. “Who is the first target?”

 

Mementos turns out to be located in the Tokyo Underground Subway, much to your surprise. It doesn’t seem all that different compared to the actual entrance. But the strange red-black veins remind you how unsettling it is, the physical manifestation of every ill thought that drifts across the minds of the people of this world. It’s not the only unsettling thing about the place. Akechi himself looks like he fits right in with his strange new outfit that appeared when you two first entered the Metaverse. Your own clothes thankfully remain unchanged.

 

The monsters, or Shadows, as Akechi calls them, aren’t so different than the monsters you used to fight in Luxendarc. They all have their own elemental or physical strengths and weaknesses, but you think they all look distinctly creepier than what you’re used to.

 

It isn’t until Akechi annihilates a slime-like Shadow that you can’t keep quiet anymore. “I wanted to ask earlier, but...is there a reason your clothes change like that? Is it because of this...Persona?” Seeing it being summoned was a bit jarring the first time you saw it, but you’ve dabbled a bit in the Summoner class, so it’s not completely foreign to you.

 

Akechi nods. It’s a little hard to see his face under that mask. “Something like that. I’ve noticed your outfit didn’t change when we entered the Metaverse. Are you all right? You looked like you were in pain when I activated the app.”

 

You _had_ been in pain, but it felt more like a pressure that pressed down on your head and chest, making it hard to breathe. As soon as everything settled, however, it had gone. But now the feeling of being watched is back, and you don’t like it.

 

“I’m fine. It’s probably because I don’t belong here...” As soon as the words leave your mouth, you instinctively know them to be true. You’re not sure how you know. “It feels like there’s something telling me...to leave. That I shouldn’t be here.”

 

“(Last Name)...” you don’t expect Akechi’s hand on your shoulder, and while you don’t quite recoil, you do tense slightly. You can’t get a read on Akechi’s character at all. Sometimes he seems nice enough, but you still can’t get rid of that sense of danger, like a predator at rest. Still, you appreciate the fact that he seems to be trying to comfort you in his own weird way.

 

“Let’s keep moving,” you say instead, moving toward an escalator that leads to the next floor.

 

* * *

 

 

You don’t actually get involved in many fights (seeing as Akechi casually slaughters any Shadow you come across) until you actually encounter your target. It appears to be just another man who wears a train conductor hat until it transforms into a humanoid creature. It’s not until you see the butterfly wings that you feel yourself freeze in place.

 

“ _Why don’t you just give up already? No matter how many times you try, I’ll always win. Face it, (Name). You’ll never be strong enough to beat me!”_

 

“ _Shut up...”_

 

“ _Oh? Do you still have some fight left in you after all?_ _Should I smash your pretty face in so you can’t talk anymore? You won’t be so defiant then, I promise you.”_

 

Your vision goes red with such unadulterated fury that you don’t see your target anymore. Instead, you see a diminutive fairy-like creature with a cruel smile staring you down. You don’t hesitate as you surge forward with a scream of rage. Your magic activates and you shred your foe with continuous blasts of wind magic. Even as it wears down until it collapses onto the floor, you don’t stop. You don’t have your staff, so you focus your magic onto your fists and savagely rip and tear at it with your bare hands until nothing remains.

 

You sink to your knees, breathing hard. Your rage from earlier slowly ebbs away and you stare at the empty space where the Shadow used to be. You wish it had put up more of a fight. Still, you believed you had more self-control than that. Perhaps this isn't such a good idea after all.

 

You don’t move even as footsteps cautiously approach you from behind. “Not quite what I had in mind for this particular target, but it got the job done in the end,” Akechi says softly. His voice is the calmest you’ve ever heard it, but all you do is slowly rise to your feet, unable to look at him.

 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lost control like that. For a moment, I thought… Well, it doesn’t matter what I thought, does it?” you say, eyes downcast. “Let’s just say that I don’t like fairies very much.” You force yourself to look at him in the eye. “It won’t happen again, I promise you.”

 

Akechi steps closer. Too close, you think. “On the contrary, I have to thank you for showing me a side of yourself I hadn’t seen before until now. We really are alike.”

 

If only he knew.

 

“That was your target, correct? Are there any more?” you say instead.

 

“There are, but we can save those for another day,” he replies. “It’s getting late.”

 

“But what does that have to do with...” you stop yourself before you say anything incriminating. Oh, right. You almost forgot that humans need to sleep every night. Akechi may accept the fact that you’re from another world because he’s strange like that, but you don’t think he’ll be as accepting of your status as a non-human.

 

You exit Mementos and slowly make your way back to Yongen-Jaya after bidding Akechi goodnight. You’re not completely exhausted, but you do feel a little winded after letting out all that pent up anger.

 

As you pass by the bathhouse on your way to the residential area, you hear a familiar voice. It’s Kurusu. He’s talking quietly to Morgana, whose head peeks out of his bag. You stare at them for a while, wondering how your chosen path would have differed if you had learned how to speak Japanese with some fluency sooner. As it stands, your understanding is still at a very basic level, a far cry from what it used to be before your spell wore off.

 

Kurusu suddenly looks up and your eyes meet. His gaze is intense even from this distance. He opens his mouth to say something, probably to call out, but you shake your head.

 

And walk away.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's another update!


	7. Someday, The Light of Love That You Set Aflame In Your Eyes Will Transcend Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you buy a cake.

It happens gradually, but something in Akechi changes after that first mission. Every time you look up, you always see him staring at you. You dismiss it at first, thinking he just needs somewhere to rest his eyes, but it happens too often to be a coincidence. There’s a strange light in them, almost like they’re burning, and so intense that you find you can never hold his gaze for more than a few seconds. You figure he wants something from you, and around the time the weather starts to get a little warmer, you decide to do a bit of research of your own.

 

It turns out that Akechi is actually sort of famous, a fact you were completely unaware of when you met him. The humans call him the second coming of the Detective Prince, having solved cases that had the authorities stumped for years. You’ve always known he was intelligent, so this doesn’t surprise you. He’s most famous for taking on these “mental shutdown” cases, a strange phenomenon that’s been affecting the public for a few years.

 

That begs the question. Does the Metaverse have something to do with these mental shutdowns? When you killed that Shadow, did something happen to the real person? But...that’s the source of their corruption, isn’t it? You’re doing them a favor by destroying the source of their twisted desires, right?

 

Right…?

 

Maybe this game isn’t as simple as you thought.

 

You go on several more missions to Mementos, and even venture into that awful gaudy museum once to scout out another of Akechi’s father’s allies. You feel like you hit a sort of milestone in your partnership with him when he reveals his father’s name: Masayoshi Shido. When he tells you the name, you feel a slight but significant shift in the air. You’ve felt this before, during the first run when you first met Kurusu. You know what it means. You now have your opponent. You thank Akechi for this vital information, to which he smiles in a way that puts you on edge.

 

Nevertheless, Akechi still helps you become more fluent in Japanese. As it stands, you can now communicate at a passable level. It’s definitely not perfect, since you’re about as fluent as a child, but it’s a start. You still need quite a bit more work, but you’re able to study during the times where humans would normally sleep. At the very least, you can conduct yourself well at a restaurant now.

 

Through your research, you also learn that Akechi’s birthday is June 2nd, which according to the calendar on your phone, is that very same day. It’s a bit odd that he’s never hinted at it once. You have a mixed opinion on birthdays in general. Humans usually celebrate the day they were born, and while you do think it’s a nice tradition, you feel a bit left out. You were never really “born,” per say, but you suppose your birthday would technically fall under the day you first came into existence. Unfortunately, you never encountered humankind until several years after you appeared, and still years later before you willingly interacted with them, so you have no exact time frame for the day you were created.

 

You wonder if buying a cake is still part of the tradition here in Japan, but it never hurts to give a present. Perhaps a small one will suffice?

 

You find a small bakery in a more upscale area after getting some directions from Takemi. You want to get him a medium-sized cake but it’s a lot more than you can afford, so you settle for something small. You have no idea what flavor Akechi likes, so you decide to leave it to the employee behind the counter. If he doesn’t like it, well...it’s the thought that counts. And buying him something to celebrate his birthday seems like the right thing to do.

 

As you leave the bakery, newly purchased cake in hand, you send Akechi a message to see if he’s free. This is rare, since you’re almost never the one to initiate meet-ups with him, and the few times you’ve asked, he was busy. You hope it’s not in poor taste to give your gift to him on a later date if he’s unavailable.

 

To your surprise, he responds within a few minutes while you’re waiting to board the train back to Shibuya station.

 

 

**Akechi:** _I’m free this afternoon. What can I help you with?_

 

**You:** _I want to give you something. Is there anywhere we can meet up?_

 

**Akechi:** _Would my apartment be all right? I just finished some work for my employer, and I still have a few cases to work on._

 

**You:** _That’s fine. I’ll let you know when I get to your building._

 

 

You only hope you don’t get sick on the way there. Trains are still a problem for you. You hope this is a problem that will resolve itself in time. Nevertheless, you arrive at Akechi’s apartment building some time later, and if you had to take several minutes to calm your roiling stomach, well…at least you didn’t throw up.

 

You’re feeling considerably better once you knock on Akechi’s door. He opens the door after a few seconds, and you’re a bit taken aback by how exhausted he looks. He still greets you with a smile, but you do notice a few tired lines under his eyes, like he hasn’t gotten enough sleep. It stirs something deep within your heart for the first time since you’ve met him.

 

While he putters around his apartment to get you something to drink, you can’t help but watch him in silence. Your chest aches with something you think might be regret. That determination and drive to achieve his goals of taking down an evil man, his sense of justice, his past of having lost someone dear to him because of something he couldn’t control… 

 

You miss Tiz so much it hurts. You want to go home. You want to see him again, even if he’s dead and gone. You want to find your friends and tell them how very sorry you are, for abandoning them in their time of need. You could have been there for them, grieving with them, sharing in their sorrow, but at least you would have been together.

 

“(Last Name)?”

 

You blink and give your head a little shake to clear it. “Ah, forgive me. I was lost in thoughts for a moment.”

 

Akechi smiles and hands you a cold glass of water. Your heart clenches when you see that the way he handles things is reminiscent of someone who is left-handed, something you haven’t noticed until now. Tiz is...was...left-handed as well. You gulp down the water to try and get rid of the sudden lump in your throat. It doesn’t really help.

 

“That’s quite all right. I do that sometimes. It’s a habit of mine that I’ve been trying to break.” He eyes the package you’re still holding onto. “Is that for me?”

 

You nod and hand it to him with both hands, having set down your glass on top of the coffee table. “Yes. It’s a gift for...helping me when I needed it. And...I wanted to say...happy birthday.” It’s a miracle your voice comes out sounding as steady as it does.

 

You hear his breath catch in his throat as he slowly opens the plain white box. Being this close, you can see his fingers trembling slightly. “I was unsure what people do for their birthdays in this world, so I apologize if this is very last-minute. If I had known what today was I would have something planned for today.” You’re starting to feel self-conscious, so you look away, completely missing the way Akechi gently places the cake down on the coffee table. “It...It isn’t much, but please accept it.”

 

Movement from your peripheral vision startles you into looking back at him, but you haven’t even raised your hands in surprise when Akechi embraces you, crushing your body against his in a solid line. You can’t help the small cry that escapes you, even as you feel his hand against the back of your head.

 

Never, not once in your life, have you ever been touched like this. Not even by Tiz, whom you’ve only ever touched his shoulder in a gesture of solidarity. It’s different, being this close to a human. You can feel the rhythm of his heartbeat, which is pounding wildly against your chest, and even detect a faint whiff of cologne, not unlike the kind you sometimes smelled on Ringabel. You’ve seen other humans do this to each other before, but seeing it happen and actually being on the receiving end are two entirely different things.

 

You get over your shock fairly quickly, and tentatively return the embrace. Are you doing this correctly? You’re not sure.

 

Akechi’s hold on you tightens slightly, so you figure that must have been the right thing to do. He’s trembling slightly, but you don’t point it out. It’s not until he takes a deep jagged breath that you frown. It somehow sounds off to you.

 

“Akechi…?”

 

His head drops to your shoulder and his arms hold you more securely against him, almost like he intends to stay that way forever.

 

“Thank you...” he whispers.

 

He’s crying.

 

You don’t know how you know this. There is no tangible proof that shows this is really the case, but you know it as you know every time Akechi stares at you when he thinks you aren’t looking. You think you know _why_ he’s crying now, and you have a suspicion that he would rather not talk about this. So you tug him closer, lean your head against his, and merely hold onto him.

 

You give him the silence he seems to desperately need, but you never loosen your hold on him. Akechi doesn’t sob. He doesn’t break down, or lose himself. He cries silently, with occasional sighs and mild shivers taking over his body.

 

It’s a long time before you finally let go.

 

* * *

 

Akechi shares the cake with you after he’s calmed down, and neither of you mention the wet spots near the collar of your coat. It turns out to be coffee flavored, much to your dismay. However, you find that it tastes much better when it’s sweetened, and you think that maybe you were a bit too hasty in dismissing coffee.

 

It’s late evening when you finally take your leave, having spent hours talking with him about his day to day life. You don’t mention Palaces or Mementos, feeling like it doesn’t have a place here. Instead, you find yourself more at ease around him than you’ve ever been before. You think he might feel the same way. His smiles seem more genuine, and there’s a certain vulnerability in his eyes that was never present before.

 

Maybe…

 

You can start thinking of Akechi as your friend. Definitely not as close as Tiz or the others, but someone you can genuinely say you’re fond of. It’s nice, having someone to care for again. All the more reason to win this game, so he can finally get the closure he deserves. No matter how long it takes, you will see this mission through to the end.

 

You feel the slight shift in the air once more and you know that Akechi has been established as another major player in this game. You’re honestly surprised it didn’t happen earlier. It doesn’t change anything. You will protect him, though you’ll do your very best not to die. You won’t put Akechi through another loss in his life.

 

With determination burning brightly inside your heart, you make your way back to Takemi’s apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this yesterday, but my laptop died. Happy belated birthday to our favorite pancake boy.


	8. Tonight You and I Will Fall From the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you learn that running away solves nothing.

It’s not until the middle of June where your plan to keep your true nature a secret is nearly derailed in the form of a blonde fortune-teller in Shinjuku. Akechi had invited you to dinner after taking out yet another target in Mementos, and you decided to buy some high-grade fertilizer for the ever growing number of plants in your room. As you’re both making your way to the train station, a high-pitched, girlish voice calls out in a way that makes you look around.

 

A pretty young woman waves at you from her spot behind a table with a chair in front of it. She’s wearing a navy blue long sleeved shirt with a light purple dress with some sort of clock designs, and you sense something otherworldly about her. It’s not the feeling you get when you encounter major players in the game. It’s more...subtle.

 

Her Japanese is much slower than the other native speakers, and thus easier for you to understand. She’s saying something about reading your fate in the cards, which seems to pique Akechi’s interest, much to your dismay. You just want to go home and rest. The Metaverse always takes a lot out of you. You wish you knew how Akechi did this all the time. Maybe you could get used to it over time, like he did?

 

“Hello, there! You have a most interesting fortune, young lady. With your permission, I would like to examine it in greater detail. Please, have a seat.”

 

At Akechi’s encouraging nod, you tentatively sit and set your purchased bag of fertilizer on the ground next to you. You notice a deck of cards in front of her, but you’re unfamiliar with the symbols on them. “Is this really necessary…?” you say, fighting back a wave of exhaustion. You’re not even bothering to be polite. You’re dead tired after spending hours running around Mementos and constantly healing Akechi’s injuries.

 

“It’s just for fun,” Akechi says with a grin and you rub your temple to try and assuage your headache. Perhaps you overdid it with the buffs and support today, but Akechi’s grown overconfident lately, barreling into Shadows with almost reckless abandon. He can afford to be overconfident, you suppose. After all, he has a dedicated cleric to heal off any damage he incurs.

 

“All right, just make this quick. I have to go home soon,” you say tiredly.

 

The woman claps her hands together. “Excellent! Since this is your first time here, I won’t be charging you anything. I am Chihaya Mifune and I’ll be reading your fortune today. You can begin by telling me your name.”

 

“(First Name) (Last Name),” you say curtly. You just want to get this over with.

 

She begins by shuffling her deck of cards. “Ah, I see. What kind of consultation would you like?”

 

It hasn’t even been a few minutes and you’re already starting to get irritated. “Any, I suppose.” You don’t really understand how this works, and you’re too tired to even look remotely interested. The things you do for your friends, honestly…

 

“Hm, very well.” Chihaya lays out her cards one by one face down. “Let’s do an initial reading to test the waters of your fate. O divine power, bring forth this woman’s fortune!”

 

She flips the cards over, and as she flips over the last one, you feel a significant change in the air, causing you to sit up straight, feeling something close to dread creeping up from within your stomach.

 

“Hm...I have seen everything. I sense good fortune with your relationships in the near future. Perhaps something will happen which will bring you closer together. In any case, it’s something to look forward to.”

 

You relax only slightly, but you can’t get rid of that sense of foreboding. What is happening here?

 

“But...what is this?”

 

Oh no…

 

“The general flow of your future seems to indicate...death. But it’s strange. You seem to be extremely intimate with death, unnaturally so.  Not only that, but the current path you are on will only lead the world to...ruin? I see you trapped in a labyrinth of your own making, overcome with despair.”

 

You feel your blood turn to ice. You want to tell her to stop talking, but your lips can’t quite form the words. Your hands slowly clench into trembling fists on your lap and your breathing starts to pick up. “Th—that’s...that’s not...”

 

“This is truly an unjust game you are playing. One where there is almost no chance of winning. What’s worse, there is no averting your bleak future now. My, this is not a very happy fortune...”

 

She needs to shut up. Right now.

 

“I wish I could tell you how to change your future, but fate is absolute.”

 

“LIES!” you shriek, abruptly standing up and slamming your hands down on the table. You’re breathing hard and shaking with fury. How dare this stupid woman try and make her bogus predictions about your life. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know anything!

 

As soon as your palms make contact with the table, a furious gust of wind erupts from within you, sending her cards flying in every direction. You don’t bother waiting for her reaction and run away as fast as you can. Anything to get away from that horrible woman.

 

It’s only a few moments before you hear footsteps pounding against the pavement behind you. You forgot about Akechi. You hear him call your name, but you don’t dare slow down. You can’t face this right now. You wanted to deal with this on your own terms. You know Akechi will want a full explanation for your behavior, and you can’t exactly brush this off.

 

You try to lose him in the crowd, but he has a longer stride and he catches up eventually, you having been cornered in a dead end alleyway.

 

“(Last Name), stop this! I don’t know what’s going on, but you can’t run away from this! I won’t let you!”

 

You can’t turn around. You can’t face him. If you do, you’ll throw up.

 

“Please...please, just... _talk_ to me! I can help you. We’ll work through this. Aren’t...aren’t we friends…?”

 

You can’t stop trembling. Oh gods, your vision is getting blurry with tears. Why did he have to say that? For a moment that feels like five thousand lives all at once, you stand in indecision. What does he want you to do? Bare your entire soul to him just because he asks?

 

“(First Name)...”

 

You flinch. He’s right behind you now, and so close that you can feel his body heat on your back.

 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I’ll...tell you one of these days. Just not today.”

 

“(First Name), wait…!”

 

“ _Aeroga!”_ Before Akechi can do more than lay a hand on your shoulder, you’ve already propelled yourself far above his reach and onto the roofs above.

 

* * *

 

 

You don’t dare return home to Takemi’s apartment. For one thing, you know Akechi is a stalker who probably already knows where you live, and going there would be the obvious thing to do. But now you’re stuck out here, for a little while, at least.

 

It’s only when you know the last train out of Shinjuku has stopped running that you finally use up the last of your magic reserves for the day and fly all the way home.

 

When you get inside your room, you realize that you forgot your bag of plant fertilizer.

 

* * *

 

 

“ _...wrong...her...”_

 

“ _...st...back...making...worse…!”_

 

Something…

 

“ _...stable…”_

 

“ _w...ke up….”_

 

Is wrong…

 

“ _Please...”_

 

* * *

 

 

Awareness comes to you in increments. At first, you can only see the vaguest outlines, more light and shadow than actual shapes before it all blacks out. You’re not sure how much time passes, but you sometimes see a confused tangle of images, most nonsensical, some not. You think you see Tiz in one of those, but you can’t trust what’s real and what isn’t.

 

There comes a point where your eyes open for just the slightest amount and you’re immediately blinded by a sea of white. Scrunching up your eyes in protest, you find that you can barely move. It takes a colossal effort to even twitch your fingers, and things seem to process extremely sluggishly through your brain.

 

Slowly though, you manage to open your eyes just a bit and you’re able to see that you’re in an unfamiliar white room. The next thing you notice is the smell of antiseptic. Your stomach turns as you fight down the memory of an emotionally unstable woman with the body of a child. If there’s any memory that you want to banish forever from your mind, it would be of her. Victoria’s cruelty knew no bounds as she mercilessly slaughtered anyone and everyone who crossed her.

 

It feels like an eternity has passed before you’re able to move your head. If the smell was bad enough, seeing yourself restrained to a bed is even worse. You only have limited neck and shoulder movement; everything else is strapped down. You employ every ounce of your hard-won willpower not to panic. Few things make you as anxious as being trapped, and while there doesn’t seem to be anyone here, you have to take several deep breaths in an attempt to steady your racing heartbeat.

 

There’s a needle stuck in your arm that feeds you some kind of clear liquid into your veins and you want to scream at whoever put it there that no, you don’t need it, you’ve _never_ needed it, and you never _will_ need it.

 

Unfortunately, the noisy machine next to you won’t stop making rapid beeping noises and you’re about to cast an Aeroga to blast it to the netherworld when a woman briskly walks into the room. She glances at something at the foot of your bed before walking back out. She returns a few minutes later with a man wearing a white coat that vaguely reminds you of Victor. This must be a doctor.

 

“Ah, you’re awake! You gave us quite the scare, young lady. I do hope you’re lucid enough that you’ll let us do some preliminary examinations.” The man speaks with a slight accent, but you understand him perfectly.

 

“What...happened?” you croak, and you’re not surprised to hear your voice sound so feeble.

 

“Your, ah...caretaker informed us that she found you collapsed on the floor of your room. When you did not wake up after several days, she had you brought here. But...you’ve been very unwell, very unwell, indeed.”

 

You’re almost afraid to ask. “...What do you mean?”

 

“Any and all attempts to wake you ended in failure, though you often thrashed around in your sleep, as if in the throes of a horrific nightmare. After one week, we thought you were finally awake, but upon seeing one of the nurses, you attempted to attack her. At this point, we had you restrained for the safety of the staff as well as yourself. You were sedated and did not wake for quite some time after that.”

 

“Which brings us to now,” he says with some finality. “I trust I can inform your caretaker that you are awake?”

 

You frown. “Yes, but...can these restraints come off now? They’re not very comfortable,” you say, lightly pulling on your wrists.

 

The doctor and nurse exchange dubious looks and your heart sinks. “I’m sorry, but we have to make sure you are of sane mind before we remove them. I’d rather not compromise the safety of my staff. You understand, don’t you?”

 

“Yes,” you say lowly, biting back a surge of irritation. You let them do their examinations, which is a little humiliating, but you don’t put up a fight. You just want to be out of here. It’s only when they ask you for the date that you falter. You don’t know how long you were out. When the nurse tells you that you’ve been unconscious almost an entire month, you wait until she’s gone before you let out a howl of frustration.

 

Four weeks gone, just like that. All because you were stupid enough to use up the entirety of your magical stamina to fly home like a dog with its tail between its legs. You’ve lost so much time, and for what? That fortune teller was right. At this rate, the game is all but lost. In Luxendarc, missing even one day was fatal. It’s a wonder Kurusu or Akechi haven’t died yet.

 

Just thinking of your friend makes you inwardly cringe. How childish, how pathetic you are, running away like that. Akechi is your friend. He deserves more from you than lies.

 

 _But telling the truth right away never helped you,_ says a nasty little voice in your head. _Even_ _Tiz and the others_ _became frightened of you._ _They_ _called you a freak, a monster in human disguise. They trusted that loathsome little fairy over you. All she had to do was point her dainty little finger and they sided with her._

 

Your thoughts are interrupted by Takemi’s arrival. She doesn’t look happy. In fact, the expression on her face looks venomous enough to curdle milk.

 

“Do you have _any_ idea how worried I was? First I find you on your bedroom floor passed out like a drunkard, then you won’t wake up no matter what I do, and then you have what looks like the textbook definition of a psychotic break and try to claw out the eyes of the people trying to help you.” Takemi hurls her words like stones and if you had the ability to curl up in shame, you would have done so.

 

She eyes the restraints and sighs, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. “We’ll have to do something about those night terrors, and get you some anti-psychotic drugs. With luck, this is only a one-off thing and there’s no underlying cause. If there is, then...we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

 

You don’t tell her that you don’t ever have to sleep and the past few weeks is the reason why you never do. You relive the worst parts of your journey over and over again, until your body decides to wake up. It’s always a horrible experience, and you usually don’t have any memories afterward, just an underlying sense of dread and unease.

 

The hospital wants you to stay another day, but Takemi refuses to take no for an answer and whisks you home after a few thinly-veiled threats. You let her do whatever she wants. She draws up a bath for you, she feeds you and tucks you into bed even though you have no intention of sleeping. You lay there, unmoving, filled with a sense of emptiness as you watch the sky slowly turn a pale blue. You hear the sounds of Takemi getting ready for work, but you make no effort to get up. She knocks on your door once to check up on you, but you tell her that you’re fine. You hear the jingle of her keys, and the front door shuts with an audible click.

 

You slowly get up and finally check your phone, unsurprised to see a slew of messages and missed calls from Akechi. The most recent one is from an hour ago, telling you that he’s been informed of your release from the hospital. You turn your head away, feeling sick.

 

You’re a coward. You promised to stay by Akechi’s side no matter what. Is this really all it takes for your resolve to falter? You thought your will was stronger than this.

 

Taking a deep breath, you open up your messenger app.

 

**You:** _Can we talk?_

 

He responds within seconds.

 

**Akechi:** _Yes, of course._ _Do you want to meet somewhere?_

 

You don’t think you have the energy to even move from your spot on the bed, much less go out.

 

**You:** _I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can even make it to the train station. Can you meet me in Yongen-Jaya?_

 

You rattle off your address and he responds that he’ll be there in twenty minutes. With that done, you slowly get up with an enormous effort and methodically take care of your plants, noting that someone must have seen to them while you were indisposed. As you’re watering the last one, you hear a knock on the front door.

 

Your heart jumps into your throat and you nearly drop your watering can. He’s early. He must have sprinted all the way here or something. Still, there’s no sense in putting it off any longer. You sigh through your nose and force your face into an impassive mask as you open the door.

 

Akechi looks somewhat out of breath as he stands in your doorway. You were right. He _did_ run all the way here, the madman. “Come in,” you say quietly, stepping aside to let him into the apartment.

 

He does so, but you’ve barely closed the door before you’re suddenly crushed in an embrace that’s so tight that you almost can’t breathe. This one is different than the one you’ve received before. There’s a desperate edge to it that nearly shatters your composure, but you manage to hang onto it by a thread. One of his hands settles along your lower back. There’s something new, almost intimate about it, but you ignore it in favor of gently wrapping your arms around his waist.

 

After a long time, you pull away slowly, and Akechi lets you go with some reluctance. You keep your gaze lowered, unable to look him in the eye.

 

“I’m...sorry for causing you so much trouble. I’ve been a horrible friend to you. So...I want to make it up to you,” you say. Your voice is slow and even, and there’s a steadiness to it that you’ve relied upon for eons. “Please sit down.”

 

Akechi sits down on a couch big enough to fit only two people, and while you don’t like the fact that you’ll have to sit so close to him for this, you really don’t have any choice since Takemi doesn’t really have anywhere else to sit down besides your room.

 

You take a seat next to him, and you’re so close that you’re practically on his lap. You don’t want to put this off any longer. You will try to keep him safe no matter what, even if he doesn’t want anything to do with you after this.

 

“I...suppose you have questions,” you say, folding your hands on your lap. “But...before I answer any of them, I want you to know that I still want to be by your side. Even if you don’t want me around anymore, I promised to help you. So...” You take a few calming breaths. “I am...very fond of you, and I don’t want to keep lying to you. I won’t run away anymore.”

 

Akechi nods slowly, and you tell him of your adventures in Luxendarc, your failures, your successes, your friends. All the horrors you witnessed, along with all the people you met. You tell him of your friends, of the diabolical cryst-fairy named Airy, who strung all of you along like puppets on strings, all the way to your final fight against Ouroboros. It’s only when you get to the day where Tiz left Luxendarc for good that you falter.

 

“(First Name)?”

 

You feel your mask cracking at the edges. Your face crumples before you bury it in your hands, your shoulders shaking with the titanic effort of keeping your emotions in check. It’s not working. Every second, you feel your control slipping away bit by bit, but you fight to keep talking.

 

“He...he died, you know…in the end. I don’t know how or why, but… I wanted to stay with him. I cared about him so much and he just...” Your whole body is shaking now, and you’ve long since stopped trying to hold back your tears. “And like a coward, I ran. I ran away from him, from everyone else, just like I ran away from you. Not a single day goes by where I don’t regret leaving that world.” You sniffle and rub at your eyes, giving Akechi a watery smile. “But if there’s anything good that came out of all this, it’s that I met you. So...thank you for putting up with someone as pathetic as I am.”

 

You expect Akechi to say something, anything, or maybe leave the apartment without a word.

 

You absolutely do _not_ expect him to pull you close and press his lips against yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly longer chapter for you all. Enjoy.


	9. You Are the Sun That Rose Again In My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which one of Chihaya's predictions comes to fruition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um...there's some mildly NSFW stuff in this chapter, so if that's not your cup of tea, I uh...apologize in advance. It kinda got away from me, to be honest.

Akechi’s lips are soft, much softer than you expect, and if you thought being hugged was the closest you could ever get to a human, Akechi takes your expectations and shatters them to dust. His breath fans across your upper lip, and his hands gently cup your cheeks, wiping away the last of your tears with his thumb. There’s something so undeniably tender about it that you feel like your heart is breaking. You’re honestly touched that he cares so much.

 

He pulls away after what seems like an eternity, a faint pink dusting his cheeks, and a smile that’s so vulnerable and gentle that it nearly takes your breath away. You can’t help but return it, laughing sheepishly.

 

“That was...unexpected. No one has ever done that to me before, but...thank you. It was wonderful,” you say gently. “I...would very much like you to do it again.”

 

Akechi leans his forehead against yours and gives a breathy chuckle. “Your wish is my command,” he murmurs before his lips descend upon yours once more. He’s still as gentle as before, but there’s a new sense of purpose as his lips caress yours. He seems to be want something, and you’re clueless as to what it is until his fingers brush the hairs on the back of your neck. Your arms immediately erupt in goosebumps and you can’t help but sigh a little. That felt nice. Very nice.

 

Akechi groans at the sound as he switches from gentle to somewhat forceful and you squeak as you feel what you think is the tip of his tongue prodding insistently against your closed lips. You’re even more confused than ever, but you think he wants you to open your mouth a little. When you do so after a moment’s hesitation, he sighs as he intertwines and coils his tongue with yours.

 

Is...is this right? You’re not sure you like it. It’s a little harder to breathe now. And when exactly did he end up on top of you? Your thoughts are still so hazy after unloading the tale of your previous journey on him that you’ve lost track of things. But if this is how humans show affection, then...perhaps you can learn learn to reciprocate. The only question is how.

 

Well, taking what you’ve learned about Akechi, he seems to like hugs, so that seems like a safe place to start. Your arms, which had previously been weakly holding onto the fabric of his shirt, slowly wrap themselves behind his back and tug him closer until he’s pressed flush against you.

 

The effect is immediate. Akechi lets out what is unmistakably a moan as he pulls away for a brief moment and latches his mouth to the side of your neck, so you turn your head away to give him more room. You’re thinking that maybe you like this better when he settles into the open space between your legs and _grinds._

 

There’s no stopping the startled gasp that feels like it was punched out of you and your brain short-circuits when his arms tighten their grip around you and does it again. Only this time, he doesn’t stop.

 

You don’t know what this feeling is. It feels like a strange sort of heat pooling in your lower belly, and there’s a steady throbbing between your legs that slowly becomes more intense the longer Akechi rolls his hips against yours. There’s a hardness rubbing against the very spot that’s making your head swim, but you’re too out of it to care. You think that maybe Akechi’s feeling the same thing you are, because his gasps and groans grow louder and more frequent the longer he goes on.

 

When you wrap your legs around his hips to try and get more of that strange heady feeling, Akechi loses it completely. His pace becomes punishingly brutal and his grip on you tightens to the point where it’s almost painful.

 

“Love you, love you, love you, love you…!” he gasps with every roll of his hips, and he soon devolves into senseless keening that makes you wonder for a brief moment if he’s in pain, but that thought vanishes as quickly as a cloud in a desert as the tension in your abdomen begins to grow as taut as a bowstring. You don’t know if you want him to stop but you think you’ll lose your head completely if you don’t have anything to grab onto, so you dig your fingers into Akechi’s back as his pace reaches a fever pitch.

 

A shrill ringtone coming from Akechi’s pocket makes you jump and you loosen your hold in surprise. Akechi makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and keeps going, but that noise is distracting you.

 

“Shouldn’t you…answer that…?” you pant. You’re a bit surprised to find yourself so short of breath. The strange heady feeling seems to be withdrawing, allowing the haze from your mind to lift somewhat.

 

He doesn’t answer immediately, but he slowly comes to a stop as he pulls out his phone and glances at the screen. Whatever he sees clouds his expression as he quickly gets off you, seemingly unsteady on his feet. “I’m sorry. I need to take this. Where’s your nearest bathroom?” When you point to a door just behind him, he mumbles out a quick thank you before staggering into it and shutting the door behind him.

 

You slowly sit up and give your head a little shake to try and clear it. It doesn’t really help, so you walk over to the kitchen sink and splash some water on your face. You sigh in relief as the cool water runs down your neck. You hadn’t realized you had gotten so hot. You still feel somewhat agitated, so you stick your head in the freezer and slowly but surely calm your racing heartbeat. Akechi’s still in the bathroom, so you walk back to your room and begin to comb the knots out of your hair. You probably look like a disheveled mess. How unsightly.

 

You’re just setting the brush down when a pair of arms wrap themselves around your waist from behind. You turn your head and Akechi captures your lips with his. Huh. You didn’t hear him leave the bathroom.

 

He pulls away after several moments and rests his head against yours. “I hate to cut this so short, but I have to go. I have some obligations that I need to attend to, but...I should be free tomorrow. Can I see you then?”

 

“Of course,” you say. “I promised to stay by your side, no matter what. I don’t intend on going back on my word.”

 

His arms squeeze you briefly as he sighs happily. “One more thing… Can…you call me Goro from now on?”

 

Your brows furrow slightly at his rather odd request, but you nod once. “All right. I’ll see you tomorrow…Goro.”

 

He presses his lips to yours again before pulling away completely and taking his leave. You make sure to lock the door behind him and take a moment to straighten the cushions on the small sofa. With that done, you begin tidying up the apartment.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s not long after the apartment is near spotless that you quickly grow bored. Maybe you could take a walk or pick up a shift at the beef bowl shop in Shibuya. You did make quite a bit of money during your trips to Mementos, but it’s starting to run a bit low for your tastes.

 

When you step outside, however, your nose wrinkles in distaste. During the month you were unconscious, the weather seems to have gotten a lot warmer. It’s far too warm for your coat, so you cast a small spell on yourself that keeps the air around you fresh and cool.

 

You find yourself in the Underground Mall some time later, where you find a delightful flower shop that sells plant fertilizer. Granted, it’s nowhere near as high quality as the one in Shinjuku, but you’d rather avoid that fortune-teller. Though...now that you think about it, her first prediction had indeed come to pass. You _had_ gotten closer with Goro, to the point where he now knows your past life in Luxendarc. You were going to tell him of your true nature as a nonhuman, and your ability to reset timelines, but you got...distracted. No matter. You’ll simply tell him when he feels he’s ready to ask you about it.

 

But…

 

If Chihaya’s first prediction has come true, then…are you really playing a futile game? Is the timeline doomed to fall into oblivion?

 

You inwardly give your head a little shake. Even if that were true, you refuse to give in so easily. Even if this world really is doomed...even if your destiny is to be ultimately forgotten once more, you’ll make the most out of the time you have left.

 

A hand closes around your wrist and tugs you backward. You blink. You were so lost in your own head that you nearly walked right onto the train tracks.

 

“Are you all right?”

 

You turn and you’re stunned into silence when you meet Kurusu’s concerned gaze with your own startled one. Of all the people to run into…

 

“Oh, um...yes, thank you,” you mumble. You want to tell him how glad you are to see him doing well, but this isn’t the same Kurusu you befriended in the first run. You bite back the swell of disappointment that you’re all too familiar with, and turn away.

 

After a few minutes, you feel someone tap your shoulder. Kurusu’s still staring at you. Probably had been the whole time.

 

“Hey, uh...have we met before? You look familiar,” he says, fiddling with a tuft of hair near his forehead. The gesture is so familiar that you feel a pang of nostalgia for a time long past.

 

You’re about to answer no when you remember that you _had_ met. Back in April, several months ago, when your Japanese was considered passable. You’re much more fluent now, and while you may still struggle with more complicated terms, you’re a lot more confident in your understanding with the language.

 

“I think...in a coffee shop?”

 

Kurusu’s expression clears. “I thought so. I think it was the first week I was here. But...” His brow furrows and you’re about to ask him what’s bothering him when the next thing he says makes your heart leap into your throat.

 

“I feel like...I knew you before that. Is that weird? I’m sorry if I’m coming off as creepy to you, but I can’t get rid of this feeling. Is your name...(First Name) (Last Name), by any chance?”

 

Your eyes widen as you nod. “Y-Yes. H...How did you know that? I don’t recall ever telling you.” Not in this timeline, at least.

 

“I just...know? Sorry, it’s hard to explain,” he mumbles, glancing away.

 

You vaguely hear the train pulling up to the station, but you make no move to board it. Does Kurusu...remember? If so, how much does he recall? In your final run in Luxendarc, the reason things turned out the way they did was because Tiz remembered you. You called it a miracle then. It never happened in any of the previous worlds, and you’ve had to build your friendship up from scratch every single time. Of course, that wasn’t enough to finally take down Ouroboros. No, you needed another visitor from a different world. You needed Ringabel.

 

Now that you think about it, your situation is very much like his in this world, but with some major differences. You have all your memories, and you come from a completely different universe as opposed to a different timeline. Maybe the rules work a little differently if Kurusu seems to remember your name.

 

A new thought occurs to you. If Kurusu remembers you a little, then maybe Goro will also retain some of his memories if you have to reset the timeline. It’s a comforting thought, to be sure, but there’s no guarantee it will carry over. Memories are fickle things for humans. Best not to get too hopeful, however. You’ve seen what hope does to people, and it’s not a pretty sight.

 

You mutter a vague excuse as you hurriedly walk away from the train, ignoring Kurusu’s call of your name. He doesn’t follow you, thankfully. You need time to think and re-evaluate your plan.

 

* * *

 

 

After an hour of deliberating and going through various scenarios, you haven’t come up with anything worthwhile. Does Kurusu even know about the Metaverse? How would you even approach him about it?

 

“Did you hear the Phantom Thieves are going up against Medjed? That’s so cool! Who do you think will win?”

 

“Definitely the Phantom Thieves. They’re the ones fighting for us, after all!”

 

Honestly, the younger humans in this world are so noisy. Still, you’ve heard about the Phantom Thieves from Kurusu before. It appears they’re still around and active. You wonder if they’re connected to the Metaverse as well.

 

It’s no use. You have too many loose ends and not enough information. Maybe Goro has some insight into this group. In the worst case scenario, you may need multiple restarts to gain even a slight advantage. You dearly hope it doesn’t come to that.

 

To take your mind off your steadily darkening mood, you apply to work as a part-timer at the flower shop in the Underground Mall. The manager recognizes you from before and hires you on the spot. You don’t understand it when she says that you fit the aesthetic, but you’re not about to complain. It doesn’t pay as well as the beef bowl shop, but you like it a lot better. Being surrounded by lovely flowers is a boon in your eyes, and there’s something oddly energizing about being around them. By the end of the day, the manager seems pleased with your work and gives you a small bonus.

 

As you’re heading home, it occurs to you that you still need to get a weapon for your trips to Mementos. You haven’t seen a shop that sells them besides Untouchable, but none of them are your preferred weapon type. Maybe you’ll get lucky and find something in Mementos, but you’re not exactly optimistic. Sure, you can cast spells just fine without your trusty staff, but the amount of mana you burn is just wasteful. You hope it doesn’t come back to haunt you at the worst possible moment.

 

You spend the entire night practicing your sentence structure and pronunciation. Your reading comprehension could use some work, admittedly, but according to your studies, you learn that you have a somewhat formal way of speaking. It makes you seem a bit distant, to be honest, though you suspect it has something to do with your choice of instructor.

 

Speaking of your instructor, you want to surprise him with what you’ve learned. He hasn’t heard you speak more than a few sentences in Japanese, so maybe he’ll be proud of you.

 

Funnily enough, Goro’s the one to surprise you in the morning by showing up at your front door with a small wrapped box in his hand.

 

“Good morning, my dear (First Name),” he says brightly, handing it to you.

 

You can’t help but grin. He sounds just like Ringabel when he says it that way, and fondness colors your response.

 

“Good morning, Goro,” you say, laughing softly. You curiously give the box a little shake. “Thank you for the gift, but…what is it?”

 

“Open it and see for yourself.”

 

You do so, carefully peeling back the wrapping and lift up a small lid to find a silver bracelet inside. It’s quite beautiful with its intricate designs of what appears to be roses with a few precious stones embedded to suggest water droplets on them.

 

“Oh gods, this is…this is lovely,” you breathe in awe. “The craftsmanship on this is exquisite. Thank you so much.”

 

Goro’s eyes shine brighter than the sun at your reaction and he carefully secures it around your left wrist. “Believe it or not, it’s actually effective in combat. It protects you from any and all status ailments. You don’t have to worry about being unable to cast your spells anymore.”

 

You think back to the one time you were inflicted with the Forget status and Goro had to save you from a Shadow that nearly obliterated you with a well-timed Eigaon. That was a harrowing experience, one you don’t wish to repeat.  “Beautiful and functional. You never fail to surprise me,” you say, smiling softly. “Not that I’m complaining, but is there a reason you came by so early?”

 

Goro averts his gaze with an uncharacteristic shyness, his cheeks dusted a faint pink. “I…just wanted to spend some time with you. You don’t mind, do you?”

 

You shake your head. “Not at all. So what are we doing today? Did you find a Palace? Or another target in Mementos?”

 

Goro steps closer, taking your hands in his. They feel strange without his gloves. “No, I…Do you...want to come to my apartment?”

 

You tilt your head to one side a little, confused. You thought for sure you’d be heading into combat to test the effects of your new equipment. “Erm...I suppose? I mean, I don’t mind at all. Let’s be off, then.” You could show him everything you’ve learned so far without making a fool of yourself in public.

 

It’s only when you reach his apartment that you realize that you and Goro have very different ideas of what it means to spend time together.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moving a little fast, aren't you, Akechi? Also, somebody please tell the reader that this isn't something friends do with each other.


	10. You Are the Cause of My Euphoria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A change in perspective can make a world of difference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some stuff goes on in here that definitely warrants the Explicit rating, people. You've been warned. Also, there's a POV change. I hope it's not too jarring. Mind the tags, please.

When it comes down to it, Goro is a simple man. He has hobbies, school, a career as a high school detective, and a phone app that lets him traverse the mysterious world known as the Metaverse. He's not known for having many close friends, if any, his work and school life keeping him busy most of the time. He's very particular about his grades, his image, his career, all so someone will want him around. But it's not enough, to be adored by fans. They don't know the real him. They only care about his fame, his dashing good looks, and his ability to make them swoon with a few charming words. It's nice, but at the same time, it's not _real._

 

So when he sees a foreign-looking woman restlessly pacing back and forth in Inokashira Park, clearly distressed, of course he's going to be the charming detective prince and help out a citizen in need. Only...she doesn't seem to be the least bit star-struck by him. And she clearly doesn't understand him, judging by the completely blank look on her face. What kind of tourist comes to visit Japan without at least brushing up on their language skills first?

 

She speaks English, albeit in a strange dialect. It's not quite American, but also not the English he's sometimes heard from those living in the United Kingdom. She has quite a few mannerisms from the latter, but it's not the same. As she talks, he can't help but stare at her. She has a youthful face with soft features, and wears a long sand-colored coat that could pass as a dress, with tan leggings and black boots that reach up to her mid-thighs. But it's her eyes that intrigue him the most. Framed by the longest eyelashes he's ever seen on a woman, and so full of hidden secrets that he could spend the rest of his life picking apart. They seem far too old for her, like endless wells, which gives her an odd, ageless look.

 

She's beautiful, Goro thinks. He's seen prettier women than her, but he can't deny that her appearance is quite striking. He has no doubt she constantly beats back suitors with a long stick. And when she smiles at him for the first time, he knows he's a goner.

 

He's not sure if he should form an acquaintanceship with her, but there's something about her that draws him to her. Like a fragment of a memory, or a dream of watching her walk home in the rain.

 

She readily agrees to be his student in learning Japanese, which is a little surprising. Most adults don't often like being taught by someone younger, but she takes to his lessons with a single-minded passion he can't help but admire. Her pronunciation is terrible at first, but she adapts quickly. Too quickly, he thinks. She's definitely intelligent, with her ability to keep up even under his more rigorous teaching methods.

 

Despite all that, (First Name) is surprisingly evasive when it comes to talking about herself. He's definitely suspicious when she tells him that she can't reveal where she's from, saying it's dangerous. He does find out later, but he can't bring himself to believe it.

 

Luxendarc… What sort of place is that? He knows it doesn't exist, but there's so much nostalgia and sadness in her face that he can't dismiss it out of hand. He can tell whenever she's thinking about it; the way she fiddles with her odd necklace is a bigger tell than anything else.

 

Goro admits he may have been a bit too harsh when interrogating her, but he couldn't help himself after seeing the way she cast a Garu skill _outside the Metaverse._ He's curious about her ability, especially after seeing her use skills without a visible Persona inside Madarame's Palace. So when she lets it slip that magic can indeed be taught, and that an entirely different world exists outside his own, he fantasizes what it could be like. A world where spellcasters and possibly knights are commonplace, where he could possibly join their ranks and become the best of them. A place where he could truly be a hero to the people, a veritable knight in shining armor. The allure of such a world is too good to pass up, and he wonders, not for the first time, if she would be willing to take him there. After all, she is his guide, sent to him by that other world solely for _him_ , to take down that bastard who made his life hell.

 

His first mission with her is a tentative success. She doesn't appear to have any offensive skills aside from a high-level Garu skill that she can manipulate in any way she sees fit. It's more versatile than anything, he thinks, as he watches her move about the battlefield with an agile grace that reminds him of a dancer. Thanks to her, he never wants for anything. The spells she casts on him are unfamiliar, but they do wonders for his ability to tank hits. Even Shadows that would normally give him trouble are a breeze with her magic, and he finds that his Maragion skill becomes incredibly more lethal after she casts a skill on him called Fairy's Aid. She's definitely from a different world, all right. And judging from the way she fights, she's used to working with a team.

 

Goro's long since stopped paying attention to the meaningless drivel Shadows spout out before battle, but (First Name) goes rigid when it transforms into a butterfly-like creature. When he glances back at her, her face is pale and her hands twitch at her sides before her magic activates and she surges forward with a veritable storm raging around her body. The Shadow tries its best to dodge the blasts of wind she fires at it, but it eventually succumbs to the repeated blows dealt to it. Surprisingly, she doesn't stop attacking it even after it becomes weak enough to transform back into its base form, and he watches her dig her fingers into its chest and tear it in half.

 

She's remarkably calm after the battle, but there's a far-off look in her eyes and a furrow in her brow that makes her seem so small. Goro is fascinated by this new side of her, one who is capable of destroying everything in her path with a single-minded fury that rivals his own. He does take her on more missions after that, but she doesn't lose control again. A shame, really.

 

The more he spends time with her, the harder it is to keep his eyes off her. She can be wise beyond her years in one moment, then spend the next obsessively taking pictures with her phone with an almost child-like fascination. It's quite adorable, really. He's not exactly sure when he goes from wanting to be near her to simply _wanting_ her, but he's not surprised when he comes to that realization. She's an attractive woman, if a bit distant, but she never pries into his affairs or asks probing questions. It's a relief to not have to keep up his charming detective persona around her. And detective prince or not, he's a man first. The only problem is that she doesn't seem to reciprocate his desires in the slightest.

 

He thinks he may actually have a chance when she brings him a cake on his birthday. The way she stares at him before she gives it to him looks almost like longing, and Goro almost kicks himself for daring to hope that she could see him as anything other than an ally. She's shy as she gives him his present, and the way she stumbles over her words so endearing that he almost kisses her. He compromises instead by hugging her, and he feels his earlier fatigue, anxiety, and worry vanish completely as he embraces her. For a little while, he imagines that there's no Shido, no Metaverse, just him sharing a tender moment with his darling princess.

 

She might just be one, with her refined mannerisms and formal way of speaking. He wonders if she belonged to a royal family back in her world, and her father was a tyrannical king she had to overthrow to bring peace to the land. Maybe she had a suitor back in her world, one she abandoned to come aid him in his noble quest.

 

Meeting the fortune-teller is perhaps not the best thing that could have happened to them, but it did help them become closer to each other in the end. He just wishes he didn't have to suffer through an entire month of watching her trapped in a sleep without end. It's not a restful one, with her constantly tossing and turning in the hospital bed. She wakes briefly, but she's most definitely not lucid because she calls him Tiz and embraces him in a way that makes him want to find this Tiz person and rip him to shreds. She belongs to _him,_ she is _his_ darling princess, and he'd be damned if he'd let this nobody from her past take her away from him.

 

When she sees the nurses, however, he sees the exact moment she loses control as her lips pull back into a snarl that's almost inhuman as she lunges for the nearest one. He tries to hold her back, but she's unreachable, pulled into a world he knows almost nothing about. She doesn't activate her magic, oddly enough, so the doctors and nurses are able to restrain her to the bed. He tries to protest their rough treatment of her, but it only causes her to go berserk, her hand reaching for him with a desperation that makes his chest ache.

 

Even as the hospital personnel force him bodily from the room, he can still hear her petrified screams, and it kills something inside him to hear her sounding so scared.

 

He visits her whenever he gets a free moment, but she doesn't wake for a while, according to the staff. They're beside themselves with worry, but Goro wants to strangle them all when he sees her strapped down. She looks so small, lying there with only a flimsy hospital gown covering her body. He's never seen her without her coat, so it's a bit of a shock to his system. He's ashamed to admit that he wants her even more after seeing more of her body than he ever has, but he's too worried about her to think too much about it. She mumbles in her sleep, muttering odd things about crystals and fairies. Goro hears her mention Tiz quite a lot, and it makes his blood boil. Is this Tiz really a past lover? She speaks of him so fondly…

 

He doesn't get notified of her release until the day after she leaves the hospital, which is a bit irritating, but he supposes that her guardian might have had something to do with that. When she messages him with the intent of talking with him face to face, he doesn't hesitate to drop everything he was doing to come see her. He might have gotten a few stares from passersby as he sprints through the streets of Shibuya, but he doesn't care.

 

Goro barely waits for her to close the door behind him as he holds her so close that he can feel her heartbeat. She's wearing little more than a loose shirt and pajama bottoms, so her feels every inch of her, from her small frame to the swell of her breasts pressed up against him. He doesn't want to let go of her, but she pulls away from him after some time and tells him to sit.

 

The tale she tells him is not what he expects. From what he understands, she was on a mission to restore the four crystals of the elements to their former glory, with a process known as the Rite of Awakening. Only a vestal of the crystals could perform this rite, and it is here that she tells him of her friends from that world. It turns out that (First Name) isn't a princess at all, and was just merely a guide that helped four people complete their journey. He finally understands why she hates butterfly-like creatures after she tells him of Airy, a fairy who turned out to be a servant of a god of destruction named Ouroboros. When she mentions dealing the finishing blow to this Ouroboros, Goro feels the world shift from under him. (First Name) doesn't seem to notice as she continues to speak in a slow, detached tone.

 

She's not a princess, but a _deity._ She appears to be a benevolent one, seeing as she helped take down the god she came from. It explains why she never mentioned having a mother, and why she hated the one who brought her into the world. It explains why she's able to journey to a world completely different from her own. He's not intimidated by that fact, not in the slightest. In fact, he wants to be with her even more now. How fitting would it be, the hero to end up with a troubled goddess with a past that haunts her to this day? He could be her light, her guiding star in the sky like she is to him.

 

Goro isn't prepared to see her break down in tears. He can tell she tries her best to hold it in, but after mentioning that Tiz lost his life after the battle, she loses her composure completely. He wants to hold her, to ease her sadness, to kiss away the tears on her face, and be the one she leans on. She tries to regain some measure of control, and the smile she gives him is so tragic that he feels his heart squeeze in his chest.

 

He's not thinking at all when he does kiss her, and his entire being sings in joy when she doesn't push him away. She's not blushing at all when he pulls away, interestingly enough, but she does ask him to kiss her again, which he does so gladly.

 

She's definitely clueless on what to do, and it excites him to know that _he's_ the only one who has the privilege of doing this to her. Maybe he's going a bit fast, but he's long since stopped giving a damn. She's warm under him, and her lips are every bit as soft as he imagined them to be. Perhaps a bit disappointingly, she's not exactly vocal about voicing her pleasure to him. In fact, she's very quiet, letting out only a few soft sighs every now and then. It's only when he grinds against her that he finally gets a noticeable reaction out of her, and it heats his blood with a fire he never knew he was capable of feeling.

 

It's not how he's always wanted to have her, to simply grind his crotch against hers, but it feels too good to stop. There's a voice in the back of his head that's telling him that maybe this isn't the best idea, but then she wraps her arms and legs around him and all thoughts go flying out the window.

 

God, he wants her so much, even more so now that she's in his arms. He wants to tear off her flimsy clothes and render her as incoherent as she's making him feel during this moment. Perhaps after this she will take him to her room, so he can seduce her properly, in a proper bed.

 

It's a shame his phone goes off right when he's about to finish, and he wants to throw his phone down on the floor and grind it to dust under his boot for daring to interrupt. It's Shido, of course it's Shido. Who else would intrude on such an intimate moment with his beloved? He thinks he manages to keep his voice calm and steady during his conversation with him, but he's never sure with a man like him. If Goro had to take care of his little “problem” alone in that bathroom after ending the call, well...he'll take that secret with him to the grave.

 

The way she says his given name does funny things to his heart, and he imagines how it would sound if she was crying out his name in pleasure because of him. It's something he's going to have to explore very soon, and he can't wait to finally take her to his bed the following morning.

 

He spends the rest of the day in Mementos, burning off the restless energy he gained while in (First Name)'s company. He manages to take care of one of Shido's targets and it drops a pretty accessory that Goro thinks would look perfect on his beloved. Calling her his girlfriend feels a bit too juvenile, and she's not exactly his lover yet, but that will change very soon.

 

When he puts the bracelet on her wrist and she smiles at him with so much love in her eyes, Goro thinks he finally knows what it's like to be happy. Can anyone really blame him for inviting her back to his apartment?

 

* * *

 

 

Surprisingly, she's not shy at all as she sits down on the couch, and he briefly wonders if anyone has taken her to bed before. He has to know.

 

“(First Name).”

 

She looks at him, absently fiddling with her new bracelet. “Yes?”

 

“Has anyone ever...” Fear overwhelms him for a moment, mixed with a familiar madness that lurks in the darkness of his mind and soul. “Have you ever done this with anyone else before?”

 

She frowns slightly, confused. “I don't understand.”

 

Does he really have to spell it out for her? It's embarrassing enough as it is. “You know...after I kissed you yesterday. Did anyone ever touch you like that?”

 

He sees comprehension in her eyes and he wants to exhale in relief when she shakes her head. “No. I remember every moment of my existence, and I've never had anyone do what you did. Honestly, I've never even been hugged before.”

 

Goro hears no dishonestly in her voice and her eyes are resolute. On one hand, he wants to scream at her precious so-called friends for not showing her the love she deserves, but on the other, his soul sings with joy in the knowledge that only he gets to explore her most private parts. He sits down next to her and pulls her onto his lap, noting that she doesn't seem to have much of a problem with this. Even as she straddles his hips, there's absolutely no shyness or embarrassment in her eyes, which is a little odd.

 

Well, she did mention that no one has ever done this to her before, so it's up to him to show her. He pulls her against him and kisses her so gently that she could easily move away if she wanted to. She doesn't move away; in fact, she reciprocates by wrapping her arms around his shoulders and deepening the kiss.

 

God, they haven't even started, not really, but Goro just wants to be inside her already. He can already feel his arousal straining against his pants, and he's sure she can feel it as well. A part of him chastises himself for being so needy and desperate, but wasn't this his fantasy for the longest time? To be loved and cherished? And now that he finally has it, he can fully indulge his desires with the woman who loves him.

 

He pauses from kissing her to unclasp the large button on the front of her coat. It easily slides off her shoulders, though he's a bit displeased to find her wearing a long-sleeved shirt underneath it. He practically tears it off her and he mentally apologizes as it rips right down the middle in his haste to get it off. She doesn't seem the least bit concerned and continues to watch him curiously. She's a bit reluctant to part with her necklace, but he makes sure to keep her bracelet on. Even as he ogles her chest, she still makes no move to cover herself up in modesty.

 

It's here that Goro pauses. Is she even aroused? Is she only going along with this because he wants it? He can't face his insecurities now, not when he's so close to having her. So he pulls her close and kisses her again, and he bucks his hips up into hers to make sure she can feel what he's feeling. She gasps into the kiss and clings to him harder, her eyes fluttering shut as she finally allows herself to _feel_ and not think of anything but him.

 

He wants to pace himself, he really does, but his restraint goes out the window when she grinds onto his clothed erection. Her movements are hesitant, almost clumsy, but Goro doesn't care. He's reached his breaking point and he allows himself to feel a bit of pride as he easily picks her up and whisks her off to his bedroom.

 

His shirt and tie are the first to come off and he wastes no time in pressing his bare skin against hers. He manages to reach around her back and unhook her bra, and with both of their top halves completely bare, her touches become electricity on his skin. She looks like a goddess splayed on his sheets, her hair fanning over his pillow. She's the most beautiful thing Goro's ever seen, and he wants to worship her. He wants to go down on his knees in benediction and give her the praise she deserves. He starts by kissing every inch of her body, and he can't stop the grin on his face as she lets out an adorable squeal when his lips brush over a sensitive spot.

 

Even throughout all this, she's still very quiet aside from a few gasps here and there and even then, those aren't very loud. He wants to change that, so he pulls away and takes off her boots and leggings. Now clad only in her underwear, she gazes up at him with a vague curiosity, but unlike before, there's a distinct haziness to her eyes. Even from here, he can see her pupils blown wide with arousal and he indulges in a quiet pride when he finally divests himself of his pants. When he goes to kiss her again, she reciprocates with a single-minded ferocity that reminds him of those few times she lost her composure. His tongue coils and intertwines with hers, and it's so much more intense than the first time. Goro doesn't think he can take much more of this unbearably sweet torture.

 

He wishes he could take his time reducing her to a puddle of mush in his arms, but he can't hold himself back anymore. But he has to be absolutely sure she wants this, even though he knows he won't be able to take it if she says no. He pulls back far enough to lean his forehead against hers, his breath coming out in heavy pants.

 

“(First Name)…I want more of you…” He presses a kiss to her jawline. “I want to feel you…”

 

Her eyes open and some clarity seems to return to her as she averts her gaze. “I don't…I don't know what to do…I'm sorry I—“

 

Goro cuts her off with a quick kiss and he smiles lovingly at her. “Don't worry about that. I'll show you, okay? I am your instructor, after all.”

 

He slowly takes off her underwear and finally frees his erection from his boxers. Her eyes go wide upon seeing it and he briefly wonders if he should wear a condom, but he doesn't think a goddess like her has the ability to bear children unless she really wants them. Besides, he wants their first time to be perfect. He takes a moment to worship her by kissing her again as he presses a finger inside of her. She gasps, but makes no pained sounds or actions. Perhaps a bit too eager, he presses in the next finger, and she runs her hands down his back. The look on her face is one of total enthrallment. It's no wonder, considering how wet she is.

 

“(First Name)… your previous companion… Did...Tiz ever do this to you?” The question is like pure acid on his tongue.

 

It takes her a little time before his question seems to register in her head. “No. I've…mm…said it before. You're...the only one who…has ever touched me like this.”

 

Those words alone are enough to make him ache with want. They're exactly what he wants to hear. He slides a third finger in, impatient to enter her body. He sucks on one of her nipples, teasing it with his teeth and tongue, and smiling slightly when she lets out a wordless cry. It's by far the loudest sound he's heard from her yet, and perhaps she's aware of it because she quickly covers her mouth with her hand. Goro chuckles softly, and gently pulls it away.

 

“Don't. I want to hear you.”

 

She looks confused for a moment before she nods once. “Okay.”

 

Spreading her legs feels like a sacred ceremony. Goro covers her body with his own and thrusts experimentally against her wet folds and the sound she makes is nothing short of erotic. He can't help the groan that escapes him as he continues to rut against her, burying his face into her shoulder at the warmth and wetness he feels. He's going crazy just from this alone, so he can't imagine how it would feel once he's actually inside of her.

 

His breath stutters in his throat as the head of his cock catches against her opening, just barely brushing against it before sliding past it again. He wants her so much it actually hurts. He can't wait any longer.

 

He adjusts himself slightly as he finally, _finally_ begins to enter her, but her reaction to this is less than favorable. Her eyes fly open as she squirms and tries to weakly shove him off.

 

“No...no…! It hurts… I didn't know it would hurt…!” She looks so scared and it's all Goro can do to kiss her fears away.

 

“Shh, shh...no. It's okay… I promise I'll make you feel good. Trust me, please...” He can't bear it if she doesn't want this anymore. But he will honor her wishes. She is his goddess, and he'd rather die than go against her wishes.

 

“Promise?” she says in such a small voice that Goro can't help but press a kiss to her lips.

 

“I promise,” he says before kissing her once more. After a few moments, Goro begins to enter her more carefully, savoring the moment with his entire being. Her breathing quickens and her fingers dig into his back, but Goro doesn't mind. Once he has pressed in fully and she seems adjusted, he pulls out and rocks in smoothly. He pauses for a moment, trembling. She truly will belong to him now.

 

Pressing his face against the crook of her neck, he begins to move steadily, building a slow rhythm that becomes progressively quicker. He can't stop the noises that come out of his mouth, and he thinks he's finally done something right after she wraps her legs around his waist and holds onto him. He has less room to work with now, but he doesn't care. The noises he manages to pull from her are quiet, muffled pleas into his ear to move faster, and they heat his blood like nothing ever has.

 

Goro cherishes each sound like a treasure as he looks down at his darling goddess. He feels an overwhelming sense of adoration and possessiveness as he strokes her cheek gently. “(First Name), I...”

 

Fear overwhelms him, mixed with that all too familiar madness that likes to rear its ugly head whenever he's at his most vulnerable. To say such a thing… Is it worth the risk? He feels sick, but he's utterly overwhelmed by the hot pleasure consuming his body.

 

He tries again, the words feeling heavy and dangerous. “I love you.”

 

(First Name) opens her eyes curiously. A sharp icy sensation pierces his heart for a moment as she begins to smile. If she laughs, Goro knows something delicate inside him will break, unleashing that darkness that even now is rising to the surface.

 

But she does not laugh. She merely tangles her fingers in his hair and pulls him down to kiss him. The pain and pressure in Goro's head alleviates as he sighs into the kiss. He has done it. She really is his and his alone. Never has he felt such purifying relief before. He loves her, and no one will ever love her the way he does.

 

Goro runs his tongue along her neck and strives to penetrate ever deeper, joining their bodies as closely as he can. He wants to become a part of her world, permanently and irrevocably. The soft noises she makes are now gone, replaced by loud cries that ring in his ears. He _aches_ for release. But not yet. Not until his lover has had her satisfaction. Nimble fingers clutch at his hair and back. It's all too much, but he feels his heart soar in her embrace. It's slow, his pace. Only until she digs her heel into his waist to spur him on does he begin to move faster.

 

“G-Goro…!”

 

He growls as his hips quickly pick up speed. God, hearing his name like that is even better than he imagined, and he just can't take it when she speaks like that. The sounds of skin slapping against skin is obscene, but Goro finds it unbearably erotic. He can't last long.

 

Luckily for him, he feels a subtle tension along her thighs and he knows she's close. To help her along, he gently rubs her clit until she's little more than a gasping, sobbing mess under him. She reaches her peak with a wordless cry not long after, and the way she squeezes around him wrenches an orgasm from him that's intense enough to almost make him pass out. As he fills her with his release, he feels something click into place somewhere inside his head, but he ignores it in favor of smashing her hips against his.

 

He remains inside her for a while afterward, simply content to savor the moment of finally being able to be happy for once in his damned life. He kisses her again, but she can barely keep up with the intensity of it. When he pulls back slightly to look at her, she looks rather punch-drunk, and he's pleased that he was the reason for that.

 

He does pull out of her eventually, and he can't help but moan softly as he slips out of her. He's going to have to indulge his desires again at a later point in the day, but for now, he's satisfied as he pulls the covers over them both and wraps his arms around her from behind.

 

Even though it's still early in the morning, Goro senses the moment she falls asleep and he smiles before joining her in slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm definitely going to hell for this.


	11. My Feelings Alone Are All That I Live For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Akechi learns a bit more about you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Readers, I have to confess something. I've actually...never written smut before, and it shows. So...have some more smut! Lol, if that ain't your thing, turn back now.

“ _Child of destruction, why do you continue to associate with these pathetic humans? They are weak, you have seen it yourself countless times.”_

 

“ _...You may be right. Humans are weak during times of duress, they give in when all seems lost. But I have faith in them. We have reached an era where divine intervention is no longer needed. We are obsolete.”_

 

“ _Foolish child. Mankind has not reached true enlightenment, nor will it ever. Blind faith will not prevent me from crushing your lowly pets like cockroaches.”_

 

“ _You are welcome to try, Ouroboros. As long as you live, I will fight. Even if it takes me all of eternity, I will not rest until I see you dead.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Something reaches softly into your dreams and dispels the lingering feelings of your sorrow. You sense something against your forehead, and you know it's Goro, kissing you over and over again, as if he wants to undo the shadow of Ouroboros.

 

When you finally open your eyes to the light of day, you find yourself looking into Goro's luminous red-brown gaze. A faint tingling sensation that hovers about your lips tells you that Goro's mouth had been there just a moment before.

 

“Good morning,” he whispers.

 

“Good morning,” you mumble. “Were you watching me sleep?”

 

Goro flushes a little. “Maybe I was. I couldn't help it.”

 

You slowly sit up, rubbing at your eyes. “Wait...I was sleeping? That's…When did I…?” As soon as you finish talking, you become very aware of something slowly dripping between your legs. You shudder in disgust. “Oh gods. I need a bath.”

 

Goro laughs. “Bathroom's right across the hall. Feel free to use anything in there.”

 

You don't think your legs will support your weight, and sure enough, you're a little unsteady on your feet. You manage to stumble through a doorway and into the aforementioned bathroom. It's a lot bigger than the one in Takemi's apartment, with a much larger tub and sink. It's only after you spend several minutes fiddling with the knobs that you remember you don't have clean clothes to wear.

 

You shrug and watch the bathtub as it fills with hot water. You could always just put your asterisk back on and wear the Spiritmaster attire for now. You might attract a few stares once you go back home, but you've dealt with worse. Once the tub fills up to about halfway, you climb in and sigh in relief as you fold your arms and lean your body weight on the edge of the tub.

 

The hot steam is making you incredibly drowsy, so you blearily reach for a bottle of what you think is soap. Your hand accidentally knocks it into the water and you let out a sigh, not having the energy to go after it. You're really out of it today. It might have something to do with what happened a few hours ago. You're not sure how to feel about it. It had been very uncomfortable at first, but after that… You don't know. What is that feeling that causes your thoughts to grow hazy and sluggish, and that heat in your belly? You've never felt that before, not once in your entire existence. It certainly was intense. You don't think you could do that very often.

 

Maybe Goro has answers? He seems more knowledgeable about these things. Or maybe Japan just does things differently than Luxendarc. Yes, that must be it.

 

You deem the tub to be full enough and you've just finished twisting the knob to shut off the flow of water, a pair of arms wrap themselves around your waist from behind and gently pull you against a body that's almost as warm as the water.

 

Goro could give Kikyo a run for her money because you didn't hear him come into the bathroom, much less climb into the bathtub. “Ah, I'm sorry about that. I didn't know you wanted a bath as well. I won't take long,” you say. The next moment, your breath stutters in your throat as Goro's lips brush against a spot just below your ear. Damn him. You're really sensitive there, and it's interfering with your ability to think clearly.

 

“Want you,” he whispers as he pulls you close enough to where you're actually sitting on his lap. You very pointedly try to ignore the feeling of something hard poking you in your rear. You turn your head to say something, but you falter when he presses a kiss against the corner of your mouth.

 

“Sometimes I wonder if you're just a dream,” he murmurs against your lips. “I always used to think that I didn't need anyone, that I was okay with being alone. But…I was just lying to myself. I was so lonely…I just wanted someone to look at me and want me around. I have this fear that you're not real, that you'll fade with the morning sun. But when I hold you like this, I can breathe again. Because you're here. With me.”

 

There's so much open, raw honesty in his voice that you gently brush your fingers over his cheek. It's something you've seen Mahzer do to Edea as a form of comfort. It seems to be the right thing to do because Goro turns his head and kisses your knuckles, all the while coaxing you to lean back against him.

 

“May I take you? Please, (First Name)… I want you again...” he groans, his hips beginning to grind against yours.

 

You hiss as he rubs against that spot that drives you crazy and you find yourself nodding frantically before Goro's arms tighten around you and his lips cover yours once more. He doesn't waste any time. His hands immediately begin to wander all over your body and his fingers move down, _down,_ until they reach the part of you that you've never explored before until today. Your breath hitches as his finger enters you while Goro keeps himself occupied by leaving a trail of kisses along your shoulder. You wonder if this is all you're going to be doing when another finger brushes against a spot that makes you cry out softly and buck your hips forward involuntarily. His other arm holds you in place while he continuously rubs against that spot that's turning you into a quivering mess. As far as you're aware, you don't make a lot of noise, but you're not entirely sure because that pleasurable haze has taken over your mind again, making it hard to keep track of things.

 

You're just starting to starting to feel that tension in your belly again, but he withdraws his fingers from inside of you before you can reach that sensation of euphoria. You almost growl in frustration before Goro coaxes you to turn around, which you do so somewhat reluctantly.

 

“Legs around my waist,” he murmurs, his voice low and husky. You comply, a little confused. He's breathing just as hard as you are, and you have no idea why. Is it because of the noises you're making? That can't be right…or is it?

 

He kisses you again, now able to face you properly, and you're almost fascinated by how glazed over his eyes look. As you lean your head forward to rest it against his shoulder, you feel more than see his arm wrap around you while the other submerges into the murky water in between you two.

 

You feel something that is most definitely not his fingers poking you against your opening and you jolt upwards a bit, but his arm is preventing you from moving. As the pressure increases, realization hits and you bite your lower lip as he slips inside you once more.

 

A stifled cry escapes you as he inches deeper inside you, so slowly and tenderly. You feel him shudder and his groan reverberates in his chest and against yours until your core is pressed flush against his. It's much easier with all the water this time, but the feeling of him being inside you again is so strange. Not for the first time, you wonder why the people of Japan feel the need to do this. Maybe only really good friends do this with each other. If so, you're really flattered that Goro feels this strongly about you.

 

His other arm wraps around you and pulls you against him until there's not an inch of space between you. He doesn't move immediately, which you're thankful for, but one look at his clenched jaw and the way his whole body quivers with restraint makes you realize that it's taking everything for him to hold back.

 

“(First Name)… Can I move?” When you nod in affirmation, Goro groans and leans forward until your back is pressed up against the side of the tub. He kisses a path starting from the crook of your neck down to your shoulder and you suck in a loud gulp of air as he finally begins to rock his hips gently back and forth.

 

“Oh… _god_...” he moans, burying his face into your shoulder. “You feel so good…I love you…I love you so much…stay with me, stay with me, please...”

 

How do you even respond to this? It's not like it matters, anyway. You doubt the persistent haze clouding your thoughts will even let you form a coherent sentence. You're not sure where to put your hands lest you slide down the tub, but Goro simply adjusts his grip and begins to pick up the pace.

 

You're too inexperienced to keep up, but Goro doesn't seem the least bit bothered by it, if the noises coming from him are anything to go by. When you tuck your chin over his shoulder and merely hold onto him, his flimsy hold on his restraint breaks apart. There's a definite edge to his movements now, a steady grind to his hips every time they slam into yours. You can't think of much other than the pleasure of the heavy pressure inside you and jerking you against the tub.

 

The heat and pressure inside you increases at one point, and Goro holds you down by your hips while releasing a steady stream of moans and cries. The fog in your head becomes too much as a burst of molten metal fills up all the empty spaces in you and sets you ablaze everywhere. Your arms tighten behind Goro's back as you squeeze your eyes shut against the onslaught of sensations you've only experienced once before. You think Goro's been talking to you the whole time, but you can't recall a word, just the general sounds of Goro's moans and voice.

 

As you start to come down from your peak, Goro's hips jerk a little against yours. He lets out something between a gasp and a moan and kisses you fiercely, but you're too out of it to reciprocate.

 

After a minute, he slumps against you, panting heavily into your shoulder. You're about to fall asleep again from how exhausted you are, but you force your eyes open despite the overwhelming urge to just pass out right there in the bathtub.

 

There's several minutes of silence, only broken by your breathing, when Goro speaks up.

 

“(First Name)…I really am happy. To have you here with me, I mean.”

 

You nod dazedly, the pleasurable haze mostly gone now, thankfully. “As am I. Had I not met you, I would have no one.”

 

For some reason, this makes him light up almost unbelievably bright and there's a feverish glow to his eyes that almost seems fanatical. “You need me, don't you?”

 

There's something in his voice you don't like, but you nod tiredly. “I suppose I do.” As you shift in his lap, you become very aware of him still inside you and you make a face. “Pardon my rudeness, but could you please remove yourself from me? It's very distracting.”

 

Goro blinks before a slow grin stretches across his face. “I _can._ Or we can go another round…?” He then presses his hips into yours again, and you quickly shake your head.

 

“Maybe later."

 

Goro pouts a little, but he does get out of you after a moment. The sensation of him sliding out of you feels very strange, as does the feeling of something leaking out of you, but you decide not to comment on it.

 

You look around for the bottle of what you think is soap and remember you dropped it into the water like a moron. “Oh, for heaven's sake…I need to wash up and I don't know where I left the soap.”

 

“There's one right over here. I can wash your hair, if you like,” Goro says, already capping open another bottle and squeezing the contents of it into his hand.

 

“Oh...thank you, Goro. You really don't have to.”

 

“I want to.”

 

You blink. “If you're sure...”

 

As you turn away so he can lather the sweet-smelling soap into your hair, you think you see him smile.

 

* * *

 

 

“So...you only mentioned your friends in passing. What were they like?”

 

You lift your head from your folded arms, feeling very comfortable in one of Goro's shirts and bottoms. You don't know what kind of material they're made of, but they're a lot softer than your own garments.

 

“Hm…I met Agnes first. She was looking for a way to the Great Chasm, but she has a frightfully poor sense of direction, so I led her part of the way there. She was the most soft-spoken of all of us, but she had a will stronger than steel.” You pause. “I think you would have liked her.”

 

“Probably. But not as much as you.”

 

You laugh. “Such a charmer, you are.” You sigh softly, lost in memories. “Agnes is the vestal to the Wind Crystal, and it was her duty to awaken the four crystals so the Great Chasm would close, and the world would be saved. That's...what Airy said, anyway...”

 

“But wasn't Airy the…?”

 

You nod. “Traitor, yes. Anyway, there's Edea, who is the daughter of the Grand Marshal in Eternia, a mountainous region to the far north. She betrayed the duchy to aid Agnes in her goal in restoring the crystals. A spitfire of a woman, she is. She used to have a very black and white view of right and wrong, but the real world is more complicated than that, as she later learned.”

 

“I see. And the others?”

 

“Hm…I think the most intriguing to me is Ringabel. Countless Luxendarcs exist in parallel to each other at the same time. Ringabel originally came from a different world than the other three. The one before theirs, I think. He lost his memories, but he always made me laugh. He said the funniest things, and he always wanted me to put on the Spell Fencer asterisk for some reason.”

 

“Did you?”

 

You shake your head, chuckling. “No, Edea always got angry whenever he suggested it. I don't think you've ever seen the female variant of the Spell Fencer garment, but it's very light. Shows off a lot of skin. I think even Tiz got roped into helping Ringabel trick me into wearing it.”

 

“...Tiz?” There's something new in Goro's voice, but when you glance over at him, his expression is unreadable.

 

“Yes. He's the one who...died, in the end,” you say softly. “Tiz was...well, I was very fond of him. He was so kind to me, always encouraging me to keep going.” You're not looking at Goro anymore, so you miss the jealousy clearly written on his face. “He was the only survivor from a village called Norende after the Great Chasm opened up right in the middle of it. All of his friends, his family, gone. I liked him the most because he was the easiest for me to understand.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

You nod. “Yes. He wasn't a royal, or even anyone particularly important. He was a shepherd, or as Edea called him, 'a country bumpkin.' But his determination to help Agnes and everyone else made him so dependable. I…loved him. I really did.”

 

Even after all this time, talking about Tiz hurts. You swallow the lump in your throat and force yourself to keep going. “He went a bit…strange in his final days. Always tired, sometimes falling asleep mid-conversation. I accompanied him to his brother's grave to pay our respects. We were talking, reminiscing about our journey together and he just…collapsed.” You take in a shuddering breath, feeling a burning sensation behind your eyes. “I was…honored to be his friend. I just wish…I wasn't such a coward. I could have stayed, and helped the others deal with the fallout. But then again...if I never left…I never would have met you.”

 

When you look at Goro, there's something crashing and burning behind his eyes, and his lips and brow twitch minutely, as if he's struggling to keep a straight face.

 

“Goro…?”

 

He doesn't answer. Instead, he pushes you down onto the mattress and kisses you, settling himself on top of you.

 

“Will you leave me, then? Like you left your friends behind…?” he whispers after he pulls away.

 

“I won't leave. Not again. But…”

 

“But?”

 

You sigh softly through your nose. He has to know. He won't understand, otherwise. “Goro. You must know I'm not human. I don't doubt you've figured it out by now.”

 

He nods. “Ever since you told me about that god you defeated. You're…a goddess, aren't you?”

 

You avert your eyes. “Perhaps. I'm not entirely sure myself. But…I can live indefinitely. I don't age, I don't need to sleep or eat.”

 

Goro strokes your cheek with his thumb. “So, you're immortal? Isn't that a good thing?”

 

You shake your head. “No. I can be killed. I _have_ been killed before. Countless times. But I am always reborn. Always in a different timeline. I have lived countless lives. I have lived through so many different Luxendarcs. And every time, I have had to watch my friends die.”

 

Goro's expression is so full of pain that you lean up and kiss him. He reciprocates with a ferocity that surprises you, but you don't let him go. He does pull away after a bit, and you're startled to see his eyes are full of tears.

 

“You won't…you won't die, right? If I protect you, you won't leave me. That's what I need to do, isn't it? Isn't it…?”

 

You pull him close again, sighing. “I don't want to see you killed, either. I care about you, Goro. I just want you safe. And if I were to fall in battle…I will find you again. Even if you don't remember me…or even if you don't want me around…I will do my best to aid you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Sometimes…

 

You wish your words weren't so prophetic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I just wanted Akechi to have one last bit of happiness before it all goes to shit.


	12. The World I See Through You Could Make This Hell Look Like Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you reach a major turning point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all my readers for keeping up with this story. This is the part where things start taking a more sinister turn, and it only gets worse from here.

The rest of August is spent going after Mementos targets, picking up shifts at the flower shop, and spending time with Goro. He becomes more strained as time goes on, and there's a particularly memorable day near the end of the month where he asks you to meet him in his apartment with no explanation. You're thinking he might want to discuss future targets in person, but all he does is pull you into his bedroom and lock the door.

 

Needless to say, neither of you emerge for the rest of the day.

 

You're not sure what caused this change in your friend, but you can't keep quiet about it for long. If there's anything you've learned about humans, it's that they don't like being asked probing questions. But it's just as damaging to say nothing at all, and you refuse to let him suffer in silence. You may be oblivious to some aspects of this world, but you're not clueless.

 

It's during one of those times where he's invited you to spend time with him at his apartment that you ask.

 

“Goro? What's wrong?”

 

He gives you a not-quite smile that fools no one. “I'm not sure what you mean.”

 

You sigh and avert your eyes. “You have that look where you're in trouble but you don't want to worry anyone. Talk to me, Goro. Maybe I can't help you with whatever you're going through, but it never hurts to vent.”

 

He stares at you for what feels like forever before he heaves a sigh, sounding more tired than stressed. “Sometimes I forget that I can be myself around you. That you won't judge my flaws, or make light of my problems. It's one of the many reasons why I love you so much.” He pulls you closer until your face is smooshed into his bare chest and you feel him bury his nose into your hair. “I know you're aware of my career as a detective. It's a stressful job where keeping up appearances is everything, and where your supporters can turn on you without a moment's notice. I've become a pariah of sorts, and I'm not really welcome anywhere anymore.”

 

You frown. “Why is that?”

 

“Because I've publicly stated that I opposed the Phantom Thieves before. Their popularity exploded after they changed the heart of that mafia boss, and now they've taken down Medjed. And my supporters have turned against me. I don't care about them as long as I have you, but it's been...difficult. I've been under a lot of pressure from my employer lately.”

 

The Phantom Thieves again. Why do they keep coming up? Maybe they're more important than you realize. Another opponent, maybe?

 

“I can always help you with Mementos or other Palaces. Though…I should probably look into procuring a weapon of some sort. I can cast magic just fine on my own, but without a focus, every spell consumes more mana than necessary.”

 

“Oh, right…I was about to ask you about that. You're a cleric, so you need a staff or a rod of some sort.”

 

“A Spiritmaster, but yes. Staves were my preferred weapon of choice. It can't be anything fake like the weapons Iwai sells in his shop. My magic isn't tied to anything in the Metaverse, so it has to be a real one.” You sigh and close your eyes in defeat. “Magic is dead in this world, unfortunately, so I'll have to make do without one. It's a shame, really. The staff in my world never failed me, and it had special properties.”

 

“Was it a special staff that only you could wield?”

 

For some reason, this makes you laugh. “Oh, heavens no. It was just an ordinary staff. I let Agnes use it when she was training as a White Mage. Staves and other weapons in Luxendarc are imbued with the ability to perform special attacks after certain conditions are met. They can range from anything to boosting your speed, defense, attack power, to completely healing everyone in the party while also providing a boost to your stats.”

 

“Sounds pretty powerful. I'd love to see you perform one.”

 

“I could, if one existed here. It doesn't even have to be a particularly powerful one. I wish I knew what happened to my old one. It wasn't in my equipment when I first got here.”

 

“So, say you do one of these special attacks. Like the one with the healing. You said it provides a boost at the same time, correct?”

 

“That's right.”

 

“How long do these effects last?”

 

“Er…I'm not sure if the same rules apply to this universe. They last only a short while, I'm afraid. But it's easy to tell when their effects are about to run out. You see, when one performs these moves, it creates, well...”

 

“Yes?”

 

You're not sure why you feel embarrassed about this, but after seeing how intense battles can get in this world, it seems almost childish. “When you use a special move, it creates a...song. The effects last until the song runs out.”

 

Contrary to what you expect, Goro does not laugh. “A song? Like battle music? That sounds amazing! What sort of song does it make?”

 

“Er...it depends on the person who uses it. It's a reflection of the user's personality. I know Tiz's song was energetic and upbeat and incorporated a tin whistle as the primary instrument. Agnès was more melancholic and incorporated mostly violins.”

 

“What about yours?”

 

“It...” you hide your face in his chest, feeling the tips of your ears burning with embarrassment. “It doesn't really matter since finding a real staff is next to impossible. The only place that might have one is Mementos, and we've explored it quite thoroughly already.”

 

“Tell me anyway.”

 

“Is it really so important?”

 

“To me it is. Why are you so shy about it?”

 

“I…I don't like talking about myself.” You try to hide your face in his chest again, but Goro's not having any of it.

 

“I've noticed. You only do so when you're either forced into it or when you're at your most vulnerable. Or when you're persuaded to.”

 

“You're not going to give up on this, are you?”

 

He grins. “Not really. I want to be the one you confide in. Haven't I earned that right by now?”

 

When you don't answer immediately, his grin softens and he raises your chin with two fingers before kissing you. You make a soft noise of surprise, especially when you feel his tongue find yours. Goro doesn't relent, however, because he manages to roll you both over until you're on top of him. This gives you pause. You've never been the one on top. Ever.

 

Goro must sense your hesitation, but all he does is place a hand on your cheek and stroke it with his thumb. He's giving you that look again, the one where it makes his eyes warm and soft with something you can't even begin to describe. There is still so much you don't understand, so much you can't put into words. But you do know one thing. You are not alone. You have a friend who will willingly stand in the line of fire for you, one who can let down his guard in front of you, one who trusts you wholeheartedly. You feel a surge of affection for this man, for this dear friend of yours.

 

This time, it's you who leans in.

 

* * *

 

 

During a trip to a Palace that looks like unlike anything you've ever encountered before, you come across a locked chest. It won't open no matter what you do, or how many spells you throw at it.

 

“Let me take a look at that.”

 

You step aside and Goro runs a clawed hand over it, humming thoughtfully. “I've seen a few chests like these before. I believe we need a lock pick to open them, but we don't typically carry those. I doubt they can simply be purchased without arousing suspicion. I have an image to uphold and you can't be seen buying them. I unfortunately don't have the knowledge to make one myself, and this target has a very tight deadline, I cannot afford to miss it.”

 

“So...what should we do?”

 

Goro sighs. “We have no choice but to leave it. It's unfortunate. Whatever is in there could prove valuable to us.”

 

“If you're sure...”

 

A distant noise from the corridor next to you brings your senses to high alert. You exchange a look with Goro and he nods sharply. Using a silent Aeroga to propel the both of you into the air, you climb into a small entrance to an air vent you discovered earlier, Goro following close behind you. As soon as you're both hidden, you remain still, waiting.

 

It's not long before several pairs of footsteps converge on the place you were moments before. Your eyes widen as several oddly-dressed strangers converse with one another. The one in the front appears to be the leader, if his commanding tone is anything to go by.

 

Wait…

 

You know that voice. Kurusu?

 

He produces a small metallic rod and inserts it unto the lock. To your astonishment, he manages to open the chest you were struggling with only a moment before. From this angle, you can see he pulls out several healing items, an unfamiliar accessory, and…

 

A long, thin rod, light blue in color, with a crystalline sheen. You recognize it. You used to have one just like it back in Luxendarc.

 

A Diamond Staff.

 

_That's mine! It's meant for me! Stop touching it like that! You're holding it upside down, you complete imbecile!_

 

It's all you can do to keep yourself from screaming in frustration. You highly doubt any of these people know how to use it properly. But why on earth is a Diamond Staff here in this world? It's not possible…

 

“What...is this?”

 

“I dunno, dude. Maybe we can sell it. Think it'll fetch a good price?”

 

“It looks like...a staff. But none of us use a staff for melee attacks. Skull is right. At the first opportunity, you should sell it. It's definitely valuable. God knows we need the money for better gear.”

 

“All right. We're almost to the treasure. Let's steal Okumura's heart and save Haru once and for all!”

 

“Thank you, everyone.”

 

The group moves on, while you're left to stew in your own anger. After the sounds of their footsteps fade away, you and Goro carefully climb out of the vents and back down to the ground.

 

“(First Name)?” Even through his visor, you can see his concerned gaze. It doesn't mollify you in the slightest, however.

 

“They just picked up a legitimate magical staff and all they do is talk about selling it? I've never seen such short-sightedness! They have no idea what they just acquired!” You take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Getting angry will get you nowhere. “It doesn't matter. We have a job to do, don't we?”

 

Goro nods. “We do. There's only a tiny window of opportunity before his Palace collapses. I'll see if I can get a hold of that staff somehow. I already have an idea on how to do that, but it'll require some careful planning.”

 

“All right. I'll leave that to you.”

 

“We should get going. We have a Shadow to slay.”

 

* * *

 

 

“So those are the Phantom Thieves...”

 

“That's correct. What do you think of them?”

 

You frown, idly swirling your half empty cup of tea. You're back in Goro's apartment, and you've already sent a message to Takemi that you're staying over at your friend's place for the night. “They're...younger than I expected. I thought they'd be...a little less juvenile?”

 

“Do you recognize any of them?”

 

“No. I've never met any of them.” You pause. “Wait. The one in the black and white mask. I've run into him before.”

 

“The one in the long coat?”

 

You nod. “Yes. I think his name is Kurusu Akira. I'm almost positive it's him.” When you look up, you think you see of gleam of triumph in Goro's eyes.

 

“I suspected as much. My goal is to apprehend these Phantom Thieves, and try them to the fullest extent of the law. What they're doing is dangerous, and very illegal. They're forcing people to feel guilty for their crimes and confess them to the world. I have no doubt Kurusu is the leader of this group. I plan to infiltrate the Phantom Thieves once I procure evidence of their wrongdoing. You will help me take them down, right?”

 

Kurusu can't be dangerous… But if what he's doing is wrong, then…you have no choice but to apprehend him and his allies. Maybe Kurusu isn't just a major player, but an opponent. You set your cup of tea down, eyebrows furrowed.

 

“I will…help you. But if Kurusu is arrested, what will happen to him?” For some reason, the thought of him dying makes you uncomfortable. Maybe it's because you got to know him from your first run, or maybe because you genuinely believe he's a good person. Then again, you thought Airy was on your side until she revealed her true colors. Perhaps Kurusu is the same.

 

“I expect he'll get life imprisonment, at the very least. And with the Phantom Thieves no longer a threat, we can begin to make preparations to eliminate our final target.”

 

“You mean…your father?”

 

“That's correct. I hope you'll be there with me as I finally put an end to his miserable life.”

 

“I gave you my word, Goro. I will not miss it for the world.”

 

He smiles and pulls you into a deep, hungry kiss. You're not prepared for it at all. When he pulls away, his pupils are blown wide and his hands linger around your hips.

 

“Thank you. I knew I could count on you. But since you're staying over…why don't we retire early tonight? I know we just came from the Metaverse, but I'm in the mood if you are.”

 

You blink. You've done this enough times to know what he's getting at. “If…If you need it?”

 

He grins.  “Definitely.”

 

* * *

 

 

You're out shopping for more plant fertilizer when you see it. A live broadcast where a familiar man sits in front of several microphones. You would have kept walking had you not recognized the man whose Shadow you helped Goro kill in that bizarre Palace. He's saying something about exploiting his employees, working them into the ground with horrible working conditions. You watch with an impassive face while other people around you murmur in surprised voices. You catch a few mentions of the Phantom Thieves again, which brings a surge of annoyance.

 

Suddenly, the man on screen convulses as he lurches forward with a grunt of pain. You frown, leaning closer to the screen, but the next moment has you recoiling in horror.

 

A thick black tar-like substance pours from his eyes and mouth, while those at the scene and all around you exclaim in shock. The broadcast cuts off abruptly, but you've seen enough. You hurtle through the streets of Shibuya, sickened by what you have seen.

 

You've never…not once has it ever occurred to you what happens to those whose Shadows you kill. These must be the mental shutdowns, the ones the public has been talking about nonstop for months, the cases Goro is famous for solving.

 

Goro…

 

Hearing about the mental shutdowns is one thing, but seeing it happen is another thing entirely. You suspected that many of your targets died after defeating their Shadow, but you never wanted them to suffer. What a horrible, awful way to die. The only ones who would enjoy seeing something like this is probably Airy or Ouroboros, and you are nothing like them.

 

But you still helped Goro even knowing you had to kill people. You knew what you were walking into the moment you accepted his offer. What did you expect?

 

 _Not this,_ says a small voice in your head. Anything but this.

 

You stop running and hide in a small alcove between two buildings. It's only when you settle down that you realize that your phone has been buzzing nonstop. You shakily pull it out of your coat pocket and your heart leaps into your throat when you see the caller ID.

 

It's Goro.

 

No. You can't deal with him now. Not when you're so rattled you can't stop shaking. You've seen many awful things in your countless lives, but nothing quite so horrific as this. And what's worse, you've been contributing to it the entire time.

 

Your phone stops buzzing in your hand, but only a few seconds pass before it starts up again. You close your eyes and put it back inside your coat pocket, shivering. He can wait a few minutes. At least until you get home.

 

Unfortunately for you, Goro is waiting for you outside your apartment building, a grim look on his face. You freeze when he spots you and you have half a mind to bolt in the opposite direction. You're just turning away when you hear footsteps pounding on the pavement behind you and you have to hold in a scream when his arms wrap around you from behind, pinning your arms to your sides. You immediately begin to thrash wildly in his grip, but he holds fast.

 

“Stop struggling…! I know you're upset but we need to talk about this…!” he pants.

 

Your struggling only intensifies, forcing Goro to pull you away from your apartment building and into a narrow alleyway across the small street. It's a shame there isn't anyone around. Everyone's probably still watching the news coverage or talking amongst themselves on their phones. No one sees you two.

 

“This is not what we agreed on, Goro! Unhand me!” you snarl. To your surprise, he does so, and you're so shocked that you don't immediately flee.

 

Thinking back on it, perhaps this was your first mistake.

 

“(First Name)…please…I only want to explain. You need to understand my perspective. You don't have to agree with me. But I need you to listen,” Goro says beseechingly, his arms outstretched to you, and you almost hate yourself for wanting to go to him. You're terrified, yes, but you also want him to hold you again, to pretend none of this ever happened.

 

“...Explain, then. Is this what happens to victims of a mental shutdown?”

 

“Yes...”

 

You make a wounded noise and bury your face in your hands. “Then all this time…all those people…”

 

“You said you've killed people before. That you did it because they were horrible, selfish humans who deserved to die.”

 

“But not like this!” you cry, feeling your stomach tie itself into knots. “I never made them suffer. It was either kill or be killed. I never wanted this! It's sick!”

 

“You still killed them! What difference does it make?!” Goro's shouting now, too. “These targets were selfish, rotten adults who were exploiting and preying on the weak! They deserved _everything_ they got!”

 

If you thought only Takemi had the power to reduce you to a puddle of shame with words alone, you were dead wrong.

 

“N…No…That's not…” Oh gods. You're shaking again. Goro's right. You did kill them. You're just as guilty of this as he is. You sentenced these people to die via mental shutdown, over and over again. It didn't matter if you never saw how they met their end before now. It still happened, probably just as horrifically as you saw only several minutes prior.

 

You sink to your knees, feeling as if you're about to suffocate under the weight of your own crimes. It's too much for you to take in. You want to scream, to hide, to run away. You were never strong like Agnès, never selfless like Tiz, never courageous like Edea, or as steadfast as Ringabel. Your friends were always stronger than you were.

 

You don't realize you're crying until Goro gently wipes away your tears with his thumbs. You didn't even see him get close, let alone see him kneel down in front of you.

 

“It's okay to be scared. I'm here with you. We can face this together, like we always have. So please…listen to what I have to say. If…you decide to go your own path, even after I'm done, I won't hate you for it. I'll always be waiting for you.”

 

Maybe this timeline really is doomed. Maybe this is what the fortune teller meant. But…you decided some time ago that you would make the most of your time left. Maybe you're making the wrong choice. But at the very least, you won't have to face the end alone.

 

You nod shakily, and Goro sighs in relief before pulling you into a fierce embrace. He doesn't seem bothered by the fact that you don't return it.

 

* * *

 

 

After that day, you don't go hunting for targets with Goro. You know he's giving you time to come to terms with it, but you don't think you'll ever be okay with killing off their Shadows knowing what comes after. You don't think he's going after targets, either. He says he's gotten used to having you around, and he doesn't want to pressure you into making a decision. You'll still help him take down his father, but you're not going to watch him do it. As long as you beat the game, and no major players die, you'll be satisfied.

 

Some time later, Goro sends you a cryptic message for you to meet him at an unknown address. A quick search reveals that he's sending you to a courthouse in Kasumigaseki. You're actually headed home after picking up a shift at the flower shop, but you send him a message back confirming that you're on your way. Maybe he found a lead into getting closer to his father.

 

When you get there, however, you're surprised to see Goro conversing with a group of teenagers. There's something about the blond hair on two of them that strikes you as familiar. Then you see Kurusu and Morgana among them and it suddenly makes sense.

 

“Oh, there you are, (First Name). I didn't expect you to get here so quickly.” Goro is immediately at your side and he gently tugs you by the wrist toward the rest of the group.

 

Several pairs of eyes zero in on you and you feel yourself freeze up. It doesn't help that the blonde one with pigtails says in a carrying whisper, “Already using first names…?!”

 

“So…who's she?” The loud blond one in the obnoxious yellow shirt can't seem to keep his eyes off you, and it's starting to irritate you.

 

Oh gods. You're going to have to speak in Japanese to these people. It's fine when it's only one-on-one, but in a large group like this…it's pretty intimidating. So intimidating, in fact, that you find yourself subtly inching behind Goro. It doesn't go unnoticed, however, as Goro gives you an understanding smile and places a hand on your shoulder. It does help you relax, but not completely.

 

“This is (First Name) (Last Name). She's my partner, and she's already been to the Metaverse before. She saved my life when I first acquired my Persona. I believe her talents will prove invaluable to our mission.”

 

“Are you sure about this?” Kurusu isn't looking at Goro. He's actually looking at you. He definitely recognizes you, and you feel a surge of embarrassment for how you ran away from him the last time you saw him. You nod jerkily in lieu of answering, unable to hold his gaze for long.

 

Introductions are brief, but you're not really interested in any of these people save Kurusu and maybe Morgana, who hasn't stopped glaring suspiciously at you the entire time. It's a much frostier reception than your first run, but you didn't expect anything different.

 

You lose track of the conversation after a while, too unnerved by Morgana's unyielding stare. So when you feel the familiar pressure boring into your skull that comes with entering the Metaverse, you fail to stifle your grunt of pain. The pressure goes away almost as soon as it starts, but it never gets any easier to deal with.

 

“Are you all right?” It's Kurusu. You nod and wave off his concern, quickly keeping pace behind Goro, who's noticed the exchange between you two. When you reach him, he briefly pulls you close into a one-armed hug, which you appreciate. When he lets you go, you notice Kurusu's expression has hardened slightly, but you're clueless as to why.

 

As you reach the entrance of what you presume to be the Palace, you find yourself contemplating on what kind of place this is. It looks like something you might find in the city of Florem, but ten times larger.

 

“What should we call you, (Last Name)?”

 

“Uh, what?” Such an eloquent response.

 

“We need to decide a code name for you if you want to help us infiltrate this Palace.” The short brown haired one, whom you now know as Makoto says with a slightly impatient look on her face.

 

“We wouldn't be Phantom Thieves without code names! I'm Skull!”

 

“Fox.”

 

“Queen.”

 

“Oracle.”

 

“I'm Noir.”

 

“Panther!”

 

“Mona.”

 

You nod to each of them in turn, and when you turn to Kurusu, he smiles. “Joker.”

 

“I...see. Did you get one?” you ask, turning to Goro, who's been watching you the entire time.

 

“Yes. I'm Crow.”

 

You heave a sigh, feeling a headache coming on. “I don't think I should have one. I don't have a Persona like the rest of you.”

 

This brings a round of shocked gasps and noises, which doesn't surprise you.

 

“What do you mean you don't have a Persona?!” Skull growls. “I thought Crow said you'd be useful! We don't have room for a deadweight!”

 

“Do _not_ interrupt me,” you snap. “I may not have a Persona, but that doesn't mean I'm defenseless. I can use magic to heal and provide support.”

 

“I'll be the judge of that,” says Oracle, stepping forward to peer at you closely. “Well, you're not wrong. Holy cow, you've got a looooot of magic. And you're _fast._ I think you might be the fastest one out of anyone here. And these skills…I've never even seen these before. What the heck is Stillness or Fairy's Aid?” She circles around you, muttering under her breath and it's so bizarre that you can't help but stare at her. She continues in this vein for several minutes before stepping back, a satisfied grin on her face.

 

“I've taken a look at your skills, and they're definitely pretty powerful. It's like you fight on an entirely different system than the rest of us. You're basically a speedy healer on steroids. It looks like you can take magical hits really well, but you're not winning any awards with your hit points. Your endurance isn't all that great either, and your luck is about average. But you really need to work on that Strength stat. It's...really bad. Awful, even.”

 

You don't understand half the things she just said, but you nod along. You were never great at using physically-based classes such as Monks back in Luxendarc, so this doesn't offend you.

 

“You don't seem to have a weapon on you, either,” Noir says sadly. “Since you're a cleric, a staff would be perfect.”

 

“Didn't we find one in Okumura's Palace?” Fox says pensively. “I don't recall Joker ever finding time to sell it. Do you still have it?”

 

Kurusu nods. “I had a feeling I needed to hold onto it. I'm glad I did.”

 

You can't believe your eyes. He's holding out the very same Diamond Staff you so desperately coveted. You take it with trembling hands, and you can't help the grin on your face as it begins to shimmer at your touch. Finally…after all this time, you finally have a weapon to call your own. It feels familiar in your hands and you push a slight amount of your magic into it.

 

The staff vibrates in your grip and you let it go, content to watch it hover in the air next to you.

 

“Dude! That's awesome! How are you doing that?!” Skull exclaims, looking deeply impressed.

 

“Magic,” you say succinctly. It really isn't a big deal to you. You've seen Victor do the very same thing with his own staff when you fought him and Victoria. It took you many years before you were able to perfect the trick.

 

“As much as I hate to interrupt, we're on a time limit,” Mona says briskly. “Persona user or not, we still need a code name for you. It's dangerous to blurt out our real names here in the Metaverse, so a code name is a must.”

 

You sigh. “I can't really think of one on the spot.”

 

“How about just making her code name literal? Like Cleric?” Skull says, grinning.

 

“No way!” Panther says. “I think it should be something more mysterious and elegant! Like…um…Diamond? Because of your staff?”

 

You scowl. “I'd prefer not to be named after a weapon, thank you.” You turn to Goro. “What do you think? You've known me the longest so…I think I'll be fine with whatever you come up with.”

 

Goro beams at the chance to give you a name himself. “Well…I've seen you move fast enough to leave an afterimage. It's quite remarkable, really. So, how about…Mirage?”

 

“Ooh, that sounds amazing!” Noir exclaims gleefully. “You should go with that!”

 

You glance at all the expectant gazes peering at you and shrug, a sheepish grin on your face.

 

“All right, then. Mirage, it is.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, it took me forever to think up a code name, so I put off this chapter as long as possible. It's not the best one I could come up with, but it's really early in the morning and I need to sleep. Hope you guys like the newest chapter.


	13. Drag Me All the Way to Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you work together with the Phantom Thieves, revelations are brought to light, and the second timeline ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, this is way late. Sorry about that. Enjoy the chapter, everyone.

“ _You plan to bring in a large police force into the Metaverse?”_

 

“ _Yes. It's imperative that Kurusu is captured. Once he's in custody, the Phantom Thieves will be a thing of the past.”_

 

“ _Won't they try to avenge their leader?” You fiddle with a lock of stray hair and begin to pace around Goro's apartment._

 

_He scoffs. “I doubt it. They're useless without his guidance.”_

 

“ _You sound so confident…” you say quietly._

 

“ _This plan is foolproof. Trust me on this one.” Goro takes your hands and effectively stops you from moving. He squeezes them briefly, trying to reassure you._

 

“ _All right, but…”_

 

“ _What's wrong?”_

 

“ _I don't know. I just have a bad feeling.” You've been feeling a sense of foreboding lately, and it grows stronger with each passing day. You can't really explain it to him without sounding paranoid._

 

“ _Don't worry about it. Everything is already in place for his capture. That reminds me…I have a request.”_

 

“ _Yes?”_

 

“ _When all this is over…will you…go back to Luxendarc?”_

 

_You blink, mouth moving soundlessly for a minute. “What…? I said I wouldn't leave, didn't I?”_

 

“ _It's not that. I mean…I want to go there. With you. We'll still be together.”_

 

“ _That's… Do you even understand what you're saying? You'll be abandoning everything you've ever known. Your home, your career…” Even before you've finished speaking, you can already see the steadfast determination in your friend's eyes, and you know his mind is set._

 

“ _I don't care. I just want to be with you. I love you. So please…”_

 

“… _You ask a great deal of me, Goro. If you still feel the same after you complete your mission, I will…consider it.”_

 

“ _What…? Why won't you let me come with you?”_

 

“ _Because humans aren't capable of traveling to another universe without aid. The strain of even attempting it will undoubtedly kill you.”_

 

“ _So what do I have to do? Tell me. Whatever it is, I'll do it. I'll do whatever it takes if it means we can stay together.”_

 

_You sigh wearily, feeling exhausted. “I'll have to make some preparations. But no matter how prepared you are, it won't matter if your soul shatters under the strain of trying to contain all that energy at once. If I deem you ready, I will perform the ritual. If not, then there is nothing I can do for you.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“How exactly do you explore these Palaces with such a large group?” you ask.

 

“We usually have four people acting as the vanguard. The rest are on standby, usually following some distance behind the main group in case anyone needs to tag out.” Mona replies, adjusting a sword that is nearly twice the length of his body.

 

You cross your arms and hum thoughtfully. “Four people…I can work with that.”

 

“You have experience in the field?” Fox says quietly. Behind him, you think you see something flash in Queen's eyes behind her mask, but it's gone before you can get a read on it.

 

“Of a sort. I used to travel a lot, often through extremely dangerous terrain, and I was often accompanied by friends. We…became separated after a time. These days, I spend my time here in Tokyo. I'm not from around here, as you all have no doubt already figured out.”

 

“I see. Then I hope we work well together,” Fox replies.

 

“All right, everyone. Listen up. We've got less than a month to take Sae's heart. Queen, Fox, Crow, you're with me. Everyone else is backup,” says Kurusu, already making his way toward the entrance.

 

Goro clearly doesn't like the fact that you're not on the front lines with him, but he chooses to remain silent, his clenched jaw the only indication of his irritation.

 

You're able to keep up with everyone fairly well, seeing as you've traveled long distances on foot with your friends before. As soon as you enter a building, you have to hold in a laugh at Goro's outfit. It's not the one with the blue and black stripes, but rather something befitting royalty in Caldisla. Except for that mask. You're not sure why it has such a long nose, but it looks ridiculous.

 

“Wow, you really don't have a Persona,” Skull says, examining your unchanged outfit. “You sure you're gonna be okay?”

 

“We'll find out soon enough,” you reply, already turning your attention to Queen, who appears to be berating Goro for interrupting. You scowl and discreetly direct your staff to sharply whack her on the small of her back, which causes her to cry out in alarm and stagger forward a few steps. When everyone turns to look at you, you've already turned your attention to an air vent ahead of you. “Joker, I think we can get in through there. We should press onward.”

 

You don't think anyone else noticed, but the small smile on Goro's face as he walks past you is answer enough.

 

* * *

 

 

The colorful lights and sounds, along with the noises of the machines remind you so much of Florem, with its gaudy decor hiding a seedy underbelly. The Palace ruler is just as gaudy herself, though Queen seems to be especially affected by its appearance. From what you gather, this is the Shadow self of her older sibling. You can't really find it in yourself to care. You just want this over with so you help Goro put an end to his father.

 

Watching the Phantom Thieves in action is almost nostalgic. It's reminiscent of your adventures in Luxendarc, the way each member covers each others' weaknesses, the way they duck and weave around one another. The only problem is Goro. He retaliates well enough when a Shadow manages to get a hit on him, but it's obvious to you that he's not used to keeping track of more than one person at a time. He's definitely used to being a lot faster and hitting harder. You probably spoiled him with the buffs you provided. You're itching to get into a fight and demonstrate exactly what you can do.

 

Unfortunately, Kurusu seems to value offense a lot more than defense, which is why there are too many instances where the entire party is in very real danger of being wiped out. It's obvious Queen's healing spells aren't enough, and everyone seems to be feeling the strain. Perhaps they aren't ready for this particular Palace yet. Or maybe they just need more training.

 

Kurusu finds a safe room not long after defeating a Shadow the yields a card you need to access a higher floor. The party members in active combat practically collapse into available chairs and sofas, while you're content to remain standing.

 

“Mirage, do you think you can swap out with Queen for the next fight?”

 

It takes you a moment to realize Kurusu is addressing you. “Are you sure? You're trading raw firepower for survivability, you know.”

 

He nods curtly. “We can't be too careful. At this point, we're better off playing it safe.”

 

You grip your staff tightly with both hands. “All right. I'll try to keep up.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Fighting in the direct line of fire is a lot more taxing than you expect. Dodging the Shadow's physical attacks are rather simple, seeing as they telegraph their moves so visibly, while magical hits don't really affect you all that much. Just as you predicted, the team loses a lot of offensive prowess in favor of staying power. To make matters worse, both you and Goro are weak to Curse skills, though you suspect Goro's new weakness is because he's using Robin Hood rather than Loki. You don't point it out, and neither does he.

 

You notice Kurusu makes it a point to sneak up behind enemy Shadows to rip off their masks. This catches them off guard for a little while, enough time for you to scan your enemies and nullify elemental attacks for all your allies using Spirit Ward. Shadows in a Palace are also more aggressive than you're used to compared to Mementos, and everyone almost always needs healing after every battle. At least Oracle is there to provide backup in a pinch.

 

Unfortunately, Kurusu doesn't have the experience Goro does, so a Shadow manages to get the jump on all of you, causing you to become surrounded on all sides by three Rangdas and a Ganesha.

 

“Enemies on all sides! They look pretty strong, so don't die out there!” Oracle's voice wavers just the slightest amount, but you can't afford to get distracted. One of the Rangdas moves weirdly, and you realize too late it's targeting you when you get blasted off your feet with an Eigaon. You cry out in pain as the cursed fire engulfs your body, feeling the burn all the way down to your bones. Try as you might, you can't get up right away, and the same Rangda fires off another Eigaon that hits you yet again.

 

The burn is agonizing. You think you hear Oracle saying something, but there's something wrong with your ears. The sounds you hear seem distorted and fuzzy, occasionally cutting out altogether. As your vision starts to blur, you see Fox get knocked down to the ground by the Ganesha's Miracle Punch. The Shadows are relentless, never ceasing their attacks, and it's all Goro and Kurusu can do to avoid them. Unfortunately, neither of them have healing spells, so all they can do is slowly whittle down their HP. It doesn't look good, though, as Goro gets knocked out after three consecutive Eigaons and Kurusu's health is just about gone, while Fox takes the full force of the Ganesha's Giant Slice and is taken out of the fight.

 

As you slowly recover your senses and stagger to your feet, a plan slowly forms in your head. It's extremely risky, but as long as you win, you think you'll pull through. You refuse to let the timeline end to a few measly Shadows.

 

“We've got casualties! This is bad!” You ignore Oracle's voice in your head, knowing that Joker is far too busy trying to stay alive switching between Personas to waste a healing item on you. You pool a sizable chunk of your magic to your staff and a bright red aura flares to life around your body. Your body is much lighter now, but you move fast, rising a few inches into the air and bringing your skyward forward as your staff spins in a circle around you.

 

“Light our way!” Your shout attacks the attention of all four Shadows, but the Rangdas are obliterated by three glowing orbs that explode into pillars of light, while the Ganesha takes heavy damage from your fourth Holy spell. Unfortunately, it's not enough to finish it and its sword slashes across your flank. You cry out in pain as the last of your energy leaves you and you think you hear Kurusu cry out in alarm before your vision fades to black.

 

Shortly after you collapse onto the ground, you sense a something warm and soothing engulfing your body and you open your eyes to see everyone sans Joker bathed in a white pillar of light. You heave a sigh of relief as their health is fully restored and Joker finishes off the Ganesha with a Psy attack.

 

You've barely gotten to your feet again when you feel Goro's arms crush you in such a tight embrace that you can barely breathe. Your boots scrabble for purchase on the floor, but he's just not letting go. You think you'll fall over again if he does.

 

“You scared me half to death, (First Name)! What the hell were you thinking?!”

 

All you can see from your angle is a lot of brown hair, but it doesn't stop you from hearing Panther and Noir failing miserably to stifle their giggles into their hands.

 

“You knew you were going to get knocked out, didn't you?” Kurusu does _not_ sound happy. In fact, he sounds almost as scared as Goro.

 

You manage to extract yourself from Goro's embrace with some difficulty and nod shakily. “I did. I could have just healed you all with a group-based Curaga, but we still would have four Shadows to contend with. I don't normally go on the offensive, but taking out the problematic Shadows seemed to be the best option.” You rub the back of your head sheepishly. “It was a gamble, to be sure, but I had to prioritize your safety first. It wouldn't do to lose our leader before we complete our objective.”

 

“That light…it healed everyone after you were incapacitated,” Fox says quietly. “Is that one of the skills you possess?”

 

“It's an ability called Conservation of Life,” Oracle supplies before you can answer. “It revives all fallen allies and restores their HP after the user is KO'd. Jeez, you really should look out for yourself more. Your life isn't really something you can just casually gamble away like that.”

 

“I know, and I'm sorry,” you say, sighing heavily. “I panicked. And that reminds me…” You direct your staff toward Joker, palm facing outward. “ _Curaga.”_ A soft light engulfs him and all visible wounds on his body vanish. Joker smiles gratefully, and you find yourself returning it.

 

“No kidding,” Skull grumbles. “That was close, seriously.”

 

“Not the most graceful win, but we're glad you're safe,” Queen says, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “Why don't we stop for today? We've made good progress on the Palace and we can always continue at a later date.”

 

Kurusu nods. “All right. Let's regroup and do this another day.”

 

* * *

 

 

You find yourself at Leblanc later, fighting the urge to fall asleep. You might hate the bitter taste of unsweetened coffee but something about it is oddly invigorating. Kurusu busies himself behind the counter, oddly energetic for someone who just spent the better part of the day in the Metaverse.

 

A cup of coffee is placed in front of you, but it's oddly pale. When you look up questioningly, Kurusu only smiles before turning around to wash some dishes. When you take a tentative sip, you find that it's surprisingly sweet and mild. The bitterness is still there, but it's not overpowering like it usually is.

 

“Thank you. I like this a lot more than just straight coffee. Did you add sugar?”

 

Kurusu turns off the sink and wipes down his hands with a cloth nearby. “And cream. I figured you'd be the type to like something a bit sweeter. Was I right?”

 

You smile slightly, nodding. “Yes. You have amazing intuition.”

 

A comfortable silence follows, where the only noise comes from the television, but you ignore it in favor of drinking more coffee. You find yourself idly tapping the cup with your index finger before Kurusu speaks again.

 

“Um…you and Akechi…” he fiddles with a lock of hair on his head before continuing. “You seem…close.” His voice is strangely hesitant, as if he's deliberately choosing his words very carefully.

 

“I suppose. He is a dear friend of mine,” you reply, still tapping away at your cup.

 

“So…you're not dating?”

 

The tapping stops. “Dating? What's that?”

 

Kurusu stares at you incredulously. “You…don't know what dating is?”

 

This is starting to feel awfully familiar. “I've spent a long time away from people. Most of my time was spent traveling the world, but I was never taught about some aspects of human culture. Forgive me, but I can be a bit...ignorant of social cues. I learned from observation, and from my own experiences with others.”

 

“What about your parents?”

 

You huff, feeling slightly annoyed. “As far as I'm concerned, I don't have any. They were never in the picture.”

 

Understanding dawns on Kurusu's face and he nods. “Okay. But from what I can tell, Akechi definitely has feelings for you. I've never seen him act that way around anyone.”

 

You shrug. “It just shows that he cares. It's not really a big deal. He's my friend. He's supposed to care.”

 

“Uh…I think he wants to be more than friends, honestly.”

 

This gives you pause. “More than friends? I don't understand. How can someone become…more than friends? Is this that dating thing you mentioned earlier?”

 

Kurusu nods. “Yeah. I was watching you two in the Palace earlier. He clearly has romantic feelings for you. But…it's harder to tell with you. So, do you like him back?”

 

You definitely feel you're missing something huge. “Romantic? I've heard that word being thrown around a lot, but I don't know what it means. What does it feel like?”

 

Kurusu rubs the back of his head, looking uncomfortable. “Oh, um… Well…it's supposed to feel…intense. Like you want to be near that person all the time. It's a little hard to explain. But you just want to make the other person happy, because it makes you happy.”

 

You frown. “That just sounds like friendship to me.”

 

“No, it's…okay, look. Let me start over. How would you describe your feelings for Akechi?”

 

You have to think about it for a little while. “I suppose I am…fond of him. He makes for pleasant company, and while I may not always see eye to eye with him, I usually try to help him out whenever I can.”

 

“But you don't feel like you want to be around him? Your heart doesn't start pounding when he's around?”

 

You raise an eyebrow. “Oh, heavens no. If he could make me feel that way just from being near me, I would think there was something wrong with me.”

 

Kurusu laughs sheepishly, almost in relief. “Okay. That clears a lot of stuff up. I feel bad for Akechi, though. He's going to be really upset.”

 

Your brow furrows. “I don't want to make him upset. I care about him a lot, and I don't want to hurt him.”

 

Kurusu shrugs. “I mean, it's fine unless he flat out tells you he loves you. He hasn't confessed, has he?”

 

And everything grinds to a halt.

 

“I...” Your eyes widen as memories of the past few months replay in your head. Goro _has_ said he loved you. Multiple times.

 

Kurusu's eyebrows rise nearly to his hairline as he takes in your stricken expression. “Oh crap…did he actually say it?”

 

“Yes…many, many times. But…I've heard close friends say that to each other while having a warm moment between them. Family members say that to each other. So why is this any different?”

 

Kurusu sighs. “Look, I don't know what's really going on between you and Akechi, but you need to clear things up with him. It's not right to leave things the way they are.”

 

A horrible sensation settles deep in your stomach, and you think it might be remorse. “Then…have I been unintentionally misleading him? No, that can't be right. He's never done anything hurtful to me. We may have had disagreements in the past, but…”

 

Kurusu leans against the counter, a sympathetic look in his eyes. “He needs to hear it from you. If you really care about him, you'll come clean and tell him how you really feel about him. I'm almost positive the both of you feel very differently for each other. Hell, maybe after he's had some time to come to terms with it, maybe you can still be friends.”

 

You shift in your seat, shaking your head. “I…I need to think about this. I could just be misunderstanding the entire situation. It certainly wouldn't be the first time I hurt someone because of my own ignorance.” You drink more of your coffee, flummoxed to find most of it already gone. “Any chance I could get a refill?”

 

Kurusu laughs. “Sure thing.”

 

As you turn away from the counter, through the glass door, you think you see a flash of brown hair whipping out of sight.

 

* * *

 

 

Over the course of the next few weeks, you alternate spending time helping the Phantom Thieves with the Palace, and getting bombarded with messages upon messages from Kurusu. He's very supportive, telling you to take your time with the whole Goro situation, but you're honestly not sure how to go about it. You've been doing a lot of research on your phone, but all you managed to find out was that there is more than one kind of love. One of them, which the articles called “companionate love” described a lot of what you feel for your friend, a steadfast bond that gives you a feeling of peace. The other, which is “passionate love,” listed a bunch of terms that made no sense to you, so you had to do more research on what “arousal” was. It's all really confusing and you can't make heads or tails of it at all.

 

Your experiences from Luxendarc don't really help. Though you now know that what you feel for Tiz is considered platonic love, it still doesn't answer what romantic love is. You suspect you won't ever know unless you experience it for yourself.

 

It's a safe bet that none of the other Phantom Thieves know about it, though you do catch Oracle staring at you from time to time. She seems conflicted, as if she's on the verge of telling you something, but always losing her nerve and keeping silent.

 

It's only when she messages you privately to come to Leblanc some time later that things change. Oracle's expression is grim when she meets you in front of the cafe.

 

“We need to talk,” is all she says before grabbing you by the wrist and dragging you inside despite your loud protests.

 

You're a little surprised to find the cafe completely empty aside from Kurusu, whose expression is just as grave.

 

“Is something wrong?” you say warily.

 

Futaba nods. “Look, we've been watching you for a while, and we genuinely believe you're a good person. But I'm telling you now that you're on the wrong side. I don't know what sort of story Akechi told you, but he's definitely hiding a lot more things than he's letting on.”

 

You scowl, folding your arms across your chest. “I highly doubt that. And I don't know if you know this, but I don't take kindly to people making baseless accusations.”

 

Kurusu steps forward. “They're not baseless. We have proof. Show her, Futaba.”

 

She nods and pulls out her phone. A brief silence follows, and then you quite clearly hear Goro's voice coming through her speaker. His tone is unlike anything you've ever heard before. It sounds…cold. Wrong. Nothing like how he speaks to you.

 

“...Then, I'll guide the police into her Palace and have them catch the Phantom Thieves in the act. That would be the only way to arrest them, given their methods. I'll deal with them after that. Let me see...”

 

None of this is news. Goro told you he planned to do this and you're getting so incensed that you open your mouth angrily to hurl abuse at the people in front of you when Goro's next words stop you cold.

 

“We could say he stole the guard's gun and committed suicide during his imprisonment… How about that? Public security questioning will occur on the first day…and with that room, my task will be simple.”

 

...What.

 

When did he…?

 

“...And thus, the dangerous criminal responsible for the mass mental shutdowns shall end his own life. When he does, you will become a great hero who saved Japan from evil. As will I, of course.”

 

No…

 

He couldn't be talking about…

 

You slowly sink to the floor, a hand over your mouth to stifle the scream that's threatening to burst out of you. Kurusu is immediately at your side, a warm hand on your back and shoulder in an attempt to steady you.

 

As your shoulders begin to shake, your face scrunches up in anguish as you bury it into your hands. You hunch forward, attempting to stem the flow of negative emotions threatening to overwhelm you. Oracle makes a panicked noise and joins Kurusu on your other side.

 

“Hey, I didn't mean to make you this upset! I just thought…”

 

“...Why did you show that to me?” you say in a low voice.

 

“Because we trust you,” Kurusu says evenly. “I didn't at first. But during the battles we fought in the Metaverse, and seeing the way you always made sure everyone was safe, even if it meant you had to take the fall, I realized that you're most likely being manipulated. Did you know Akechi planned to kill me before we showed this to you?”

 

“No.” Goro never mentioned that Kurusu would be killed. He only said that Kurusu would receive life imprisonment. But to think that he actually planned to do the deed himself…

 

If Kurusu dies, you lose the game. The timeline is lost. Maybe you resigned yourself to losing because of that fortune-teller, but that was before you knew Goro actively planned to murder a major player in the game. No more lies, he said. What a farce.

 

You slowly raise your head, lowering your hands to your lap. “I hope you have a plan for this.”

 

Oracle grins. “I thought you'd never ask.”

 

* * *

 

 

Goro's imminent betrayal is perhaps what gives you the courage to come clean about your feelings for him. Your opinion of him has definitely soured somewhat, but it's not the worst thing a friend has done to you. Hell, your friends from Luxendarc are guilty of killing you in several timelines and you still forgave them.

 

 _Not immediately,_ you think. It took a long time to realize that of course they would believe a fairy that Agnès trusted above all else over a complete stranger. They didn't have the advantage of multiple lifetimes of knowledge of future events. They didn't have memories of their previous lives. They were only human, and humans make a lot of mistakes.

 

But...even higher beings like yourself are not exempt from that, either.

 

It's the day before the heist, and you message Goro if it's okay to meet at his apartment. He readily agrees and when you knock on his door, you feel a sense of dread as he greets you with a warm smile.

 

_How much of that is real? Are you lying to me even now?_

 

You can't reveal the Phantom Thieves' plan. It's dangerously risky, and there are so many things that could go wrong. It's the best plan they have, however, as Goro and whoever he works for has them cornered good and proper.

 

“I need to talk to you. It's, well…” you falter as Goro presses you against the wall and begins to trail kisses from your jawline to your neck. “W-Wait a minute…Goro…!” You won't be distracted. He needs to hear this. But the way he keeps rolling his hips against yours make it very hard to think, especially after one hand slips under one of your knees and brings it upward against his hip.

 

_I can't…I know what he wants. I won't let him!_

 

“Goro, listen to me!” You don't quite shout, but your voice is loud enough that he actually pauses and pulls away, looking hurt. You try to quash the feelings of guilt, but it doesn't really work.

 

“What's wrong? I thought you wanted to spend time with me again. After what happened with Okumura, I was afraid you didn't want me anymore. You've been…distant lately.”

 

You sigh, wringing your hands together in agitation. “I…I've been doing some thinking. And this is going to sound awful, but…until recently, I wasn't aware that there was more than one kind of love. I thought…that we both felt the same for each other, but after talking to someone…I realized that I may have unintentionally been misleading you. And for that, I deeply apologize.”

 

Goro smiles, but it looks strained and threatening to fall apart at the seams. “I…I don't understand. What do you mean you've been misleading me?”

 

You take a few steps back and look him dead in the eye. “I don't know what romantic love is. I've heard it being described as passion and desire for another, but I don't understand what that means, either. Every single article I found describes absolutely nothing similar to what I've been feeling for you. I enjoy your company, and I like talking with you. But you…that's not what you feel for me, is it?”

 

Goro isn't smiling anymore. In fact, his eyes are wide with hurt and shimmering with unshed tears. “You…you don't love me…?”

 

You sigh. “I do. I care about you very much, but I don't think it's the kind of love you want from me. My feelings for you are no different from what I feel for Tiz, Agnès, Edea, and Ringabel. I wish I could have learned of this sooner. I swear that I never, _ever_ meant to hurt you.”

 

“But…what about all those times we kissed…all those times we made love… Did they mean _nothing_ to you?” Goro's voice is small and broken, but you sense an undercurrent of anger.

 

“It was…an experience, one that I'll never forget. I only thought it was your way of expressing affection for me, and I thought this is how things are done here in Japan. The rules are different here than in Luxendarc. I'm so sorry, Goro… I blame my own ignorance. You taught me a lot of things, and I'll forever be grateful for it. My only wish is to continue to help you, and maybe one day forgive me for what I've done. And even if you don't, then I will honor your choice.”

 

Goro's hands clench at his sides, tears streaming down his cheeks. “So all this time…I've been a fool. I thought I finally had someone who would stay by my side forever…someone who loved me for who I really am. But I was just deluding myself. Who could ever love as someone as dirty and tainted as me?”

 

“Goro, please! Don't say such horrible things about yourself! I'm sorry I can't be the one to make you happy, but—!” You reach for him, but he harshly knocks your hands away with an furious scream.

 

“Shut up! I don't want to listen to you anymore! You're just like every single of one those rotten, selfish adults out there! I bet you had a nice laugh behind my back, didn't you? Been chatting with the Phantom Thieves about me? Or was it Kurusu? Don't think I didn't notice you two getting cozy over the past few weeks. Well, fine! I don't need you! I don't need _anyone!”_

 

Your eyes burn with the sting of tears, but you refuse to let them fall. You knew Goro would be upset, but...you never expected anything like this.

 

“I've already made the preparations for tomorrow. After Kurusu is behind bars, I never want to see you again. Is that clear?” His voice is still shaky, but you hear a bit of that coldness you heard in that recorded phone call and you feel a shard of ice pierce your heart.

 

“As crystal.”

 

* * *

 

 

The day of the heist is quite frankly, a disaster. You make careless mistakes that often lead to you or someone else knocked to the ground because you forgot to nullify their weaknesses with Spirit Ward, or you neglect to cure someone's status ailment because you were too busy distracted by the way Goro refuses to even look at you. Only Kurusu and Oracle seem to know the reason behind Goro's sudden shift in demeanor, and you often catch them sending you sympathetic looks. You keep your eyes lowered to the ground and refuse to say a word to anyone.

 

Luckily for you, Kurusu makes it a point to avoid any and all Shadows he comes across. All you're here to do is steal Sae's heart. The confrontation with the ruler of the Palace is awful, and Queen is clearly distressed, but you have to look away when you see Goro briefly place a hand on her shoulder for reassurance.

 

The fight is not as straightforward as you assume as a giant spinning wheel forces you to think on your feet. Just like everything in this Palace, it's rigged in her favor as you constantly feel your life being sapped from your body. Kurusu manages to figure out how she's manipulating the wheel and Goro promptly takes out the glass lid from a higher vantage point. It's after this that things start taking a turn for the worse. The Shadow transforms into a new, more powerful form, as it completely loses control. From what you can tell, it has far less health than its base form, but its offenses are drastically increased.

 

“Cheating!? Unfair!? Silence! This is MY world! If you want a fair fight, then to hell with the game! I'll crush you by force. Fair and square, just as you like!”

 

To your dismay, the Shadow is a physical attacker, which means you're extremely vulnerable to its incoming hits. Unlike the rest of the Shadows in the Palace, the window for avoiding her attacks are extremely small, as she doesn't telegraph her attacks as much as the others. One slash from her giant sword is enough to bring you to your knees and you keep having to heal yourself and everyone else constantly. You think you'll be able to hold out as Kurusu and the others steadily whittle down her health until the Shadow can barely hold itself up from exhaustion.

 

Then it activates a skill called Desperation and your eyes widen as its offensive prowess skyrockets to absurd levels.

 

“I…I just need to win… As long as I can win, that's all that matters…” The Shadow raises its head to look directly at you. “Disgusting creature…you dare play at being human? I can see your true form. It sickens me! You're no better than the rest of the filth that infests my world!”

 

You recoil, and when the others turn to look at you in confusion, you realize your mistake. The first sword slash takes you by surprise, with no time to raise your staff to Default. You're already unconscious before you hit the ground, though you awake a short while later.

 

“Mirage! Are you okay?! That looked like it hurt!” Oracle's voice has a genuine note of concern that wasn't present before she confronted you about Goro's hidden agenda.

 

“I'm fine… Though, I don't think I can activate that again. It only works once per fight.” You pick up your staff and raise it skyward. “ _Protect!”_ A light blue barrier surrounds your body, giving you some protection against physical blows.

 

You spend the rest of the fight reviving and healing your allies, though you notice that the Shadow makes a habit of targeting you the most. Just as you think you've won the fight, it activates a skill called Heat Riser and raises its sword to use Severing Slash once more.

 

There's no way anyone will be able to take that hit and live. Time seems to slow down as you track the sword's progress. But it's not aiming at you. Not this time.

 

It's headed right for Goro.

 

You won't let him die. Even if he wants nothing to do with you anymore, you promised him. You promised you would aid him. And if that means giving your life to save him, then so be it.

 

Abandoning your position on the battlefield, your magic flares to life as you propel yourself in front of Goro. As the sword shatters your small barrier and slashes across your flank and blood spurts from your body, you see his eyes widen behind his mask. The force of the blow causes you to land painfully several feet away. Even as Mona frantically tries to heal you, you know it's no use. Healing spells don't work on a fatal wound.

 

Panther and Queen join in, but they're soon shoved aside by a frantic-looking Goro, whose eyes show more pain than when you confronted him the previous day. He sinks to his knees and cradles you against his chest and tries to apply a strange balm to your wound, but you're losing too much blood. Your hands are the first to go numb, and your staff slips from your grasp. You think he's saying something, but everything sounds like it's underwater, distorted and impossible to decipher. You look up into Goro's anguished face and manage one last smile before your vision darkens to crimson, darkens to gray, and everything goes a cold and final black.

 

_Sorry, Goro. I tried._


	14. If I Can Go On Without Losing My Way, I Don't Mind If My Heart Is Broken to Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the second world comes to an end, and the third world begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna leave this here...

The day before the leader of the Phantom Thieves is captured, Goro's world turns upside down when his beloved tells him she doesn't love him. His greatest fear has come true, and no matter how much she apologizes to him, it still hurts. It hurts so much. He just wants things to go back to normal. Even if he was living a lie, they were still his fondest memories. He can't look at her. A small part of him wants to wrap his hands around her throat and squeeze until she stops moving, but he knows he'd rather die than ever lay a finger on her.

 

It always comes down to Kurusu. That attic trash who always has everything he ever wanted. Friends, family, people who depend on him, connections. He's just a criminal. He's a worthless piece of shit who doesn't deserve any of it. And now he's taken his lovely goddess away from him. He's not stupid. Even though she never named who she spoke to, Goro knows Kurusu is the one who turned her against him. She said she needed Goro. Until she didn't. Because Kurusu is there now. He never should have introduced her to the Phantom Thieves.

 

She looks like she wants to cry when she leaves his apartment, and he feels like the lowest scum of the earth for doing that to her. He's seized by an overwhelming urge to run after her, to bring her back and apologize for saying all those hurtful things. Even though he knows she doesn't return his feelings now, he still wants to hold her, to kiss her tears away, and make love to her, over and over again until she won't even entertain the thought of leaving him.

 

The next day, she looks the way she did after she was discharged from the hospital. Lost, defeated, and utterly devastated. She's not up to her usual standards in combat, getting hit from attacks that she had little trouble dodging before. She doesn't speak, doesn't look at anyone, and wordlessly heals everyone's wounds with a nonverbal Curaga. It's less potent than he's used to.

 

Goro doesn't fail to notice the way Joker looks at her. His blood boils when he touches her, but she doesn't even notice, her eyes lowered to the ground in shame. When Joker offers to give her a healing item to recover her mana, she shakes her head and turns away from him. The rest of the Phantom Thieves are clueless as to what's going on, but if they notice the tense atmosphere between them, they don't comment on it. Even Skull mercifully remains silent.

 

Maybe it's petty and spiteful to give Queen some form of reassurance when he's been ignoring his former lover the entire time, but he regrets it when he sees her close her eyes briefly and look the other way, as if she's in physical pain. His heart sinks when the next time he glances at her, her expression is completely unreadable, her eyes the coldest he's ever seen them. The warmth he's taken for granted is gone, replaced by something mysterious that makes her seem ancient.

 

Her prowess in battle improves dramatically in their fight against Sae's Shadow. During the few times he's able to glance her way, he sees that telltale red aura surround her body as she flies into action, dodging and healing the group in equal measure.

 

When Sae is barely hanging on, she says something that gives him pause.

 

“Disgusting creature…you dare play at being human? I can see your true form. It sickens me! You're no better than the rest of the filth that infests my world!”

 

He sees her falter, and she's not able to successfully dodge Sae's attack, and she's knocked out of the fight for a brief moment, but she gets back up after when that pillar of light shines down on her. She doesn't even seem fazed, and he can't help but worry.

 

The fight becomes much more intense after Sae activates Desperation. He's knocked out of the fight himself a few times, but she always revives him immediately after. He's not sure what to think about this new information. He knows she's not human, but what he sees now isn't what she really looks like?

 

His hesitation costs him, and he sees Sae swing her sword again. It's headed right for him, and it's too late to dodge. He hears the rest of the Phantom Thieves scream in alarm but none stand out more than his former partner. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees her wind magic catapult her off the ground and into the direct line of fire.

 

Goro can't help but cry out in alarm when his vision is filled with the spurt of freshly spilled blood. She's knocked away like a rag doll and she rolls for a few seconds before lying still in a steadily growing pool of blood. Mona frantically tries to revive her while Joker and the remaining members manage to finish off Sae. He watches Panther and Queen rush to Mona's aid when his spells don't put a dent in her wound. The longer he watches, the more frantic they become, and his heart freezes in his chest when he sees Panther's eyes start to well up with tears. Oracle already has her hands clapped over her mouth, her shoulders shaking violently as Joker quickly makes his way over to the rest of them, withdrawing a healing item from within his coat pocket.

 

“Can't you guys do something about this?!” Joker shouts, and Goro distantly notes that he sounds angrier than he's ever heard him.

 

“We're trying!” Queen says, her voice shaking as badly as her hands. “It's not working!”

 

“Damn it!” Skull growls. “This ain't a joke!”

 

He doesn't think as he grabs a Balm of Life out of Joker's hands and shoves Queen and Panther out of the way. He doesn't care if his clothes become soiled with blood as he tries to staunch the bleeding. His hands are shaking. He hasn't been this rattled since he saw his mother take her own life.

 

Her staff clatters to the floor as he gently cradles her in his arms. For a moment, she looks at him, and resignation trickles into her eyes like poison, and Goro wants to be sick. A trickle of blood stains the corner of her mouth red, and Goro shakily wipes it off with his gloved hand.

 

“Please, (First Name)…don't go…! Don't leave me…stay with me…!” He doesn't care if he's crying in front of everyone. He just wants her to live. “I love you, damn it! Don't leave me! DON'T LEAVE ME!”

 

She's beyond the ability to speak. The resignation in her eyes gives way to weary relief and she gives him a fragile smile that's so full of sadness before the light in her eyes fades away completely and she grows limp in his arms.

 

Even in death, she's still the most beautiful thing Goro's ever seen. But he's not prepared to see her body glow before she disintegrates into millions of tiny motes of golden light. A small glowing orb is all that remains of her before it launches itself up, up, _up…_ until it fades. She's gone. She's left him. He's all alone again.

 

“ _I just want you safe. And if I were to fall in battle…I will find you again. Even if you don't remember me…or even if you don't want me around…I will do my best to aid you.”_

 

For a few seconds, Goro feels numb as her previous words replay in his head. The knowledge that he will never hear her voice again, will never again be able to hold her close to him, shatters his heart into millions of pieces as he _screams._ Even as he repeatedly slams the ground with his fist, he knows that his grief won't bring her back. She is forever lost to him, destined to repeat the cycle in another timeline. He doesn't care if she meets another version of him. He wants her here, in this world, where he can bask in the warmth of her smile.

 

He sobs until his voice gives out, and he doesn't move right away when Joker quietly tells him they need to leave the Palace.

 

Okay. He can still go through with his plan. And when he puts a bullet in Joker's head, he's going to enjoy every damned second. And after he takes his revenge on his good for nothing father, there will be nothing left for him. It's fine. He can't live without her love. So he'll do the honorable thing, and remove himself from a world where he was never wanted.

 

Goro's plan is executed flawlessly and Joker is soon captured and taken into custody. When he meets him in the interrogation room, he almost hesitates when he sees the bruises, the cuts, and the empty syringes on the floor, the grief still visible on his downcast face. As his unfocused eyes slowly look up at him, Goro feels a surge of anger and jabs his forehead with his gun, breathing hard.

 

“I don't know what she ever saw in you, to be honest. You're nothing but criminal scum, a delinquent who lives in an attic. And yet…you had friends, family, people you trusted, people who wanted you around. I had nothing…until _she_ came into my life. But it wasn't enough for you, was it? No, just when I finally had something that was _mine,_ you came and took her for yourself. Now she's dead. And so are you.”

 

He pulls the trigger.

 

* * *

 

 

_Floating through the sea of time, somewhere in the collective unconscious, you see the whole thing. You aren't capable of crying in your current state, but something within you shifts, and you think you might be feeling something very close to regret._

 

* * *

 

 

It's like breaking the surface of a lake.

 

Your lungs struggle to take in oxygen as you flail around uselessly for a moment before you force yourself to calm down. It's dark. Far too dark to be Takemi's apartment. As your eyes adjust to the dim light, you realize you're in the same room you found yourself in from when you first arrived in this universe. When you push against the glass in front of your face, your heart seizes in your chest when you catch the glint of a silver bracelet on your left wrist.

 

You stumble out of the pod and hastily dress yourself in your familiar clothes, finding a few new items in the boxes you find there. Your Diamond Staff is there, along with your phone. Your heart starts to pound as you find two contacts already in there. Takemi...and Goro. Kurusu and the other Phantom Thieves aren't there, oddly enough. It's almost as if you never left. Until you see the date.

 

April 10, 2016.

 

You want to talk to him again. But you have no service this far underground. And speaking of service, you idly wonder who's paying for your phone when you no longer exist in the previous world. You take your satchel, which is filled with your previous earnings from the other timeline, along with your remaining healing items. You barely touched these in the other world, and you're grateful you still have a nearly full stock of Elixirs.

 

Your textbooks aren't there, but you don't really need them anymore. They only really cover the basics, and…and…

 

What will be your excuse to talk to Goro now? You can't say you need help with Japanese anymore. Goro will be onto you in five seconds flat. So...what do you do now? Just because you have Goro and Takemi's contact information doesn't mean they have yours. If you try to call them, they'll most likely get an unknown number and ignore it completely.

 

Your only chance is to try and find him. But Tokyo is a large city, and there's no guarantee you'll even run into him. Perhaps heading to Yongen-Jaya and begging Takemi to let you stay in her apartment might be a safer option.

 

It's not the best plan, but there's always the option of renting a cheap apartment somewhere in the city. You only hope you have enough money.

 

* * *

 

 

You forgot how long it took you to get to Tokyo from your original starting point, and it's still just as awful as you remember. You manage to make it to Shibuya Central Station before throwing yourself out of the train and holing yourself up in a public restroom where you promptly try to hurl the contents of your stomach into a toilet. There's nothing currently in your stomach, so you end up dry heaving for several minutes.

 

You splash water on your face after your stomach begins to settle down, thankful when you find the restroom blissfully empty. You just want to find a bed and flop down on top of it and not move for the next century or so. Your reflection in the mirror looks just as haggard as you feel, with your hair in disarray and slight shadows under your eyes, You don't have a comb, so you do the best you can with your fingers. It's not perfect, but the sun is starting to set, and you need to find housing fast.

 

When you get back to the platform, you hear an odd, distant screeching noise coming from the nearby tunnel. It's getting louder as the seconds tick by. You feel the hairs on the back of your neck start to rise as alarm bells ring inside your head. The other people waiting around you don't seem to notice as you slowly back away from the track.

 

A second later, the train comes crashing onto the platform as the people around you scream and run for the exits. You're shoved to the floor in their panic and you feel someone trod on your hand. You grit your teeth to fight down your scream of pain and slowly push yourself off the ground to survey the aftermath. It's a disaster. Parts of the train lie sideways, and you can hear the faint screams of people trapped inside the cars. A few people have stayed behind to help pry open the doors, and try and rescue the victims of the crash.

 

You want to help. You really do. But you've already wasted enough time as it is. And you suspect the people here won't take kindly to magic if you try to heal them. So, with a heavy heart, you turn on your heel and exit the station.

 

You have no way of getting to Yongen-Jaya with the train out of commission unless you fly there, but you're not going to risk doing that in broad daylight where you'd be easily spotted. You'll have to find somewhere cheap to spend the night. Unfortunately for you, most of the apartments are more upscale than Takemi's, and the landlords want you to sign a contract, or lease…or whatever they call it. You could go to Goro's apartment since it's nearby, but he'd undoubtedly think you were a stalker who somehow found out where he lives. He'd probably have you arrested for trespassing.

 

Spending more than a year in Tokyo has made you soft. It's not like you've never roughed it out in the wilderness before. But doing it in a city where your belongings could be stolen at any moment is extremely unappealing. Inokashira Park is your safest option since there's never anyone there at night, and you're thankful for the fact that you don't have to sleep. You just have to find the right opportunity to go there.

 

When the sun goes down completely, you find yourself in the alleyway near Untouchable. During a gap where there's no traffic, you propel yourself upwards until you land on the roof of a nearby building. There are no buildings nearby that have windows facing you, so you cast another Aeroga spell and make your way to Inokashira Park, taking care to stick to darker areas.

 

* * *

 

 

It's quiet when you get there, and completely devoid of people. This suits you just fine as you sit down on the low fence overlooking the lake. As you gaze out into the lake, you think back at what led you to this point. What can you do differently in this timeline? Finding Goro is your priority, but what if he develops those strange feelings for you again? What if he tells you he loves you, tries to kiss you, or does those weird things again?

 

You snort. As if. This world's Goro might be similar, but he's not the same person you grew fond of. You arrived much earlier in the previous year, and you had time to develop your friendship. You don't have that luxury this time.

 

Maybe…

 

Maybe you can find Kurusu instead. You know where he lives. But…does he remember you? Do any of these people remember you? He remembered a few things in the last world, but there's no guarantee it carried over.

 

All these memories you formed with Goro and Kurusu…they haunt you even now, even the memory of seeing what happened after your death. Your heart squeezes in your chest, and you swallow the lump in your throat. You never meant for it to turn out the way it did. So many mistakes, so many missed opportunities…you wish you could go back and redo everything. But you can't. Instead, you are here, in a world where there are so many unknown variables. It's already off to a bad start. If you had taken the next train to Shibuya, you might have been on the unfortunate train that crashed onto the platform. You shudder. You hope nobody died from that accident.

 

Before you know it, you see the sun start to rise. You blink, stunned at how beautiful it looks. You stand up, wincing when your joints ache in protest after sitting for so long.

 

The sunrise…it's been so long since you've seen one. It's different than the one in Luxendarc. It feels...warmer, somehow. You think back to a time before you met Agnès, or Tiz, or Edea. This was when you first started to interact with humans. You met a bard traveling with a companion who played a tin flute. She was the most beautiful woman you'd ever seen, with a voice to match. It was during a sunrise just like this, when she sung a song that nearly brought tears to your eyes. She played a violin, while her partner sung along with her in the latter verse. You can still remember the lyrics, and even though you didn't have any money to pay them after their performance, they told you that making you happy was payment enough.

 

It was the very first time you learned how to smile.

 

You don't have a violin, or a tin flute, and you can't even play them if you had them, anyway. But you want to banish your lingering feelings of regret, and humming a tune always helped you feel better when you didn't have anyone to comfort you.

 

You begin softly at first, and then pause. It's been a while, and your voice isn't used to it. You can never hope to recreate the magic it brought to your world, but you're not doing it for anyone. You're doing it for yourself. As you gain more confidence, your humming turns into words, and before you know it, you find yourself singing softly into the morning light.

 

As you get to the first chorus, you stop. It's not the same without a partner. You do feel a little better, though. You will change your bleak future. Somehow.

 

When you turn around, your blood turns to ice as you see none other than Akechi Goro standing there, eyes wide as saucers. You fight down the urge to throw your arms around him and apologize profusely for everything you put him through, but your common sense wins out and you take a step backward instead.

 

“F-Forgive me. I didn't know anyone was around. I…I'll get out of your way.” You give a short bow but before you get the chance to walk away, but a gloved hand closes around your left wrist, where Goro's first and last gift jingles softly from the abrupt movement.

 

“(First Name)…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song the reader was singing is called Ballad to Hope. It's a very nice song, in my opinion.


	15. Don't Make Me Live This Life Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh...there's some smut near the end of the chapter. Fair warning. Also I updated the tags a bit. Please tread lightly.

“Your…your name is (First Name). It is, isn't it? I'm not dreaming, am I…?”

 

There's no way. The odds are ridiculously slim that you meet him so soon after your arrival. Tokyo is a huge city. Either you're insanely lucky, or something is actively skewing your chances of making other allies besides Goro. How does he know your name?

 

At this point, you sense a shift in the air. You're at a crossroads. You can confirm that you are indeed the very person he seems to be looking for, or you can deny it. You may very well end up losing him as a companion, but that would leave you free to ally yourself with Kurusu instead.

 

However…

 

You swore you would find him. You left him behind in the other timeline. You died right in front of him. In front of _everyone._ Even though he planned to kill Kurusu in the end and succeeded, he still mourned you. You wonder if he managed to get his revenge on his father in the end.

 

Your guess is no.

 

You open your mouth to say something when you realize he's staring at your wrist with a mixture of disbelief and wonder. Your bracelet sparkles gently in the early morning light.

 

“This…I gave this to you. And then I…we…” His face flushes a bright red and he averts his gaze for a moment. He gives his head a little shake to clear it and his eyes meet yours again, so bright with hope that you realize your choice was made the moment you ran into him.

 

“Hello again, Goro,” you say quietly.

 

His face shows nothing but disbelief at first. Then, tears well up in his eyes as he crushes you to his body so tightly that you can barely breathe. Unlike the last time you were in this position, Goro does not cry silently. His voice sounds broken as he sobs into your shoulder, and you feel your heart squeeze in your chest as you fight to keep your own tears at bay. Despite the turbulent last day in the previous timeline, you still care deeply for him. But if you had the chance to do it over again, you'd probably still take that fatal blow again to save him.

 

The sun is a little higher in the sky when he lets you go, and you catch a glimpse of his red, puffy eyes before he wipes off his face with his sleeve. By this point, you start to see people arriving to the park in the distance.

 

“We should go somewhere less open,” you say. He nods and motions for you to follow him and leads you to the train station. By the time you arrive, he looks more or less composed and nobody gives him a second glance aside from a few excitable young women who make frantic gestures and pull out their phones. You think one of them managed to get a picture of him, but you can't be sure because Goro nudges you gently into the train once the doors open.

 

You're not surprised when you find yourself in his apartment, but you have to take a few minutes to lie down on his couch as you fight to calm your roiling stomach. Your coat lies forgotten in a heap on the kitchen table, you having discarded it in an effort to give yourself some air. You helped defeat a literal god in your own universe, ridden on grand airships, and traveled through different timelines, but a simple train ride is enough to incapacitate you. You wonder if there's something you can do to help sort out your problem.

 

Goro still hasn't said a word since you left the park, and you open your eyes curiously to see him staring down at you with a forlorn look on his face. You sit up and pat the space next to you, to which he takes a seat immediately in.

 

As you take a deep breath, you steel yourself for his response. “…What exactly do you remember?”

 

He doesn't answer immediately. He still looks so sad and while you want to hug him to try and help him feel better, you need to know.

 

“…I remember you. Meeting you. Teaching you Japanese. Going to Mementos with you. Falling in love. And…I remember watching you die in my arms. I always thought they were just dreams until I saw you today. The human mind can't conjure up a face it never met, so I had my suspicions.”

 

“It was no dream,” you say gravely. “What you witnessed was merely one of the many possible outcomes of your fate. I am deeply sorry for how it turned out, but I would give up my life again in a heartbeat if it meant you would stay safe.”

 

“Don't say that!” Goro says through gritted teeth. He looks to be in danger of crying again. “I don't want to see you die again. I didn't protect you…instead, you were the one to protect me. And you paid with your life. Don't leave me again…please…”

 

You sigh. “That remains to be seen. I cannot control fate. We are all slaves to it. My powers have limits. I am no stranger to death, Goro. I die, and I am reborn. That is simply my nature. I am not looking to die, of course. I remember every moment of my existence, and I cherish the memories I made with you, still. My goal has not changed. You found me again, and now that I am here, I will do my best to aid you in your mission.” You pause. “Ah. I am forgetting something important. While I may have retained most of my equipment from my previous life, I seem to be without housing. Do you know of anywhere I can stay? I am not sure if Takemi will take me in again.”

 

“You could stay here. I'll have to talk to the landlady, but I'm sure she could accommodate you. I think you'll get more use out of this apartment than me. But…if you're here waiting for me, I think it would help me get through the day easier, knowing I have someone to come home to.”

 

You frown slightly. “I don't want to impose…but if you are certain, then I will stay here.”

 

Goro's face fills with relief before he hugs you tightly to him and you laugh softly as you return the embrace.

 

“It is good to see you again, my friend.”

 

* * *

 

 

Goro calls in sick to work as he says he wants to spend as much time as he can with you, and you can't bring yourself to argue when he says that he's worried you're merely an illusion, and that he'll come home to an empty apartment.

 

“Is it all right if I bring some plants here?” you ask, running a hand over what you remember to be his desk. It used to be littered with folders and other case files from his work. The desk is empty now. “I liked caring for them, and it gives me something to do.”

 

“Maybe tomorrow. You look exhausted. Why not rest for a while?”

 

You frown. “Goro, you forget I don't need to sleep. I try to avoid it if I can, as a matter of fact.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

You stop and turn to stare at him with what you think is a passive expression. He doesn't squirm under your gaze, but you do notice he swallows audibly.

 

“While remembering every detail of the past has many advantages, it also has its drawbacks. I remember every single time I failed to save someone I cared for, and I remember every time I was hurt, or betrayed. I dream about those times, and only those times, because they are what resonates in my mind the most, much like humans and fear.” You laugh bitterly. “You would think that I would become desensitized to it after over one billion years, but I haven't. So I stay awake, and remember happier times. They are all that keep me from losing my mind completely.”

 

“What if…you had someone there with you? Someone to help you share the burden? So you won't have to deal with it alone.” Goro's voice has grown soft.

 

You sigh, sitting down heavily on his bed. “It's a nice thought, I'll admit. But humans have such a short lifespan. They grow old and die if they aren't killed by bad luck or disease. I've always known I won't die if I live in isolation. And…you shouldn't want to live as long as I have.”

 

He sits down next to you, placing his hand over yours. You don't move it away, finding the warmth comforting. “Why not? I wouldn't mind living forever if it meant I get to be with you. I've always wondered what it would be like. Overcoming death, once and for all, to live forever.”

 

You don't respond. From the corner of your eye, you can see him still staring at you. He moves closer until he's pressed against you after a few moment's silence.

 

“(First Name)? Did I say something bad…?”

 

You lower your gaze to the ground. “I don't want to live forever.”

 

“What? Why not? You don't want to stay with me?”

 

You close your eyes. “No, it's not that. It's…” You sigh, feeling exhausted. “Even if you were to make yourself immortal, to share the same nature as I, it would be a cursed life, a half life. What was it that Ringabel said to me… _'The moment of the rose and the moment of the yew tree are of the same duration.'”_

 

Goro frowns. “I've heard of that one before. How eternity is something different, of a magic that dwells in a fleeting moment. But it would be better than living alone, as I have my whole life. I would be with you. That's all I really need.”

 

You lie back on the bed, an arm over your eyes. _Why won't you listen? What do I have to say to make you understand?_

 

“To retain every single one of my memories, to remember all those people I failed to save… It isn't a good thing, Goro. I carry those voices with me. Their cries will be with me forever, never resting, never fading, never ceasing their call to join them.” You grit your teeth against the well of emotions that forms a lump in your throat. You wonder when you had become so prone to crying. “But I can't. I can't meet them again. Heavens knows how much I tried. Their souls left the world, while I moved onto the next one.”

 

Your arm is removed from your face, but you've already smoothed your face into an impassive mask by the time you meet Goro's stricken gaze.

 

“Do not pity me, my friend,” you say quietly. “I've accepted it long ago. It is simply in my design.”

 

Goro doesn't say a word. He lies next to you and brings you against his chest, where you can hear his heartbeat. You recognize the gesture of comfort for what it is and stay there until the sunlight coming from the window begins to fade.

 

A soft snoring alerts you to the fact that Goro has actually fallen asleep. You smile slightly, and rise from the bed, taking care to rearrange him so that his head lies on his pillow. He wakes up when you're almost to the door and the call of your name makes you pause.

 

“Where are you going? Are you leaving…?”

 

When you turn around, his face is filled with worry, but it slackens into something resembling wonder when your eyes meet his, which is a little odd.

 

You shake your head. “I was just going to the living room. I didn't want to bother you while you slept, that's all.”

 

Goro sits up a little. “You're never a bother. Come here…”

 

You hesitate for a moment before joining him back on the bed, your back facing him. You blink when he wraps his arms around you from behind and pulls you against him. You're a bit worried he might try and do those things to you again, but he only sighs and settles down to sleep.

 

You lie awake for several minutes, but by the time the sunlight fades away completely, you're starting to feel sleepy. His bed is too damned comfortable. When you try to move away to leave the room again, his arms tighten around you and he refuses to let go. You attempt this several more times over the next hour, but Goro is relentless. You sigh and resign yourself to spending several hours lying down and accomplishing nothing.

 

You don't remember when you fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

 _Goro sits hunched over on the floor of his bedroom. The orange light from the late afternoon sun illuminates his body in a soft, warm glow but his eyes are devoid of life. He holds his phone_ _up_ _to his face,_ _a trembling sigh falling from his lips. The screen displays a picture of you, one you don't recall him taking. In it, you seem to be dubiously inspecting a slice of cake in front of you. You recognize it as the one you bought him for his birthday. That was the day you started to consider him a friend._

 

_A loud banging sound from the other side of his closed bedroom door causes his gaze to shift upwards. His expression doesn't change, nor does he make a move to get up. Instead, he reaches for a device you've seen him use once before, in the interrogation room with Kurusu._

 

_Your blood runs cold as he points it at the closed door, his finger on the trigger. The person behind the door is yelling something, saying that he's going to pay for what he did to Shido._

 

 _You frown. So he did manage to take his revenge in the end._ _Then_ _why hasn't his soul moved on?_

 

_As you see the door start to give way, Goro smiles, a thin, broken one that immediately makes you think of Victor S. Court, the one who wielded the Spiritmaster asterisk before you. His partner, Victoria, was killed before him, and his scream at her death still haunts you to this day._

 

_Goro kisses your photo and puts his phone away in his pocket, his eyes shining with tears and an odd sort of relief, and you suddenly know what he's about to do. Your scream falls on deaf ears as he points the device to his own head and pulls the trigger._

 

* * *

 

 

Your eyes snap open, gasping for breath. For a moment, you lie frozen, your chest heaving and trembling as much as the rest of you.

 

 _Why…_ _? To take your own life like that… Oh Goro, I think I may die from the pain alone. What do I have to do to save you?_

 

Gentle fingers brush your cheeks and as your vision clears, you see a shadow looming over you. You freeze for half a second before realizing that it's only Goro. You recognize his silhouette from the faint light of the moon illuminating the room.

 

“Are you crying?” His voice is soft.

 

“No.” Goro's smile just before his death swims in your vision and you scrunch your eyes shut, regretful when the image follows you into the dark.

 

“Liar,” he chastises gently. “I can feel your tears even now. What's wrong? Was it a nightmare?”

 

You try to speak, but your throat closes up and you feel the sting of more tears behind your eyes. So in lieu of answering, you let out a sob and pull him close, muffling your cries in his shoulder. Goro doesn't say a word, and returns your embrace, making gentle shushing noises that only make you cry harder.

 

It's a long time before your sobs subside into quiet sniffles, but he doesn't let you go. When you finally speak again, your voice is low and still shaky despite your best attempts to steady it.

 

“I…I saw your end. I don't want you to die again… I don't want you to suffer the way you did. I did that to you…and words alone cannot express how sorry I am… To keep you alive and happy… I will do whatever it takes.” _For the greater good, like Ringabel used to say…_

 

You can't see Goro's expression because of the dim lighting, but the next moment, it doesn't matter because his lips are moving against yours, his body shifting to lie on top of you. You squeeze your eyes shut and clutch at the fabric of his shirt, a few more tears leaking out of your eyes.

 

_I'm the worst…the absolute worst… But for Goro, I will pay any price…_

 

Your clothes are stripped away from your body with practiced efficiency, and you turn your head away, feeling your insides curl with shame. You don't want to do this to him again, but…if he is happy… if it prevents him from taking his own life, then it will be worth it. You don't claim to understand how Goro feels about you, but perhaps you can try.

 

Goro kisses a trail from your neck to your shoulder, sucking and caressing your skin with his tongue, but behind his touches, you sense a desperation that was never there before. His hands trail over your bare skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Your own hands lie still upon the sheets.

 

You jolt upwards when one of his fingers find its way inside you, a gasp leaving your throat.

 

“Pay attention to me,” Goro whispers. “Don't look away. Please…”

 

It's difficult to follow his directions, especially when another finger joins the first. You squirm and clutch the sheets under you while that familiar haze slowly overtakes your mind, making it difficult to keep track of everything. You don't know when Goro discarded his own clothes, but you become pointedly aware of it when he settles his weight on you again. He nudges your legs apart with his free hand and he moves into the empty space between your legs.

 

_A world depends on me to set it right, but I am lost, so hopelessly lost in his impossible desire and longing. He will try to kill Kurusu again, but not yet. He is still human, fragile, real._

 

Goro curls his finger just right and you fight back a cry of rapture, only to be muffled by his lips against yours again. His tongue finds its way into your mouth, distracting you from the slight burn you feel from the sensation of his fingers stretching you open. He does this a few more times, and by that time, you're a quivering mess under his touch.

 

He withdraws his hand, leaving you empty and something decidedly larger than his fingers nudges against your opening a moment later. You inhale sharply when he pushes inside you, almost drowning out his deep, rumbling groan of satisfaction. Your eyes squeeze shut against the sensation of him moving deeper into you with shallow, rocking thrusts. Goro pulls back only slightly to trail his lips against your shoulder again, and his breath, hot and heavy, fans against your neck.

 

Goro's hands coax you to wrap your arms around his back and you mindlessly comply, too out of it to do any differently. His hips are moving purposefully now, his flesh drilling into your body, his panting breaths becoming heavier and more audible the more he presses into you. When you wrap your legs around his waist, he lets out a loud groan and his pace slows down for a second before becoming punishingly brutal. Amid his soft cries, you hear him speak in fractured sentences, his voice low and husky.

 

“I love you,” he whispers, over and over again. “I love you…so much…don't—don't leave me again…” His arms slide under you and pull you so close to him that you can feel his heartbeat, pounding wildly in his chest. “Mine…you're— _aaahn—_ mine... Stay with me…please…stay with me— _hahhhh, aah…_ forever…”

 

_Past. Future. Imaginary constellations we have drawn on the starry swirl of time. For now, there is no past or future, there is no truth but the beating of our hearts. There is only you and me._

 

The familiar tension begins to grow in the pit of your belly, causing you to gasp out Goro's name over and over again. This seems to encourage him to move even faster, and his groans grow louder in your ears as his hands clutch at your back. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, and your name tumbles from his lips repeatedly with the weight and sincerity of something fragile and precious.

 

Your fingers dig into his back just as the tension in your abdomen snaps, coloring your world in a blinding euphoria. It only takes a few more thrusts before Goro reaches his peak as well, spilling deep inside you with a cry of your name.

 

Goro's forehead is warm and sweaty against your skin, and you're no different. You don't move from your position and neither does he.

 

 _So what happens now? Do we continue this charade, knowing that I don't feel the same? Or do you not remember?_ _I_ _want to ask you, but I can't form the words. I'm such a coward…_

 

Your thoughts are interrupted by Goro slowly moving inside you again and you gasp in surprise, your body's oversensitivity making you tremble.

 

“Want you…again…” he whispers in between kisses to your jawline.

 

You don't trust your voice, so you respond by tangling your fingers in his hair and drawing him into a kiss that causes him to moan into your mouth and begin moving faster.

 

_I hate deceiving you like this. But for the sake of your future, I will do what I must._

 

* * *

 

 

Your voice is hoarse the next morning, and Goro graciously offers you a glass of water. You down it in just a few short gulps, missing the way his eyes follow the movement of your throat with rapt attention.

 

You didn't have any visions of the past after Goro finally let you rest after spending most of the night and part of the early morning turning you into an incoherent mess. You'd practically made a beeline for the bathroom as soon as the first rays of sunlight peeked over the horizon, twisting the knobs as far as they would go, only for Goro to climb into the bathtub with you and once again reduce your brain into a pile of mush.

 

A sudden pressure in your head causes you to wince and lean your forehead against the cool surface of the counter top.

 

“Are you all right?”

 

You nod shakily, the pressure gone almost as soon as it started. When you straighten up again and catch your reflection in the mirror, you cry out in alarm as the glass in your hand slips from your grasp and shatters onto the tiled floor below.

 

“(First Name)! What happened? Do you need to lie down again?” Ordinarily, the concern in Goro's voice would be a comfort to you, but you're too busy trying to comprehend what you just saw in the mirror.

 

Burning yellow eyes, with a stare that scorches your very soul, and a grin as sharp as the glass shards at your feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When will you learn?! WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?! *clears throat* Ahem. Hope you all enjoy the newest chapter. I'll see you dear readers again in about a week, give or take.


	16. Feed Me Your Negativity, Talk Some More About Me, I Know That You Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some truths are brought to light and your mask slips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry if the newest chapter wasn't worth the ungodly wait. I hope I still have a few readers left.

The sunlight is fickle today, with clouds obscuring it every few minutes and plunging the living room into a relative semi-darkness. You gaze out the window, wanting to just curl up on Goro's bed and not move for the next thousand years. Behind you, you can hear him getting ready for work, the telltale soft sounds of fabric against skin stark in the relative quiet. You're still wrapped up in what Goro calls a bathrobe, your hair still damp and smelling like shampoo. You're quite comfortable, and a bit reluctant to get out of the bathrobe. Your necklace glints on the dining room table, but you ignore it for now.

 

You can't bring yourself to tell Goro what you saw in the mirror. It was only for a second, but the burn of that yellow-eyed stare is difficult to forget. You feel sick at heart. There _is_ something wrong with your heart. You have a _Shadow._ An actual Shadow, born from the twisted desires of your heart. But what do you desire? You only wish to save Goro from a cruel fate, and perhaps save Kurusu from his fate as well. What's so wrong about that?

 

You're not stupid. You know Kurusu met his end not long after you did in the previous timeline. What if there was some way he and Goro could work together? Maybe they don't have to fight. But no, Goro will never let Kurusu go free. They are opponents on opposite sides of the battlefield. Rivals. Enemies. But how will you save them both?

 

You know your secret won't last forever. Goro is one of the smartest humans you've ever met, and his job as a detective will ensure your secret is exposed. Time is not on your side, but you've got eons of experience compared to him. Aside from what happened in his bathroom, he has no clue about your Shadow. And you plan to keep it that way for as long as possible. You're terrified of what he might find lurking in the depths of your heart. Time is not on your side, however. He's already suspicious, and you know he'd rather hear it from you than finding out about it himself.

 

Later. You will tell him later.

 

A pair of strong arms wrap themselves around you from behind and you feel kisses being pressed against your neck. You turn your head slightly, and Goro brings one of his hands to your cheek to kiss you properly. He pulls away briefly so you can turn around fully in his arms, and he dives right back in, crushing your body against his.

 

You scrunch your eyes shut and cling to the fabric of Goro's shirt. As long as he doesn't suspect a thing, there's no reason for your Shadow to be a problem. Goro deserves a better life after what you did to him. All you have to do is take out Shido's allies once again, put an end to Shido himself, and then…

 

You don't know when you move to the wall but Goro's hands are starting to wander all over your body.

 

“I wish I could stay here today…” he groans, kissing his way along your jawline. “We could spend the entire day making love…like last night. But I can't. Sae-san wouldn't let me take another day off.” He pauses for a moment and pulls out his phone from his pocket, glancing at the screen briefly before scowling. “If I had more time, we could have...” He shakes his head before putting his phone away. “Maybe later, when I get home.”

 

You don't exactly know what he's talking about, but you have a hunch. You move to a sliding glass door that leads to a balcony, grimacing slightly when you catch sight of a pair of glowing yellow eyes in your reflection. You've witnessed many Shadow selves of humans at their worst. As disgusted as you are with yourself, you nonetheless feel a morbid curiosity. What kind of creature is your Shadow? Is it ruthless and cold? Maniacal and sadistic?

 

“(First Name).”

 

You blink and the yellow eyes vanish. You turn to face Goro, your face an impassive mask. “Yes?”

 

There's something in his expression that's difficult for you to identify. He looks...fragile, with a melancholic smile on his face. You've seen this look on him often, mainly when the two of you are alone, sharing a quiet moment. Is it love? There's definitely affection there. You recognize it only because you spent myriad worlds learning how to care for others. But that begs the question… What does romantic love feel like?

 

“Do you...really love me?” His eyes shine with hope, and the raw vulnerability in his face takes you aback for a moment.

 

You hate this. You hate not knowing how to love him the way he wants you to. Do you even want to? The contorted expression on his face as he screams his betrayal in the previous life flashes in your memory. Can you really bring yourself to to that do him again?

 

Then you remember last night. What you let him do to you, over and over again until you passed out from exhaustion. Your decision has already been made for you, and now you have to deal with the consequences. You can only hope it won't blow up in your face again.

 

“Yes.”

 

The sheer relief on his face is palpable and he steps forward and kisses you fiercely, the desperation behind it causing something in your heart to come loose and rattle around in your chest. It isn't a lie. Not really.

 

At least…that's what you keep telling yourself.

 

You don't remember when he leaves the apartment. There's a small key in your hand, physical proof of how much he trusts you. You feel like slime. Discarding your bathrobe, you grab your pendant and put it on, tapping it once to activate it. You're bathed in light as the Spiritmaster's garb molds itself to your body. You still feel dirty, and you know it has nothing to do with your physical body and everything to do with the sickness festering inside your heart.

 

You don't want to stay here alone. Being outside surrounded by people isn't really something you typically do, but at least crowds provide ample distractions from the noise in your head. Making sure to lock up behind you, you make your way to the crowded streets below.

 

You're not sure what you can do all day. Maybe you can do some shopping for Goro and prepare him a meal for when he gets home? It would be a nice way to repay him for providing you shelter.

 

You pick up a few ingredients for a fish stew that you remember Tiz having a particular fondness for. It's a bit time consuming to make, but you've made it so many times for him over myriad worlds that you don't need the recipe anymore.

 

When you emerge from the store, you find that the weather has taken a turn for the worse. The sky is an ugly overcast, with sheets of rain pelting the streets around you. You sigh and carefully make your way under an awning from a store across the street. It's so reminiscent of your very first timeline here, where you got stuck in the rain under the very same awning.

 

You wonder how Kurusu died in that timeline. You reset it yourself, so you never got to see what happened. Perhaps you shouldn't have been so hasty…

 

A small noise catches your attention by your legs and you look down to see a black cat sitting next to you, its fur drenched from the sudden downpour. As you kneel down to get a closer look, it blinks startlingly vivid blue eyes at you and you pause.

 

It's odd seeing Morgana without Kurusu carrying him around in his bag. You're almost positive it's the same cat, and when you kneel down and extend a hand for him to sniff, he cautiously moves closer to you and places a paw on your open palm. It's wet, cold, and leaves a dirty mark after he moves back to look up at you, but you don't mind in the slightest as a small smile curls the ends up your lips upwards.

 

You know he can take care of himself but he looks awfully cold, judging by the way he shivers every so often. You want to take him home, but...you know it's a bad idea. Morgana may not have memories of the previous timeline, but Goro does. And Morgana was definitely not his ally.

 

You resist the urge to sigh as he stares up at you pleadingly, but you can't bring him to Goro's apartment. You walk back to the convenience store and buy some sushi and the churning in your gut gets worse when you find him still waiting for you. You set the opened package on the floor in front of you and Morgana immediately darts forward and begins scarfing down the food. When he's done, you pick up the empty container and walk to the train station, throwing it into a bin as you go.

 

Morgana doesn't follow you. It's probably for the best.

 

* * *

 

 

Figuring out how Goro's stove works without blowing up the apartment is a small miracle, but you manage to make the fish stew without any major mishaps. It looks more like soup rather than stew, but when you tentatively take a sip, it's actually not bad. It's not the best thing in the world, but it should be enough.

 

When you glance at the time, you realize it's barely past noon and you sigh. You don't know what else to do in your spare time. You could go to the Metaverse and train, but you'd be an idiot to go alone. And if something were to happen to you, Goro would be left wondering if you abandoned him, at least until the next timeline. If he remembers you the next time, that is.

 

You're crouching down in the lower cupboards looking for containers to store the food in when you hear the sound of the front door opening. You straighten up a bit too fast and feel yourself rocking backwards on your heels as you overbalance and stumble. A strong pair of hands catches you under your arms just before you hit the floor.

 

You look up to find Goro's amused face staring down at you.

 

“A little clumsy, aren't you?” he chuckles before hauling you to your feet. His eyes widen as he notices the stew simmering in the pot. “Did you...do this for me?”

 

You nod. “I used to make it for my friends in Luxendarc. It isn't much, but I want to repay you for providing shelter.” You twiddle your thumbs, feeling a slight lurching sensation in your stomach. “I apologize for using your, ah…device…without permission. I will ask next time.”

 

Goro doesn't respond. His eyes look overly bright and shiny, and you're slightly horrified that the corners of his mouth twitch minutely, and his breaths are oddly sharp. He looks seconds away from bursting into tears and you duck your head in shame, your gaze lowering to the floor.

 

“Oh, I…I'm sorry. I've gone and done it again, haven't I? Please know that this was done only with the best intentions and not meant to hurt you in any way. I will dispose of this straight away…” Anything else you wish to say gets caught in your throat as a force barrels into you and nearly knocks you off your feet. A moment later, you realize that it's only Goro hugging you again, his arms wrapped so tightly around you that you can hardly breathe.

 

“Thank you…” His voice sounds strained, and thick with emotion. It makes you wonder just how lonely Goro really is. Maybe you can't understand or reciprocate what he feels for you, but you can still be there for him. His betrayal from the previous life still stings, and you will never be okay with it, but humans have always been foolish. If you hadn't believed in them despite that, you wouldn't be here today. Ouroborus would still be alive.

 

You tentatively hug him back and lean your head against his. You're not in this position for very long, as Goro pulls away only slightly to press his lips against yours. You pretend not to notice the tear tracks on his cheeks, or the way his hands tremble as they pull you closer.

 

* * *

 

 

You've just finished packing away the leftover stew when Goro calls your name. You turn and walk into the living room to find him sitting on the sofa, face pensive.

 

“That song you were singing when I found you…where did you hear it?”

 

You lean against the wall, crossing your arms. “In Luxendarc, long, long ago. Before I met any of my friends, before I learned what was at stake. A bard and her husband arrived in Caldisla and played a song that made me feel emotions for the first time. It was a liberating experience. I'll never forget it.” You sigh. “But it took a very long time for me to understand its meaning. In any case, it's meant to be sung with a partner. I could never have done it justice by myself.”

 

“Will you teach it to me?”

 

You blink slowly, pushing yourself from the wall to stand up straight. “Maybe someday.”

 

“Then…will you show me what you really look like?”

 

Your blood turns to ice. “Wha…what did you say?”

 

Goro stands up, his expression unreadable, and that terrifies you more than anything. “It's been bothering me for a while. During that fight with Sae-san's Shadow…it said that it was able to see your true form.”

 

You shake your head, wordlessly pleading for him to drop the subject, but he plows ahead, oblivious to your plight. There's an odd sort of tension in the air, and it's giving you a headache.

 

“I want to see you. What you really look like. I don't want you to hide from me. I was the first one to hug you, to kiss you, to bed you. I think I have a good reason as to why I alone should be able to see the real you.”

 

You wrap your arms around yourself, your shoulders curling forward. “You don't want to see it. Trust me, Goro… It's not worth it. So…please don't ask again.”

 

Your heartbeat is so loud that you're surprised Goro can't hear it.

 

“Can I at least know why?”

 

You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to shut out the onslaught of memories that are vying for your attention. You're caught up in a full-body tremor. “Because when Airy forced me to reveal my true form, they…called me a monster…” There's a lump in your throat, but you force it down and take several deep breaths to calm down, finding that special place in your mind where you feel calmest. When you open your eyes again, Goro is standing right in front of you, his hands on your shoulders.

 

The ringing in your ears makes it hard to hear your own voice. You're calm. You're fine now.

 

“I couldn't bring myself to hurt them. I loved them too much to ever lay a hand on them. But Tiz, Agnès, Edea…they drew their weapons and struck me down.” You sigh through your nose. “And for the next several hundred worlds, I let Airy lead them to their deaths as payment.” You can't meet his eyes. “I lost faith in them until Ringabel taught me how to trust again. If you were to react the same way they did, I think my mind would fracture.” The memory of a sinister grin and glowing yellow eyes swims in your mind's eye and you clench your hands into fists.

 

You don't want to do this. You're actually not fine right now. You're seconds away from losing it.

 

“(First Name)…!”

 

The ringing in your head is so _loud._ With a mounting horror, you think you hear laughter. Derisive, jeering laughter. It echoes strangely, distorted and warped as it is, but you recognize it instantly.

 

The voice is your own.

 

_Make it stop… Please, no more!_

 

“I'm sorry,” you say weakly. “The noise in my head has gotten rather difficult to ignore lately.”

 

_I can't breathe…_

 

“The noise in your…” Goro's voice trails off as his eyes widen, and you don't understand why he looks so terrified until he pulls out his phone.

 

The Metaverse Navigator app mocks you, its eye boring into you, and you're seized with a vicious pain in your head that permeates through your muscles, tendons, and bones. You almost don't hear Goro shakily saying your full name out loud, but you do hear the small chime that confirms your worst fears.

 

“ _Candidate found.”_

 

For a moment, he doesn't speak. You slowly back away from him, shame creeping up your throat like bile. You swallow the lump in your throat and force the tension away from your shoulders. The pain in your head recedes.

 

“You know the truth, then,” you say quietly.

 

“How did this happen…?” Goro looks to be in shock. You don't blame him. You're sick. You're disgusting. You're just as bad as the targets you killed in Mementos.

 

“I don't know. I am not of your kind, so I don't know if this…Palace follows the same rules as the universe we currently reside in.”

 

“ _Candidate found.”_

 

You forgot the app is still active.

 

To your surprise, Goro doesn't seem disgusted in the slightest. He looks thoughtful, as if this is just another case for him to solve.

 

“It does make sense,” he says. “You're the equivalent of a goddess, since you came from a god in your universe. It stands to reason that you would think on a grander scale than ordinary humans. We have the _who_ and the _where_ , so all that's left is the _what.”_

 

“I don't understand,” you murmur. “Why do you not curse me? Hate me? I'm sick. My heart is corrupted by twisted desires that need to be silenced.”

 

Goro's eyes snap to yours and there's real anger there, but it strangely doesn't seem to be directed at you. “Hate you? No. _Never._ My hate is reserved for only one person, and he isn't here.” He pockets his phone and strides over to where you're standing, his face set. “I have tried to prove my love for you all this time, but I guess I haven't done enough if you still doubt it.”

 

He scoops you up in his arms, and you're astounded at how much strength can be compacted into one fragile human body.

 

Goro whisks you away into his bedroom, not even bothering to close the door behind him before he deposits you onto his bed. “I don't care if it takes me the rest of today for me to prove it, or if it takes me the rest of my life. I will show you, so you will never doubt my love again.”

 

And for the rest of the day and night, he proceeds to do exactly that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more plot stuff happens next chapter. Hopefully I don't disappear into the void for an entire month and a half again.


	17. Among a Repetitive Daybreak With No Sun… Is a Shattered Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you struggle to deal with the sickness in your heart and you run into a familiar face once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what this fic needs? More smut! But that's getting repetitive, so let's add some angst with it, along with some icky stuff with Shadow Reader. Poor Reader is in a very bad place right now, and it only gets worse from here. Tread carefully, friends.

_You sit on the banks of a gently flowing river, your hands absently fiddling with your Diamond Staff. Two of your companions sit beside you, chatting animatedly about their plans for the future. The other two have gone ahead, into a nearby cave with the sage. Above your head, the self-proclaimed cryst-fairy flits back and forth, anxiously awaiting their return._

 

_You gaze into the depths of the river, not saying a word. Edea had attempted to bring you into their conversation early on, but Ringabel took one look at your face and gently persuaded her to leave you be._

 

“ _She does this sometimes. It's best to leave her alone to her thoughts. She will talk to us when she's ready,” he says._

 

“ _If you're sure…” Edea replies. She sounds uncertain, but you honestly don't expect anything different from her. The sting of her looking at you with no recognition in her eyes never lessens. It only serves to rub salt in an already festering wound._

 

_It's a pain you've long since learned to ignore._

 

“ _I just don't get it!” Airy suddenly exclaims, causing you to jump slightly. “I'm supposed to be Agnès's most trusted partner! Why did she choose him when she has me?”_

 

“ _I'm sure she has her reasons,” Ringabel replies evenly. “For now, all we can do is wait for them to return.” A grin stretches across his face and you catch a mischievous glint in his eye. “Perhaps Tiz has finally shown some courage and made his move on Agnès.”_

 

_For some reason, Edea looks uncomfortable. From the corner of your eye, you see her glance anxiously at you. “Don't say that. They're probably talking about something else entirely.” Her voice cracks at the last syllable and you frown. The change in your expression only makes Edea's nervousness all the more apparent._

 

“ _What are you talking about?” you ask, finally looking up._

 

_Edea shoots Ringabel a dirty look, but he looks completely unrepentant. Confused, you look between the two of them, wordlessly asking for an explanation._

 

“ _Um…I know this isn't any of our business, but it's been bothering me for a while. You…like Tiz, don't you?” Edea seems nervous for some reason._

 

_You tilt your head slightly to one side. “Obviously.”_

 

_Edea and Ringabel exchange significant looks. Their silence speaks volumes, but it is utterly meaningless to you._

 

“ _You aren't…you don't resent Agnès for taking Tiz with her alone to the Vestment Cave, do you?” Ringabel says. The smile has completely vanished from his face._

 

“ _Why would I?” you say. “You heard the sage. This is her choice. Tiz is the one she trusts the most, so it stands to reason that he would accompany her.”_

 

“ _Still…” Edea says, her voice trailing off. “I'm not sure how you can stand it. If it were me, I'd be really angry.”_

 

_You look to Ringabel, confused. “…Should I be angry? Whatever for?”_

 

_He stares back at you, his eyes fond, and to your surprise, slightly patronizing. “Oh, my dear (First Name). Your innocence truly knows no bounds. You'll understand when you're older.”_

 

_His tone annoys you so much that you're actually offended. You don't dignify that with a response, so you scowl and turn away, moodily stabbing the soft earth with your staff._

 

_Honestly, the nerve of that man! You have countless years on all of them combined. Innocence, indeed!_

 

* * *

 

 

There are many things you do not yet understand about humans. Irrational, emotional, impulsive creatures, yet they somehow manage to thrive in a world that discourages these very traits. Anger, hate, sorrow, fear…emotions ripe for the creation of a Palace.

 

How is it that humans manage to coexist with such feelings? You thought observation was enough to learn everything there was to know about them, but that bard and her husband was enough to turn that idea on its head. The friends you made on your journey, the bonds you forged with them, the heartache, the pain of losing them over myriad worlds, the bitter resolution…

 

And yet…

 

If you were given the chance to do it all over again, you would. You would not trade those experiences for anything. Joy, affection, love, determination…emotions you thought you weren't even capable of feeling. Ouroboros thought these emotions laughable. Wasteful, even. But if not for your friends, you would never have had the courage to rebel. To rise up against your creator in a world where there was no longer any need for gods.

 

To you, Akechi Goro is an anomaly. He's still a human, but a human that causes you to experience emotions you've never felt before. You've never been touched before, never had anyone hug you so closely. A hand to the shoulder was as close as anyone got, to say nothing of what Goro has done to you since then.  But those things he does…the kissing, the wandering hands, the touching…it's something you've never done with anyone else. Why do you let him do it? What he wants from you isn't something you can give him. You feel a deep affection for him, that much is true. Goro wants something different, but you don't know what it is. Kurusu attempted to explain it to you in the previous run, but you're still as lost as ever.

 

_What should I do?_

 

You sigh through your nose and try to curl yourself up into a ball, but the arm around your bare waist prevents you from getting too far. Your sudden movement causes the body behind you to stir and to tighten its grip.

 

You know Goro's awake. If the change in his breathing isn't enough to give it away, the lips slowly kissing their way along your shoulder is. You can feel his hair tickling the side of your neck and you fight to suppress a shiver. You can feel him, pressing against your backside and you inwardly groan.

 

How does he have so much stamina? Does the Metaverse really provide such adequate training or it just him? And the way he latches onto you…it reminds you of the semi-feral creatures you took care of before you first encountered humans. The desperate neediness and grasping clinginess. What did Ringabel call it? Touch starved?

 

But those were just abandoned pets. Caldisla had been full of them, mostly dogs. Cats didn't come to you very often. They could take care of themselves, unlike their canine counterparts.

 

It's nearly pitch black in the room. The sun must have gone down long ago, but you can't get away to check the time. There's something distinctly unnerving about not being able to see anything. Just the sensation of lips and hands on your body, a hand that moves down, _down…_

 

Your hips jolt upwardly nearly of their own volition as a startled cry becomes swallowed up by Goro's lips on yours. His hands settle on your hips and turn you around and pull you upwards until you feel yourself resting on top of a very warm body.

 

The darkness adds a touch a surrealism that makes you question if this is even happening or not. Goro's often quite vocal whenever he does this, but he's staying oddly silent this time. You wish you could see his face.

 

The strange heady feeling you've come to associate with this kind of thing makes its expected appearance but even then, it's somehow muted. What is going on? Is this real or a dream? You don't think you're dreaming, since those are reserved for your adventures in Luxendarc. They've never been anything else, so why would they start now?

 

It feels like no time at all has passed when your feel him guide your knees to rest on either side of him. You feel him much more clearly now, especially when he guides you to move back and forth for a time, but there's a building headache behind your eyes that causes you to gasp in pain. Unfortunately for you, Goro mistakes it for excitement because he enters you in one smooth stroke.

 

If anything else, at least _that_ feels real enough. Your hands spasm from where they rest on his shoulders, but as far as you're aware, you don't make a sound, save for a sharp exhale through your nose. One of his hands slides to the back of your neck and behind your head, where his fingers tangle themselves in your hair as his movements become sharper. His panting breaths tickle your ear before he lets out a wild groan as his other arm encircles your lower back and holds you in place while his hips slam repeatedly against yours with quick little pounds to your center.

 

The pain in your head keeps you from fully enjoying what Goro's doing to you, and then you're hit with a wave of vertigo as you slump in his hold. Your heart pounds in your chest. The last time this happened, you caught a glimpse of your Shadow in the mirror.

 

But…it should be okay this time, right? It's not like you can see anything, anyway.

 

Then you raise your head and see the telltale glow of yellow eyes boring into your skull.

 

You thought you were safe. No mirrors means no reflection. But it seems the darkness of your heart has found another way to manifest itself.

 

You finally get a good look at what your Shadow looks like. Your first thought is of Airy in her true form, but it's worse. It's so much worse. She wears a low-cut black dress with red trim around the hem and sleeves, and black ribbon-like gloves. She wears no shoes, but there's a silver anklet of some sort that jingles slightly with the slightest movement. Her hair is longer than yours, reaching all the way down to her feet, with two antennae sticking out from the top of her head that look like long plumes, zigzagging to form a strange 'M' shape. She has the same sort of glow that Airy did in her cryst-fairy form, shimmering light drifting slowly from her wings.  They resemble a butterfly's but you've never seen one with wings blacker than pitch, the kind that swallows any light. But it's her eyes that catch your attention the most. Unlike most other Shadows who still look somewhat human, the sclera is black instead of white.

 

When she sees you looking at her, her grin widens. To anyone else, it would seem gentle, disarming, almost. There's a warmth behind it, a sort of kindness. But you know better. Her smile may be warm, but her eyes…

 

They're like glaciers.

 

_Having fun?_

 

Her lips don't move, but you know it's her. You scrunch your eyes shut so you don't have to look at her, but her image follows you into the dark. She is you. And you are her.

 

_Ignoring me isn't going to make me go away._

 

You can't deal with this right now. Your head is killing you, but you've dealt with far worse. It doesn't even come close to what you experienced with Qada. Experimentation is _never_ fun.

 

_Trying to wave it all away and say you're fine is what got you in this mess in the first place. And what of this young man? He loves you so desperately, like he'll drown if you're not there with him. Fascinating, isn't it?_

 

As if on cue, Goro surges upward, crushing your lips together in a heated kiss that startles you, his hips slamming upward into your body with deadly precision. You can't help the small, muffled shriek that escapes you, and that only excites him further.

 

_But it's all fake, isn't it? What you're doing to him. You sad, pathetic creature. All those years of interacting with humans didn't do you a lick of good, did it? It all comes down to the troublesome emotion they call “love.”_

 

You break away from Goro's lips, your eyes stinging, and pray that he mistakes your tears for sweat. You pray that none of this is real, that Goro isn't taking pleasure from your body, that you aren't hearing your Shadow speak to you in such a vile manner. You just want your head to stop hurting, where your mind is your own, where there are no sinister voices. You just want it to stop.

 

Your Shadow laughs tonelessly. _Such a flair for dramatics, child._

 

You jolt awake, gasping for breath. You hear the sounds of birds chirping merrily outside, gentle sunlight filtering through the slight gap in the curtains. The bedroom is empty, and there are no signs of anyone in the apartment. You sit up slowly, fumbling around for your phone. There's an unread text message on the preview screen, so you unlock your phone to read it properly.

 

**Goro:** _Good morning, my dear (First Name)! I would have loved to wake you up to greet you in person, but you just looked so peaceful that I let you sleep in._ _I know we still have a lot to talk about, but I have some obligations to fulfill first. We're in this together, you and I. Please get some rest. I know you need it after yesterday. I love you!_

 

You raise an eyebrow, a little put off by his uncharacteristic cheerfulness. As you're about to put your phone away, you get a new message.

 

**Goro:** _Last night was fun. You were acting a bit strange, however. Are you okay?_

 

Well, aside from the fact that you have a literal _Palace_ , you're doing just fine and dandy, thank you very much.

 

**You:** _I'm fine. Have a good day at work._

 

A few seconds later, Goro sends you what looks like a heart, and nothing else. You put away your phone, feeling nauseated. You need some air. Or at least something to keep yourself occupied. Tiz always said that dwelling on heartache made things worse, so it's best to find an activity you enjoy and distract yourself.

 

After taking a bath, you catch sight of yourself in a mirror and blanch. There's a slew of small bruises scattered along your neck, collar, and shoulders, and several others along your body, including finger-shaped marks along your hips. When you twist yourself around, you wince when you find several long scratches along your back. A simple Cure spell causes all the marks on your body to vanish and you dress yourself quickly and head out, finding the weather to be much better than the day before. You're thinking you could pick up a shift at the flower shop in the Underground Mall, when you become acutely aware of a presence behind you.

 

You're being followed.

 

Ringabel did this to you when he first met you, and it had been easy enough to lose him. With a more populous region and plenty of escape routes, it's laughably easy to lose your pursuer. You duck into a convenience store, the same one you bought supplies from the other day, and see a young woman furtively looking around, a phone in her hands. She looks vaguely familiar.

 

You wait a good twenty minutes discreetly browsing the back of the store while keeping an eye out for that woman. Nothing good ever comes of being followed. When the coast is clear, you exit the store and make your way to the Underground Mall.

 

Meeting the owner of Rafflesia is a somewhat awkward experience for you. She's just as excited to meet you as she was the first time around, her delighted ramblings almost word for word. You nod along, feeling a bit weary at the repetition.

 

Being surrounded by flowers is oddly invigorating. There's something about the smell that puts you at ease, and for the first time since you arrived in this third world, you feel almost content.

 

Until the woman from before finds you a few hours later. Looking at her, she doesn't have any distinguishing features aside from her uniform. It's the same as Kurusu's, only with a short skirt instead of plaid trousers. She has an unfriendly look on her face, her eyes constantly flitting between her phone and your eyes.

 

“Welcome to Rafflesia. How may I help you tod—“

 

“Do you know Akechi Goro?” she interrupts, not wasting any time.

 

You blink slowly. “I…beg your pardon?”

 

She makes a frustrated noise and shoves her phone in your face. It's open to a picture, one that makes your heart sink into your stomach. The date shows that it's from a few days ago, where you're getting on the train. You inwardly wince at how exhausted you look in the photo. Goro's right behind you, his hand on the small of your back. It seems completely innocuous at first, but his expression is a dead giveaway. His eyes are filled with so much warmth and affection that it's almost staggering to see it on display like that.

 

Your face remains impassive, but now your voice contains an undercurrent of steel. “May I interest you in a bouquet?”

 

Her face hardens and she puts away her phone. “Playing dumb isn't going to fool me. I know what I saw. So, what are you to him, anyway? Are you his girlfriend? I doubt you are, though. He's way out of your league.” To your horror, her loud voice attracts the attention of several passersby.

 

Her attitude is entirely too reminiscent of Victoria, the same exact sharp tone and always having something unpleasant to say. That, more than anything, is what's trying your patience.

 

Luckily for you, your boss hurries over and motions for you to move to the back of the shop, and you're all too happy to comply.

 

“I'm sorry, miss, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave,” she says sternly.

 

The girl's face is mutinous, but she stalks away, grumbling under her breath.  You doubt you've seen the last of her.

 

You heave a sigh a relief, one echoed by your boss. “Sorry about that,” she says. “We don't usually get too many rude customers."

 

You nod, your thoughts elsewhere. By all accounts, that woman was just another face in the crowd. She looked to be around Edea's age. Young, then. Very young. Goro being famous is one thing, but drawing attention to yourself in a foreign universe is extremely dangerous. What if it's ruled by a higher power, like Ouroboros?

 

You'd have to tell him about it when you get back to the apartment. It's almost time for you to head home, anyway. You've just gotten your pay and walked several feet from the flower shop when you round the corner and your heart seizes in your chest.

 

Kurusu stands several feet away, staring straight at you, eyes wide and his face rapidly paling under his glasses.

 

Oh no.

 

Oh no, you _can't._

 

There's nowhere to run.

 

You frantically try to get your heart rate to something resembling normalcy, but it's difficult. You should be used to it by now. You've done it for so long. You've seen Tiz and the others alive again after watching them die in increasingly gruesome ways. It's not supposed to make your blood freeze like ice in your veins, for your hands to clench so tightly to your bag that you've nearly lost the feeling in them.

 

But somehow it has.

 

Morgana makes everything worse when he pokes his head out of Kurusu's bag and says audibly. “That's her, isn't it? The one in your dream?”

 

It's all you can do not to bolt.

 

Oh gods, he's walking toward you, his hand outstretched like he can't quite believe you're real. Perhaps you aren't, not to him.

 

You try to walk, to run, _anything,_ but your feet are frozen in place. You jump slightly when his fingers brush against your cheek.

 

“(Last Name)?” His voice sounds so small. It doesn't suit him at all.

 

You shift uneasily, forcing yourself to relax. “Perhaps it's best not to do this here.” At his questioning look, you gesture meaningfully to the still very busy Underground Mall. “Don't want to be overheard.”

 

He takes you to Leblanc, and you're hit with a wave of nostalgia so strong that you nearly rock back on your heels. The owner looks surprised to see you trailing behind Kurusu, and you introduce yourself with a bow that clears his expression somewhat.

 

“Name's Sakura Sojiro, but you can call me Boss.” You already know this. It's only been three worlds, but the repetition is already becoming tiresome.

 

Boss levels a glare at Kurusu and you're a bit taken aback at the outright hostility. “It's good that you're making friends, but you'd better not try anything, you hear?”

 

Kurusu nods and motions for you to follow him up the stairs.

 

You've never been up here. It looks to be an attic of sorts, but there's a mattress resting on some containers in the far corner of the room, along with a wilting plant and a small couch. This must be where Kurusu lives.

 

You make your way to sit on the couch, but Kurusu gently tugs on your wrist and pulls you down on the bed. You both sit side by side, not saying a word.

 

Morgana leaps into your lap, startling you. “I met you the other day,” he says. “Out in the rain. You looked at me like you knew me. You bought me food.”

 

You nod. “I couldn't bring you with me. I'm sorry.”

 

“Don't be. I can take care of myself. It wasn't long before Akira here found me in the real world and brought me home.” He tilts his head curiously. “So what's the deal with you? Akira said he saw a girl in his dreams. That she looked like you.”

 

You swallow inaudibly. “What else did he tell you?”

 

Morgana's eyes bore into your own, his gaze sharp and probing.

 

“Everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the home stretch now, dear readers. I hope you'll stick around until the end.


	18. I Can't Cling Onto the You I Once Knew Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you discover the presence of a higher being and the third world comes to a brutal end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still October 31st somewhere, so...Happy Halloween, everyone. And also, happy P5 Royal release day in Japan. I apologize for my long absence, but trying to explain why I was gone is a story in of itself. Enjoy the chapter, friends.

For a long moment, no one speaks. Then you heave a long sigh, your shoulders slumping.

 

“What do you want to know?”

 

“Well, I'm curious as to what your Persona is like,” Morgana says, his tail swishing from side to side. “The fact that you can understand me tells me that you've been to the Metaverse before.” His eyes are narrowed, and it almost makes him look menacing, especially this close.

 

“I…don't have a Persona. I thought Kurusu told you everything,” you say haltingly. You give Kurusu a sharp look, to which he merely shrugs sheepishly. “I use magic to fight. It's different from the skills you use in the Metaverse.”

 

“Different how?”

 

By way of answering, you hold your hand out, pooling your magic to that area. A small orb of light forms above your open palm, causing Morgana to squawk and fall off your lap. “My magic still functions outside the Metaverse.”

 

“What sort of magic can you do?” he asks eagerly.

 

You shrug, withdrawing your magic as you lower your arm and the orb of light vanishes. “My offensive magic is limited to wind and light-based spells, or Garu and Bless skills respectively. I'm better at providing support and restorative magic. But let's get to the point. Why am I here?”

 

“I've been having dreams,” Kurusu says, his eyes downcast. “Dreams of starting the Phantom Thieves, fighting through Palaces, stealing hearts… But I always failed in the end.” His eyes look so lost, and afraid. “I was hoping that you could give me answers.”

 

You want to give him the answers he craves, you really do. But you find yourself hesitating. To give such direct aid… is it truly worth the risk? But if he is to survive this Game, he needs all the help he can get. Even if he is Goro's enemy.

 

“Please…tell me. I don't know if I'm going crazy, or…”

 

You stare into his eyes for a long moment. There's apprehension there, but there's also a resolution in them that you feel a grudging respect for. Kurusu is either very brave, or very stupid. Or both. You look down at Morgana. “Do you believe him?”

 

He nods. “I may not have any proof yet, but I can sense there's something special about him.”

 

You nearly scoff at his words. Blindly trusting everything to someone you've just met is beyond moronic. It's a good way to get killed. Then again, Morgana is just a cat. Of course he wouldn't know any better. It's hard not to pity him.

 

“If you believe they are dreams, then they are dreams,” you say evenly. “But if you believe otherwise…”

 

“What's that supposed to mean?” Morgana retorts, his tone sharp.

 

You ignore him, staring at Kurusu with an intensity that causes him to shift slightly in his seat. “You aren't stupid, Kurusu. You know what they really are.”

 

He swallows hard, betraying his emotions. “They're memories…aren't they? They feel too real to be just dreams.”

 

“Very astute of you. Yes, they are memories of a former life, of a different timeline. They will most likely repeat until you succeed in whatever it is you need to do.” Heaven forbid you tell him you're the one resetting the timelines.

 

Kurusu abruptly stands, startling Morgana. “Then…will you help me?”

 

“That depends on what sort of aid you require. I cannot be in two places at once.”

 

“You don't have to become a Phantom Thief if you don't want to. It doesn't matter if you don't have a Persona. But you do have magic. Powerful healing magic. It would really help us out during Palace runs. We wouldn't have to be running ourselves ragged.”

 

“You have Morgana, and you will soon have Panther, Oracle, and Queen. They are more than enough support for your team.” You sigh. “Not to mention, I was actually killed in the previous world, or did you forget that already?”

 

“Only because something was distracting you. I know you were working with Akechi last time. Work with us this time. We can make a difference in this rotten society.” Kurusu is so earnest, so open.

 

“I will not abandon him.”

 

“What…?” And so completely, utterly vulnerable.

 

You take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “I'm sorry, but that is the one thing I will not compromise on.”

 

“Why?” Morgana asks, jumping onto your lap once again. You wince as his claws dig slightly into your skin, but he doesn't seem to notice.

 

“He's my friend. I am not so cruel as to leave him to the wolves.”

 

“He's the one plotting to kill Akira! He's the one behind the mental shutdowns and who knows how many other murders!” Morgana cries, incensed. “And you're saying you still want to help him?”

 

“I am just as guilty as he is,” you say quietly, clenching your fists in your lap. “I assisted him with those missions. I may not have known what fate I was condemning these people to, but I knew they were dying. As far as I was concerned, these were rotten, selfish adults who trampled on the weak and helpless. We were doing the world a service by getting rid of them.” You quash your rising turbulent emotions threatening to spill over and take a deep breath.

 

“I didn't know what I was dealing with at the time. I have had to kill people before coming to Japan. But not like this. Never like this. However, I did promise him that I would help. He is my friend. I will repeat myself as many times as I need to. I will not abandon him.”

 

Kurusu sighs, an unhappy frown on his face. “Does that mean you'll help him with his plan to kill me?”

 

“Oh, heavens no. I may be his ally first and foremost, but it certainly doesn't mean I want you dead. Even if I have to go behind his back, I will do all that I can to ensure your survival.”

 

“A double-agent, then?” Morgana says, perking up.

 

You grimace. “I...wouldn't put it that way. I won't be able to tell you his plans because it's the likelihood of him catching on to what I'm doing will be high. If things go well, I will see you again.” You stand up, brushing Morgana off as you do so. “If you intend to gather your allies again, I will not stop you. But please do not do anything too reckless. Just because Morgana believed you, it may not be the same for the rest of your friends.”

 

Kurusu stands up as well, and before you can react, pulls you into a hug that nearly knocks the wind out of you. He smells faintly of coffee, and something spicy, yet sweet. Curry, perhaps. It's a pleasant combination. You huff out a small laugh and return the embrace, squeezing briefly before letting go.

 

“You stay safe, too,” he says quietly. “Even if we can't be teammates, maybe one day we can be friends.”

 

You smile sadly and nod. “Maybe someday, Kurusu.” You turn and descend the stairs, but you just manage to catch Morgana's voice.

 

“Really, Akira? Can you be any more obvious?”

 

* * *

 

 

Lady Luck seems to have it out for you, because on your way back to the apartment, you're accosted by five young women in one of the restrooms in the Underground Mall. You had only intended to wash your face when a hand grabs a fistful of your hair and yanks backwards, catching you by surprise. To your dismay, you recognize one of the girls as the same one that had berated you several hours earlier.

 

Unfortunately, they're not interested in talking it out this time. They're all over you in an instant, a barrage of fists and nails clawing at you, gouging shallow, but painful wounds on your body, mainly your hands, the only part of you that's exposed. You curl your body inward with your arms over your head, but two of them wrangle your arms apart while the other three proceed to kick you in the ribs so hard that you end up emptying the contents of your stomach all over the floor. You lose count of how many times you feel a fist connect with your face, but there's a certain disconnect from the whole situation. One of their blows is hard enough to make you see stars, but no matter how much you struggle, you can't break free. You inwardly curse your body. It's well-suited to hosting copious amounts of magic, but with the unfortunate drawback of being rather physically frail.

 

_Why do you hold yourself back with these humans? One measly Aeroga is enough to rip them to shreds._ _It's less effective without the incantation, but you could kill them all._

 

No. You won't. These humans are so very foolish for letting their emotions get the better of them, but they're young. Too young to die.

 

_You coward. Is it because you're not in the Metaverse? There is no Metaverse in Luxendarc and you still killed humans there. They attack, you defend yourself. There's not really a difference here. So what's stopping you?_

 

As much as you hate to admit it, there really isn't anything.

 

_That's right. Defend yourself. Humans are so plentiful that the loss of a tiny handful won't matter. Do it. Right now._

 

You could. But magic requires concentration to work. You can't focus, not with the way your body is overheating. It hurts. It hurts a lot. Cast Curaga. Or Aeroga. Anything.

 

It's no good. You're going numb, and there's darkness creeping at the edges of your vision. You're so tired. Enough to want to sleep. If you're lucky, you won't have nightmares.

 

It's noisy. Someone is screaming, but you can't see who it is. Please do be quiet. You're trying to take a nap. Just a few minutes and you'll be as right as rain.

 

There is something you need to do. What was it? Is it important?

 

_Do you need help?_

 

You close your eyes. There's no one holding you up anymore.

 

_I think you do._

 

* * *

 

 

It's the sound of Goro's voice that wakes you up. He sounds positively _furious._ You don't open your eyes, however. Everything hurts too much. You just want to keep sleeping. You don't remember if you had any dreams. It was a good rest.

 

“I don't care how you get the information. I want them found. Pull the security footage—anything.”

 

“You need to get a hold of yourself, Akechi. We'll do all we can, but you have to understand that these things take time.” You don't recognize this voice. A woman's voice, deep and full of quiet authority. “More importantly…is this young woman the reason your attendance has been less than impeccable? The way you look at her, it's almost as if…”

 

“Pardon me for being frank, but I do believe my private life is none of your business, Sae-san.”

 

“That may be, but if it affects your performance in the workplace more than it already has, we're going to have problems. Do I make myself clear?”

 

“...Yes.”

 

“In any case, I hope she's in a position to give us a description of her attackers. Those brutes…they almost killed her. If Makoto hadn't found her…”

 

You open your eyes a sliver, only enough to see a white ceiling with dimmed overhead lights, but it's still too bright for you, and you can't help but release a whine that's more of an exhale than anything as you shut your eyes again.

 

The surface you're lying on jostles slightly, and you sense a presence hovering right above you.

 

“(First Name)! Oh, thank god! You're awake…” Goro's voice is so close that you can actually feel his breath on your cheeks.

 

“Hurts,” you mutter hoarsely. There's something around your head, locking your jaw in place. It's difficult to move anything at all, actually. Not that you'd want to. You're in pain, but it's strangely muffled somehow. You just wish everyone would stop talking so loudly.

 

“Control yourself, Akechi! You'll only exacerbate her injuries.” There's the sound of a throat being cleared and her tone becomes much more detached and formal. “My name is Niijima Sae, and I work as a public prosecutor for the Tokyo District Special Investigation Department. If you're feeling up to it, I'd like to ask you a few questions. Is that acceptable?”

 

Why did you wake up? You don't want to answer her questions. You just want to sleep. In fact, if you could go to Goro's apartment, one simple Curaga will be enough to undo all the damage to your body. You don't know why everyone's making such a huge fuss.

 

The woman, presumably Niijima, sighs when you don't respond. “I understand. I will leave you to rest and recover from your ordeal. Akechi has my phone number in case you want to follow up with me if you would like to press charges.” There's a pause, and you hear footsteps move away from you. Her voice is soft when she speaks again. “You have my permission to take the rest of the week off. I'll take full responsibility. I can't imagine this is easy for you, Akechi.”

 

“Thank you, Sae-san. I appreciate it.”

 

There's the sound of a door closing, and then silence, save the rhythmic beeping noise you've come to despise. Goro's hand settles above your own, his thumb rubbing tiny circles across your knuckles.

 

“Sorry…” you mumble. “Messed up...” It's all you can manage at this point.

 

His thumb stops stroking your hand. “No. You have done nothing to be sorry for.” His voice has lowered into something distinctly dangerous, and you inwardly shiver. “Just tell me who. I'll—I'll _destroy_ them.”

 

You exhale, feeling something like resignation. “Don't know. Want...sleep.”

 

“Stay with me a little longer, darling. I just need something to identify them.”

 

Your brow creases with the strain of trying to remember. It happened so fast. You recognized one of the girls. She was the one who stalked you and harassed you at your place of work. The other four you didn't recognize. But they were all wearing something similar to each other.

 

“Black jacket...plaid skirts…” You pause. “One of them…knew your name…likes your work…I think…”

 

Something feather-light brushes against your forehead and you hear Goro straighten up from the bed. “That's all I needed to hear. Thank you very much, my dear (First Name). Rest now. I won't let them get near you ever again.”

 

As he leaves, it occurs to you that you've most likely just sentenced five young girls to a fate worse than death.

 

You can't bring yourself to care.

 

* * *

 

 

By the time you're allowed to leave the hospital, a month and a half has passed and your injuries have healed somewhat. You never ask about the fate of the young women who attacked you, and Goro never mentions them again. You probably should care. But you don't.

 

It scares you. Is it your Shadow's influence?

 

When Goro brings you home, a single Curaga is all it takes for your body to repair itself completely. You remove the casts on your body with impunity, relishing the full use of your limbs.

 

Goro looks unnerved, however, and when you inquire him about it, he shifts uneasily from foot to foot.

 

“Doesn't it bother you?” he asks, his voice small. “You treat your life with so little value. I know you can heal yourself, but when Sae-san called me to the hospital and I saw you lying there…I was so scared. You nearly died, and I wasn't there.”

 

You sigh and remove the last of the bandages, leaving them in a heap on the floor. “Humans…have always been capable of cruelty, Goro. I'm sure you know this all too well. It's the same in Luxendarc.” You stretch your arms, feeling a satisfying pop in your shoulder.

 

“How can you just brush it off like that?”

 

You stare at him, surprised to see his face contorted with anguish. “It's how it's always been for me. If I fell apart at every single failure, I wouldn't be here now. I'm not an unfeeling creature. Every time I've gotten wounded, every time I've watched someone I love in pain, I've had to bury my real feelings and forge ahead. The last time I let myself really feel for the loss of someone I cared about, I left my world behind. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't shoulder the weight.”

 

You clasp your hands together and sit down on the couch, Goro taking a seat next to you. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something I've had on my mind.” When he nods for you to continue, you fiddle with the hem of your shirt. “I find it interesting how you've retained memories of previous worlds. It happened only once in my memory. In Luxendarc, Tiz regained his memories of a previous life. Later, Ringabel did as well. I was thinking that you may not be the only who who remembers.”

 

Some of the color drains from Goro's face. “You mean…the Phantom Thieves?”

 

You nod, your eyes lowering to your hands. “Yes. If they remember, then you must move carefully. No doubt they already know of your plans.” You pause. “I wonder…if there is any way for you to cooperate, rather than oppose each other.” When you look back at Goro, your heart sinks.

 

His reddish brown eyes burn with a fury that makes you squirm. “Cooperate…?” he says softly. Dangerously. “I don't think so. Those fools were the reason you were killed. If they weren't so incompetent, you never would have...I never would have lost you.”

 

You shake your head. “You're wrong. I chose to give up my life to save yours. Had I not intervened, you would have perished. Better for me to die than you.”

 

“And what of my feelings?!” Goro shouts, his face twisted in pain. “I can't live without your love, (First Name)! When you died in my arms…it was the worst thing I've ever felt in my life! I'll never cooperate with those people. Especially that…that…criminal trash!”

 

Your insides grow cold with dread as you stare at him for a long moment. Then you sigh heavily, standing up.

 

“W…Where are you going?”

 

You gather your things, taking care to activate the asterisk as your Spiritmaster ensemble forms around you in a burst of light.

 

“Do not worry. I will return later. But there is something I need to do. Since you refuse to cooperate with the Phantom Thieves, I must gather information from them myself.”

 

“You're going to _them?_ To that criminal living in an attic?!”

 

You round on him, your patience gone. “Listen to me! I don't know if the Metaverse is the product of a higher being, or if it's merely a natural part of this world. Think, Goro! The one who knows the most about it is Morgana. And yes, while that means I will inevitably run into Kurusu, I am still your ally! You are my most trusted friend, and it would be remiss of you to take it for granted! I have already lost so much time being stuck in that blasted hospital…and if this is going the way I suspect it is, someone is going to die!”

 

“(First Name)…”

 

You clasp his face in your hands, finally at your wit's end. “Please, just… _let me do this for you!”_

 

Goro stares into your eyes for a long moment, searching. You think he finds what he's looking for because he leans forward and kisses you, hard. You're a bit taken aback, but before you can do much of anything, he pulls back, resting his forehead against yours.

 

“All right. Just…when you're finished with whatever you need to do, come back to me.” When you make a noise of affirmation, he kisses you again, softer this time. “I'll be waiting.”

 

You pull away and nod once. You don't look back as you head out the door.

 

If you had, you would have noticed Goro's eyes, burning with vengeance.

 

* * *

 

 

When you arrive in Leblanc, you're not surprised to find it nearly empty. Boss isn't here. You idly wonder where he went.

 

Kurusu visibly brightens from where he stands behind the counter. “You're here. I was hoping that I'd see you again. Does that mean you'll help us?”

 

You frown. “Sort of. I came to you for information. Is Morgana around?”

 

“I'm here,” he says, jumping onto one of the seats near the counter. “If it's a sensitive topic, we may need to go upstairs. Akira told me this first floor is bugged.”

 

The term is unfamiliar to you. “I…what?”

 

“It means that someone could be listening in,” Morgana clarifies. He jumps down and makes a beeline for the stairs that leads to Kurusu's room. “Come on up.”

 

As you follow him, you're not surprised to hear Kurusu's footsteps following closely behind you. You ascend to the floor above, noting that there are a few new knickknacks on the shelves.

 

“So, what do you want to know? This is about the Metaverse, isn't it?”

 

You nod. “That's correct.”

 

Morgana's eyes narrow. “I don't trust you. I know you're still working with Akechi. How do I know you won't go running off to him as soon as I give you the information?”

 

You falter, not expecting this line of attack. “I…I am many things, but I am not dishonorable! Please, Morgana. I just need to know one thing.” You take a deep breath. It's now or never. “Is the Metaverse a natural part of this world or not?”

 

“You say that as if you're not originally from here,” Kurusu says from behind you, making you jump. You almost forgot he was there.

 

“Honestly, did you still think I was normal after everything that's happened?” You only barely resist the temptation to roll your eyes. “Yes or no, Morgana. That's all I need to know.”

 

His blue eyes bore into your own, not unlike Goro's had earlier. His tail lashes against the floor. “It's not. Natural, I mean. Palaces and Mementos aren't just desires made real. They're distortions.”

 

You frown pensively. This…changes things. Significantly. “I…see. Then if the Metaverse isn't something that's naturally occurring, then there has to be someone behind it.”

 

“Someone? Like a person?” Kurusu says.

 

“Don't be ridiculous,” Morgana snaps. “No human is capable of creating the Metaverse. If I had my memories, I would know for sure who's pulling the strings.”

 

It's not a lot of information, but you now have a lead. It really isn't much of one, but you have a bad feeling in your gut. This requires a more hands-on approach. “Thank you, Morgana. I need to do some investigating of my own. That is…I want to investigate something on my own, but I cannot enter the Metaverse on my own. I just need to get inside a Palace or Mementos.”

 

“It's dangerous,” Kurusu protests, but you wave him off.

 

“I'm well aware.” You kneel down to Morgana's level. “I understand the risks. I know it's my life on the line, but someone _will_ die if we don't take action. I refuse to let it be Kurusu or any of his friends. I failed last time because I was careless. Let me atone for my failure by letting me do this for you. For all of you.”

 

For a long moment, no one moves.

 

“I'll take you,” Kurusu says softly.

 

“ _What?!”_ Morgana yells. “Are you crazy?! We don't know if she's trustworthy!”

 

You don't know what to say. You look up at him with wide eyes, just as flabbergasted as Morgana is.

 

“Maybe not. But I want to help her, even if it means we'll end up fighting each other down the line. If that ever comes to pass, we'll be ready.”

 

You doubt you'd actually stand a chance against the Phantom Thieves all by yourself. Nonetheless, you're grateful for this chance. “Thank you, Kurusu. I won't forget this.”

 

He smiles, and something about it seems so warm and open that you feel your stomach lurch as if you've missed a step going downstairs.

 

* * *

 

 

The entrance to Mementos is just as you remember. Dark, red, and creepy. There's a particular spot on your left that makes you want to turn tail and run in the opposite direction, but as far as you can see, there's nothing there. How peculiar.

 

“Are you sure you're going to be okay?” Morgana asks, staring up at you with thinly veiled concern. “I could come with you, if you like.”

 

“You could, but I'm afraid I might be here for a while,” you reply, slowly inching away from that spot. Neither Kurusu nor Morgana seem to notice.

 

“If things get too rough, please take this.” Kurusu hands you something soft and round. When you look up at him in confusion, he clarifies, “It's a Goho-M. It'll take you to the entrance of Mementos. Just throw it on the ground in front of you to use it.”

 

“Good thinking, Joker,” Morgana says. “While I'm here, I might as well give you this. It's a Vanish Ball, which guarantees you escape from battle. You'd better run fast after you use it, though. It doesn't last very long. You're good with that, right?”

 

You idly think of the multitudes of Elixirs in your pack and nod. “Thank you so much. I mean it.” You turn to the stairs leading down before you hear Kurusu call your name. Confused, you turn around, only to find him immediately behind you. “Yes?”

 

“I was wondering…in case things go south again… Can you call me Akira?” he says, ignoring Morgana's muttered, “ _Oh brother...”_

 

You blink. “Akira…” you say softly, testing it out. “All right. From now on, I will refer to you as Akira.”

 

His smile is small, yet it contains a softness you can't even to describe. It looks almost strange underneath his mask, but it still suits him. It's akin to a quiet light, similar to that of the moon. You can't help but return it with one of your own.

 

“Good luck, then. I'll be coming back here to make sure you didn't die or anything,” Morgana says, ruining the moment.

 

You huff out a laugh and turn and make your way downstairs, giving Akira a small wave.

 

* * *

 

 

After what seems like like hours of running around, occasionally picking fights with Shadows wandering around, you're not much closer to figuring anything out. The feeling of being watched has increased substantially, and it only gets worse the deeper you go. Some of the Shadows outright flee from you, which is mildly amusing to see, but there are quite a few aggressive ones that actively hunt you down. You can't outrun them on your own, but you use your magic to glide from place to place.

 

There's one instance where you encounter a terrifying Shadow called The Reaper, and you have to use your Vanish Ball to flee when it becomes readily apparent that you are no match for it. You know that the answers you seek are at the bottom of Mementos. As you descend deeper, the paths become warped and twisted. The Shadows become more aggressive, and it's all you can do to keep up with their ferocity.

 

_Just a little farther,_ you think. _Only a little further, and I will have my answer._

 

What tips you off that something is horribly wrong is when Morgana never shows up to check on you, even though he promised he would. It's strange, since he knows the most about the Metaverse, so it shouldn't be a problem finding you. You only had to use one Elixir so far, so you couldn't have been down here for very long…

 

You check your phone, and you frown when it doesn't turn on. You know you charged it before you left. How could it be out of power? Does it require maintenance of some kind? You'll have to ask Goro about it.

 

You pull the Goho-M out of your pack and slam it into the ground, causing you to become engulfed in smoke. When it clears, you're standing at the entrance once more. It's disappointing, but you'll have to resume your investigations another time. You hope everyone is doing all right.

 

When you step into the real world, you're taken aback by how _cold_ it is. Everyone around you is bundled up in winter clothing, and while the Spiritmaster attire is adequate, you still find yourself shivering. You wish you had worn a thicker pair of pants.

 

You phone still doesn't work, so you decide to go home to charge it. When you arrive in Goro's apartment, you're surprised to find it empty. It's nearly dusk, so Goro should be home right about now. Unless…something came up at work?

 

You plug in your phone and wait as it boots itself back up. When the screen lights up, you have to take a moment to quell your rising panic.

 

It's _December._ The date is _December 16_ _th_ _._

 

You frantically dial Goro's number, but to your frustration, it doesn't go through. How could this have happened? You're certain you spent only several hours in Mementos. You're sure you didn't miscalculate it. Heck, you've spent even longer in Palaces and doing other missions with Goro, so why…?

 

Then it hits you. There _is_ something down in the depths of Mementos, and you'd bet your immortal existence that they were the one responsible for this whole mess. In the Metaverse, you're essentially on their home turf, and you've no doubt they can manipulate it however they please. Someone powerful enough to manipulate something of that magnitude could only be…

 

A god.

 

You don't know when the ringing in your ears starts, or when you begin to get tunnel vision. You bolt out the door, the sinking feeling in your gut telling you that something terrible is about to happen.

 

Stupid, you're so stupid, letting yourself get distracted like that! And for what? Just another failure? Another doomed timeline?

 

Goro is nowhere to be found, but something in the back of your head screams at you that he's in danger, he needs help right now! Your breathing comes out in short, heavy puffs, and it's all you can do to keep from passing out. You don't care if you're attracting all sorts of stares with all the running you've been doing. And maybe you use quite a bit of magic to avoid using the trains because they're just not fast enough. You don't care. It's not like people will stare straight up into the sky. And even if they did, they wouldn't be able to get a good look at you from how fast you're moving through the air. You'll deal with the fallout later.

 

_Please…please just let him be all right._

 

You land on top of a building to catch your breath, and you're still so distressed that you almost don't feel that dizzying pain that comes with entering a Palace. The world seems to swim for a moment before settling into what appears to be a massive ship.

 

You don't wait, listening to the part in the back of your mind telling you to go down. You don't remember traversing the Palace. You don't notice the distinct lack of Shadows prowling the different areas. The whole Palace is eerily silent, like the calm before the storm, or the sudden total silence of surrounding wildlife in a forest.

 

Had you been in a more rational state of mind, you would have approached with more caution. It's only when you reach a deep level of the ship that you hear voices. Very familiar voices.

 

“I was extremely particular about my life, my grades, my public image, so someone would want me around! And then…I found... _her_ … But just like everything else in my life, you took her away from me again! Why do you always take her from me?! My revenge, my reason for living…it's gone…”

 

“Akechi-kun…”

 

“There's nothing left for me… All I care about now is killing all of you.”

 

You know how this will end, and you'd be damned if you didn't put a stop to it. Goro's battered body is the first thing that comes into your line of sight, and you quickly cast a non-verbal Curaga spell on him before gliding to a stop in front of him.

 

“ _Stillness!”_ A wave of light pulses from your body and spreads outwards, engulfing everyone in the room. Joker and the rest of the Phantom Thieves stand opposite you in defensive stances, though Joker seems to go rigid with surprise when you lock eyes.

 

“I made it,” you whisper, your relief so palpable that you nearly collapse right there on the floor. “Oh thank gods. I made it.” You give everyone a cursory glance, and cast a group Curaga, healing them of all their wounds. Your muscles lock up, as is typical after casting too many powerful spells in quick succession. A small price to pay for the safety of your friends.

 

“What happened to you?” Morgana is the first to break the standoff, his tone angry and accusing. “You disappear for _months_ and now you decide to show up out of nowhere?! Neither I nor Oracle were able to find your presence in Mementos! We thought you were dead! This is crazy!”

 

“I'm sorry,” you say, feeling your insides curl with shame. “I truly am sorry. But all those months were only mere hours for me. Something lurks in the depths of Mementos. I'm certain it's the source of the Metaverse. If we can just get down there…”

 

“(First Name).” It's hard to see Joker's true expression behind that mask, but you think his eyes look soft. “We have to change Shido's heart first and we could use some help. After that, we'll help you with Mementos. Does that sound like a fair deal?”

 

“Akira…I…” You hear a sharp intake of breath behind you, but you still can't move well enough to turn around. “If you will help me with Mementos, then…”

 

“Since when have you two been on a first name basis?” Goro rasps, his voice tight with barely restrained anger. You're slowly starting to regain the use of your limbs. You manage to turn your head just enough to get a good look at his enraged expression. It's one thing seeing him angry. It's quite another having it directed at you.

 

“W…What?” You're confused. Is it really such a big deal?

 

Unfortunately for you, it's the wrong thing to say.

 

“You promised you would return to me…you said you loved me. But now you've chosen that criminal trash over me.” Goro laughs, sounding more than a little deranged. He raises a hand, an ominous red light pooling in the center of his palm. Behind him, you see the silhouette of Loki manifest into being. Your instincts are screaming for you to run, but you still can't move. “I should have known that I wasn't good enough for you. But I can fix that. I can make it so I win by default. All you have to do…”

 

“...is kill Joker.”

 

And then, like a snake uncoiling and lunging, Goro's spell strikes.

 

Forget Qada, the salve-maker, and his terrible experimentation and regeneration, forget dying repeatedly in increasingly brutal ways in Luxendarc.

 

_Nothing_ could have prepared you for this.

 

You scream in agony, your legs crumpling beneath you as you grip at your head, your fingers digging harshly in your scalp as you feel him _burrowing_ through your skull, ripping and tearing at your brain. Goro burns like a supernova behind your eyes, his power so overwhelming and raw and _desperate_ it makes your heart pound a mile a minute just with his presence. In a moment of desperation, you try to lash out with your magic, blades of black wind whipping all around you in a vortex.

 

The pain is horrific.

 

You feel like your mind is drowning, replaced with nothing but the desire to destroy, destroy, _destroy_. You can't see. Everything is awash in red, with you trying to fight off its influence. The more magic you expel, the worse it gets, but you can't stop. It bursts out of you in uncontrollable amounts, and when it inevitably runs out, your fingers move on their own and tear at your own flesh, claw-like tips gouging deep wounds into your arms, legs, anywhere you can reach.

 

You just want it to end. You can't take it.

 

After what feels like an eternity, the pain slowly ebbs away. You come to, face down on the cold floor, shivering from the aftereffects. The first thing you notice is the smell. Blood. The whole place reeks of it. You slowly push yourself up into a sitting position and freeze when you see blood on your arms. Not just your arms. It's everywhere. You're absolutely _drenched_ in it. Your clothes lie in tatters around you, and that's when you start to see body parts. A hand here, a leg there.

 

_Oh gods no… What have I done?_

 

Seeing Joker's vacant eyes staring at you just a few feet away is enough to make you empty the contents of your stomach. His head doesn't have a body attached to it.

 

Your eyes burn with the onset of tears, but you don't let them fall. The air is oddly hazy, thick with tension, something you haven't felt since the first world, but you know all too well what it is.

 

Failure.

 

Joker…no…Akira, is dead.

 

And it's all your fault.

 

Goro is nowhere to be found, though no evidence of him remains. Most likely, he fled when it got too dangerous. Abandoned you like you had done to him. Or perhaps he's among the fallen, his remains somewhere further down the corridor. You can't bear to find out.

 

You'll try again, as many times as you have to. Akira didn't deserve to die like this. Not by your hand. He helped you and you repaid his kindness by killing him. You killed his friends. You're the worst, the absolute worst.

 

Clasping your shaking hands together, with the asterisk tucked between them, you utter in a tremulous voice,

 

“ _Game Reset.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Hidden in a small alcove somewhere above you, red-brown eyes widen before the world fades to white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you so much for all the bookmarks, comments, views, and kudos. You have no idea how much they mean to me. Thank you again for sticking with the story, and I'll hopefully see you in the next chapter.


	19. The Dream In My Arms Has Locked Away the Lies and Grief of a Kind Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you reach out to the Phantom Thieves and you have a serious talk with Goro. And just like with all of your plans, it backfires in the worst possible way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends. I hope I was missed. Let's not dawdle and get to the chapter, shall we?

Awareness comes to you in increments. When you do finally wake up, it's in the same underground chamber you started in during your first run. It's somewhat of a relief. You don't think you can handle people right now.

 

You're so tired. It may only be your fourth run, but you've already done this for millions of years. Are you going to be doing this for another couple million years?

 

You swore to yourself that you wouldn't let either of those boys die. But what Goro did to you…it was beyond cruel. Such a horrible spell… It awakened that which you tried so hard to keep hidden. Your true nature as a child of destruction. The spawn of Ouroboros. A monster that only knows how to destroy.

 

_I'm sorry, Akira…_

 

It's there, alone and deep underground that you allow yourself a few moments to grieve for a boy whose only crime was being the leader of the Phantom Thieves.

 

* * *

 

You purchase a long coat with a hood that hides your face quite effectively. The lining inside is very soft and warm, with some sort of fuzz on the rim of the hood. It's a dark gray, rather than black. Makes less of a silhouette in dark places.  You wish you had the option of changing your face, but it requires a gargantuan amount of magic, so this hood will have to do.

 

_You coward. You're hiding instead of running this time. But it's not really any better, is it?_

 

Looks like your Palace was something that carried over to this world. You're going to have to do something about it soon.

 

You remove the Spiritmaster asterisk and deactivate it, placing it back inside your pack. After some consideration, you do the same with the White Mage asterisk.  Maybe a more offensive approach is better suited to this world. Obviously, anything like a Monk or a Pirate would be a poor choice for you, given your rather abysmal physical prowess. Perhaps something that will allow you for a quick getaway in case things take a turn for the worse.

 

After much consideration, you select the Black Mage and Time Mage asterisk, the latter mainly for its access to Teleport. You highly doubt it works on a place as large as Mementos, but you think it might work in smaller areas such as Palaces. You'll have to test it out at some point.

 

You probably could have chosen to be an Arcanist, but just the thought of using it makes you cringe. While it is an extremely powerful class, it has little use against strong opponents who resist status ailments.

 

You activate the Time Mage asterisk as your primary job class and you're relieved you don't have to wear that ridiculous head piece. Your recovery magic has taken quite the hit, however, as you're now limited to Regen for healing.

 

At least the boots are warm.

 

* * *

 

The train ride is still awful. You wish you didn't have to go through this every time you messed up. Punishment for your foolishness, you suppose.

 

You don't really have anywhere to stay, but it doesn't bother you. You avoid Inokashira Park like the plague, however, and instead go to Shibuya Central Street and walk until you reach a residential area. When you reach a certain house, a pressure in your head causes you to stumble, and when the vertigo passes, you look up and see the gaudy Palace you wandered into during your second run.

 

You head inside and make yourself comfortable in a hidden alcove. Enough to have a vantage point, but dark enough to not be seen. There's nothing left to do but wait, and hope Akira finds you first.

 

You don't know how long you spend there. You must have dozed off because the next thing you know, you're awoken by the sound of footsteps. It's not a Shadow.

 

It's Goro. He's behaving a bit oddly, running through the room and scanning every nook and cranny. He's not looking for you, is he? And if he does find you, he won't see you. His movements are sharp, almost as if he's agitated.

 

Not that you'd let him get close. You never want to experience anything like that again.

 

You watch him exit the room, a low growl of frustration just barely audible from where you're hiding, his footsteps fading away, and you feel yourself relax ever so slightly.

 

You wait, but Goro doesn't reappear.

 

* * *

 

Some time later, Akira himself makes an appearance. He's with Panther, Skull, and Mona. There's no sign of the other Phantom Thieves yet, surprisingly. You trail behind them in secret, watching their battle formations and tactics. Their teamwork and coordination is somewhat sloppy, their tactics rife with elementary mistakes.

 

The only one displaying an ease of battle is Akira, and he makes up for what his teammates lack. However, he is only one person who has to pick up the slack for his other three teammates. It's clear he's struggling.

 

Perhaps he could use your assistance?

 

You want to go out there and help. Really, you do. But...the last thing you did to him was murder him. Him and all his friends. You highly doubt he'll take kindly to that.

 

_If he doesn't want your help, why not use this world to gather information? Every world has a sequence of events. Only step in when things look dire for them. You can handle that, can't you?_

 

It's an admittedly sound plan. It's closer to what you did in Luxendarc, only guiding your friends when necessary. So you watch, and wait.

 

The Phantom Thieves leave and return at odd intervals, and you almost lose your footing when you witness Fox awaken his Persona for the first time. There's something horrific about it, the way he writhes in pain, the blood that his mask leaves behind. Still, that determination, the same kind you've so often seen in Akira's eyes, is inspiring.

 

Fox has trouble moving afterwards, but he doesn't seem injured in any way. Perhaps the strain of awakening his Persona was too much for him?

 

They're on their way out when they're suddenly surrounded by Shadows on all sides. With one party member unable to move, they're little more than sitting ducks. You make your decision.

 

Drawing on your magical reserves, you pull out your staff and raise it skyward. A slew of powerful non-elemental magic rains down on the unsuspecting Shadows, obliterating them entirely and leaving nothing more than craters where they once stood. The Meteor spell isn't something you've used in a long time, but you're relieved to see none of the Phantom Thieves are injured.

 

“What just happened? Who's there?!” Morgana zeroes in on your location, and raises his weapon threateningly at you. You scowl, feeling a bit put out.

 

No delaying the inevitable, you suppose. You step out of your crevice and jump down to the ground, descending slowly until you land lightly on your feet.

 

“You seemed to be in need of help. So I helped. Will you continue to let me do so?” you say quietly, deciding to just get straight to the point.

 

The Phantom Thieves still look wary for the most part, but Akira's eyes widen upon hearing your voice.

 

“(First Name)?” So he does remember. Interesting, that.

 

You nod. “Yes. I want to help you, if you will allow me.” Holding his gaze from underneath your hood, you ignore the way the other Phantom Thieves glance between you and their leader. The air is thick with tension, the kind you usually sense during a major crossroads in the flow of time.

 

To your dismay, he takes a step back and shakes his head. “Thanks for the save, but I think I'll take my chances with the people I can trust. Sorry, but you're not one of them.”

 

Something in your chest squeezes painfully, but you don't make any noise aside from a small sigh. You don't blame him in the slightest. You're a monster, and a monster has no business playing at being human.

 

The other Phantom Thieves are oddly silent, watching your exchange with their leader. They'll probably bombard him with questions later, no doubt.

 

“I...see. That is unfortunate. I sincerely hoped we could be allies, but…if that is how you truly feel, then I have nothing more to say to you. Farewell, Joker.”

 

You ignore the burning behind your eyes as your turn and walk away. Another world, another failure. You won't pretend this wasn't a blow.

 

You don't see Joker or the Phantom Thieves again. With Mementos being unavailable to you, you scour any Palaces you can find. You revisit all Palaces you remember, such as the odd-looking Palace that is filled with all sorts of gadgets and gizmos that you can't make sense of. Human hearts are so strange. You wonder what your own Palace looks like, and why you haven't been pulled into it yet.

 

The problem with this is that your frequent forays into the Metaverse sometimes puts you within sight of Goro. He freezes when he sees you, and you're honestly terrified of his expression, which looks very intense and cold.

 

You don't think he realizes it's you at first, since your hood covers your face, and you haven't made a single sound within earshot. Whenever he tries to get closer, you merely Teleport away and you don't return to that Palace for a while.

 

You haven't kept track of time, and you honestly should have been expecting it to happen at one point or another.

 

You're inspecting a strange amorphous blob that you know will manifest Sae's treasure in the future when a powerful force barrels into you, knocking you off your feet and onto your back. Before you can try to free yourself, he straddles you and a clawed hand grips your throat while a serrated blade hovers just under your jawline. Your hands hover in the air between you, and you're so frightened that you can't stop them from trembling.

 

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right here and now,” Goro bites out with enough venom to curdle milk. With his other hand, he pulls back your hood and you feel the full brunt of his rage. If anything, the sight of your face seems to infuriate him even further and his blade presses hard enough to draw blood.

 

“I knew it. It was you all along, wasn't it? I'm just a pawn in your twisted little game. Was everything you told me a lie, then?”

 

The Goro you knew is gone, his soft smiles and warm eyes replaced with someone who stares at you with so much anger and hatred that you can hardly stand it.

 

“Answer me!” he shrieks when you take too long to respond.

 

If you're perfectly honest, it's a bit difficult to breathe. “If you let me get up, I will explain what I know.”

 

His eyes narrow behind his mask. “You can talk perfectly fine from where you are. So talk.”

 

You close your eyes, the ache in your chest returning with a vengeance. You let your hands lower and rest against your stomach, trying to will away the nausea churning in your gut.

 

“You are not my pawn. I am, and always have been, looking for a way to help you escape your cruel fate. My investigation into the Metaverse has yielded precious little information, but what I have discovered disturbs me. From what I understand, you and Akira are major players in a Game in which I have little control. If I die, I lose the Game, and the cycle begins again.”

 

“That's not good enough,” Goro snarls. “You restarted a new timeline on your own. I saw you do it. Is that part of your power as well?”

 

You exhale shakily and Goro loosens his grip, just enough for you to inhale deeply. “Yes. I have always been able to reset timelines at will. I could do it now, but I am curious to see how this world plays out without my intervention. Or you can kill me now.  If you do that, the Game will begin anew.”

 

“My life isn't a game! I'm not an obedient puppet that will dance for you on a grand stage for your entertainment!”

 

You laugh with no small amount of bitterness, meeting his eyes. “Oh, but it is. This world, you, Akira…it's just a game to whomever started this whole mess in the first place. That is my true enemy, the one I am trying to bring down. Another god, just like Ouroboros, callous and uncaring of the lives they ruin.” Your smile seems to unnerve Goro. “I already know I can't win against them. I needed powerful allies to defeat Ouroboros and I know I will need them here. It's frustrating, but I can't force anyone to assist me. And after what you did to me in the previous world, my slim chance of ending the cycle in this world has vanished into the abyss.”

 

Your smile fades. “Something dark slumbers in my blood, a byproduct of being the spawn of a god of destruction, and somehow, you awakened it. I did not know you possessed that power. You are dangerous, Akechi Goro. I am afraid of this power of yours.”

 

When he doesn't respond, your eyes slowly drift shut again. “I have said my piece.”

 

For a long moment, he doesn't move. Then you feel his weight leave you, and when you open your eyes again, he's staring down at you, his expression unreadable.

 

You slowly get to your feet and tuck your hood back over your head. “The Game can't be won without all the pieces. Without all the pieces, I have already lost this round.”

 

“So you're giving up?” His voice is soft. Dangerous.

 

You turn away, sighing. “There is no point in continuing to fight against the inevitable. This world is just another failure.”

 

You've just taken a step when a shot rings out from behind you. A sharp pain pierces your back and you look down in horror to see blood spreading across your chest. Your legs give out and you collapse in a heap. Just before your vision turns dark, you briefly glimpse Goro's face twisted in a fury previously unseen.

 

Being a Time Mage this time around, the world freezes in a bizarre mix of colors before time rewinds to just before you died. You stand face to face with Goro once more.

 

“So you're giving up?”

 

You stare at him, wide-eyed for a moment before you chuckle, then you're laughing—a harsh hysterical sound—and you can't stop. You sound deranged, but you can't bring yourself to care anymore. Goro takes a step backward, unnerved by your sudden change in attitude, when the memories of his previous actions catch up to him. His expression slowly morphs into one of pure horror, and it only makes you laugh harder.

 

“What was…what did I…?”

 

“This makes things very simple now, doesn't it?” you drawl. “I never thought you would actually… well, it doesn't matter anymore. I really trusted you. And that was my mistake.” You shake your head, all previous traces of humor gone. “Goodbye, Crow. You and I are now enemies.”

 

“(First Name)!”

 

You activate Teleport, heedless of his screams of your name. The last thing you see is a hand reaching out for you before you warp away.

 

It's there, at the entrance of Sae's Palace where you clasp your hands to your chest and utter those words once more.

 

“ _Game Reset.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's that. I apologize for how long this took, but I have been officially diagnosed with carpal tunnel, tendonitis, and tennis elbow in both arms. It makes typing quite painful, as you can imagine. Hopefully my medication and ample amounts of biofreeze will help with the pain, but rest assured, I have not given up on this story.
> 
> Until next time, dear readers.


	20. Even If You Return to Zero, That's Not the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you strike a deal with the Phantom Thieves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My arms are on fire, but it's okay because this new ergonomic keyboard I bought helps tremendously with the pain. I have to admit that I may have had too much fun writing this.

In the fifth world, you meet the leader of the Phantom Thieves in much the same way as you did in the first. There is no Morgana with him, no recognition in his eyes when he pulls you to your feet. In any other situation, you would have been crushed, but in this case, it's an opportunity. A chance to repair your friendship, to try and win the Game on his side.

 

When you lower your hood to introduce yourself, something flickers in his eyes before it vanishes. The faintest dusting of pink colors his cheeks before he introduces himself as Amamiya Ren.

 

Not Kurusu Akira.

 

Just when you think you have this universe all figured out, it decides to throw you for a loop yet again.

 

He's different than Akira. He's not as composed as his counterpart, a bit shakier with his movements. You have to fight to keep the smile off your face as he fumbles his way through the process of preparing a cup of coffee, all the while Boss watches over him like a hawk. He anxiously awaits your verdict as you take a tentative sip, and his face lights up unbelievably bright when you tell him you like it.

 

When you aren't traversing the streets and back alleys of Tokyo, you're probing into the Metaverse, exploring Palaces, opening treasure chests, and occasionally losing your temper when you're unable to open the ones that glow. The Shadows give you a bit of trouble every now and then, but one Meteor is enough to silence most threats.

 

When he asks you to call him Ren, you feel like a small explosion has taken place in your stomach and you can't stop the corners of your lips from curling upward. The expression Ren makes in response is priceless.

 

During one of your forays into the Metaverse, you discover a Palace you've never seen before. It looks like a castle, not unlike the one in Caldisla, but it's much smaller and eerie. Every so often, you think you hear screams coming from somewhere below you and you shiver, reminded of the prisoners of war Qada the salve-maker kept in his laboratory.

 

You're trying to open a chest near the base of a tower when Shadows enveloped in a bright red aura surround you and slam you into a wall. You thrash wildly from behind the spears they've pinned you under, but you've never been physically strong, so your struggles don't even seem to phase the armored Shadows.

 

“Well, what do we have here? A dirty rat sneaking around my castle? Trespassing is a crime punishable by death, you know...”

 

You freeze as a Shadow wearing the most ridiculous outfit you've ever seen saunters over to you. A small golden crown sits atop a head of unkempt black hair, with a red heart printed cape and pink undergarments, leaving his chest and legs exposed.

 

“You are this world's ruler, I take it,” you say lowly, and the Shadow's yellow eyes seem to shine with undisguised greed at the sound of your voice. You're briefly reminded of the many, _many_ times Crow gave you the same exact stare, but something about the way the Shadow does it disgusts you for some inexplicable reason.

 

“A woman? How very interesting… Let's have a look under that hood, shall we?” He motions to one of the armored Shadows, and it reaches out and pulls back your hood. A predatory grin stretches across his face as his gaze slowly travels up the length of your body, and you have to fight back a shudder. There's something distinctly _wrong_ about it, like insects crawling on your skin. “That's right. I am King Kamoshida, the ruler of this castle.”

 

“Charmed,” you drawl, putting as much disdain in your voice as you possibly can. He either doesn't notice, or chooses to ignore it. You suspect the latter.

 

“Such a spirited young woman you are,” he croons, and you want to throw up. “You have such a lovely face, almost as beautiful as my princess. A shame you're covering up that body with that heavy jacket. But…lovely or not, you still committed a crime. I may consider lightening your sentence if you become my servant for eternity. What do you say, little mouse?” He lifts up your chin with his finger, leaning in so closely that you can feel his breath on your upper lip.

 

You're so incensed by his proximity that you do the only thing you can think of. You spit in his face.

 

As expected, he lets out a furious yell as he reels backwards, wiping himself off with his cape. “You filthy little mongrel! How dare you defile me! I'll have your head on a pike!”

 

Probably not the smartest thing to do, but it felt satisfying. However, before the Shadow can do anything else, a voice rings out from behind him.

 

“Let her go, Kamoshida!”

 

You'd recognize Skull's abrasive voice anywhere, even though you can't see him from where you're standing. You resist the urge to roll your eyes. You never understood why opposing forces would shout at each other to simply let hostages go. A useless tactic, and a complete waste of time. What did Skull think was going to happen, the Shadow would release you just because he demands it?

 

Kamoshida responds back with a quip that's sharp enough to enrage Skull, but you've stopped paying attention at this point. The reason being Joker staring at you with wide eyes. You blink slowly in response.

 

You know this confrontation will come to blows and when it inevitably does, the two armored Shadows holding you in place transform into their true forms, inadvertently releasing you from their clutches.

 

You don't hesitate. You summon your staff in a flash of light, drawing on your magical reserves. A muttered _“_ _Quaga”_ is enough for the ground to shudder ominously before enormous deadly spikes of earth shoot up from beneath the remaining Shadows, impaling them in multiple places. The Shadows shriek and wail as they die, and you can't help but wonder if your own Shadow will sound just as pathetic when it eventually snuffs it.

 

When the dust settles, Kamoshida is nowhere to be found, which is just typical. The Phantom Thieves stare at you with absolutely dumbfounded expressions, except for Joker, whose eyes show a mixture of curiosity and suspicion.

 

“Whoa…did you even need our help?” Skull is the first to speak up, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

 

You nod once, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear, ignoring the way Joker's eyes follow the movement. “I did, actually. I wasn't paying enough attention, and the bloody thing ambushed me. Thank you for saving me.”

 

“No kidding,” he mutters. “Dude, you could have died if we hadn't gotten here in time.”

 

You blink, tilting your head to one side. “But I didn't. I am still alive, thanks to you.”

 

“You sure are calm about having a near-death experience...” Panther says uncertainly, eying you with poorly-veiled wariness.

 

“I am calm about most things,” you say mildly, choosing to ignore the way she sputters in response.

 

“In any case, this isn't the best place to talk. Let's head to a safe room,” Mona says, and the other three Phantom Thieves nod in agreement. Joker motions for you to follow and you fall into step beside them.

 

For a moment, it's almost as if you never left.

 

* * *

 

After many twists and turns, the Phantom Thieves lead you to a room that's so tucked away that you never even noticed it was there. As soon as you enter it, a pressure that you didn't even know was causing your head to hurt suddenly lifts, and the resulting vertigo causes you to stumble forward slightly.

 

A hand on your arm stops your descent, and another holds onto your shoulder. A quick glance reveals that it's Joker, because of course it's Joker. He's the leader. Of course he would notice something amiss. He gently leads you to sit down on a nearby chair, and takes a seat next to you, while the rest of the Phantom Thieves follow suit.

 

“Are you all right?” Panther asks quietly and you nod.

 

“Just a bit light-headed,” you say truthfully.

 

“So, care to explain how you ended up here?” Mona cuts in, eyes narrowed suspiciously from where he's standing on the table in front of you.

 

“I was walking and walking, and then…I found myself here,” you say. It's not a lie, but Mona still looks skeptical.

 

Panther rests her chin on her hands, looking pensive. “That's not a lot to go on,” she says, but she doesn't sound accusing, merely curious. “I know it's pretty obvious, but it's really dangerous in here. Then again, you do know how to defend yourself.”

 

“Yeah, that was really awesome!” Skull says excitedly. “The way all those spikes just shot up from the ground and massacred those Shadows… It sucks that Kamoshida got away in all the confusion, but dude… You're pretty strong. Probably stronger than all four of us put together. I'll have to train a lot more if I want to keep up!”

 

You avert your gaze and twiddle your thumbs, deciding not to point out that the only reason you're stronger is that they don't appear to have much experience at this point in time. Given a few more months, they could easily surpass you in strength.

 

“That's all well and good, but when you used that skill, I never saw your Persona manifest. Something that powerful should have evoked it.” Mona says, crossing his rather diminutive arms over his chest.

 

Joker's not the only perceptive one, it seems. “That's because…I, uh...don't have one.”

 

Silence.

 

You glance around, a bit nervously, to see four pairs of eyes staring at you incredulously.

 

“You can't be serious,” Skull says after a moment.

 

You shrug. “I have always been able to do magic. As for my perspective, I find these Personas of yours fascinating.”

 

“So you know about the Metaverse,” Mona says. It's not a question. “Just who told you about this, anyway? As far as I know, I'm the one who knows the most about it.”

 

You pause, thinking about a way to answer. Deciding to tell them the truth, you lean forward and rest your chin on top of your folded hands, sighing softly through your nose. “I had a partner once. He was another Persona user like you.” You take a deep breath and close your eyes against the surge of anger you feel at the thought of him. “He was my…friend for some time. He taught me all he knew about the Metaverse. After a time, I became frightened of him, of his power. So I began to avoid him.” You shiver, remembering the sheer unadulterated rage in his eyes. “He didn't take it well, and then he shot me.”

 

The Phantom Thieves all sport horrified looks, interestingly enough.

 

“Dude… how did you survive?” Skull asks, his face pale under his mask.

 

_I didn't._

 

“Through adequate planning and sheer dumb luck,” you say instead. “I don't know if he's still out there looking for me to finish the job, but I haven't seen him since.”

 

“Another Metaverse user...” Mona mutters, lost in thought.

 

“I'm sure we can take him,” Skull says dismissively. “I'm sure with the four of us, he won't stand a chance.”

 

“No!” Your shout is already past your lips before you can stop it. The Phantom Thieves turn to you in unison, and you have to admit, it's a little creepy when they do that. “No,” you say at a regular volume. “It's not worth it. He's dangerous. Challenging him to a fight is a good way to get yourselves killed.”

 

“What's his name?” Panther asks.

 

You blanch at the question and shake your head. “I'm afraid I can't tell you. I don't mean any offense, but you aren't the most subtle at keeping secrets.”

 

“Hey!” Skull protests, indignant.

 

“Maybe...” You nearly jump out of your seat and it takes almost all of your self-control to remain still. It's the first time Joker has spoken since you entered the castle. “Maybe you could help us. Train us, I mean. You're obviously a lot stronger than we are. So if we ever run into this other Persona user, we'll be a lot more prepared to fend him off.”

 

It's not a bad idea. As strong as your magic is, you know you can't take Crow by yourself. You might be faster, but his stamina and tenacity far outstrips your own. Perhaps the Phantom Thieves can help. You know they managed to weaken him in the third world. And you've trained other people before. This could be a good opportunity for you.

 

“It's...an admittedly sound plan,” you say. “It's been a while since I taught other people, but I think we can make this work.”

 

“Really? You'll train us?” Panther says excitedly.

 

“I must warn you that I am a very strict teacher,” you interrupt, your voice sharp. “If you do not make enough progress to satisfy me, then there is no hope for you.” Perhaps you are putting too much pressure on them, but you really do want them to be ready in case things go south. “Do we have a deal?”

 

Joker nods. “Absolutely.”

 

* * *

 

As you're walking back to the station, Ren asks you where you live.

 

You nearly freeze in your tracks. You don't even have a place to stay. If Ren has no memories of the previous worlds, then it's even less likely that Takemi does, either. If she had, she would have contacted you by now.

 

You mumble something about living in an apartment in Yongen-Jaya, and Ren's face visibly brightens. He's so much more expressive than Akira. It's almost staggering. And...endearing.

 

You blink, confused. Where had that come from?

 

Ren gives you his contract information and you give him yours. It's one less worry off your chest, knowing that he's only a mere phone call away. He invites you to Leblanc and you keep yourself busy by watching television. You idly wonder how they managed to get people to fit inside that tiny box. Maybe it's like a bigger phone?

 

The curry is delicious, as always. It's been too long since you've had it. Boss watches you practically inhale the food with a grin that he fails to hide behind his hand. Morgana lies in the seat next to you, fast asleep.

 

Just as you put the last spoonful into your mouth, a familiar voice from the television makes you look up.

 

And promptly choke.

 

Crow's visage fills the screen, and if you weren't so busy coughing up whatever bits of rice went down the wrong way, you'd be able to hear what was being said. Ren appears at your side like magic and wordlessly hands you a glass of water, eyes full of concern.

 

“Hey, you okay?” Boss says, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Peachy,” you wheeze. You're getting tired of being asked that question. Ren runs a hand along the length of your back. It's oddly soothing.

 

Crow looks...frankly, awful. All the makeup in the world can't hide the bags under his eyes, the way his eyes glaze over periodically. There's a moment or two where something dark skitters across his face, but you don't think anyone's noticed.

 

You feel sick. You said you'd help him, even if he didn't want you around. You're a hypocrite and a liar, but you're honestly terrified. Ren needs you. So does Crow. But there's still too many raw, ugly emotions when it comes to the latter. You don't think you'll ever forgive him for actively trying to kill you, even if it was just out of anger.

 

“I need to use your bathroom,” you say abruptly, standing up from your seat. Boss wordlessly points to a door near the stairs you know leads to Ren's room. You march towards it and try to close the door behind you as gently as possible. Because you're so frazzled, however, you just barely manage not to slam it shut.

 

As you're splashing some water on your face, you hear someone mention your name from outside.

 

“...pretty cute, huh?”

 

“Stop it. It's not like that,” Ren mutters.

 

“It's okay. You don't have to say it. Every time she's been here, I noticed you can barely take your eyes off her. She seems like a nice girl. You might want to wait until you're a bit older before trying anything, though.”

 

Ren's sputtering is just about the weirdest thing you've ever heard. You're too used to him as Joker, the confident leader of the Phantom Thieves.

 

“Whoa, calm down, kid. I was only kidding. You're fun to tease, you know that? But I meant what I said. A girl like that won't stay single for long.”

 

You hear Ren say something, but it's too low for you to hear. Whatever it was, it makes Boss laugh.

 

“Trust me, I know a single woman when I see one. You might have good looks on your side but what a woman really likes is confidence. Someone who knows what they want. So you'd better get a move on and ask her out.”

 

What on earth? What does that even mean? You shake your head a little and finish drying your face. When you step outside, the first thing you notice is Boss's smug grin and Ren's face, which is the most interesting shade of red.

 

You raise an eyebrow. “Do you have a fever? I can recommend you to a good doctor that lives around here, if you like.”

 

“I'm fine,” Ren says, a little too quickly. Behind him, Boss's grin widens.

 

You shrug, taking a seat near the counter, where Morgana looks up sleepily, then promptly flops back over.

 

“Suit yourself.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A more lighthearted chapter for you all. Until next time.


	21. If We Can't Meet Anymore, Then I At Least Wanted to Have the Chance to Hate You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you discover new feelings and formally join the Phantom Thieves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is what you would call a hat trick. Can I keep the momentum going? I don't know, but I can sure as hell try.

Life with the Phantom Thieves is a lot noisier than you anticipated. They're rowdy, playful, and disorganized in the way all young people are, with the exception of Queen, who you feel has her priorities straight. You always make sure to test the Phantom Thieves individually, to test out their powers without the distractions of the other members.

 

Panther has an aptitude for magic, but she's physically frail, much like you. But unlike you, she doesn't have the agility to avoid attacks as well as you do. Skull is much more physically inclined, able to take a lot of punishment and dish it back twice as hard, but he's predictable and easy to outmaneuver. Mona is more supportive, his wide array of healing magic giving him a tenacity that you have to admire. However, he has the tendency to become overconfident when things start going his way, and that when you usually turn the battle in your favor. Fox is the most physically inclined member thus far, but his magic is mediocre. Of course, magic isn't essential to victory, but he tends to struggle against foes who are physical walls. Queen has the most experience with actual combat training, which is impressive, but it's too textbook, like she learned it in a dojo rather than out on the streets.

 

Joker is what you would deem a jack of all trades, master of none. He's not a heavy hitter or particularly defensive. But he is agile and in terms of versatility and adaptability, he is peerless. His ability to summon multiple Personas make him a fearsome and unpredictable opponent. If you had to criticize anything, it would be that he tends to show off much like Mona, and that can create openings.

 

The waiting rooms of Mementos make for the perfect training grounds. It's spacious and relatively safe compared to the lower floors.

 

“You know...when you said training, I wasn't expecting us to have to go through boot camp.” Panther groans from her place on the floor.

 

You sigh, rubbing your temples. “I warned you I was not going to go easy on you. You are still inexperienced. In time, you will surely surpass me.”

 

“I dunno, I think it's great!” Skull says, grinning. “It's a great workout for us! Come on, Panther, you can keep going.”

 

“Speak for yourself,” Panther grumbles. “When she froze me, I thought for sure I was gonna die. Fox, take over for me. I can barely stay on my feet.”

 

“I hope you aren't this open during a real fight,” you say, raising an eyebrow. “A real foe will not show you any mercy.”

 

“I know, I know. It's just...really hard for me.” At your questioning look, she elaborates, “Even after a few months, it feels like you're still so much stronger. Just when I think I got a good hit in, you switch it up and do something I'm not prepared for. I feel like the only one who can keep up is Joker.”

 

“He has the advantage of wielding multiple Personas,” you say, crossing your arms over your chest. “A wild card, if you will. But please do not be discouraged, Panther. You and the rest of the team are making fantastic progress.”

 

“You really think so?” Skull asks, trying for nonchalance, but his grin gives him away.

 

You nod. “Yes. Even though it has only been a few months, I am...proud at how far you've come in such a short amount of time.”

 

The Phantom Thieves seem to brighten at this, save for Queen, who merely looks at you with curious eyes.

 

“I have a question,” she begins, and you nod at her to continue. “The way you cast spells in quick succession and move with unparalleled speed whenever you take on a bright red aura... Is there any way you can teach us that technique?”

 

“I'm afraid not,” you reply, and her face falls. “It's an ability unique to myself only. When you guard, you take only a fraction of the normal damage and you cannot be knocked down, correct?”

 

She nods, biting her lower lip in disappointment. “Yes.”

 

“When I guard, it is a technique known as Default. When I do so, I get a Brave Point, or BP. I can store up to three, so when I activate Brave, I can cast skills in quick succession with no drawbacks. That is the red aura you see sometimes. Of course, I can Brave without BP, but it leaves me unable to move for a little while afterwards. In this state, I cannot cast spells, attack, dodge, or do much of anything, really. Some of my skills also require the use of BP, so my attacks must be chosen carefully. Does that make sense?”

 

Queen nods, but Fox, Skull, and Panther still look lost. Mona still seems to be thinking it over, so you leave him to it.

 

Joker checks his phone and clears his throat, catching everyone's attention. “It's getting late, guys. We should be heading home.” Everyone begins to file out, but Joker passes by extremely close to you, leaning in to whisper in your ear, “Meet me at Leblanc tomorrow, okay? I'll text you.”

 

You nod and follow everyone out, not noticing the way Queen's eyes trail after you and Joker.

 

* * *

 

The following day, you wait outside Leblanc in the early morning before business hours, per Ren's message the evening before. It's early enough that the sun isn't even out yet, but Ren quietly unlocks the door for you and ushers you inside.

 

As you step into the warm interior, Ren leads you upstairs. He's tense, with a sort of nervous energy about him.

 

Morgana isn't there, and it's so strange that you point it out. His response is a mere shrug and an off-handed, “He said he was going to investigate Mementos. He'll be back later, I think.”

 

He's not looking at you when he says it, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. It's an unfortunate tell, one that Ren can't control. But it likely isn't important, and Morgana can take care of himself, so you let it slide.

 

“Ren.” He jumps slightly and tenses up even more. “What is this really about?”

 

He clears his throat several times, opening and closing his mouth as if wanting to say something, then deciding against it. He seems extremely nervous, and you're honestly starting to get worried. Did something happen?

 

_Maybe…he knows about your Palace._

 

The thought makes your heart freeze in your chest. Oh gods. Please, no. Anything but that.

 

You try to keep your face as neutral as possible, but on the inside, you're panicking. If he pulls out his phone, or...or brings up the Metaverse Navigator…or even Palaces—

 

Ren does none of those things. Instead, he defies your expectations by stepping very close to you and taking your hands in his own. The nervous energy in him only seems to increase substantially, a stark contrast to how he behaves in the Metaverse.

 

“I wanted to say…thank you for being our teacher. I appreciate everything you've done for us.” He pauses, absentmindedly rubbing his thumb across your knuckles. “I know you always refuse to come with us to Palaces, but I want you to reconsider.”

 

You look away, frowning slightly. “...You want me to join the Phantom Thieves. To become an official member.”

 

He nods, his hands squeezing yours briefly. “Yes. If you helped us, I'm sure we could help a lot more people suffering under selfish adults.”

 

“It is...tempting,” you say. “But going to Palaces with you…it will bring a lot of attention to me, and the other Persona user will be able to find me. You are not ready to face him yet, and…he wields a terrifying power.” You shudder, letting go of his hands to clutch at your scalp. “I fear he may not take kindly to you. He is a ruthless, jealous man.”

 

He blinks. “Jealous? I thought you said he was a friend. Was he in love with you?”

 

“That was what he told me before our friendship fell apart. I do not return those feelings. I don't even understand them.”

 

Ren takes hold of your hands again, and gently pries them from your head. “Because you've never been in love before?”

 

Finally, someone gets it. “Yes! That's right. I don't know what it's supposed to feel like.”

 

He steps into your personal space, and it feels like you've missed a step going downstairs. Only this time, your stomach won't stop squirming. Your heart rate inexplicably picks up, as does your breathing. For some reason, it's hot around your ears, and you have a difficult time meeting his eyes.

 

“How about now?” he asks softly. There is something new in his voice, a quality you've never heard before. His face is much too close, and you notice that he isn't wearing his glasses. His eyes are oddly striking when there is nothing covering them.

 

You have to think about it. “I feel...nervous? And…queasy. My heart is racing.”

 

He smiles. “How are your hands?”

 

“My hands?” You're confused until you hold them up and find them shaking. You blink, surprised. “Oh. This is… Why am I…?”

 

Your voice dies in your throat as two fingers lift your chin. Ren's face is so close. You can feel his breath fanning across your upper lip, his eyes becoming half-lidded, his pupils dilated. There's a ringing in your ears, and your world narrows down to just this one moment, where Ren gently brushes his lips against yours. He pauses for a few seconds, gauging your reaction, and when you don't pull away, he presses closer, his eyes sliding shut.

 

It's like the day when Ren asked you to call him by his given name. It feels like a small explosion has taken place in your stomach. It's such a pleasant feeling, even if it leaves you trembling in the aftermath. There's a strange hunger in the back of your head, a completely foreign sensation that only makes you want more of it. You're no stranger to kissing thanks to Crow, but he never made you feel so many things at once.

 

Ringabel once said that love drives a man mad. At the time, you didn't know what he was talking about. When you asked, he said that love was a kind of madness that compelled them to do nonsensical things for the one who has stolen their heart. That one would do anything to bring them happiness, no matter the cost. To outsiders, they would seem crazy…insane, even.

 

It is only now that you understand what he meant.

 

_Crow…is this how you fell, too?_

 

If this is insanity, you would gladly fall into its dark abyss.

 

* * *

 

After that morning in Ren's room, you can't look away from him. Even during Mementos missions, when you're not battling against a Shadow, he draws your eyes like a moth to a flame. The kiss in his room seems to have unlocked something in you, and you begin to notice details about him that you never have before. The way he moves in battle, the sheer elegance of his attacks.

 

He is a siren and you are helpless to his call. Wherever he goes, you cannot help but chase after him.

 

Joker.

 

The way he looks, the way he sounds, the way he smells.

 

Ren.

 

The sparkle of his eyes reserved just for you, the warmth of his smile, the soft glow of his skin.

 

Joker.

 

He is all you think about anymore.

 

* * *

 

Of course, you are not blind to the reactions of others. No one seems to have noticed your change in demeanor, save for Queen. Her eyes dart away when you notice her looking at you, and you think you've seen her bite her lower lip. It's one of her tells, signaling that something is bothering her. When you ask, she brushes you off and tells you it's nothing.

 

Tiz always said that, with the same exact look on his face. It later came to light that he was having trouble sleeping because he was tormented by nightmares of his younger brother. You don't press the issue. People don't like to be constantly pressured to speak up, so you keep your distance and hopes she will eventually talk to someone on her own.

 

Ren invites you to his room often, occasionally kicking out an indignant Morgana, who warns him not to do anything too crazy, whatever that means. As soon as you're alone, he immediately sweeps you up in his arms, kissing you senseless until you can't tell up from down. It's like he can't seem to get enough of you, his hands touching you, caressing your hips, your shoulders. He seems new to this, his hands trembling uncontrollably whenever he touches somewhere new. When you give him your consent, he takes his time, and it almost feels like he's worshiping you from how reverently he touches you, but that would be silly, it's not like he knows what you really are—

 

It's during one of these sessions where he asks you again to join the Phantom Thieves, and you just want him to keep doing whatever he's doing that you'll agree to anything. His answering grin makes you want him to smile like that, always.

 

When you finally head downstairs to leave for the day after doing your best to put yourself back together, Boss's knowing grin makes you feel oddly bashful.

 

It's after this that Ren formally asks the Phantom Thieves to have you join as an official member. Panther squeals and throws her arms around your neck. She's so excited that she's barely coherent, and it's downright infectious. The others' reactions are more muted, but they're more than happy to have you join. Queen's smile is a bit strained around the edges, but her voice is warm as she formally welcomes you to the team.

 

When Panther asks for your code name to be Diamond, you look into her pleading eyes and can't bring yourself to say no. It feels a bit ridiculous to be named after a weapon, but Ren seems to like it, saying that it tends to draw the eye, and he later whispers in your ear that you're just as alluring as your namesake.

 

_Would it be so wrong to feel happy? I want to protect this feeling…_

 

Then Futaba Sakura enters the fray and turns your whole world on its head.

 

She has a Palace. An actual _Palace._ No one calls her sick, or evil, or a monster. She's just a traumatized girl who desperately needs your help. The sheer, liberating relief you feel is staggering. So much that you can't help but shed silent tears when you see her Palace for the first time.

 

“I'm not sick...” you whisper. “I just need help, that's all…” You hurriedly wipe your eyes on your sleeve before anyone notices, though you feel someone's gaze boring into the back of your skull. You ignore it.

 

The dry desert air doesn't bother you like it does the rest of the Thieves, who seem to wither under the intense heat. The heat does, however, make you a bit drowsy.

 

“How are you not sweaty?” Panther whines, tugging at the front of her blouse. She swivels around in her seat to look back at you. “You're even still wearing that jacket!”

 

It's a bit jarring to see the Phantom Thieves not in their usual attire while in the Metaverse. At least Mona was kind enough to explain that it's because the ruler of the Palace doesn't see you as a threat. Interesting, that.

 

“I've spent a lot of time in a desert,” you reply mildly. When this gets a skeptical look from Skull, you elaborate, “I did a lot of traveling when I was younger. I've been to a lot of places.”

 

His expression clears. “Oh. That explains it. I wish you had some kinda magic to help us with this heat, though.”

 

“It...doesn't work that way, I'm afraid.”

 

Skull slumps in his seat. “Damn. It was worth a shot.”

 

After several minutes, it's actually starting to get quite warm, even for you. The close proximity of warm bodies is making the air incredibly stuffy. “Fox, could you scoot over a bit? I need to take this off.”

 

“I knew it,” Panther crows triumphantly.

 

“I'm wearing two coats. And I at least had the luxury of not being trapped inside a car with five other people,” you mutter, pulling off your dark gray coat. You ball it up and prop it behind your head as a pillow, your eyes slowly drifting shut.

 

“Ugh, how can she even sleep in this heat?” you hear Skull mutter under his breath. You ignore him.

 

* * *

 

When you finally arrive at the actual Palace, someone gently shakes you awake and you stir, blearily looking up into Queen's face.

 

“We're here,” she says shortly.

 

You yawn and stretch, then clamber out. As you're finished putting away your coat inside your bag, you can't help but notice the six pairs of eyes on you.

 

“...Why is everyone staring at me?” you say, confused.

 

“Dude, what's with that outfit? You some kinda cosplayer or something?” Skull says.

 

“What's a cosplayer?”

 

He hangs his head. “Ugh, never mind.”

 

“Is that what you usually wear underneath?” Panther asks and you nod.

 

There's nothing wrong with it, in your opinion. It is the attire of a Time Mage, a black set of robes and boots embellished with silver lining and buttons, with a black cowl and a long cape. The cape itself is simple, just a simple black with a cream colored lining. There's no cumbersome head or chest piece, at least. You don't know how the original wielder of this asterisk managed to get around wearing that ridiculous bronze gear around his head.

 

Seeing Futaba Sakura's Shadow nearly makes you want to vomit. Her eyes seem lifeless, her body a corpse. You know that this is only what lies in her heart, but you've never seen a more defeated looking person.

 

Stealing her heart is worse. The fight is drawn out and awful. It's like fighting another asterisk wielder because like them, the cognition just _would not stay down._ You're nearly blown off the top of the pyramid and if it wasn't for Joker catching you at the last second, you probably would have died. Again. Or at the very least gotten seriously injured.

 

What sort of dangers does your own Palace hold? Your Shadow has been quiet these past several weeks and it's starting to make you nervous. Is it because of Ren's calming presence? Just being near him makes you feel happy. Is that really enough?

 

Several days later, you're asked to spend time with Futaba and you're honestly not sure what to do. When Ren offhandedly mentions that you've traveled a lot, she asks if you have any stories to tell her. You can't mention any locations, but you do tell her about the time Ringabel tried to chase after an incredibly agile woman to chat her up and received an elbow to the face for his trouble. Futaba is on the floor practically in tears, and her laughter is infectious enough to make you laugh along with her.

 

If you could describe Futaba in one word, it would be quirky. You don't understand what she does on her…odd device, but her enthusiasm is undeniable. She has a child-like innocence that you haven't seen in a long, long time. It's odd, the way she displays such knowledge in one thing, yet complete ignorance in another. But even after overcoming what happened in her past, there are still flashes of loneliness, still grieving over the loss of her mother.

 

During a meeting in Ren's room, it's decided that as part of Futaba's “rehabilitation” the Phantom Thieves are going on a beach trip. They seem excited, so you wish them well on their trip.

 

“What do you mean, 'have fun on your trip?'” Ann says indignantly. “You're part of the team, you know! And I'm still mad that you skipped out on us during the fireworks festival, so now you owe us!”

 

“I do?” you say blankly.

 

She nods. “Yup, so you're coming with us! We're all gonna have fun and relax at the beach! We can rent a banana boat, maybe play some beach volleyball, and wear cute swimsuits!”

 

Futaba blanches at the last word, but you're honestly confused.

 

“…What is a swimsuit?”

 

Makoto's incredulous stare is making you uncomfortable, so you ignore it.

 

“Uh, okay, _wow._ This is a Code Red. We are going shopping. Right now.” Ann reaches over and hauls you downstairs and out the door despite your protests. What follows is an entire day of looking at various outfits for both you and Futaba, who looks like death warmed over.

 

Actually, “outfits” is too generous a word. These swimsuits look eerily similar to that infamous Bravo Bikini that Ringabel tried to get you to wear. Tiny, flimsy scraps of cloth that barely covers anything. They're more like undergarments, if that. What's worse, is that after Ann chooses your swimsuits, she insists on going back to Leblanc to try them on. Poor Ren is kicked out of his own room and made to wait downstairs with the others as Futaba is the first to be forced into her swimsuit. It's a bright yellow color with frills at the ends. You feel sorry for her until Ann turns to you with a downright frightening leer on her face.

 

“Your turn, (First Name)!”

 

When Ann first bought the outfit, you thought it would offer more protection because it came with a skirt wrap, but when you try it on, you find out that the wrap itself is translucent.

 

“Is...this really it?” you say nervously. “I may as well be in my underwear for all the cover this gives. I fear I will catch my death of cold!”

 

“Don't be silly!” Ann chides, adjusting a strap on your shoulder. “You look amazing. I bet that anyone who sees you in this won't be able to look away!”

 

You sigh, feeling extremely uncomfortable. “Well, that's what I was afraid of…” You glance over at Makoto, who gives you an encouraging nod. “This is for Futaba. If I have to parade around in undergarments for a day, so be it.”

 

“That's the spirit!” Ann cheers.

 

“Now can I _please_ take this off? Ren has to sleep sometime this century, you know.”

 

* * *

 

You never knew that shopping could be so draining. After returning downstairs and finding a fiery red-faced Ren standing stiffly in the kitchen scrubbing dishes, you decide you want a plate of curry. Futaba stays behind and sneakily steals bites of your food when she thinks you aren't looking. You're too tired to scold her so you let her take as much as she wants.

 

Boss has gone out on an errand, so it's just you, Ren, and Futaba. It's only now that you realize that this is a prime opportunity to ask them to help you out with your Palace. Futaba knows what it's like, and Ren would never judge you for something you can't control. Your Palace will undoubtedly be dangerous, sure, but they've been improving so much lately. But how to broach the topic?

 

Well, with Boss gone, you decide to just bite the bullet and get it over with. If only this feeling of unease would go away…

 

“Um…Ren? Futaba?” When they both look over at you, you swallow nervously and try to keep your breathing as steady as possible. “I would…like to ask for your help with something.”

 

Ren nods. “I'm listening.”

 

Despite your best attempts to keep calm, you can't stop the tremors in your hands, so you clench them into fists. It doesn't help. Why are you so nervous? These are your friends. Futaba would understand. They'll help you. You know they will.

 

So why are you so scared?

 

You take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Your heart rate keeps climbing, but it feels oddly disconnected. You approach the counter and twiddle your thumbs, the quivering in your stomach getting worse with each passing second.

 

“Hey, you don't look so good,” Futaba says, her eyebrows furrowed in worry. “You can talk to us about anything. We're not gonna judge you.”

 

Her words are meant to reassure, but the air has become charged with tension and you don't know why.

 

“I…”

 

The sound of the bell chiming overhead startles you into silence. Thinking that Boss has returned, you turn around and freeze, feeling the blood drain from your face.

 

Akechi Goro stands in the doorway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh...I'm not sorry.


	22. And I Feel It Slip Away, One Last Good Memory, Our Time Has Come and Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Akechi shows his face once again, and you enjoy a day out on the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really paid for it when I uploaded those three chapters without giving my arms a break. Still, it was worth it to make you guys happy. And speaking of happy, it makes me feel all warm and soft when so many of you tell me to take care of myself. You guys are the best! Enjoy the chapter!

“Hello,” Akechi says, a faint smile on his face.

 

Futaba practically dashes behind the counter and takes cover behind Ren's back, and you inwardly curse yourself for not thinking of doing the same. It's all you can do to remain standing however, as you look away before anyone can call you out for staring too long.

 

Ren blinks in slight surprise before he regains his composure. “What can I get you?”

 

“I'll have whatever you recommend.”

 

Ren turns his gaze in your direction. “And you? What would you like?”

 

The tension in the air isn't just your imagination. It's almost tangible.

 

“The house blend. Extra sugar, please.” You don't even look in Akechi's direction but you feel his gaze boring into your skull, scrutinizing you. You slowly take a seat in front of the counter and feel the hairs on the back of your neck rise when Akechi takes a seat two spaces away.

 

You glance at him for just a brief moment and it feels like your heart stops. Akechi's eyes blaze with a vicious fury, just barely hidden under his polite facade.

 

 _He knows… Oh, heaven help me, he_ knows...

 

Boss takes this time to come back from his errand, and though he raises an eyebrow at the newest customer, he doesn't say anything and helps Ren prepare the order. Futaba, seeing as Ren has his hands full, takes a seat next to you instead, using your body as a shield.

 

The next few minutes are spent in silence, broken only by the sound of a cup being placed in front of you. You take a sip, trying to force your tremors to cease, but the coffee only tastes like ash in your throat. You put the cup down and you're horrified to see a light sheen of frost on the saucer.

 

The ringing in your ears won't stop, and you tune out most of everything, not trusting yourself to speak without blasting the cafe into oblivion. You think Futaba interjects into the conversation a few times, but you're too busy fighting down the surge of bitter emotions to really pay attention.

 

_Keep it together. You can do this._

 

That is, until the Phantom Thieves are brought up.

 

“It appears the Phantom Thieves have gotten quite popular after the whole incident with Medjed. The timing of it all…it's quite the coincidence, is it not?” Akechi's voice nearly makes you flinch, but you manage to just barely suppress it. Beside you, Futaba gives you a furtive, worried look.

 

Ren rubs the back of his head, clearly uncomfortable. “I guess?”

 

Akechi looks to Futaba then, and she shrinks into her seat. “They're most popular with kids your age. Do you like them, Futaba-chan?”

 

She glances away, biting her lip. “You're famous too, Ace Detective Akechi,” she mumbles.

 

He laughs, and the plasticity of it nearly makes you shiver in revulsion. “Thank you. But I don't want to be compared to the likes of them. I am only doing my part to uphold the law on the side of justice. While they, even as well-intentioned as they are, are still committing crimes.”

 

It takes all of your willpower not to stand up and slap him across his stupid lying face. Saving Futaba, saving Yusuke, and all those other helpless people was _not_ a crime. If you had done nothing, they would undoubtedly still be in pain, or worse. Akechi is a hypocrite and you doubt he believes anything he preaches. All those missions in Mementos, killing peoples' Shadows…and the subsequent suffering they underwent because of that…

 

That is _not_ justice.

 

“(First Name)?”

 

You jump, only holding back a yelp from biting the inside of your cheek.

 

“Akechi was asking for your opinion on the Phantom Thieves,” Ren says, eyes full of curiosity and underneath it, concern. You'll have to fill him in later, but for now, you'll have to play along, no matter how much it hurts.

 

You drain the rest of your coffee before standing up. “I believe in them,” you say softly, but firmly. For a brief moment, Akechi's mask cracks and the look on his face is _mean_ but you're the only one who notices. You place a few bills onto the counter. “Thank you for the coffee.” You gather your things and you try not to shudder as you pass by Akechi on your way out. As you do, however, you think you hear his voice, a low growl that sounds like nothing you've heard before.

 

“ _ **You don't deserve her.”**_

 

* * *

 

You don't get very far before your repressed emotions get the better of you. You duck into a secluded area that's oddly devoid of people. The air is humid and oppressive, making it hard to breathe. You feel nauseated. Why won't your hands stop shaking? And your eyes are burning with tears that you can't explain. This horrible feeling in your stomach…it feels like shame.

 

 _You_ should _be ashamed. He's just another human. He's weak!_ You _are weak! He betrayed you, just like all humans inevitably do._

 

But he was your friend. You cared about him. You still do, as awful as that is. Why is your heart such a traitorous thing? You scrunch your eyes shut, but the tears have already fallen. And they won't stop.

 

The sensation of fingers against your cheek startle you so much that you nearly stumble backwards. As it stands, all you end up doing is using the wall behind you as a makeshift support.

 

Akechi Goro stands in front of you, his eyes full of sorrow and something else you can't place. His hand is still outstretched toward you beseechingly.

 

“(First Name)…”

 

You swallow the lump in your throat, but the tears keep coming. “So you retained your memories in this world as well,” you say bitterly. “What do you want? Leave me alone!”

 

“It doesn't have to be this way,” he says softly.

 

“Yes it does. You made that clear when you tried to kill me,” you growl, wiping away your tears. You take deep breaths and try to calm down. It doesn't work, and the tears won't stop. “I don't want anything to do with you anymore.” You hate yourself for letting your voice waver.

 

“You don't really feel that way. I know you don't.” He steps closer and that's about all you can take.

 

You draw yourself up to your full height, your fear giving way to anger. It manifests into wisps of fire dancing along your palms, and although he eyes them warily, Akechi doesn't move.

 

“You know? You _know?_ Tell me, Akechi Goro. You think you know more about me than I do?”

 

He nods, and that infuriates you even more. “Yes.”

 

“Like hell you do! I've given you too many chances, and I am _sick_ and _tired_ of playing this song and dance with you!” You don't expose your back to him this time. You've learned your lesson and keep him in your line of sight. You reach for your asterisk around your neck with a trembling hand, but before your fingers even brush against it, Akechi says something that makes your blood run cold.

 

“I've seen what's inside your heart.”

 

Your breath dies in your throat, your face rapidly paling. “You…you…went in there? How…?”

 

Akechi sighs tiredly, and now you think you know the real reason why he's been looking so downtrodden lately. “I figured out the last keyword. Your Palace…it's truly massive. I've never seen anything like it before.”

 

You press yourself against the wall, feeling yourself caught up in a full body tremor. The air around you becomes chilled, and you glance down to find a pool of ice spreading beneath your feet. “Those feelings of unease, of paranoia…that was all you? What are you even doing in there? It's making my magic go out of control…! Did you…did you see…her?”

 

Akechi doesn't answer your question and that scares you more than anything else. “Please. I want to help you. Let me into your life again.”

 

“I cannot…I _will not_ become allies with someone I don't trust. You've got some nerve asking me that now!”

 

Akechi's lip curls back into a snarl, his eyes blazing with anger. “So you trust the Phantom Thieves?”

 

“I meant what I said in Leblanc. I believe in them.”

 

“And if you win the Game, what then? What will you do?”

 

Your eyes narrow. “This world has no need for gods. I will destroy the god who controls the Metaverse.” Your chest squeezes painfully as you briefly think of Ren's smiling face, but it must be done. Ren is only human. You have an eternity ahead of you whereas he…

 

Gods above, but you are going to miss him.

 

You rub at your eyes in vain. Why can't you stop crying? Everything sets you off these days. “I hate this. I'm just so _tired…_ But I can't leave knowing that there's a tyrannical god doing whatever he pleases. What do I have to _do?”_

 

“You didn't answer my question. You win the Game, and then what?”

 

“I…I don't know. I don't trust myself not to meddle in the affairs of humans. It is better that I…not stay.” You wrap your arms around yourself and shiver. “It…it could work, I think. It would be a relief.”

 

Akechi's hands clamp down on your shoulders and you tense, expecting a fight, but instead he crushes his lips to yours in a bruising kiss. You make a muffled noise and he pulls you closer, his arms crushing your body against his. He pulls away before you can do much of anything, but his face is unreadable.

 

“I'm not giving up on you. Remember that.” He turns and walks away, leaving you to stare after him in a haze of outrage and confusion.

 

* * *

 

Some time later, after coming out of the bath house, you receive a text message.

 

 **Ren:** _Are you okay? You seemed_ _upset_ _earlier._

 

 **You:** _I am doing fine,_ _I think. I do need to discuss something with you. It's important._

 

Several long minutes go by before he replies.

 

 **Ren:** _Should I be worried? Is this about...us?_

 

 **You:** _It's better that we_ _talk_ _in person._

 

There is no response after this until much later in the evening, after you've taken refuge on top of a building. The air is warm up here, so there's no chance of getting too cold during the night.

 

 **Ren:** _Are you still coming to the beach_ _with us_ _?_

 

 **You:** _Yes. It is for Futaba's rehabilitation. I will not miss it for the world._

 

Ren bids you good night after this and you put your phone away, feeling exhausted from the day's events. Now that you've settled down, you feel a certain curiosity. What had Akechi seen inside your Palace? The only thing you know is that it's big. But what is the last keyword? You want to ask him, but just the thought of doing so makes flames dance across your palms. You are still hurting from his betrayal.

 

You wonder if he's in your Palace right now. What does he hope to accomplish on his own?

 

Akechi's parting words ring in your head, but they don't make sense to you.

 

_I'm not giving up on you._

 

How did it come to this? If you knew the keyword, you could try to understand your own distorted feelings. But you have a horrible feeling that taking your Treasure won't be so straightforward.

 

* * *

 

The morning after, you meet Ann at the train station and she is kind enough to go into the changing room with you when you arrive at the beach. Her fingers tickle the nape of your neck as you try to figure out how it goes. For being such a small article of clothing, it's surprisingly tricky to put on. Ann convinces you to put on a bracelet on your wrist, a soft-looking thing that looks like a ring of hibiscus flowers. Your shoes are small-heeled sandals, with a diminutive pale hibiscus flower on the outer side. The translucent wrap goes on last, and it's so light that you can barely tell it's even there.

 

Makoto arrives with Futaba shortly afterward and you're a bit heartened to see that Futaba is just as unfamiliar with putting on swimsuits as you are. Makoto gives you a tentative smile that wobbles at the edges and you're unsure as to why she's putting on a mask. A fairly poor mask, but a mask nonetheless.

 

Futaba is so painfully nervous that she begins to wrap a towel around her face so she can't see anything, but you gently put a stop to it.

 

“I'm scared,” she whispers.

 

You smile ruefully. “Me too.”

 

Ann walks over to you, checking on something on her phone before putting it away in her bag. “The others have already changed and are outside waiting for us. Oh, I can't wait to see the look on Ryuji's face…”

 

* * *

 

 

Somehow, Futaba had wrapped the towel around her face without anyone noticing. Smiling slightly, you gently unwrap it from her head. She resists at first, but placing your hand on her shoulder seems to pacify her.

 

You can hear Ann laughing from behind you as you finish unwrapping the towel from Futaba's head, but you pay it no mind. Futaba's shy smile makes you feel in a way that you can only describe as soft. When you turn around to face the others, your brain temporarily stops working.

 

Ren. Without a shirt. Without his glasses.

 

Heaven help you, but what is wrong with you? You want to just throw your arms around him and feel his skin against yours, but you wisely keep your predicament to yourself.

 

Ren, as it turns out, is in a similar position, if his eyes are anything to go by. His eyes travel the length of your body, and you can't help but shiver slightly. It's not something born of fear, but _anticipation._

 

_What's this strange hunger? I've felt it before…_

 

Ann and Makoto are strangely reluctant to eat, and you didn't think to bring food yourself. Futaba sees this and offers you a bowl of some kind, and when she adds hot water to it, makes a kind of salty-flavored soup. It's not bad, so you eat it without complaint. Ryuji starts making whimpering noises at you halfway through your meal, so you hand it to him without comment. His enthusiastic response does coax a smile out of you, at least.

 

“(First Name)?”

 

You look up and see Ann shifting nervously from foot to foot. “Yes?”

 

“We rented a banana boat, but there's only three to a boat. Do you want to come with us after we're done?”

 

You blanch slightly and shake your head. “A...boat? Oh, no thank you… Please go enjoy yourselves. I get seasick very easily.”

 

“Are you sure?” Futaba says, frowning.

 

“Pretty sure,” you reply. “I'll be down by the shore if you need me.” Without waiting for a response, you pick up your bag and leave them to it.

 

From behind you, you think you hear the sound of Ryuji and Morgana bickering, but after a moment, it abruptly stops. You're not sure why until a moment later, when you feel a hand entwine their fingers with yours. Startled, you look up and see Ren giving you a nervous smile and when you return the gesture, his smile becomes genuine.

 

“I was not aware they were in a relationship,” you hear Yusuke say quietly. “Their entwined hands, the overwhelming passion on their faces…I must capture this moment."

 

“Man, why does our leader have all the luck?” Ryuji mutters.

 

“Well, I think it's cute,” Ann huffs. “You guys should be more supportive, right Mako-chan?”

 

Even though you don't see it, Makoto gazes at your retreating backs with a wistful and forlorn look in her eyes. “Yes…perhaps we should…”

 

* * *

 

You arrive at the shore, the sound of the sea against the surf makes you feel nostalgic for a time long past. Memories of being confined below decks in the Eschalot, fighting off the drowsiness from the tonic Agnès gave you for seasickness. Ringabel on bended knees trying to get you to put on the Spell Fencer asterisk. Tiz telling you stories of his life as a shepherd, his brother Til, and the nightmares he had of the day he died. Alternis falling to his doom at the Holy Pillar…

 

You shudder and give your head a little shake. It would not do to dwell on the past.

 

“You look beautiful.”

 

You blink and look up at Ren, his cheeks dusted a faint pink. It's even more pronounced without his glasses on, and you wonder why he feels the need to wear them all the time.

 

You duck your head, feeling oddly bashful. “Erm…thank you. Nobody's ever told me that before.” You fiddle with the strap of your bag. “Ren, I…”

 

“Does this have to do with your message last night?” he says quietly and you nod.

 

“That is correct. Before I was interrupted by a certain…person, I wanted to share something with you.” You take a deep breath and let it out slowly, steeling yourself. “I didn't want to say anything before because I feared your reaction, but I now see that my fears were unfounded.” When Ren nods at you to continue, your grip on the strap of your bag tightens.

 

“Do you have your phone with you?” you ask in a small voice.

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

You curl in on yourself, feeling sick. “Please open the Metaverse Navigator.”

 

Ren frowns and does as instructed, but a moment later, his eyes widen in dawning comprehension and it's all you can do not to turn and flee. “Do you…have a Palace like Futaba did?”

 

Instead of answering his question, you state your full name.

 

“ _Candidate found.”_

 

Ren is silent for a long moment. He's not disgusted, or appalled. He simply puts his phone away in his pocket and pulls you close enough to where you can hear his heartbeat against your ear. You briefly relish the slide of his bare skin against yours and you shiver, but you quash it down. This isn't the time, nor the place.

 

“It was remiss of me to keep it from you for so long,” you whisper, and you're horrified to feel a lump on your throat. You swallow harshly, but there are no tears this time, thankfully. “I want to know what's wrong with me. I think you and the Phantom Thieves can help me, but I'm afraid, Ren.”

 

His grip tightens. “Afraid of what? We never judged Futaba for having a Palace, and we won't judge you. You just need help, and we can give it to you.”

 

“I…I'm terrified. Terrified that I'll be sending you to your death.” Visions of his body lying in pieces all around you fill your mind and you shudder.

 

Ren pulls back only slightly and brushes his lips to your forehead in a gentle kiss. “Hey, we're the Phantom Thieves. You even trained us. I know we should be careful, but we should be fine with enough preparations.”

 

You pull away, recalling the moment you discovered Futaba had entered her own Palace. “You'll be short one Phantom Thief, though. Judging from the effects of Futaba entering her Palace, it definitely wouldn't be a good idea for me to come with you.” You stop, sighing. “I'm sorry. This was supposed to be…well, not this. We should be having fun, eating good food.”

 

“But you're important, too,” Ren chides gently. “After we get back, we'll help you. I won't let you suffer anymore. I…I care about you.”

 

You smile softly, feeling as if a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. “Thank you, Ren.”

 

* * *

 

When you arrive in Leblanc the next day, you hold Ren's hand in a vice-like grip as he relays the information about your Palace to the other Phantom Thieves. Naturally, they're understandably worried and upset, but Ann takes hold of your free hand and squeezes it, telling you that as your friend, they will help you. You nearly break down in tears, but you manage a small, watery smile.

 

Ren has the Metaverse Navigator active on his phone, the other Phantom Thieves sitting around a table. You remain standing, feeling a sense of agitation that seems oddly out of place. Your Shadow must be feeling restless.

 

“So, we have the name. What's the place?” Ryuji says, his voice strangely somber.

 

You close your eyes. “The universe.”

 

“ _Candidate found.”_

 

Cries of shock from all sides nearly make you flinch, but you force yourself to remain calm.

 

“Dude, you've got some _major_ issues to work out if your Palace is that big!” Ryuji says, flabbergasted.

 

“Is it even possible to navigate a Palace of that size?” Ann asks worriedly.

 

“We should be okay,” Futaba says, pushing her glasses further up on her nose. “As long as we have Morgana and me, we should be fine.”

 

“But what is the last keyword?” Makoto asks, frowning.

 

You shake your head. “I wish I knew. I am grateful for your help, but it will undoubtedly be very dangerous. Moreover…” You pause and look at every one of them in the eyes in turn. “That other Metaverse user. The one I told you to avoid at all costs…I have reason to believe he has already found his way in.”

 

“How do you know that?” Morgana says, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

 

You wrap your arms around yourself and lower your gaze. “Because…he told me.”

 

“How do you know he wasn't lying to you?”

 

“I have been experiencing bouts of paranoia, anxiety, fear, and other irrational feelings. What's worse, my magic is now reacting to my emotions. It's not supposed to do that, and it never has before. I fear that it will get even worse before long.”

 

“Wait.” Everyone, including you, turn your gaze towards Ren, whose face has grown stony. “This other Metaverse user… It's Akechi, isn't it?”

 

Nobody moves.

 

You bow your head. “Yes.”

 

“That bastard…” Ren growls. “I knew something was wrong when he came in yesterday. The whole time, you were terrified, weren't you?” When you nod, his hands clench into fists, his jawline tense.

 

“If we run into him again, we'll be ready,” Ryuji declares.

 

“Yeah, we won't lose to him!” Ann says.

 

“You have our support,” Makoto says gently, a small smile on her face.

 

“So if you don't know what the final keyword is, we'll just have to figure it out ourselves.” Futaba shifts in her seat, accidentally jarring Morgana from his place on her lap. “So, a Palace as big as the universe…we have to think on a grand scale.”

 

“Maybe…a castle?” Ann says hopefully.

 

“ _No candidate found.”_

 

“No, bigger than that,” Futaba says. “Maybe it's metaphorical. Like, uh…a prison?”

 

“ _No candidate found.”_

 

“Ugh, what a pain,” Ryuji grumbles. “A labyrinth?”

 

“ _No candidate found.”_

 

A few moments pass while you all struggle to come up with the answer. Futaba stands up and begins pacing the room.

 

“Akechi figured it out. So why can't we?” Morgana gripes. “Maybe it's something obvious. If it's something that enormous, then…”

 

“The only thing that comes to mind is that of the gods of old,” Yusuke supplies. “They look down from on high as humanity worships them, giving them tribute.”

 

“So…a temple?” Ann asks hopefully.

 

“ _No candidate found.”_

 

“Ugh, this is hopeless!” Futaba says, yanking on fistfuls of hair.

 

“No, wait. I think you may be onto something,” Makoto says, also rising to her feet. “Maybe not something as innocuous as a temple, but something a bit more…somber.”

 

“What are you suggesting?” Ren asks, leaning forward.

 

Nobody speaks for a moment. Then…

 

“A stage,” Yusuke says.

 

“ _Beginning navigation.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news, a lot of the next chapter is already written, so hopefully you guys won't have to wait as long for the next update. Only a few chapters left, guys. I'm not sure how many yet, though.


	23. But I Know How This Story Will Unfold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you enter your Palace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! I am back with a new chapter for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.

The first thing you notice is the drop in temperature. The sounds of a gently flowing creek reach your ears while warm sunlight filters through the leaves overhead. A lonely house built into the hollow of a great tree overlooks the creek. Behind you, a dirt path leads to what you assume is the forest. You recognize this area. It's one of the areas you visited while in Luxendarc.

 

Yulyana Woods Needleworks.

 

It's a lovely place, in your opinion. Quiet. Peaceful. And also quite small for a Palace supposedly the size of a universe. However, unlike the original, there are no signs of anyone around. No cognitions, no Shadows, nothing. In fact, aside from the sounds of the flowing water, there is no wildlife to be found.

 

“It's so peaceful…” Panther says softly, looking around with interest. “Are you sure this is your Palace?”

 

You nod, blinking back tears against the pang of homesickness that makes your chest ache. “This is a place I visited many times.” From the corner of your eye, you see Joker look over at you, his face tinged with concern.

 

“I thought something felt different,” Oracle says. “We ended up right inside a safe room.” It's only now that you notice that everyone around you is in their Phantom Thief attire. You can't help but find that very strange. Why does your Shadow already see them as a threat? You trust them.

 

“Who knows what kind of dangers this Palace holds? Safe room or not, we need to be cautious,” Mona says, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“Naturally,” Fox replies, a hand resting over his scabbard.

 

“Let's head out,” Joker declares. “We won't make any progress just standing around.”

 

You pause, hesitating. You remember what happened to Oracle in her Palace and you're not keen to have the same thing happen to you. On the other hand, it would drive you crazy not knowing whether or not the Phantom Thieves were safe or not.

 

There's a horrible feeling in your gut and it's making you sick. Did Oracle feel this bad inside her own Palace?

 

Or is it something else?

 

“Are you alright?”

 

You blink and Joker stands in front of you. You hadn't even noticed his hands on your shoulders until that very moment. You can detect a faint scent of coffee and curry from him.

 

“Yes. I'm fine. We should go.”

 

* * *

 

When you exit the Yulyana Woods Needleworks, you find yourselves in a large clearing. To the southwest, there is a lake with a port. To the east, a bridge connects to a long and winding forest path. To the northwest lies another forest path that leads to the distant mountains. So far, your Palace appears to be a perfect replica of Luxendarc. The only difference is the absence of life.

 

“So, where to?” Morgana says. “I can detect the presence of a Treasure, but it feels so far away. I can barely sense it.”

 

“We definitely need a map,” Skull grumbles. “There's gotta be one around here somewhere.”

 

“Unnecessary,” you interject. “I recognize this place. I've traveled here long ago. Do you see the port? There should be an airship there. If not, we will have to find another way on foot.”

 

“An _airship?”_ Panther says incredulously. “You've got to be kidding!”

 

You make your way south, not saying anything. After a moment's hesitation, you hear the Phantom Thieves follow suit.

 

You travel for a short time, and you're pleasantly surprised to see the Eschalot still docked near the port. It's still in workable condition, with the flight crystal intact. As you climb aboard, you head for the steering wheel and twist some knobs and dials. With a slight shudder, your cry of triumph is drowned out as the Eschalot roars to life. You turn back to the dock, where the Phantom Thieves are still waiting cautiously, and beckon them over.

 

“It looks like a miniature blimp,” Oracle says uncertainly. “Except…there's this weird glowing crystal thing.”

 

As they clamber on, Queen gazes about the aircraft. “Is this...safe?” she asks dubiously.

 

“Of course it is,” you reply dismissively. “One of my friends piloted an airship very much like this one. I've seen him at it enough times to do it myself and while I may not be as good as he was, it will suffice.” You pull a lever next to the wheel and the Eschalot shudders for a moment before rising into the air, much to the astonishment of the Phantom Thieves.

 

“Whoa! This is awesome!” Skull exclaims, a huge grin on his face. “I can see everything from here!”

 

“Well, at least we don't have to worry about Shadows or anything from up here.” Panther walks over to the railing and peers into the far horizon. “Jeez, this is really big. I can see a desert all the way over there.”

 

“That must be the Harena region,” you say absently, fiddling with the controls. “In the heart of that desert lies the city of sand and time, Ancheim. Before I came to Tokyo, I thought Ancheim was a technological marvel. The city is run by giant windmills that keep the power flowing. If we had the time, I could have shown you around.”

 

Dead silence.

 

You turn your head to find the Phantom Thieves all sporting a look of shock and disbelief. But nothing compares to Mona, whose eyes are narrowed in suspicion.

 

“Is there something the matter?” you ask delicately.

 

“...How do you know all this?” Mona says in a low voice, his tail lashing from side to side.

 

Oh. You had forgotten that they don't know that you're foreign to this universe. Crow knows nearly everything about you, but Joker does not. Crow took it well, if you recall correctly, but you're not sure how the Phantom Thieves will react. In fact, come to think of it, they don't know you're able to perform magic outside the Metaverse, either. There's no guarantee they'll remember this if things go south. You hope it doesn't come to that, but this universe has made your hopes and wishes into a running joke at this point.

 

“If I told you the truth, I don't think you'll believe me,” you say softly.

 

“Try us,” Joker counters, a challenging glint in his eyes.

 

You stare at him for a long moment before sighing. “This is where I'm from. It's why I'm able to do battle the way that I do. Why I can do magic without a Persona. Does that answer your question?”

 

“Not exactly, but it'll do for now.” Mona leaps onto the railing and gazes into the horizon. “Whoa! The sea is pitch black!”

 

“Seriously?” Skull says. “Is that something that's just part of your Palace?”

 

This feels horribly familiar. “I…don't know. If the sea is black, it means that it has rotted. So far, the inner seas are fine, but if this is what I think it is…we will have to travel to the four temples. Once we get there, then…” For this, you have no answers. If the sea has rotted, you have a suspicion that your Palace also has the four crystals of the elements. Wind, Water, Fire, and Earth. But if they've been corrupted, you have no way of purifying them. It was always Agnès who performed the Rite of Awakening. What are you going to do?

 

You'll cross that bridge when you come to it.

 

The closest temple is the water temple, so you navigate your way there. As you draw closer to it, however, you become aware of the Phantom Thieves distancing themselves away from you. To you, that in itself is a bad sign, made worse by the fact that they begin to speak in low voices. Even Joker, whom you believed was on your side, joins in.

 

Why is there suddenly a need for secrecy? You're part of the Phantom Thieves as well. You trust them. And they trust you.

 

...Right?

 

You're hurt by this, but you're also angry. Do they think you don't see them whispering among themselves? Do they really think you're that stupid?

 

You're so incensed by this that the landing is a bit rough, but you at least make it within walking distance of the water temple. Once you all clamber off the airship, you make it a point not to say a word to anyone. What makes you angrier is that all of the Phantom Thieves seem to keep a certain distance from you.

 

Once inside the temple, you take a moment to breathe deeply and calm yourself down, but it's no use. The temple even smells the same as you remember; stone, dust, with an air of neglect. The lighting is dim, with a slight blueish tint. At the end of the long corridor is an entrance way that you know opens up to an enormous cavernous chamber that houses the water crystal. Or at least…it was that way in Luxendarc. You're still not sure if the same holds true in your Palace.

 

You slowly make your way there, as cautious as ever, but the temple seems to be just as abandoned as the original. You're a little unnerved that you've seen absolutely no Shadows whatsoever, which is strange in of itself. You thought you'd have seen _something_ by now.

 

Just before entering the Altar of Water, you stop walking.

 

“I don't know what you're playing at, whispering behind my back the way you do,” you growl. “If you have something to say, at least have the decency to say it to my face.”

 

“That's…we weren't…” Panther stammers, but you've had enough.

 

“Don't _lie_ to me!” you shriek, and the air around you shimmers with a burning hot haze. You barely notice it as you round on the Phantom Thieves, who collectively take a step backwards at the expression on your face. “Do you really think I'm that stupid? That I didn't notice your little gathering back on the Eschalot?”

 

“We're sorry, okay? We didn't think it was that bad!” Skull counters.

 

“It's just that…we're finding out about a whole other side of you, and we realized, well…that we don't really know you at all,” Queen adds.

 

“Have you ever tried asking?” you snarl, and she falls silent, her eyes lowering to the ground in shame. You close your eyes and sigh through your nose. “I thought we were friends. I thought you trusted me. We're a team, aren't we?” You open your eyes, the shimmering haze slowly dissipating. “...Aren't we?”

 

When no one answers, the pang of emotion in your chest expands, nearly crippling you. Blinking back the threat of tears, you turn away and storm through the entrance to the altar.

 

You've only just crossed the threshold when you hear rapid footsteps approach you before strong arms wrap themselves around you from behind. You tense up, only for Joker to lower his face into the junction between your shoulder and your neck. You have to fight down a shiver when he plants a kiss there.

 

“I'm so sorry, (First Name),” he whispers, and you've never heard it sound so choked up before. “I don't have any excuses for what we did. You're absolutely right. We're supposed to be a team. And what we did back there…it was unacceptable.”

 

You're silent for a long moment, but you don't pull away. Joker takes your hesitation to kiss you again, a little higher on your neck. His breath tickles your ear a bit and you nearly squirm. There's a heavy feeling in your chest as you turn around slowly, Joker's arms still wrapped around you. When you look up at him, you're a bit surprised to see his mask off. You crane your neck a little to try to see past his shoulders, but his grip on you tightens.

 

“I told them to wait,” he murmurs. “I wanted to talk to you alone for now. If there's anything you'd like to tell me, now's the time.”

 

_What will you do? Do you tell him the truth? Or will you keep your silence and continue to lie?_

 

You take a deep breath and let it out slowly, your heart pounding a mile a minute in your chest. Perhaps Joker senses your anxiety, because he leans forward and kisses you softly. He pulls away and you can't help but feel a sense of loss. “I'm from a different world. I arrived here after I left my own world behind. I lost someone who was very dear to me and I couldn't handle it, so I ran.” You bury your face in his chest, bracing yourself. “I…I can travel between worlds…I've met you before. And I've already had to watch you die. I'm just doing my best to save you. It's…been difficult.”

 

For a moment, Joker doesn't speak. When he does, his voice is strangely even.

 

“Thank you for telling me. I know it must have been scary to open yourself up to someone. I'm glad that person was me.” You feel his hand stroking the back of your head and you nearly sag with relief. “So…I guess this means you're some kind of goddess? I'm actually kind of honored that you'd fall for someone like me.”

 

“You're…honestly taking this better than I thought,” you say. Do you dare hope he won't shun you? That he'll accept you with open arms?

 

“I've heard crazier stories,” Joker chuckles, kissing your forehead. “I mean, an entirely new world filled with people's distorted desires and a talking cat?”

 

You can't help but laugh, wiping your eyes on your sleeve. “Fair point.”

 

“Hey, are you two done in there yet?” Skull's voice rings out from beyond the doorway you just walked through and you have to suppress a laugh.

 

“It's all right. You can come in now,” Joker replies with a sheepish grin.

 

As you hear the Phantom Thieves' approaching footsteps, you turn away and see something fluttering near the altar. For one frightening moment, you think you're seeing an enemy from your past, but when you get closer, you realize that it's not Airy. She's small, has black butterfly wings and a simple white skirt similar to Airy, but it's not her. The enormous water crystal looms behind her, black and corrupted, just as you suspected.

 

She's you. Your very first form, when the world seemed so large and vast. Before you learned what it meant to be a friend. It's not the same Shadow you've been seeing. But it's definitely not a cognition, either.  When you approach her, she doesn't do anything except gaze at you curiously. When the rest of the Phantom Thieves catch up, she stares into each of their faces in turn. Her eyes are the same as yours, but her irises are in that telltale gold color that betrays her true identity.

 

“Is this your Shadow?” Fox asks quietly. He tentatively holds out a hand and she, surprisingly enough, flies up to him and lands on his outstretched hand. When he doesn't do anything except to bring her closer to his body, she merely makes herself comfortable, sitting back on her haunches. She doesn't look anything like the terrifying Shadow you encountered before. Compared to her, this one is extremely docile.

 

“She's kinda cute,” Panther says, scooting closer to get a better look. “I don't think she's dangerous at all.”

 

“Don't let down your guard,” Mona says sharply. “That's still a Shadow, no matter how non-threatening it may seem.”

 

“I dunno… It doesn't seem to have any skills whatsoever,” Oracle peers at it closely and while the Shadow simply stares back, it doesn't make a sound. “I sense a lot of power inside it, but it doesn't seem to be able to channel it.”

 

“Have you ever seen a Shadow behave this way, Mona?” Makoto asks. She and Joker are the only ones who hang back, cautious as always.

 

“No. It's really weird. Even Futaba's Shadow nearly got us killed a few times.” Mona tilts his head to one side, thinking. “I mean, we could try asking it if it knows where we can find a map.”

 

“ _So you wish to proceed?”_

 

Nearly everyone jumps at the voice, except for Fox, who merely looks down at the Shadow in his hand. “I beg your pardon?” he asks in bewilderment.

 

“ _The water crystal is corrupted. The Rite of Awakening can purify it and restore the sea to its natural state. That is how you must progress.”_ The Shadow pushes off from Fox's hand and flies over to the altar. Perhaps unnervingly, it doesn't open its mouth to speak, yet the voice is undoubtedly yours, with that strange distortion all Shadows seem to share.

 

“The water vestal is not here,” you say, and everyone turns to look at you. “There is no one here who has the ability to perform the rite. Is there any other way of purifying it?”

 

“ _What are your intentions? Do you wish to awaken all the crystals?”_

 

“If that is what it takes to find the treasure, then yes.”

 

The Shadow is quiet for a moment. _“...You seek the Holy Pillar.”_

 

Your eyes narrow. “Is that a problem?”

 

“ _You do not have the means of evoking it. If there is no vestal, the rite cannot be performed.”_ The Shadow's gaze lands on Fox. _“However…I sense a curious affinity in this one. I believe he will be adequate.”_

 

Something about the way she says it makes your suspicions rise. “Adequate for what, pray tell?”

 

“ _An exchange. The water crystal can be purified if…you give him to me. He will perform splendidly, I am sure.”_

 

“You can't be serious!” Panther says, incensed. “Fox is our friend! We're not gonna give him to you!”

 

The Shadow sighs softly. _“Then we are at an impasse. If all goes well, your…friend will be returned to you, safe and sound. Perhaps you would like to take his place, but I would advise against it. You would most certainly perish.”_

 

“What does purifying the crystal entail, were I to take your offer?” Fox asks, amid the outraged sounds of protest. Joker and Queen remain silent, quietly assessing the situation.

 

“ _A trial, simply put. You will be put to the test against the beast that lurks within the crystal. Only you alone can attempt the challenge. Win, and the crystal will use your essence to purify itself from within. If you can withstand the mental and physical toll, you will return here. You need not accept my offer. That is your decision to make.”_

 

“I don't like this,” Mona says, crossing his arms over his chest. “What if you're lying to us? How do we know this isn't some sort of trap?”

 

The air suddenly becomes charged with tension and the ground shivers slightly. The Shadow has a dangerous look on her face, and you pray to never make such a terrifying expression again.

 

“ _This place does not take kindly to liars. I am many things, but I am not dishonest.”_

 

“What should we do?” Queen asks worriedly. “I really don't like this. We're putting Fox is danger by doing what she says, but I don't see another way forward.” She turns to Joker. “What do you think?”

 

“She gave us a choice. In the end, it's Fox's decision if he wants to do the trial or not,” he replies.

 

“You can always walk away, dude.” Skull places a hand on Fox's shoulder. “No one's forcing you to do this.”

 

“But if I do nothing, then I am leaving our friend to suffer alone,” Fox says, which surprises you. “We helped Oracle even before she became our friend. I suggest we do the same for Diamond.” He steps forward to the altar, meeting the Shadow's eyes head-on. “I accept your trial.”

 

The Shadow's expression remains unchanged, but there is a sort of fire in her eyes that changes her whole demeanor. _“I commend your bravery and selflessness. Good luck, young challenger.”_ She extends her hand out to Fox and when he takes it, he glows a bright blue before disappearing in a flash of light.

 

At first, nothing happens. The Shadow watches impassively, while the rest of you wait with bated breath. After what feels like hours, the crystal suddenly shivers violently, chunks of its corrupted outer shell falling off and showering you with debris. Underneath, pillars of light weakly shine through the exposed spaces. As the tremors become more powerful, more light begins to shine through.

 

Then, all of a sudden, it stops. The tremors cease, and the crystal is left in its half purified state.

 

“What happened? Is Fox okay?” Oracle says, fear coloring her words.

 

The Shadow makes a small noise of consternation. _“How disappointing…It appears your friend was not able to complete the purification process.”_ She turns to the rest of you, watching your mounting horror with a dispassionate gaze.

 

“ _Nothing remains of him now. He is gone.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that happened. Things won't be so bleak next chapter, so hang tight.


	24. Even If Your Life Burns Out, That's Not the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which an offer is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's my birthday soon, so what better way to celebrate than to give you guys a new chapter? It's a bit longer than the last one. Enjoy!

“What do you mean he's gone?!” Panther cries, her voice breaking at the end. “He can't be gone! You watch, he's gonna come back and prove you wrong!”

 

“ _If you wish to wait for him to return, I will not stop you. But it is a fool's errand. You will be waiting forever.”_ The Shadow does not look sympathetic in the slightest, and you know she feels nothing. This form doesn't yet understand what it means to lose something important.

 

If you're being honest, Fox wasn't nearly as close to you as Joker, or even Panther. You can't say you're as cut up as Oracle, who's quietly sobbing into her hands. Even still, he was your friend. A friend whom you always made sure to treat to various restaurants around the city whenever he so much as said he was feeling peckish.

 

“Panther…I stopped sensing him the moment the crystal stopped moving. He really is gone…” This is seemingly too much for Oracle as she dissolves into tears once more.

 

“ _He fought against the beast and triumphed, but when it came down to purifying the crystal, his essence was not enough. He was…too weak.”_

 

“Don't give me that shit!” Skull is breathing hard, and he looks to be one step away from tearing the Shadow apart with his bare hands. _“Where is he, dammit?!”_

 

The Shadow merely stares him down passively. _“_ _I dislike repeating myself._ _He has perished, expired within the crystal, deceased. Need I go on?”_

 

“SHUT UP!” he screams, pulling out his weapon. “He's our friend, and if I have to hear you tell one more _fucking_ lie about him being dead—!”

 

Then he stops.

 

“ _I've said it before,”_ the Shadow says solemnly, a dark haze beginning to obscure her form. **_“This place does not take kindly to liars.”_ **

 

You're momentarily confused as to what's going on until you see something long and sharp skewering Skull through his throat. As it retracts back into the ground, Panther starts to scream.

 

After that, everything erupts into chaos. Personas are coming out, skills are being used in rapid succession, but the Shadow has transformed into a terrifying, large-winged monstrosity. From what little you can see, she has Panther's head in a vice-like grip, its claws gouging deep wounds in her face while she screams in pain. Queen rushes to her aid, but she's immediately impaled by a large spike that erupts from beneath her. The sound of her body hitting the ground is lost among the sounds of battle.

 

You've seen enough. You dart forward and grab Joker from amid the chaos and quickly pull him away from the fight. He predictably struggles to break free from your grasp, but you're running on adrenaline and you manage to drag him out of the chamber and back into the hall. You can still hear the dying screams of your friends and you feel something inside you wither and die as Joker's eyes blaze with the onset of tears.

 

“Let me go! I have to help them! I can't abandon them now!” Joker sounds so scared and desperate and it kills you that you have to be the one to tell him that it's too late.

 

“Joker, listen to me! There is nothing we can do for them! For now, we must flee!” From within your bag, you pull out a Teleport Stone and hold it above your head. It glows for a brief moment and you're warped outside the temple.

 

Once you're safely back on board the Eschalot, Joker finally stops struggling and slumps in your hold.  When you tentatively let go, he collapses onto his hands and knees, completely breaking down. You do your best to comfort him, but he's inconsolable. He repeatedly slams the ground with his fists, constantly berating himself for his leadership, for his lack of preparation.

 

You know the Shadow won't follow you. It only became aggressive after Skull threatened it with a visible weapon. Your heart aches with grief, but you can't afford to fall apart. You briefly entertain the thought of continuing the Game with only Joker by your side, but you know it's no use. Unlike Crow, Joker doesn't operate as a single unit. He thrives off support from his friends, his teammates, his comrades-in-arms. They work together, covering for each others' weaknesses, bolstering their strengths. It's what makes them the Phantom Thieves, after all.

 

But they were so utterly unprepared for the sheer ferocity your Shadow has at her disposal. They were nowhere near ready to deal with the dangers of your Palace. You, who were so desperate for help, so ready to brave your Palace, only to have your plans crumble underneath your feet. You were perhaps too hasty. They may have needed more training, more experience, or perhaps…

 

Another member.

 

Noir, who would have seen the Shadow's hidden side right from the start, who could have maybe turned the tide. Maybe she would have died alongside her other companions, but…you don't know. You don't have enough information about her, and perhaps that was your downfall.

 

Joker has fallen silent, but he still hasn't moved from his spot. Feeling a sense of growing concern, you open your mouth to say something when he looks up at you, his eyes burning with what appears to be determination. Or is it something else?

 

“You said…you met me before? That I died?” When you nod silently, he huffs out a laugh, though without any humor. “It doesn't get any easier, does it?”

 

A brief vision of Joker's headless corpse enters your thoughts and you visibly shudder. “No. Sometimes I was there to witness your death. Sometimes I only saw it happen after I met my own end. But it is always painful. It is...difficult to see someone you care for lose their life so suddenly.” You force your thoughts away of Crow ending his own life, but your innermost thoughts won't leave you like they normally do. It's likely a side effect of being inside your own Palace.

 

“Can you…go back?”

 

You frown slightly. “Go back?”

 

Joker nods. “Before all this? Can you save my friends? Prevent this from happening again?”

 

You take a seat in front of him, sighing heavily. “Your friends in this world are lost forever, I'm afraid.”

 

“But—!“

 

You place a finger to his lips, effectively silencing him. “I wasn't finished. Your friends may be dead in this world, but there are countless worlds where your friends are alive and well. I can reset the Game and begin anew. But…there is no guarantee you will retain your memories. I will become a stranger to you, and you will never know this timeline ever existed. Is this really what you want?”

 

“I'll…forget about you? Forget about my friends?”

 

“That is correct.”

 

Joker grasps your shoulders with a desperate look in his eyes. “Please, (First Name)! If…If I forget you, please come and talk to me. I don't want to forget the life I lived with them. With you.”

 

You look into his eyes for several long moments. Then you sigh, your shoulders drooping in resignation. “So be it.”

 

This world is doomed anyway.

 

Clasping your asterisk in your folded hands, you close your eyes, vaguely feeling Joker's arms pull you against his body.

 

“ _Game Reset.”_

 

* * *

 

When you open your eyes again, you find yourself sitting on a train. Unlike the other times you've reset, the skies are dark. Night has fallen.

 

There is no sign of Ren.

 

You can't pretend that losing the Game yet again wasn't a blow. In hindsight, you probably should have been more cautious. You'll never let yourself get so careless again. Being prepared is always key to victory.

 

Yet, being prepared doesn't stop the sudden screech you hear reverberate throughout the carriage. Terrified commuters begin to panic as the train rapidly picks up speed and with a dreadful blast of realization, you recognize the train you inadvertently ended up in.

 

Seems the god of this universe has it out for you.

 

The train car gives a horrifying lurch and you're slammed into the row of seats in front of you. It feels like forever until the train finally stops moving. For the longest moment, everything is silent.

 

Then, the moans and crying begins. And underneath, the unmistakable stench of freshly-spilled blood. It turns your stomach just thinking about it.

 

In front of you, a little girl screams in pain. She can't be more than eight years old, yet she's half buried under piles of rubble and debris. Without help, she will most certainly die.

 

You don't think you're too badly hurt, but your leg is stuck under a pile of twisted metal. Grimacing, you wrench it free, heedless of the spray of blood. A hastily muttered Regen spell is enough to stop the bleeding. Under the cacophony of noise, no one notices.

 

Satisfied that you've been taken care of, you slowly drag yourself towards any injured passengers you see, discreetly tapping each of them with your index finger in turn. Those buried under rubble, you do your best to free them, but after feeling an excruciating pain in your collarbone and shoulder, you suspect you've broken something as well. After several minutes, those who have had Regen cast on them look noticeably better. They regain their strength and begin digging out those who were unfortunate enough to get buried in rubble. When those unlucky souls are inevitably pulled free, you tap them once on the shoulder and cast your magic on them. It doesn't wash away the blood and grime, but for you, it's enough.

 

You don't know how much time has passed, but by the time the rescuers arrive, your vision has gone blurred at the edges. You're so tired. Your arms and legs shiver violently when you try to stand. After one last valiant attempt, you collapse onto the floor of the train. You can't keep your eyes open anymore. You blindly drag yourself toward a light burning behind your closed eyelids, and the sound has become strangely muffled.

 

 _You've used up your magic on these humans?_ _Pathetic. Now_ _y_ _ou've gone and exhausted yourself, you clumsy fool._

 

But you couldn't just sit there and do nothing…

 

Maybe one small nap wouldn't hurt.

 

Just a tiny one? You could take second watch.

 

A quick nap, then. You'd feel better. Probably.

 

What were you doing, again…?

 

* * *

 

Awareness comes to you in increments. The first thing you hear is a voice. It sounds familiar. You want to tell that voice to shut up please. You want to keep sleeping. You're still exhausted, and that blasted voice is only hindering you. It cuts in and out, and you're teetering between deep sleep and the waking world.

 

You open your eyes a sliver and see nothing more than a dark, shapeless mass. It hovers above your face. This small act saps you of your remaining strength and you gladly fall into the abyss of deep sleep once more.

 

* * *

 

When you open your eyes again, it's dark. It takes you a few moments to realize you're lying on a soft bed. What little you can see is that the curtains have been drawn, blocking out most of the light. The furniture is minimalistic; just a simple nightstand and desk with a small succulent on it.

 

Other than the heaviness of your limbs you feel fine. As you slowly roll over onto your side, you hear a series of satisfying pops all along your shoulders and back. The sheets smell fresh and clean, and you idly wonder who was sent in. Possibly a maid?

 

As your nose brushes against the pillow, you catch a different scent. While faint, you think it might be a sort of cologne. It's pleasant, but oddly familiar. Did Ringabel try to sneak into your room again? No, he's different now that he remembered his past.

 

Then you remember that you're not in Luxendarc anymore. You're in Tokyo. Or...weren't you in your Palace?

 

What is wrong with you? You normally recall every moment of your existence in perfect detail. Why is your memory deteriorating? Is this yet another side effect of the Palace?

 

You slowly roll over onto your other side and freeze.

 

Akechi Goro stares back at you. He sits on a small chair right by your bedside, though he doesn't make a move to get closer.

 

Once you get over your initial panic, you notice there's a genuinely wounded expression on his face, his eyes slightly watery, as if he knows you'll reject him.

 

“How did you find me?” you ask, eying him warily.

 

“I saw the news report of the train crash,” he replies quietly. “It was very brief, but I saw footage of you being carried away on a stretcher. I had to use my connections to find out where you were being treated. You seemed to get stronger everyday, until the doctors couldn't find anything wrong with you. They called your recovery a miracle.”

 

“...How long was I asleep?”

 

Akechi briefly checks his phone before pocketing it. “About a month, just like the last time you exhausted your magic.”

 

Fantastic. An entire month gone. Was it worth it to help those people? You hope so. But you're not going to stay here. You need to find Ren and hope he retained his memories.

 

You rise from the bed, yet Akechi makes no move to stop you. He still has that odd expression, his face vulnerable, and painfully yearning. It's hard to look at him. Your bag filled with your belongings looks intact, with even the potions miraculously still in one piece. As you activate the asterisk, Akechi lets out a wistful sigh.

 

“Thank you,” you say awkwardly, forcing yourself to look in his direction. “For taking care of me while I was incapacitated. But the sins of the past are not so easily forgiven. So for now, we will part ways. Farewell.”

 

As you leave the apartment, you hear Akechi's melancholic response.

 

“I will never give up on you.”

 

* * *

 

“ _I don't want to forget the life I lived with them. With you.”_

 

In the end, it didn't matter. When you step into the warm interior of Cafe Leblanc, Ren greets you in a manner typical of those working in the food service industry. You won't pretend it's not a heavy blow, but you've done this many times before in Luxendarc. Countless worlds where you had to rebuild your friendship with Tiz, Edea, and Agnès.

 

But with Ren? You don't think you can do it. Ren is special. It hurts to see him not even giving you a second glance.

 

As the weeks go by, you begin to see more and more of the old Phantom Thieves. Ryuji and Ann come over frequently, and Ren's eyes sparkle with a quiet warmth that makes your heart ache. He tends to bring them upstairs to where you know are his living quarters.

 

Trying to explain to Ren about who you were and what had transpired was, frankly, an utter disaster. He had looked at you like you were completely mad. In short, he didn't believe you at all, and now views you as someone not in complete control of their mental facilities.

 

Even as you approach him many times, pleading for him to _just listen,_ he's not having any of it. Eventually, Ren flat out tells you to leave him alone or he'll report you to the authorities.

 

In each timeline that follows, Ren never believes you, and you watch in despair as the world falls to a god of control.

 

You stop going to Leblanc.

 

* * *

 

_Poor child. You can't shoulder the weight, can you?_

 

_Well, I have a splendid idea! Instead of caring for these people, assume the role you were meant to play. You are not their friend. You are merely a guide._

 

It's a foolish notion. This isn't your home.

 

_But you still want to win, don't you? These humans are no different from the ones back home. They act like they care about you, but they'll drop you like a rock the second you cease to be useful. Or they'll turn on you. It's the same thing, really._

 

_Do not let them hurt you. Once your task is complete, feel free to leave this world._

 

_Become stone._

 

_Yes, that's it! Of course! Why didn't I think of that before?_

 

_Just be like how you were when you were first created! That way,_ _**no one** _ _can get in._

 

_Don't worry, dear child. Everything will be all right._

 

* * *

 

You watch the Phantom Thieves at a respectable distance. Your hooded cloak is useful for moving about undetected. As you get into their range, you get pulled into Mementos with them, much to their shock. You don't wait and barrel past them into the depths, heedless of their calls. After several seconds, you hear the telltale sounds of them chasing you from within Mona.

 

When they get close, you pivot on your heel and pull out your staff in one smooth motion. Not giving them a chance to act, you tap into your magic reserves and freeze them in place with Time Magic. It normally doesn't affect more than one opponent at a time, but since they're all inside Mona, they're not going anywhere. The effects of the spell don't last very long, so you seize the opportunity to make your escape.

 

Sparing them one last look, you descend into the depths of Mementos.

 

* * *

 

You remember Mementos having separate areas that were inaccessible until the Phantom Thieves gained notoriety. In this world, however, the doors open at your touch and reseal themselves the moment you step through. This isn't a problem, as your objective lies at the very bottom.

 

As you travel through Mementos, you gain valuable experience, honing your magic and body. For the first time in awhile, it feels as if your magic obeys you again without becoming unstable due to your fluctuating emotions. You don't know if it's just the nature of Mementos itself, or it's because you've gone without human interaction for a long while. You make sure to spend time resting in any waiting areas you come across, but without Mona, the amount you can traverse at one time is limited.

 

It's in one of these waiting rooms where you unexpectedly make contact with the Phantom Thieves. This time, they are ready for you. They evade your initial burst of Time Magic, and manage to surround you. You spot Noir among their ranks, so you ascertain that it must be late in the year. If they can't manage to defeat you this late in the Game, there is little chance they will prevail over the god of control.

 

“Keep your guard up, you guys,” you hear Oracle say from somewhere behind you. “This opponent will be tough, but I know you can do it.”

 

“You think it's the black mask?” Skull says, readying his weapon.

 

“Looks sketchy enough,” Panther says, and you pretend it doesn't break your heart.

 

Queen lunges forward first, her fists flying almost faster than your eye can track. Before her fist connects, you cast a non-verbal Veil spell to boost your evasion. As you sidestep her flurry of punches, you narrowly avoid being gutted at the end of Fox's blade.

 

Being surrounded puts you at a disadvantage. You have less room to dodge, but there's also the increased chance of friendly fire. And speaking of fire, you know Fox's biggest weakness. Seizing the opportunity, you cast a Firaga spell. It connects, and you try to ignore his scream of pain as he's knocked off balance.

 

“Someone help Fox! His HP is low!” Oracle cries, and you almost huff in disappointment. This late in the Game, and he nearly gets wiped out by a single Firaga spell? They were far more powerful in the timeline where you trained them. Back then, Fox could take around three Firaga spells before succumbing.

 

From the corner of your eye, you see Panther rummaging around for a healing item, but you don't give her a chance. With a twirl of your staff, you send a powerful Blizzaga spell her way and she shrieks as the spell makes contact. Mona rushes to her aid, but he's stopped in his tracks by a Thundaga spell.

 

The next several minutes are a blur. You dodge and weave between attacks as you slowly wear them down. Joker manages to get a few hits in and while those Curse spells sting quite a bit, they're nowhere near as potent as you remember. To help mitigate the damage, you cast a Regen spell on yourself.As the fight goes on, you realize that without their leader, the Phantom Thieves would collapse. So you begin to target Joker almost exclusively. It's hard to find his weakness because of his constant switching between Personas, and you have to stop the healers of the group from helping him with a barrage of elemental spells or a well-timed Stop spell.

 

Your prediction comes true in a matter of minutes after Joker gets knocked out. With the fall of their leader, it's utter bedlam. The Phantom Thieves lose their coordination, and you pick off those that have been weakened with repeated elemental assaults. When they're on their last legs, you wipe out the entire party with a powerful Meteor strike.

 

As you slowly walk amongst their unconscious bodies, you feel yourself sag with disappointment. Another world, another failure. One you will see through to the end, because quitting before the Game's end tends to leave a bitter taste in your mouth. Still, it feels wrong to just leave them there. Reaching into your bag, you rummage inside it before pulling out a Phoenix Down. You set it down gently onto Joker, and you watch impassively as it activates.

 

He wakes with a gasp. When his gaze lands on you, he struggles to his feet and takes a defensive stance.

 

“You can put that away,” you say, eying his dagger warily. “I have no interest in continuing a fight you have already lost. Treat your wounded.”

 

Joker's eyes narrow, and while he doesn't relax, he does put his weapon away. “You…helped me? Why?”

 

You don't respond. You've already tried to explain your story to him many, many, _many_ times. Not once has he ever believed you. You doubt this world will be any different. As you pivot on your heel and begin to walk away, Joker's voice rings out from behind you.

 

“Wait!”

 

You stop, but don't turn around.

 

“Who are you?”

 

“...It doesn't matter. This world is doomed.”

 

Joker makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. “Why does everyone keep saying that? First it was Igor, then Akechi, and now you? What am I missing? I'm doing my best! What do I have to do?”

 

“ _What do I have to_ do?”

 

That gives you pause. The sheer amount of desperation and frustration…you said the very same words to Akechi a long time ago.

 

You turn and walk slowly towards him until you're less than a foot apart. Careful not to make any sudden movements, you pull out an object from within your pocket. With your other hand, you lightly grasp one of Joker's arms. He doesn't resist and you place the object in his open palm. It's your Spiritmaster asterisk. You don't know if it'll change anything if he holds onto one of your most treasured possessions, but you're willing to try.

 

“If we meet ever again, and you remember my name, return this to me. I'll be waiting.”

 

* * *

 

At long last, you reach the very bottom of Mementos, and you're sickened by what you find. So many humans trapped in cages, each one saying they would rather stay where they were because they felt “safe and protected.”

 

Disgusting.

 

There are still Shadows down here, all extremely powerful. They make for good training, but there are plenty of times where you're nearly overwhelmed. The more you fight them, however, the easier they are to remember and pick apart their weaknesses, so you have that going for you.

 

You do find a small door at some point, locked and bolted and you're unable to open it no matter what you do, so you leave it alone. Still, you can almost sense a familiar presence behind it. But you need to confront the one responsible for these distortions. Find out their motives. And if necessary, take them out.

 

At some point, you find yourself in a large, cavernous room filled with rows upon rows of cells and you're vaguely reminded of the prisons in Eternia. Only this one is beyond a scale you didn't think was possible. But it's the large grail at the very center that draws your eye.

 

You approach it cautiously, your staff at the ready. But even as you get closer, it doesn't move.

 

“I have been waiting a long time, child of destruction.”

 

You freeze for only a second before turning your head every which way, trying to find the source of the voice.

 

“I am here, in front of you.”

 

You frown, staring dubiously at the giant grail. Surely not.

 

“Oh, but where are my manners? I am Yaldabaoth, the god of control. I am the one who rules over this world. May I ask for your name?”

 

When you are silent, it laughs. “Come now, child. I can see what you truly are. That human shell does nothing to hide your true form from me. Did you really think that all that time traveling and resetting worlds wouldn't attract my attention? That is a curious and terrifying power you possess. The ability to restart worlds, to try again however many times you wish…it truly is magnificent.”

 

“What do you want?” you say instead.

 

“It would be beneficial for us to join forces, would it not? You could save those close to you. Your friends, your allies…they would all be safe.”

 

Your eyes narrow. “Safe? By locking them up like animals?”

 

“But they would still be alive. Look around! All these humans wish for my salvation. They are safe, alive, and most importantly, they will never know any better. My end goal is for this world to fall under my complete and total control. But it wouldn't be any fun to simply take over. So I devised a Game. A Game in which two players fight on opposing sides. One, the Trickster, can win the game by reforming society and removing its corruption. The other wins through the destruction and reformation of society.”

 

“A Trickster…”

 

“Yes, the two major players in this Game. One with the desire for rebellion, the other with the desire to reset the world. I believe you have already made contact.”

 

You know who they are. It's obvious.

 

Joker.

 

Crow.

 

“You can't save them both,” Yaldabaoth says. “No matter what you do, there is no outcome in which both of them live. Unless of course…you become my Enforcer.”

 

“You sound just like Ouroboros,” you growl, your lip curling in disgust. “All that matters to you is to subjugate the humans of the world. You stagnate their thoughts so they can never think for themselves. It's sickening! You're not anything special. You're just another tyrant who will inevitably meet their end. I look forward to that day.”

 

Yaldabaoth laughs, and it sends a chill down your spine.

 

“Then…I believe we are finished here. You _will_ surrender your power to me, one way or another. They all do, in the end.”

 

A bolt of energy, then, straight through your heart, is a surprise.

 

* * *

 

When you open your eyes again, you find yourself in the underground chamber once more.

 

With a scream of rage, you unleash your magic into the small confined space. Potions shatter onto the floor, papers fly everywhere, the gales of wind and fire flinging objects and ornaments in every direction. Within moments, the room is entirely destroyed.

 

After that, you lose track of the worlds you reset, though Joker never gets farther than the first few worlds.

 

Sometimes, Joker dies very shortly after you reset the Game. Other times, Joker meets his end during interrogation. Sometimes, it happens in an instant. Sometimes, life trickles out of him slowly, bit by agonizing bit as the light fades from his eyes. A few times, you join the Phantom Thieves after saving them from the boss of a criminal organization named Kaneshiro, though Joker still doesn't remember you. You quash down your true feelings and maintain a friendly, if not slightly distant acquaintanceship.

 

You don't let them know of your Palace for fear of them meeting their ends at your Shadow self's hands again.

 

You sometimes come into contact with Akechi, though you always spurn his desperate pleas to return to his side once more. This makes him joining the Phantom Thieves somewhat awkward. Even if the Phantom Thieves notice the obvious tension between you two, they stop commenting about it after a cold glare from you.

 

During one of these times, you convince Joker in secret to flee from Sae's Palace after taking down her Shadow. You are the one to be captured by the authorities, and the next several hours are spent in a haze of pain and confusion. You stop casting healing spells on yourself after your captors use your healed wounds as an excuse to punish you further. They demand for you to tell them who your leader is, but no matter how much they kick or stomp or punch you, you remain silent.

 

They leave you alone for hours at a time, not even bothering to give you food or water during those long absences. Of course, you don't need it, but your heart aches for Joker. How awful it must have been for him when he was brought here.

 

At some point, they inject some sort of drug into you, but your body reacts badly to it. Before long, you're coughing up and vomiting blood at periodic intervals. You try to cast Regen on yourself to stave off some of the damage, but whatever was in that drug only makes it worse. Your captors hose you down with freezing water, but that only cleans the blood off your body and does nothing for your internal wounds.

 

After being hosed down for the third time, you don't even have the strength to shiver. After your captors leave, you can only last a few minutes sitting on the chair before you tip sideways and collapse onto the cold floor. You feel a chill settle deep into your bones, and you know you're at your limit. If they find you at the floor again, you're sure to be punished again, but you can't find the strength to even twitch a finger.

 

As you close your eyes, you distantly hear the sound of the door creaking open and shut. After a moment, you hear someone make a low, wounded noise in their throat. Warm hands, much gentler than you were expecting, carefully lift up your upper body and cradles you against a firm chest.

 

“I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…”

 

You recognize that voice. Akechi.

 

“Please…not again. I can't…I can't _do_ this anymore…I can't lose you again…”

 

You open your eyes a fraction, and he's right there, tears streaming from his eyes, his face contorted in anguish. You remember Yaldabaoth's words, how there was no outcome where they would both live.

 

_As if that ever stopped you from winning._

 

But that's just it, isn't it? You've never actually won a Game, not entirely. Ouroboros is dead, but at what cost? The life of your dearest friend, whose reward for helping to save the world was to die at the end anyway.

 

Who's to say the same won't happen here?

 

The press of Akechi's lips against yours startles you out of your thoughts. As close as he is, you can feel his lower lip trembling, and you want to sigh at the futility of it all.

 

“You are...warm,” you murmur, so quietly that Akechi nearly misses it. “I'm so tired…”

 

“I know, darling, I know.” Akechi's voice stutters so much that you have a hard time understanding him. “Those bastards…I know it doesn't matter anymore, but I'll find out the names of the people that tortured you, and I'll make them _beg_ for death.” He tucks a stray lock of hair behind your ear and gently presses a kiss on your forehead. “I should have known they would hurt you. And now…because of me, you're…”

 

Akechi's breakdown is much different than the second world. Before, where he was a screaming, inconsolable mess, here, he cries silently.

 

Your eyes close again of their own accord, but you force them open. You don't have much time left. As you take your final breaths, you can't help but ask.

 

“Why…do you alone…always remember me…?”

 

Your vision fades to black before you can hear his answer.

 

* * *

 

“ _Child of destruction…can you hear my voice?”_

 

* * *

 

You wake up in an unfamiliar room. It's a decent-sized living space, complete with a bed and some furniture. This isn't Takemi's apartment, but it has a similar style. The nightstand has some documents on top of it, and you're curious enough to take a moment to inspect them.

 

It's a contract for an apartment, complete with a key. According to this, the lease expires on December 24th. At the very bottom is your signature. You don't remember signing it, but you won't look a gift horse in the mouth. At the very least, you have living quarters.

 

According to the date, it is April 9th. You believe Joker first enters the Metaverse in two day's time. That part has always been consistent in every single world thus far, so you have a few days of preparation.

 

You look around your apartment and find it a bit…lacking. It's decent, but it would look much better with a couple of flowers or plants.

 

You leave the apartment, taking your bag with you, and set off. You still appear to be in the Yongen-Jaya district, so getting to Shibuya Central Station is not a problem for you, minus the motion sickness. You're debating on whether to go on to Shinjuku for the higher quality fertilizer, when you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn and your stomach gives a slight jolt when you see Ren standing behind you with a travel bag over his shoulder. He looks nervous.

 

“Can I help you?” you say politely. You won't get your hopes up again.

 

In response, he pulls out a small object from within his pocket and hands it to you. Upon seeing the Spiritmaster asterisk on your palm, your eyes widen and your breath catches in your throat. “This is…how did you…”

 

Ren smiles so sweetly that you feel your traitorous heart constrict in your chest. “I'm sorry it took so long. I missed you, (First Name).”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, we're getting to the part I've been looking forward to writing the most. I'd say this story has about...five or six chapters left? I hope you guys stick with me for the rest of the journey. Until next time, dear readers.


	25. I Loved You So Much, the One Who Lives Like the Seasons, That I Forget to Even Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you reunite with Ren once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters just keep getting longer and longer. I actually had to split this in half, if you can believe it.

The train ride home is a quiet affair. You almost don't notice it because the train is so jammed with people, but you feel Ren's arm wrap around your waist as you try to hold down the contents of your stomach. Closing your eyes and burying your face into Ren's chest helps, at least.

 

When you arrive in Yongen-Jaya, you expect Ren to make a beeline for Leblanc, but instead, he pulls you aside and asks, “Where do you live? I never got to see it the last time we met.”

 

You motion toward one of the side streets. “If you keep going down that way, you'll run into a residential building. My apartment is on the second floor.”

 

“Can we go there?”

 

You frown. “Shouldn't you be getting to Leblanc? Boss might start wondering where you are.”

 

Ren doesn't seem perturbed. “He can wait a few hours. I'll just tell him there was a delay.”

 

You don't know what Ren's hoping to achieve, but you relent. “...All right. Follow me.”

 

* * *

 

The first thing Ren does when he enters your apartment is to set his bag down and look around curiously. For some reason, you can't help but feel self conscious.

 

“It...it really isn't much. I only just arrived not too long ago,” you say quietly. “But enough about that. What do you remember?”

 

He closes his eyes as if warding off something unpleasant. “I remember my friends dying in the Palace. I wanted to protect them, but everything was happening so fast that I…” He sighs and runs a hand down his face. “You pulled me away from them. I don't know what you did, but the next thing I knew, we were outside that temple. You said you could start over. I could see my friends again. I could be with you again. And you did it.” He smiles at you then, and you do your best to return it, but you can't quite get your facial muscles to work correctly. After a second, you give up.

 

Hands cupping your cheeks startle you into nearly taking a step back and Ren frowns. “What's happened to you? Why do you flinch when I touch you? Why do you look so tired? And why…” he swallows hard. “Why do you seem so cold? Talk to me, (First Name). You look worlds apart from the woman I fell in love with.”

 

Your blink in confusion. “Love…?”

 

“You don't believe me? How could I not fall for an amazing person like you? To me, you're beautiful, mysterious, and you care deeply about those who are close to you.” He steps closer and takes your hands in his. “I told you I'd remember you.”

 

You step back, freeing your hands and unable to look at him in the eye. “Yes. But not for a long time.”

 

“...What? What do you mean?”

 

You turn away then, your hands clenched at your sides. “In each and every world that I've gone through, I told you about your friends, the life you shared with them, the brief moments you shared with me. I've tried telling you many times. And not once have you ever believed me. You told me I was creepy and to leave you alone.”

 

“(First Name)…how many times did you restart since we visited your Palace?”

 

You hum thoughtfully. “I'm not really sure. I _was_ counting. But then…I stopped counting.”

 

Silence.

 

Why now? What have you done differently that would merit such a change? Was it dying all those times? Yaldabaoth would never give you an advantage, no matter how small. He would see you die until the end of time, and no less.

 

Unless…there was yet another player? That voice you heard…the one that seemed to know who you really are…

 

When Ren's arms wrap around you from behind, you don't flinch this time.

 

“It hurt me to distance myself from you all those times,” you say. “I wanted nothing more than to be with you again, but to keep you alive was my priority. I failed so many times, and sometimes it was due to my own folly. I learned some very hard lessons, Ren. It will be…difficult for me to unlearn them. You understand, don't you?”

 

His arms tighten around you. “I hate that you had to go through that for so long. Even if it's just a little bit, I want to help. We're right at the beginning this time. We can help our friends sooner. And when they get stronger, we can help you with your Palace.”

 

“And have you all die again?” You turn around in his embrace. “Absolutely not.” When Ren opens his mouth to protest, you cut him off with a finger to his lips. “I'm sorry, Ren. But I will not bend on this.”

 

He sighs. “Nothing I say will change your mind, huh?” When you shake your head, he huffs out a laugh that is completely devoid of humor. “You always were stubborn.” He tilts your chin up with his finger and you realize that he's close. Too close. When did he take off his glasses?

 

The press of his lips against yours is startling, but not unexpected. Your hands are frozen in the air in front of you, just shy of resting on his chest.

 

“Ren,” you protest, pushing him back slightly. “This isn't…we can't…”

 

He smiles slightly, just a small quirk of his lip that draws your eye. “Hm…you're right. I can't be doing this.”

 

“Then…”

 

His grin widens to the point where you can easily see him slip into his Joker persona, the confident, graceful, and dangerous leader of the Phantom Thieves. “Actually, I think I can, but I shouldn't, if you see the difference?”

 

“But…”

 

“I've always been known to live dangerously, (First Name).”

 

You want to take a step back, to clear your head from the look he's giving you. He is the predator and you are the prey, but you're feeling that strange sensation of hunger again. You _want_ him to get closer, you _want_ him to kiss you, you _want_ to feel the heat of his body against yours.

 

You shouldn't. You really shouldn't do this. You learned to temper your emotions during the countless worlds you went through. It still hurt, and even if it meant that the Phantom Thieves sometimes made concerned comments about how cold you seemed, it was still better than falling apart every time you failed.

 

To throw all of that away…to be vulnerable once again…to let Ren into your heart after all this time…it's inconceivable.

 

And yet he makes it sound so tempting. Would it be so bad to let him soothe your fears, your heartache, to let him become your pillar of strength once more?

 

“You're thinking too much,” Ren whispers into your ear. There's something in his voice that you've heard before. It's low and husky, and right up against your ear like that…you'd be lying if you said you weren't affected. He presses an open-mouthed kiss against your neck and you can't help the involuntary shiver that racks your whole body. You feel him smile against your skin and your head swims like that time Ringabel had you drink one too many alcoholic beverages on the Grandship. But unlike that time, you're completely sober.

 

There's a heat pooling in your stomach, twining around the base of your spine and you have no idea what's happening until the heat seeps even deeper into your body. And when Ren begins to kiss you in earnest, his tongue dragging across your lips until he slips inside your mouth, you feel it.

 

A dull, throbbing ache between your legs.

 

You break away from the kiss, meaning to take a deep, steadying breath to clear your head, but Ren doesn't relent. Even as you take a step backward, he's on you like a parched man on an oasis. You don't know when or how you got to the small sofa, but you become aware of it as he presses you into it, his body an almost comforting weight on top of yours.

 

_What do you think you're doing?_

 

_I thought we agreed not to let anyone in._

 

Ren is special. This is the Ren who remembers you.

 

_He's a human! You're a goddess! You are not compatible with each other!_

 

_Does the dragon fall in love with the ant? Open your eyes, child!_

 

But to feel these sensations after so long…you'd give nearly anything to have Ren in your arms. And now that you have him, you're not letting him go. If he wants to come with you back to Luxendarc, or to remain here in Tokyo, you will be by his side.

 

_Foolish little goddess._

 

_When you realize your folly, we will be waiting for you…_

 

Ren tears at your clothes, starting with your long overcoat, and he wastes no time in ridding himself of his own shirt. He seems a bit mystified by your Time Mage's robes underneath, so you take pity on him and divest yourself of your top, taking care to remove the corset and cape. With both of you shirtless, Ren's touches are like a Thundaga to your system, and he wastes no time in reacquainting himself with your body. You are just a fervent as he is, running your hands all along his back, and you feel goosebumps erupt in the spots where your fingertips have been.

 

Ren kisses a trail from your chest down to your stomach, his fingers trailing the hem of your leggings. With a bit of help from you, he peels them off and the sight of your exposed body seems to spark something within him. His smirk widens into a savage grin as he divests himself of his own trousers and the only thing separating you two is your undergarments.

 

You try to will your body's reactions to Ren's touches away but to no avail. Ren's hands cup your rear as he teases your earlobe with gentle nibbles and kisses and you're helpless to his ministrations. He grinds his hips between your legs lazily, as if he's content to take his time with you.

 

The mind-numbing fog in your head is so prevalent that you miss his question at first. “W…What?”

 

“I _said,”_ he punctuates this with a kiss to the underside of your jaw and another grind of his hips that makes you see stars. “Do you want to keep going?”

 

All you want is for his touches to never stop and when you tell him so, his answering grin would have been enough to make you sink to your knees had you been standing. As his lips descend upon yours again, his fingers touch your heated flesh and you're a goner. He starts gently at first, more experimental than anything. After a few moments, he curls his fingers against the spot that makes you gasp his name and you hear him curse under his breath. He asks where your bedroom is, and you barely have enough sense to point him in the right direction. His fingers leave you and you start coming back to yourself as he scoops you up and carries you to your bed. You expect him to just plop you down right onto the mattress, but instead, he gently lowers you down and immediately climbs on top of you again.

 

It's almost as if he can't bear to be apart from you for a single second, and it's this knowledge that makes you feel a yearning so strong and powerful that you can barely think.

 

It's not so bad, you think, to simply _feel_ once more. Just for him. Just for Ren.

 

In the end, you don't get much farther than bringing each other to completion with fervent touches and kisses. You really want to feel him inside you, and while Ren wants that too, he says he doesn't want to hurt you. He doesn't have the right supplies, he says, and while you're a bit confused, you trust that he's only looking out for you.

 

Next time, he promises.

 

It's fine. You've already waited many timelines. You can wait a little longer.

 

* * *

 

Meeting Ann and Ryuji is like a breath of fresh air. They don't remember you, but they're friendly after Ren introduces you to them. They're amazed by your combat experience, but when you tell them that they'll be just as powerful with enough training, they become ecstatic, especially Ryuji. Morgana is a bit suspicious of you, but you manage to retain a cordial, if not somewhat distant relationship with him.

 

You're against telling them of your origins, but as long as Ren knows about you, it's enough. You're careful to not use any magic outside the Metaverse and for a while, everything seems to be going well. But after a time, you notice Ren's face faltering during a conversation with Ann, or trailing off in the middle of a sentence with Ryuji. Any concerns about his well-being are brushed off, but everything comes to a head when Yusuke meets the party.

 

The moment Ren sees him, his face grows pale and he immediately shoves his bag containing Morgana onto Ryuji and excuses himself. You hesitate for a moment, wondering whether or not to go after him, but after a significant look from Ann, you break away from the group.

 

You find Ren in a narrow alleyway, his hands tightly grasping fistfuls of his hair, jaw clenched, and he looks seconds away from screaming. Even from the entrance, you can hear his heaving, rapid breaths, and you quickly hurry to his side.

 

“Ren. Listen to me. Breathe. We'll do it together, all right?” He doesn't respond at first, but after you continue to speak to him in slow, simple sentences, he begins following your cue. After what feels like an eternity, his breathing slows.

 

“What do you need, Ren?” you whisper.

 

It takes him ages to form words. “Can…can you…hold me?”

 

When you wrap your arms around him, he grasps onto you like you're the only thing keeping him afloat, and perhaps you are. You don't talk. You hold him until the tremors finally cease, and when you pull back, you're horrified to see a sheen of tears in his eyes.

 

“Ren.” You reach up and gently thumb away a stray tear that manages to slip out. “What happened?”

 

He takes a shuddering breath and pulls you against him once more. “It's just…whenever I see them…I keep seeing them dead. The way they died…their screams…It's almost like these aren't my real friends. Almost like...mere copies of the real thing.”

 

You exhale softly through your nose and your mind wanders to a time where the same thing happened to Tiz. He had been especially distraught after learning of an orphaned boy named Egil who was forced to work in the Mythril Mines. He confided to everyone that he'd been having nightmares of his brother, Til, and that Egil reminded him of his failure to protect his younger sibling.

 

Back then, it had been Agnès to help him. She had been the one to hold him, to help him calm down. When you asked her how she knew what to do to help him, she said that the nuns at the temple used to do the same for her. At the time, you had felt inadequate. Unable to comprehend Tiz's turmoil, you had stood there, useless.

 

But now…

 

“How can you stand it?”

 

“Stand what? Remembering?” You feel Ren nod slightly against your shoulder and you sigh. “It really doesn't get any easier, Ren. My friends…I miss them all the time. I hear their voices, their joy, their laughter, their tears. So many wonderful and painful memories I have of them. But they are long gone now, and it is only in my memories that they exist.” You rub his back comfortingly, a hollow feeling in your chest.

 

“But it hurts…”

 

“Pain _is_ life, Ren. As much as I would love to smother you and your friends in goosefeather pillows and warmth so that no one could ever hurt you again, it would be doing you a disservice. In the absence of comfort, you breathe and pray for better times, and when those times do arrive, you can grasp them with your heart that much more strongly.” You squeeze him gently and he reciprocates the gesture. “These are your friends, Ren. They are alive and well, and they care about you. Enjoy these moments with them. Time is all you have. And one day you may find that you have less than you think.”

 

“Where did you learn that?”

 

“When you have lived as long as I have, you pick up a few things here and there.” You pull back and are relieved to see a small smile on his face.

 

“Good advice, but maybe you should think about following it yourself.”

 

You blink, surprised. “I…what?”

 

Ren leans in until his forehead rests against yours. “I mean that maybe you should learn to live a little, too. These past few months, I don't think I've seen you smile even once.”

 

“It's…not easy for me, Ren. And we're supposed to be talking about your problems, not mine.”

 

He grins. It's still a bit wobbly but there's a genuine sparkle in his eyes. “I remember that smile. It would make me feel better if you showed me one right now.”

 

“Er…Ren, I don't think this is the right—”

 

“ _Ahem.”_

 

Both of you turn to the entrance, where Morgana sits with a thoroughly disapproving look on his face. You pull away from Ren, feeling oddly embarrassed. Ren, on the other hand, doesn't even look remotely abashed, even as Morgana trots up to you with his eyes narrowed.

 

“Everyone's waiting for you guys,” he says. “I just came to check to make sure neither of you died or something.”

 

It's an admittedly poor choice of words. From the corner of your eye, you see Ren flinch ever so slightly and your heart goes out to him.

 

“Please take my advice, Ren,” you say. “And I promise to do the same. It will be a long and difficult road, but we will do it together.”

 

* * *

 

It happens gradually, but you slowly let your walls come down. You let Ann take you shopping, you treat Ryuji to ramen, and you go with Yusuke to an art gallery, even if you don't understand art.

 

You run into your first hitch some time after Makoto joins the party. Everything is fine at first, but things go downhill after a trip to a sushi restaurant. She's perfectly cordial and polite to you, but there are flashes of displeasure that manifest in her face every time she thinks you aren't looking. She tries so hard to be useful during Mementos missions that she sometimes ends up getting badly wounded, to which you have to step in.

 

You don't know where this animosity is coming from until Ren says something that makes you laugh for the first time in this world. Ren's eyes sparkle with warm affection and amazement, as if he'd never seen anything quite so beautiful in his life. Beside him, Makoto's expression is subtle, but you see the pain and anger in her gaze. The tense line of her jaw, the way her lower lip trembles ever so slightly…

 

Well, as long as she continues to be an asset in battle, you have no reason to look into it. It's not important in the grand scheme of things, and you have a Game to win.

 

Futaba is the same as ever, and after getting her to come out of her shell, she relentlessly teases you and Ren about your relationship. After a lot of sputtering and fumbling about, Ren admits to being in a romantic relationship with you. Ann crows triumphantly and demands Ryuji to pay up for a bet of sorts. You almost feel offended.

 

Makoto congratulates you and Ren and promises to support you as always, but she's very subdued. It's noticeable enough that even Morgana makes a comment on it, but Makoto merely brushes it off. When you ask her directly if she's all right, she smiles sadly and tells you that she will be, given time.

 

* * *

 

Out of all the Phantom Thieves, Haru is the one you're the least familiar with. The few times you joined the Phantom Thieves, you know she's sweet, but deceptively dangerous. But she is fiercely protective of those she cares about and she's a competent fighter. Not long after her induction into the group, she gains the same look in her eyes as Makoto did whenever she looks at Ren.

 

It's only then that you finally understand. Makoto and Haru have romantic feelings for Ren. And unfortunately for them, they are not reciprocated. Ren can only offer them friendship, and nothing more.

 

Unlike Makoto, however, Haru only seems sad and not at all angry with you. During an outing with her, she tells you over coffee that she never blamed you in the slightest, and that one can never choose who one falls in love with.

 

Despite Akechi never making an appearance, Sae's Palace is still invaded by outside forces. Ignoring your desperate pleas to take his place, Ren refuses to entertain the idea to let you be captured. As the others flee to the specified safe house, Ren pulls you close and kisses you like it's the last time. And perhaps it is. Ren often dies during interrogation, and you tell him as such. He asks you to believe in him, and perhaps…that's all you really can do in this situation.

 

You're prepared for the worst when news reaches you that Ren had supposedly committed suicide while in custody, but the strange haze that usually accompanies your failure is absent. Only a day later, Ren miraculously arrives at Leblanc. He's badly wounded, but alive. You'd like nothing more than to heal his injuries with a wave of your hand, but you can't do it in front of everyone.

 

In the aftermath, Ren isn't allowed to go out during the day. He has to lay low, as he's essentially a dead man walking. He tentatively broaches the topic of entering your Palace, but you immediately shut him down, much to his chagrin. If you can take out the god controlling the Metaverse, there won't be a need to ever traverse your Palace. Ren acquiesces, albeit reluctantly.

 

The end of November brings a drop in temperature as well as an increase in your growing disquiet. The Phantom Thieves have grown quite competent, displaying an ease in battle that you've never seen before. You suppose the extra training you gave them must have helped, even if it was just a little bit. Even though the longing gazes of Haru and Makoto persist, you diligently train them in Mementos until you deem them ready to take on Yaldabaoth.

 

* * *

 

“I've finally caught you…”

 

You freeze for only a second before you take a defensive stance, your staff at the ready. Crow emerges from a hidden alcove near the ceiling before landing right in front of you, separating you from the other Phantom Thieves. You immediately back up several paces, determined to keep him at a distance. You didn't think he'd make an appearance in Shido's Palace after being completely absent in the previous one.

 

Of all the places, why did he have to appear in this particular place? The place where all the Phantom Thieves perished by your hand. Everything was going so well…

 

“I've no business with you,” you say curtly. “Let me pass.” Crow's staring at you with such open, raw hunger that it honestly makes you a bit uneasy. Behind him, the rest of the Phantom Thieves draw their weapons.

 

“And let you go back to _them?_ They don't understand you like I do. You can play at being friends, but they barely know anything about you,” he growls.

 

“That is irrelevant,” you counter. “I will not repeat myself again. _Stand down,_ _Crow_ _.”_

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Do you two know each other?” Panther says.

 

“Obviously,” Crow spits, his tone dripping venom. “She's wasting her time with trash like you. I've known her longer than any of you. Even you, Joker…”

 

“What are you talking about?” You can't see Joker's expression from this angle, but the controlled anger and confusion in his voice speaks volumes.

 

“It's obvious, isn't it? She was my partner for a long time before she ever considered joining the Phantom Thieves. Wouldn't you like to go back to that, darling? We were so great together…”

 

You feel a horrible sinking sensation in your gut.

 

“'Darling'…?” Queen murmurs.

 

“What the hell is this?” Skull growls. “You weren't working with _him_ the whole time, were you?”

 

“Of course not!” Panther snaps. “She's our friend and our trusted teammate! She would never betray us!”

 

“I don't want to fight you, darling,” Crow purrs, the sound making you take a step back, shivering with revulsion at his sickeningly sweet tone. “But if I have to use force to knock some sense into you, so be it.”

 

“Don't call me that,” you say lowly. “You are dangerous, Akechi Goro. And you are not my partner.”

 

For some reason, this seems to amuse him. “Oh, really? Are you sure about that? Because if I recall correctly, you told me that you loved me.” His eyes glint dangerously behind the dark red visor of his helmet. “Do you remember that? Do you remember the way we kissed under the bedsheets?”

 

Your eyes widen. “How…how _dare_ you…!”

 

“Or the many, _many_ times we made love? I remember the way you cried out my name so sweetly…”

 

“Stop…”

 

There's something dark and ugly festering deep within you, writhing and clawing its way up your throat like bile. Your body begins to be enveloped in a burning heat haze, but you barely notice it above the pounding of your heart.

 

“You were always so quiet, but I was most proud of the way I could get you to _scream…”_

 

“ _Stop…!”_ Your hair and coat begin to swirl in a nonexistent breeze as magic begins to seep out of your body, but this doesn't even register in your mind.

 

– _j_ _uststoptalkingshutupshutupSHUTUP—_

 

“Such beautiful sounds you made, and they were all for _me_. No one else.”

 

" **STOP!!!”**

 

A pillar of fire erupts beneath Crow's feet, but he expertly avoids it. Your vision turns red as you hurl spell after spell at Crow and the more he dodges your attacks, the angrier you get. You're distantly aware of the Phantom Thieves running for cover as you switch to Time Magic. Jagged spikes of earth erupt from the ground, and while a few manage to graze Crow, it's not enough. You manage to land a Stop spell on him and watch with vicious satisfaction as he freezes in place, his eyes darting in every direction in a panic. You have him right where you want him.

 

Lightning bolts rains down upon him, striking his body one after another. Even as the Stop spell wears off, he writhes and convulses as he takes Thundaga spell after Thundaga spell. You can't hear his shrieks of agony above the static in your ears.

 

Suddenly, a heavy force collides into you, tackling you to the ground. You struggle viciously and scream but your assailant pins your arms and legs down, effectively trapping you. After a time, you begin to be aware of someone calling your name repeatedly.

 

“(First Name), stop! You're going to kill him!”

 

You freeze, suddenly seeing Joker above you for the first time. After you lay there for a few moments, Joker slowly releases you. He stands up and offers you a hand. Numbly, you take it, feeling extremely drained after using up all that magic. You're a little unsteady on your feet, but Joker takes a hold of your arms and slowly guides you back towards the Phantom Thieves.

 

If you thought you felt horrible, Crow looks so much worse. His clothes are torn and frayed, with noticeable cracks and fractures on one side of his helmet. He attempts to reach for you as you pass him, but he grunts in pain and collapses onto his knees.

 

“So, that's it, then…? Everything I've done up until this point meant _nothing_ to you? We were…supposed to be together forever…you promised…you _promised...”_

 

You remain silent, but your lack of response seems to infuriate him.

 

“I wanted you to stand by my side and you abandoned me! Abandoned me for _him!”_ Crow slams the floor with his fist. “What does someone like him have that I don't?! He doesn't know what you went through! When you were at your lowest, who was there to comfort you, to lend you a shoulder to cry on? Me! I alone retained my memories of you, I alone know the real you! So why…” Your eyes widen as you hear his voice break. When his speaks again, his voice is thick with restrained emotion.

 

“Why did you choose him?”

 

“I didn't.” Crow looks up in surprise, but you're not finished. “A friend of mine once told me that you can't help who you end up having feelings for. I…I did a horrible thing by misleading you, but back then, I didn't even know I was even capable of romantic love. It doesn't excuse my actions, but I am deeply sorry for hurting you the way I did.” You put your staff away and step away from Joker's hold. “I will find an ending where you both live. You are my enemy, but you were also someone I once called friend.”

 

There's no mistaking the tears in Crow's eyes now. “(First Name)…please…”

 

You open your mouth to respond but your voice dies in your throat as a second Akechi Goro steps into view. Unlike Crow, who's in his black and dark blue striped Metaverse outfit, this one wears the familiar tan peacoat with black buttons. It's his spitting image, except for one thing. Its eyes could belong to a corpse, or that of a lifeless doll.

 

“Akechi…?” Skull says, his eyes wide with shock.

 

Fox is in a similar state. “Another one?! Wait, is he…”

 

Mona is the first to regain his senses. “That's…Shido's cognitive version of Akechi!”

 

The cognition says nothing, and merely pulls out a device that you've seen several times before. Most notably, you've seen it after you perished in the second world. That device is what Akechi used to end his own life. It points it at Crow's head, much to the shock of the Phantom Thieves.

 

There's a growing sense of dread in the pit of your stomach.

 

“...I'll deal with the rest of you later,” Cognitive Akechi says. Its eyes linger on you and you can't help the scowl on your face. “Captain Shido's orders… He has no need for losers.”

 

His voice is completely flat, devoid of emotion and it makes you want to vomit. Even when you first met Akechi, he was always polite, cordial, and pleasant to be around. But this…this was not him. It's truly disgusting the way Akechi's own father views his own son. Only now do you really understand why Akechi wants to get revenge on him. The way Shido sees him…it's only a small step above the way Ouroboros viewed his own creation.

 

Shido, who was planning to dispose of Akechi once he completed his goal. Just like Ouroboros, who devoured Airy once she had outlived her usefulness.

 

“What despicable creatures are the race of man…” you murmur, which unfortunately attracts the attention of the cognition.

 

“How curious,” it whispers. “So you are the one he's so infatuated with.” It trails its eyes over your form and it's all you can do to keep from shuddering. “I have to admit that I still have no idea why you fascinate him so…” Its voice trails off and its eyes gleam with something close to realization. “Ah…I see it now. It's faint…just lurking out of sight. A monstrous shadow…”

 

The cognition's lips stretch into a grin so wide that it looks grotesque. “All that raw, untamed power…I can see why he would desire it so. Anyone would want that power for themselves…”

 

“Pitiful creature,” you say with a tone venomous enough to curdle milk, and watch in satisfaction as its features contort in anger. “You may look like Akechi Goro, but you're just a pale imitation.”

 

“Such arrogance,” the cognition snarls. “You may be powerful, but I have the upper hand.” The device in its hand clicks and the Phantom Thieves around you immediately tense.

 

Incensed, you begin to draw on your magical reserves, the ends of your hair and coat swirling around you in a nonexistent breeze. You're just about to blast the cognition into oblivion with a Firaga when Crow slowly stands up.

 

“So…this is how Shido plans to get rid of me. By having a puppet kill me. Sounds like something he'd do.”

 

“That's right. I'll do anything for him.” The cognition smiles again. “But look at yourself… you're the true puppet. You wanted to be acknowledged, didn't you? To be loved? You've been nothing but a puppet from the very beginning.”

 

“ _So, after your servant worked tirelessly for you, her reward was to be devoured?!”_

 

“ _Hmm… I see that I must put this in terms that one of your kind might fathom. How to put it… She was like cattle, a beastly thrall that has served long. What further use has one for cattle claimed by age or injury, save to be eaten?”_

 

“ _Cattle?!”_

 

“ _Yes. The suffering of such a beast bears no change upon its fate, nor does its loyalty. No matter how great her reverence for me, she was but a morsel for my nourishment.”_

 

This…this is the same as back then.

 

“You're the one who's going to disappear!”

 

You come back to yourself as a shot rings out. It hits the cognition and it doubles over in pain. Without missing a beat, he aims at Joker's head. You don't have time to cry out a warning when it fires once more, narrowly missing Joker. As it hits something somewhere behind you, it occurs to you that Joker may not have been his target after all.

 

Suddenly, a voice rings out, echoing all throughout the chamber.

 

“ _The watertight bulkhead door has closed. All personnel within the partition wall, evacuate at once.”_

 

Not one second after this announcement, a wall rushes up in front of you like the blade of a guillotine, separating you and the Phantom Thieves from Crow. The feeling of dread is much stronger now, overwhelming you with a terrifying sense of danger.

 

“Akechi!”

 

“You fool! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!”

 

From behind the partition, you hear him cough. The sound is somewhat muffled, but you can hear him clear as day.

 

“You should have just abandoned me here a long time ago…”

 

_No…after all this…!_

 

“Let's make a deal…you won't say no…will you?”

 

“Why at a time like this…?!” Fox cries. He sounds so helpless…

 

“Change Shido's heart…in my stead… End his crimes…” Crow coughs again, and you're horrified to hear a wetness behind it. “Please!”

 

“I promise,” Joker intones. There's something strange in the sound of his voice. You don't know what it is, and honestly, you don't care at the moment.

 

“What are you _doing?!”_ you scream, banging your fist on the partition. “This wasn't supposed to happen! You can't… Not like this…!”

 

Crow chuckles softly. “I'm so sorry, (First Name). For hurting you. I guess this means…we're even now. It's funny…even after all this, one of us dies in the end. I'm glad it wasn't you this time…”

 

It's as if all your emotions are sucked up into a vacuum, a frigid winter taking its place, freezing your heart and blinding you to everything except this one moment.

 

“You reckless fool…” you whisper, your eyes burning with the threat of tears. “This isn't…this isn't the outcome I wished for…!”

 

“Please…say my name,” Crow whispers. “I want to hear it…before I go…”

 

You swallow the lump in your throat as your tears fall thick and fast. “Goro… I…”

 

“You bastard!” the cognition screams. There's the telltale sign of a click and your heart leaps into your throat.

 

“Thank you…(First Name)…” There's a slight shuffling noise before you hear another click.

 

“...Goodbye.”

 

Two shots ring out. At the same time, it feels like something has torn inside your chest, the pain nearly blinding, but you're numb. The silence that follows is deafening.

 

_This isn't happening… If I hadn't… Ah gods… Forgive me…!_

 

“His signal is…gone…” Oracle murmurs, forlorn.

 

“Akechi-kun…” Panther whispers. “Why…?”

 

Why, indeed…

 

You'd like nothing more than to sink to your knees and weep, but you manage to rein in your emotions, if only just.

 

“Come on, you guys,” Mona says. “We can't let a rotten criminal like Shido do what he wants any longer! We can't… no matter what!”

 

You don't move, even as you feel a hand on your shoulder.

 

“Can you keep going?” Joker asks quietly.

 

You can't bring yourself to face him. “I think…I might sit this one out.”

 

“What?!” Skull says, stunned. “You can't be serious! We need you with us to fight Shido!”

 

“That's right,” Noir agrees. “We're a team, (First Name)-chan. I know it's hard…but it's what Akechi-kun wan—”

 

“Don't,” you cut her off, a steely undercurrent in your voice. “I just want… I can't do this. I need some time alone.”

 

“But…(First Name)…” Queen protests, but you've heard enough.

 

“Why won't you just _let me grieve?”_ you bite out. Without waiting for a response, you draw on your magic reserves.

 

And warp away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This had to happen eventually. Come scream at me in the comments, dear readers! I love and appreciate every last one of you even if it kills my arms to type. I do this out of love!


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